I stare back at his warm eyes, my own expressionless. There was no way I could let this man waltz back into my life and turn everything upside down, especially not after everything he had put me through all those years ago.
I pushed myself off the floor and to my feet, stumbling slightly as I got used to putting pressure on my stitched up leg. Jace was immediately on his feet with his hands shooting out to support me. I instantly snatched away from his hands, not meeting his eyes and silently walking over to the duffle bag on one of the tables.
I could feel his eyes boring into me, his warm look from before turning colder at the fact I backed away from his touch. I pulled the mobile phone out of the duffle bag and hit the speed dial, waiting for Chris to pick up. The phone did not even ring once when the no signal tone started beeping. I cursed under my breath and held the phone up in an attempt to get any signal bars.
“Drake not picking up?” Jace’s voice quizzed, the bitterness clear.
I froze at his question, realising that was in fact a dig “I’m ringing Chris.” My tone is calm “The sooner we get the hell out of here the better.”
He scoffed “Yeah cos god forbid you being stuck down here for a length of time that might risk us talking about what happened.”
I clenched my jaw, again pissed that he could see right through me “There’s nothing to talk about. I fucked Drake last night, I fucked you 3 years ago and neither meant anything.”
Even I was surprised by how cold my tone was as the words escaped my mouth, and I saw him noticeably flinch before his expression turned deadly.
“Banging Drake may have meant nothing, but don’t even lie to my face about me and you Faith.” He almost hisses “You climbed out of my bed last night because things got a little too real for you, so you did the new little Faith thing and acted like a heartless bitch by climbing into another guys bed minutes later.”
My face let nothing go even as the voices in my head were screaming ‘BINGO’. I knew the argument in the car was not over, but I was sort of hoping it would carry on at a location I could quite easily walk away from, or better yet sprint away from.
“What can I say, I guess I was taking a leaf out of your book.” I reply, a fake smile plastered on my lips. “You have conveniently forgotten that what I did last night you did to me EVERY night when we were together 3 years ago. You would get what you want and then crawl back to that slut.”
He sighed in aggravation and ran a hand through his hair “So you sink to my level?!” he almost yells “Faith seeing you with him last night made me want to vomit because you shouldn’t be with anyone else but me!”
The silence around the room echoed and it was like what he had just said slipped out of his mouth. Well, I thought it slipped out of his mouth, but judging by the determined look on his face it was obvious that was exactly what he wanted to say. Exactly what he had wanted to say for a while now.
“Jace you’re like a child. You see something someone else has and you want it. You never gave a shit about me when we were going out or when we were sneaking behind everyone’s back and you still don’t give a shit about me now. So stop. Just stop.”
His eyes blazed in fury as he look at me, his fist balled “I never gave a shit about you?” he repeated like it was the most ridiculous thing ever “You are the only thing I have ever given a shit about!”
My eyes bore into him and again my face is like stone “Why did you cheat on me then?” My voice was like ice, and he closed his eyes and inhaled as I brought this up, the regret clear in his face “Why did you use me for all that time?” my questions were rhetorical, because at the end of the day I knew the answer to them. He didn’t give a damn.
Apparently, Jace was going to answer them anyway “I was a 16 year old idiot who thought with the head inbetween his legs rather than the one on his shoulders.” For some reason, his reply caused me to stiffen for a while. This was the first time he had ever given me a reason for cheating, or a reason for anything he ever did all those years ago.
“Well clearly you have about as many brain cells in that head than you do in the one on your shoulders.” I retort, turning to put my attention back on getting signal on my phone. I didn’t want to have this conversation anymore. Unfortunately, there is a problem with things like that when you are stuck in a basement with your ex boyfriend who clearly wants to resolve a lot of issues between the two of you.
“Jesus Christ woman, just listen to me!” his voice was loud and demanding. I swallow hard but don’t turn to face him, which I could tell was causing his anger to flare even further “I was a stupid little boy. When we first started going out I felt things for you that I had never felt before and that scared the crap out of me. Then people started saying they didn’t know why we were dating because you were so quiet, so shy and I was loud and outgoing. All these people kept questioning why we were together all the time because the captain of the football team and some girl who barely spoke just were not meant to be together.” He explains, his voice sounding distant as he seems to be remembering everything that was ever said to him about our relationship.
My body turned unwillingly to face him “Why did you never tell me that?”
“Because every time someone said something like that to me, I would tell them to mind their own business and tell them to fuck off.” I had to fight the corner of my mouth twitching into a smile, remembering there was still a lot to this story that was unexplained. Jace continued “Then after a few months of us going out, the stronger I started to feel for you and suddenly everything that everyone said was going through my head nonstop. Then at a house party, which you didn’t want to go to because you didn’t like being in huge crowd like that, Gina made a pass at me and stupidly I went along with it.” I flinched at this revelation, not liking the memories flashing through my head. “I justified it and said it made more sense, I was expected to be arrogant and a bit of a player by everyone at school. Why should I think twice about my shy girlfriend back at home who didn’t even like to go to parties for Christ sake?”
My stomach flipped at his words, and I actually found they stung a little.
His eyes softened as he noticed the flash of hurt in my eyes, which apparently I was too slow to cover up “After we were done Faith, I realised what a huge mistake I had just made because instead of feeling like a normal teenage boy would have when they hooked up with someone, I felt so fucking guilty about what I had done to you I could barely breathe.”
I couldn’t let the emotion show on my face, but right now I felt my entire body warming to his words. Then the next part of this story popped up in my mind.
“You felt so guilty you started dating her after?” I laughed humourlessly.
His jaw clenched, disgust clear in his face at the memory of it “You have no idea how close I came to getting on my knees and begging for you to take me back. When you found out about what happened, you could barely look at me. It killed me Faith. Whenever you would speak to me, you would be so angry, have so much hatred for me in your eyes.”
I scoffed “Can you blame me?”
He shook his head “No I can’t. And I realised you would never take me back. By this point I had Gina following me around like a desperate little puppy, and people kept telling me that I should just give in and date her. I mean captain of the football team, head cheerleader, it was expected. So I asked her out. The majority of the decisions I made back then were influenced by other people and by what people would think of me. I was an idiot, but I was a 16 year old boy in high school.”
I was silent as I just listened to him. Finally, I was getting the explanation I wanted. And I don’t know if I liked it or not. I mean the explanation was actually giving him a reason for what he did so far. Peer pressure. He did all of that for peer pressure?
If that really is the case, teenage boys are fucking stupid.
My silence hinted for him to continue “But you never left my mind. When we were at each other’s throats constantly all I wanted to do was shut your snide remarks up by kissing you, when you called me every name under the sun it actually made me want to smile. Then we started hanging out without arguing, and laughing and talking like we used to when we were dating. After a while I couldn’t take it anymore, we were trying to be friends when me and you both knew we could never be just friends. The first time we hooked up while I was dating Gina, I did not feel one ounce of guilt. Unlike when I cheated on you, it barely made me bat an eyelid.”
He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, and I could tell that it was like a release for him. After all these years he was finally able to tell his side of the story. I still made no attempt to speak and just stood there like a statue taking in every word.
“You remember how you always used to wonder why I would ever risk losing someone as ‘beautiful and ‘perfect’ as Gina for just a few quick fumbles with you?” he asked, air quoting. I sucked in a breath because I had wondered that basically every minute of the day, but I never actually asked him. He must have read my mind “You never said it, but I could always tell you thought it. When the rumours sparked about me and you around school everyone else asked that question too, but I would always deny it and say nothing was going on between me and you.”
“I never knew there were any rumours.” My voice came out like a whisper, like I was talking to myself.
“That’s because you always kept off the radar at school. You never got involved and always kept to yourself. But there were a lot of rumours.” He quickly explained, before going back to his previous question. He took a few steps forward until he was in front of me. His hand brushed the hair gently from my forehead before trailing down to my cheek and cupping it. He tilted my head up so my eyes met his “Losing Gina was a risk I was willing to take in a heartbeat even if it got me 10 minutes with you again.”
My composure was on a very thin rope right now. All these revelations were seriously endangering me from breaking down, but I could not allow that. I kept his gaze, attempting to mask any emotion I had in my eyes.
“You could have left her and just come back to me.” With reluctance, I added the next bit “I would have taken you back like a shot Jace.”
I saw the pain flash through his eyes “I was scared Faith. I was scared of how you made me feel, and me being the idiotic hormonal teenage boy I was I thought I could please everyone else by dating the girl I was expected to date, as well as be with the one girl who made me happier than I ever thought I could be.”
I shook my head, causing his hand to fall off my cheek. I attempted to back away because I could not be in his arms right now. The closer I was to him the riskier it was for me to forget everything I have ever been taught. Because his explanation was actually sounding reasonable to my ears. That was a bad sign.
Unfortunately, his determination was almost overwhelming because as I backed away he closed his hand around my wrist and yanked me towards him, my body pressed against his tense muscular one. I refused to meet his eyes and kept my gaze forward as if I could look right through him.
“The biggest mistake I have ever made in my life was letting you go 3 years ago at Dylan’s party.” His voice was husky, and he spoke directly into my ear “Without meaning to sound like I’m ripping off one of the chick flicks you hate, but I really had no idea what I had until it was gone.”
My teeth gritted together and I scrunched my eyes together, not wanting to hear this. I wanted him to be an asshole, I didn’t want to hear the agony and guilt in his voice. The sincerity.
“I spent the next 3 years of my life wallowing in my own guilt and mistakes, then that day you crashed into my shop and back into my life was my second chance. I realised the mistakes I made, I spent 3 years going over them in my head and hating myself for them. I don’t want to lose you again Faith.” His breath tickled the side of my face, and for a split second I wanted to relax into his body and go with the moment.
And then he said the words that almost sent me straight over the edge of losing what little composure I had left.
“I love you Faith, I always have.” His voice was confident, which gave me no doubt that he meant it “It took me a while to realise it, but it’s true. You’re the only thing I have ever wanted, and I am not going to let my stupidity or other people’s opinions stop me from being with you anymore.”
His lips brushed against my cheek, before he placed a soft kiss on it and began tracing his thumb against my wrist. His other hand snaked around my lower back and he buried his face against my shoulder, kissing it softly.
I closed my eyes taking this all in. Everything I ever wanted to happen between me and Jace just did. The 3 words he had just said to me were what I always died to hear from him, but now that he had said it I knew it was too late. The life I lead made it too late, and I knew things had to stop now.
I pulled away from him and stepped back a few inches, lifting my eyes to meet his anxious ones. I could tell he was waiting for my response; hope lined his face as he waited for me to speak.
My voice was monotone, my eyes were cold “You’re about 3 years too late Jace.”
I actually saw him crumble before my eyes, his jaw muscles flexing as he shook his head desperately “Faith-”
“Your little speech may have worked a few years back when I was that desperate little girl who wanted nothing more than to be with you, but now your words mean about as much to me as my session with Drake did last night.” I saw the hurt flash through his eyes, his fists ball up at the mention of me and Drake. I continued, knowing I had to do this “You mean nothing to me now.”
“Bullshit.” He hissed through gritted teeth.
I kept my eyes locked with his, making sure my expression was stone “I would choose the life I lead now of ruthlessly killing people without batting an eyelid over every single moment me and you have ever had together. The only reason you’re even here is because you are a job. I have been assigned to protect you, that’s all. If it was up to me I would have shot you that night back at your shop. ” I had to make it hurt, I had to make him hate me. And I knew exactly what to say to hammer the final nail into the coffin “Everything you did back then made you a worthless, selfish bastard. Just like your dad was. You are exactly like him, if not worse.”
And with that, I knew I had done it.
His eyes widened and I actually saw a fire behind them at the comparison to his father. I knew how Jace felt about his dad and how much he hated what he did to him and his mum, so for me to compare them it was the ultimate insult.
His fists were clenching together so hard now his knuckles were turning while. I could basically hear his teeth grinding together from the fury, and I would not be surprised he swung for me to be honest.
I didn’t make any motion to move, and just stared at him with the icy expression, which he was now returning. We kept each other’s gaze for a minute, his eyes red from fury but they were still searching into mine to try and find any trace of anything he could use. Judging from the death glare he was giving me right now, I doubt he would have used it even if he did find anything.
“I honestly though the heartless bitch act was just a front.” His voice was venomous “Turns out that is exactly what you have become Faith.”
He turned his back to me and climbed up the steps leading out of the basement. I heard a few of the chains rattle as he unlocked the door and a few seconds later the sound of a wooden door slamming to the point I swear I actually heard the wood crack echoed around the basement, almost making me flinch by the force of it.
He was gone. Obviously the idea of even being in the same room with me right now was too much to bear for him, and I couldn’t blame him. I had insulted him with the worst possible thing I could use, but I had to do it.
I stood alone in the basement, pressing my lips together as every single word between us passed through my head. All the thing he had said to me, the fact that he had admitted he loved me. Then the cruel things I came back with.
The lies.
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, telling myself to keep it together. Then as I slowly opened them again, the first thing I saw was the wooden box that was in the corner of the room. I looked at it for a few minutes, every single emotion ran through my body and I cocked my head as I bore my eyes into the wood of the confession box.
I found my feet stepping forward until I was directly in front of the wooden door that was where the church goer stepped into before they confessed all their wrong. All their sins.
I didn’t even register my hand turning the door handle, and stepping into the wooden box and closing the door behind me was also something that felt like someone else was doing. The box was small and there was a bench taking up a little less than half of it for me to sit on, which I did.
The silence echoed around the wooden walls, and I turned my head slightly to the panel on my right which linked to the priest’s box next door. That one small panel with a few holes would allow the priest to hear your sins, and hopefully forgive you for them.
That is when I felt my whole composure slip. The hard facade completely washed away in the space of the small wooden box, and I was not an Agent anymore.
I was Faith Mitchell, the pathetic shy girl that should have died 3 years ago.
I leaned back on the bench, resting my back against the wall behind me before bringing my knees up on the bench and wrapping my arms around them. I bit my lip as I felt the moisture in my eyes, and for a few split seconds I still fought them. But it was no use.
The tears fell down my face and I bit back a sob as I leaned my head against the wall behind me, closing my eyes.
“Forgive me father for I have sinned.” My voice was barely a whisper “It has been way too fucking long since my last confession.”
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A/N: Right guys, i know this was a serious chapter but hopefully it should have got Jace's pov about what happened years ago more clearly! i dont know why i put in the last scene with the confession box, for a split second i imagine it as a movie and though it would be quite a good scene. oh and im planning to continue this scene in the next chapter, and i think the direction its going you guys will like :D
Soooo, opinions guys, what do you think of the argument? Is Jace going to come back? Is she going to accept that he loves her? What is going to happen in the confession box?
TALK TO ME PEOPLE!
Love you all as always, pleaseeee vote and comment!