Sam hadn’t realized she wanted Braeden to say it until he said it. But…not like this. Not with sadness and regret. He told her he loved her in the same breath he pushed her away. “You love me?”

“Don’t look at me like that,” Braeden said. “Being loved by me is no blessing. If I could stop loving you, I would.”

She wanted to lash out at the sting of his words. “Am I so unworthy of being loved?”

His head snapped back as if she’d hit him. “Never say that, Sam. You’re the best person I know.” As if he couldn’t help himself, he reached out and coiled a strand of her hair around his finger. “You’re irresistible.”

Sam looked down at her wrinkled tunic and breeches. Her face was unpowdered and damp with sweat, but even if she were clean and tidy, her nose would still be too long and her face too thin, the lines of her well-muscled body too straight to be fashionable. “I’m not,” she said practically.

“You are to me.” Braeden let her hair slip from his fingers. “I have no control over my attraction to you.”

She didn’t want him to control his attraction, gods damn it. “So what?”

“It’s not an easy thing to explain.” Braeden closed his eyes. “It’s my fault the demons are attracted to you.”

“Demons are attracted to everyone.”

Braeden shook his head. “Not like they are to you. I know you’ve noticed it, too. Every time we fight them, they home in on you. As soon as they sense you, they forget anyone else is there. They want you above all others because, Sam, so do I.” He stroked her cheek with a sad smile. “You see, Sam? To be loved by me is to be cursed. Because I love you—” it was the first time he had strung those three words together—“I’ve put you in danger.”

Sam caught his wrist with her hand. “Is that a serious objection?”

He blinked. “What?”

Idiot, idiot man. “Do you think I disguised myself as a boy for five years because I wanted to avoid danger? Do you think I picked up a sword to avoid danger? You say you love me—who do you think I am?”

Braeden opened his mouth to speak, but Sam spoke first. “I’ll tell you who I’m not. I’m not some princess in an ivory tower. I’m not someone who runs scared from a fight. And I’m not the kind of girl who gives up on something she wants because of a little thing like danger.” She poked her finger into his chest. “I left home to join the Paladins because I wanted to kill demons. I should be thanking you for making it that much easier.”

Braeden stared down at the place where her finger met his chest. He grasped her finger and hand and placed it over his shoulder. He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist, burying his face into her hair. “I love you, Sam of Haywood.”

She laid her head against his heart and was relieved to hear it beat as rapidly as hers. “I love you, too, you know.” If she hadn’t been sure before, she was sure now. Braeden was a noble, self-sacrificing idiot, but he was her idiot.

Braeden stilled. “You can’t love me,” he said brokenly.

She squeezed him tighter. “I don’t do very well with can’t.”

He stepped out of her arms and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I have to leave, Sam.”

She gave an annoyed huff. “Why? I don’t mind a few demons, and you proved tonight you would never hurt me. The High Commander ordered you to kill me and you refused.”

“Because it was you.” His mouth lifted in a half-smile. “I trust myself a little more around you. But there’s a whole city of Uriel he could command me to kill. Tristan, Sander, anyone. Would you have me risk their lives so casually?”

Braeden was right. He’d been tested against her, but no one else. She wanted to believe he could resist any of the High Commander’s orders, but she had never experienced the power of his compulsion. It was a high risk to take and it wasn’t her life to gamble. She made a decision. “I understand.”

“You do?”

Sam sat down on the bed beside him. “We need to leave until we figure out how to remove your tattoo.”

“We?”

Sam nodded. “Aye. I’m coming with you.”

Braeden’s head whipped towards her. “I can’t ask you to do that.”

“I want to.” She looked down at her lap. “If you’ll have me, that is.”

His hands found the tops of her shoulders. “I love you,” he said quietly. “It’s why I can’t ask you to leave with me. I would no more ask you to return to Haywood as Lady Samantha than ask you to throw away the Uriel for me. You finally have everything you wanted, Sam. I won’t ask you to give up your dreams for my sake.”

“You didn’t ask,” she said. “I offered. And I’m not giving up on my dreams; I’m making new ones. I want you—” boldly, she pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth—“and I want to be a warrior, too. Wherever we go, I’ll have plenty of opportunity to use my sword. The Uriel can wait.”

His hand left her shoulder to touch the spot where she’d kissed him. “I really am a selfish bastard.”

She gripped his knees and leaned towards him. “Then I’m selfish, too. We can indulge in our selfishness together.” And because it was what she selfishly wanted, she kissed him full on the lips. The kiss was hard and fast, a promise.

Braeden returned her kiss, harder, until both of them were panting for air. In between breaths, he said, “We’ll need to tell Tristan. Sander, too.”

Sam looked up at him. “That we’re leaving together?” He nodded.

She tightened her arms around his neck. “Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked.

“For letting me come with you. For loving me.”

His fingers trailed down her cheek. “A man once told me I would never know love. I believed him.”

She gasped. “Braeden.” How could anyone tell this man—this man she would follow to the ends of the earth and back again—that he was underserving of love?

Braeden lowered a kiss to her forehead, to each eyelid, to her nose. His lips hovered near her mouth, and he didn’t try to veil the stark emotion in his eyes. “It was enough that you didn’t fear me. Loving you, being loved by you…you’ve made me believe that maybe I’m more than a monster. That maybe I’m a man, too.”

Braeden had bared his soul to her, and so would she. “Do you know why I love you?” she asked.“When I made up my mind to join the Paladins, I thought it meant I had to give up a part of myself. I had to choose between Sam the warrior or Sam the woman, and I chose the warrior. But you…you make me believe that I can be both.” She elbowed him in the ribs. “One day I’ll get you to stop trying to protect me.”

Braeden laughed softly. “That’s never going to happen.”

Sam scowled. “Fine,” she said. “Then I’ll just have to protect you back.”

***

Tristan swirled the wine in his goblet, watching the burgundy liquid slosh against the pewter sides. He set the cup down on the table, a little harder than necessary. “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t let me go after them. Sam had her sword at Braeden’s throat—”

“Tristan,” said Sander. There was a gentleness to his voice that Tristan had never heard before. “You’re a smart man. If you think about it, you’ll know you need to let them be.”

Tristan stared at Sam’s vacant chair next to him, and then his eyes moved to Braeden’s seat. In his mind, he replayed her passionate plea to force Braeden to stay. Would she have held Tristan at sword point if it were he who threatened to leave? He remembered his ill-fated marriage proposal, when he’d mentioned casually that Braeden was gone. It was like she’d forgotten that Tristan had proposed, or that he was even in the room. “Gone? Is Braeden okay?” she’d asked. He remembered seeing her by Braeden’s bedside when he’d been wan with fever. She was even paler, sick with worry, and she wouldn’t leave Braeden’s side.

“She loves him, doesn’t she?”

“I know only what I observe,” said Sander. His gaze held something akin to pity.

It was more than Tristan could bear. He finished his wine in one gulp and pushed back from the table. He stood, bowing first to the Duke of Haywood and then to Sander. “If you’ll excuse me,” he said.

“Of course,” Sander said.

Tristan fled, but not before he heard the duke say, “What’s this about Samantha? My daughter is betrothed.”

As soon as he was free of people, Tristan found the nearest space of empty wall and sagged against it. He hadn’t realized he still harbored a hope that Sam would change her mind. That hope was dashed, now. Sam loved another man. Braeden. Gods.

A delicate cough let him know he was no longer alone. With great effort, he tore his eyes from Addie Branimir’s impressive bosom to her lovely face. Her forehead creased with worry. “Are you quite alright, Master Lyons?” she asked.

Tristan forced a smile. “Quite.”

She narrowed her gaze. “Don’t lie to your doctor, Lyons.” She knelt down beside him and wrapped two fingers around his wrist, as if taking his pulse. “As I suspected. You, sir, are gravely ill.”

“I am?”

She nodded and stood, offering him a hand up. “I have precisely the cure. Follow me.” With a rustle of her skirts, she swept away, not waiting for his reply. Shaking his head, Tristan trotted after her. Better that than wallow in his own pathetic loneliness.

She stopped at the infirmary but didn’t ask him to come in. “I’ll just be a moment,” she said. She returned dressed in a long, hooded cloak of white ermine.

“We’re going outside?” he asked.

“Aye.” Addie gave him a once over. “Will you be warm enough, dressed like that?”

“I’m warm blooded,” he said. “Where is it you are taking me?”

She smiled enigmatically. “You’ll see.”

It was dark outside the Beyaz Kale, and Tristan felt the bite of cold, despite his claim to Addie. Snow crunched beneath his boots as he plodded beside her. Addie held onto his elbow for balance; she wore those flimsy silk slippers that were all the rage for women these days but highly impractical out-of-doors.

They passed by several buildings until Addie tugged on his elbow, drawing him to a stop. “In there,” she said, pointing towards a bright red door. The sounds of music, boisterous laughter and clinking glasses were audible from the street.

“A tavern,” he said slowly. “You’ve taken me to a tavern. Why?”

“Because, Master Lyons, I’ve diagnosed you with a broken heart.” She pulled up her hood, hiding her face, and slung an arm around his shoulders. “Come on, Lyons, drinks are on me.”

A/N: Let me know what you think in the comments! My ratings for Paladin are going to be shot since I posted this update so quickly, so your votes would be much appreciated.