"Hawke, I want you to do something for me." Lily said that night as she laid her head against her husbands hard, sweat covered chest and listened to his heart thundering.

"Anything." Hawke replied running his hand over her bare backside and up her long slender back. Lily trembled beneath his touch and raised up on her elbow so she could look down at him.

"Teach me how to use a gun." Hawke's eyes narrowed at the request and he pushed her long dark hair behind her ear.

"Are you sure?" he asked. He knew her fear of guns ran deep ever since Nathan had pressed that gun to her temple.

"Yes I'm sure. Wolf is getting older now and won't be able to protect me like he used to and I have Sarah and the baby to think about. I want to know how to protect us. There are more and more people coming to town and that means more and more bad people are here too and then with the mountain lions and bears…"

"Okay. Tomorrow I will teach you." Hawke replied. It would be a relief to know that his wife could protect herself and his children when he could not be around.

"I want to learn how to shoot all of them. The rifle and the shotgun. The revolver you keep under the bed and that tiny pistol. I want to learn how to shoot them all."

"I will teach you."

"No one will ever take advantage of me again Hawke. I've been afraid for too long."

"You know I will never let anyone hurt you again." Hawke vowed pulling her body closer to his and kissing her hair.

"There might come a time you're not here though and I need to know how to protect myself and our children."

"You are strong, naakiiwa, and I am proud of you." Lily snuggled up against him taking in his warmth and strength.

"I love you." she said and he held her tighter as they drifted off to sleep.

888

"Did you really think you could get away from me, son?" John's voice said with a laugh. "Deep down, Jack, you and I are just alike. The law has no meaning for us. We just take what we want, when we want and it doesn't matter who we have to hurt."

"I am nothing like you." Jack argued. He looked around but all he could see was blackness. There was no light and the air was heavy and nearly unbreathable.

"Oh but you are. You've killed dozens of men, Jack. You've orphaned children and windowed wives. How long do you think it will be before pretty little Allie dies because of you? How long before you lose your temper and blow a hole in her pretty head just like you have countless people before her?"

"I would never hurt, Allie." Jack argued. He tried to go for his gun as his father stepped out of the blackness but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't move his arms. It was like his body was frozen.

"Hello, little Allie." John said and Jack watched in horror as Allie walked out of the darkness. She was staring straight at him and smiling with love and trust as she walked toward him.

"What are you doing?" Jack demanded of John.

"Who are you talking to?" Allie asked. Jack tried to point at his pa but he found he still could not move.

"Can't you see him?" Jack demanded. Allie shook her head and kept walking toward him.

"All I see is you." she replied.

"Show her ,Jack." John said with a cold smile. "Show her what kind of man you really are."

"I love you, Jack." Allie said softly.

"I love you too." Jack replied and then he felt his arm moving.

"What the hell!?' he demanded. He was not telling his arm to move but it was moving just the same.

"Show her, Jack!" John bellowed. Jack felt his palm against the cold handle of his revolver and he shook his head.

"No. No I won't." he said.

"DO it." John replied sternly. "You have no choice."

"No! Kill me! Don't kill Allie!"

"I'm not going to kill her. You are." Jack's eyes widened with horror as he pulled his gun from holster. He yelled and screamed at Allie to run but she just stood there smiling lovingly back at him. Jack tried to stop himself as he aimed the revolver at Allie's face.

"No… I won't!" he screamed even as he felt his finger tightening on the trigger.

"You have no choice, Jack. This is the man you really are." The revolver went off in his hand and he screamed…

888

Jack sat bolt upright in bed. He was covered in sweat and his entire body was shaking. His heart was pounding in his chest and it took a moment for him to recognize the room he was in and realize that shooting Allie had only been a dream.

He let out a long breath and then tensed when his bedroom door opened just a crack.

"Jack?" Allie's voice was the sweetest sound he had ever heard as she poked her head into his room.

"What's wrong, doll?" he asked. Allie stepped into his room and he was reminded of an angel. Her white sleeping gown was thin and the light from the candle she was holding showed the shadowy outline of her body beneath the fabric and it made her brown eyes sparkle and her dark hair shine.

"I should ask you that." she replied. "Are you okay?" Jack scratched at his bare shoulder and rubbed his neck.

"Yeah." he said with a shrug. "It was just a dream."

"Okay then." she said biting her lip and backing up toward the open door. "I'll go back to my room then…."

"Allie." Jack said quickly. He did not want to be alone in the dark. He hated the dark and after the dream he had just had he needed to feel Allie in his arms and know that she was safe.

"What is it, Jack?" Allie asked. She could tell that whatever he had dreamed had frightened him. His tan face was pale and he was covered in sweat despite the fact that he seemed to be shaking.

"Do you uh… Would you… Can I hold you?" he managed to ask. He was a grown man but right now he felt more like a nervous teenage boy. Allie smiled and walked into the room. She laid the candle on the bedside table and Jack moved over so she could climb into the bed.

Her heart thundered in her chest as she curled up on her side and pressed her back into his chest. He wrapped one strong arm around her and pulled her closer and she felt a heat spread from her head to her toes. She was sure she had never felt this safe or warm in her life. She leaned forward and blew out the candle before relaxing once again in his arms.

"I always wondered what this would feel like." she whispered. Jack laid his head against hers and his warm breath caressed her cheek.

"What what would feel like?" Allie blushed.

"Lying in your arms." Jack felt his body respond to her honest words and he scooted his hips back to hide his reaction from her. God knew he wanted Allie but there was no way he was going to make that kind of move in Hawke's house. A man would have to have some kind of death wish to do something like that and Jack did not have a death wish… At least not anymore.

"I never thought I'd get to do this, Allie. Even on long nights when I would let myself imagine getting away from them and coming back home I never thought you would ever forgive me for the past. I never really let myself imagine I would ever get to hold you like this."

"Like Hawke likes to say, the past is the past and we can't change it so we just have to move forward." Allie replied as she traced shapes on his muscular arms with her fingers and ran her fingertips over all the tiny scars covering his tight tanned skin.

"Yeah that's what he says." Jack replied. That was one of those sayings that was easier said than done.

"Do you want to tell me about the dream?" Allie asked and Jack shook his head.

"No." he said quickly. They lay in silence for a moment.

"Allie, you know I would never hurt you right?"

"Yes." she said and she was surprised to find that she believed herself. No matter what had happened in the past Jack was a different man now and she had no doubts that he would never hurt her.

"I don't just mean break your heart. I need to make sure you know that I would never physically hurt you. Never." Allie wondered why he was saying this but she figured it had something to do with his dream.

"I know that, Jack."

"I love you, Allie. No matter how dark things got while I was gone I held onto a picture of you in my head and it helped me get through."

"I love you too, Jack." Allie said as a tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. "I held onto my memories of you too. The way you looked that day you came to my rescue in Helena all dirty and ragged and handsome.."

"Geeze doll, you're gonna make me blush." Jack said as he squeezed her tighter and thanked God for giving him this angel. Surely with her by his side he would be able to fight the darkness of his dreams. He would be able to move past the evil that he knew waited somewhere out there for him.

"Look, I kept this." Allie said and she pulled her necklace out of her nightgown. Jack looked at the wooden hearts in the full moonlight coming through the window and smiled.

"I kept the handles you gave me too." Jack replied pointing to his gun belt on the dresser. "I had a few people wanted to steal 'em but I wasn't gonna let that happen."

"Your life has been hard. I'm sorry."

"All that is over now." Jack said matter of factly. "I am home. I am holding you in my arms and I have never felt more at peace." Allie snuggled deeper into his arms and Jack kissed her temple. Silence fell over them and Jack heard her breathing deepen and he knew that she had fallen asleep.

He felt a cool breeze blow through the window and across their bodies cooling his heated skin and causing small strands of her hair to dance. He knew that as long as he had her he would be okay. As long as he had her he would never be his fathers son.