"Why are you so tense and on edge?" Lily asked her husband as he paced back and forth on the porch. Sarah thought it was great fun as she marched behind him but Lily was getting dizzy watching the two of them.

"I am not tense or on edge." Hawke replied as his pace increased. Allie looked up from the book she was reading and nodded.

"Yes you are. You always pace when you're tense about something." she said. Hawke stopped pacing instantly and Sarah laughed when she ran headfirst into the back of his long legs.

"Do it again, daddy!" she exclaimed. Hawke shook his head and tousled her thick black curls.

"I am going to go hunting." he said. He gave both Sarah and Lily a gentle kiss to the forehead and then laid a gentle hand on Lily's slightly rounded belly before walking off the porch and into the woods with Wolf beside him.

"Janna stay." he told the excitable beast as she tried to follow him as well. "Protect." he added while pointing back at the porch. Janna turned and started back toward the cabin only to be distracted by a butterfly as it glided on the breeze past her nose. Hawke shook his head and walked away as she chased and snapped at the poor insect.

He didn't really need to hunt but his mind had been racing for weeks and he was beginning to lose his sanity. He had not told Lily or Allie that Jack was coming home and waiting on the boy to show up was testing his patience and resolve. Should he tell his wife and sister-in-law? Of course he should. He knew he should but that did not change the fact that he wasn't going to.

Maybe it was because Hawke was scared that the boy wouldn't really show up. Lily and Allie had both cried for a long time after Jack had left and though neither of them had talked about him or mentioned his name in years Hawke knew they still missed him. He didn't want to get their hopes up and have the boy let them down yet again.

Hawke tried to say that he didn't care whether the boy came or not but he knew he was lying to himself. Hawke thought about Jack nearly everyday. Hawke had always loved silence and quiet but he found he missed Jack's nearly constant rambling when he was out in these woods hunting and trapping alone.

Hawke shook his head to clear his thoughts and focus on hunting. Lily would know without a doubt that something was bothering him if he came home empty handed.

888

"Gavin is going to be arriving tomorrow." Lily said keeping her voice light and carefree as if she was talking about the weather. She watched Allie's face to judge her reaction and she didn't miss the tightening of her jaw or the widening of her eyes as she looked down at her book.

"Yeah he is." Allie replied. Lily looked back down at the hole she was mending in one of Hawke's shirts.

"Have you thought about what he asked you?" she asked innocently. Allie let out an irritated sigh and laid her book in her lap.

"That is ALL I have thought about." she replied.

"So…."

"So what? What am I going to do?" Allie demanded. "You sure are nosey today."

"I'm not nosey, I'm your sister and I'm worried about you. You don't act happy and when the man you love asks you to be his wife, you're supposed to be happy."

"I'm happy as hell." Allie replied as she stood up.

"That's a bad word." Sarah scolded, looking up from her dolls. Allie smiled down at the girl.

"Sorry." she said with a shrug. Then she looked back at her sister.

"I am happy. I'm just not sure yet that I'm ready to get married. I mean Gavin and I haven't spent a whole lot of time together. How do I know he's the man I'm supposed to marry?"

"You should just know." Lily replied simply. "When I met Hawke, it was instant. There was something about his eyes and the way he looked at me that told me instantly that he was the man that I had been made to love. Look inside yourself and think of Gavin. If you don't get butterflies and smile at just the thought of him then maybe you should tell him no."

"I'm going for a walk." Allie said stepping off the porch and walking down the path toward the lake. The lake was her favorite spot to think and she had a lot of thinking to do.

She sat down on the cool rocks and smiled when she heard Janna's claws clicking on the rocks behind her. She wrapped one arm tight around Janna's neck as the wolf sat down beside her.

"I don't know what to do." Allie said aloud. There only been one person to ever give her butterflies and he was gone. She had never felt the heat or passion that she saw pass between Hawke and Lily. She was a grown woman and wanted to feel those feelings for a man but no matter how hard she tried she just didn't feel them for Gavin.

She pulled the diamond ring from her pocket and let the small rays of sunlight coming through the trees glint off the shining rock. She took her sisters advice and thought of Gavin. She pictured his smooth pale face, his small green eyes and his aristocratic nose and sharp cheekbones. She felt her heart fill with tenderness but no butterflies and her lips did not curve into an uncontrollable smile.

But that tenderness had to mean something didn't it? And surely it would grow into more the longer she was with Gavin. Gavin was a good man. He cared about her and she cared about him.

Without warning an image of Jack's face with that mischievous smile of his and his bright blue eyes shining came to her mind. Butterflies filled her stomach as she remembered the way it felt when he had held her hand and she smiled.

"Oh you've got to be kidding me!" she exclaimed loudly and Janna jumped when Allie's sudden outburst startled her.

"I have had enough of this." she said. "Jack is gone and I just need to forget about the what could have beens and look at what I have now." Allie reached down into the front of her dress and pulled out the necklace that she had been wearing everyday for five years.

The J and the A carved into the hearts were starting to get worn from the number of times she had taken it out and rubbed her fingers across it. She needed to just rip this necklace off and throw it away. It was just an empty token of a love that had never really existed. She untied the frayed yarn holding the necklace on and closed her hand around it tightly. She counted to ten and then with a grunt she let the necklace fly.

It landed on the still lake water with a splash and Allie pulled her knees to her chest and sobbed into her skirt. She was crying too hard to hear Janna jump into the water and only when she felt Janna's cold wet face pressing against her cheek did she look up and see her standing there with the hearts hanging out of her mouth.

"Stupid wolf." Allie said and then she took a deep shuddering breath and wiped her face dry on her skirt. She took the necklace from Janna's mouth and looked down at it.

Jack was gone. He was just a dream now that had never really come true. But he was a memory that she wasn't ready to completely let go of. For a year of her life he had been her best friend and her fourteen year old heart had been completely devoted to him. She tied the necklace back around her neck and hid the hearts once again beneath her dress. She looked back down at the ring still in her hand and took a deep breath before sliding it onto the ring finger of her left hand.

Gavin was a good man and he loved her and what more could she ask for? She cared about him and surely as they spent more time together as husband and wife the passion would appear and grow…. Maybe Lily was wrong and passionate attraction did not always happen right away.

888

"You decided to marry Gavin." Lily stated as she looked at Allie's ring at the table that night as the family ate dinner. Allie quickly hid her left hand on her lap and nodded.

"Yes."

"You did?" Hawke asked, raising his brow with disbelief. Allie rolled her eyes and held out her hand to show him her ring.

"Yes I did."

"Why?" Hawke said barely glancing at the ring before looking back at her.

"Because he loves me."

"Do you love him?" Hawke asked. Allie wanted to tell him to mind his own business but she knew that Hawke only said what he said because he cared so much.

"I think I might."

"Before you marry him, you should let him see the real you that you have kept hidden. He does not even know that you curse when you are angry or that you shoot as well as any man alive."

"I don't curse that much when I'm mad." Allie argued and she saw the small smile trying to pull at Hawke's mouth. "And maybe I want to keep how well I shoot a secret, that way if he ever makes me mad he'll be dang surprised when I blow him a new hole to poop out of."

"A new hole to poop out of! You're funny, Aunt Allie!" Sarah said with a loud laugh. Lily shook her head and let out an exasperated breath.

"Would you please stop teaching her those kinds of things?" she begged. Allie laughed and felt peace fill her. She was sure she was making the right decision. It might not be the great love that Lily and Hawke had but that didn't mean it wouldn't be good enough.