Chapter 15

After I showered, I was introduced to the next few days of freedom. Well, for me, freedom could mean leaving the house without having to be supervised. But hey, I wasn't limited to just my bedroom anymore. Luke let me do whatever I wanted around the house because he was watching me the whole time. But now, a few days later, I was completely okay. No craving drugs, no pain, no fucking handcuffs.... Yes, that's right. No more handcuffs. He still found a different way to do it though - which was just to lock me in the bathroom from the outside. Which made me panic slightly because I was still trapped; at least it felt so much better than the handcuffs.

Now that my withdrawal stage was over, I have to admit, I felt stronger. Better and more powerful because I didn't have to rely on drugs to help with the stress. So yeah, you can imagine I was a little snippy and nervous now that I was off. But Luke reassured me that feeling would go away and I would get use to the weight of my own feelings.

So, now that I was off the crazy withdrawal stage - and after spending a few days in the house with him just to be safe - today was the first day we were going somewhere. And I was getting excited, if you can believe it. Being in that house... even if Clare wasn't around, the house still had the atmosphere I hated so much.

"So... how much do you plan on getting?" Luke asked me in his new white truck - and not the cop car. Which sucked because there was nothing more badass than going to the mall in a cop car.

I smiled as I looked out the window. Now that he just said that, I was determined to get even more things for myself. "Depends. How much money did you bring?" I asked.

He groaned, glancing over at me and giving me an 'are you serious' look before moving his eyes back to the road. "Not enough for whatever it is you want."

"You have tons of money. Better watch your back. I could steal it all and run," I joked.

He scoffed. "You think you can steal from a cop? And get away with it?"

"Well hell yeah I can!" I said in a light voice and made him laugh. But really, I thought deeply about running away again now that I was completely off the drugs. I wanted to do it. I was so sure that any day now, Clare would get me alone and hurt me badly. But more than that, I wasn't going to be her bitch again, even under Luke's nose. I didn't want to be here. Where everyone knew me, knew me as the psycho bitch and would harass me for it. Don't get me wrong; I didn't let them push me around. But it still sucked ass. Plus, I would have to attend 11th grade with kids I didn't know instead of 12th since I was gone a whole school year. So, that sucked even more ass. And my friends - who would eventually find me... well, lets just say they would not be too happy with me considering I kind of screwed them over. Now, that sucked so much ass, the taste wouldn't be able to leave my mouth.

I wanted to get out of here. Even living elsewhere on the streets was better. Despite the deal Luke made with me - even though he kept Clare away from me - I was still determined to get out of here somehow. After he starts trusting me more and letting me sleep in my bed again alone, I would make my move. To be honest, I didn't like the fact that I would be breaking the deal and run away. I liked Luke and yeah, I guess you could say we are friends in a strange way. But I needed to get out of here more than I needed a friend.

My thoughts snapped back into reality when Luke turned into the parking lot of the mall and pulled into an empty parking spot. When he shut it off and removed the keys, he turned to me with a smile I never saw before and it made me want to laugh. "So... Are you ready to go on a shopping spree, girl? It's going to be just fabulous! We can talk about boys and buy you some new dresses!" He said in a very high and light girlie voice, toying with me. You can only imagine... how I would react to that.

I don't think I have ever laughed so hard at anything he had said before. It was kind of a tease actually for the fact that he knew that was the exact opposite of what I would be into. It was still strange to see him act fun and open like this. I mean, in the past few days, he opened up a bit on his personality and became a little more comfortable with just joking around and being himself. And I'll be honest, I wasn't disapproving of it.

"Oh my god," I said as my laugh died down. "As long as it's with your money, I can't complain."

He smirked at that as we got out of the car. Walking through the sun beating weather, we headed towards the doors of the mall - where I was sure would be hell within five minutes for us both. He didn't know it yet but I was more than a little popular around here. Not in a good way either. He was about to find out now that we were in a public place - especially a place that most of the kids from school come to. Now, a good day could turn bad. But hey, at least I was outside of the house right?

It was a very interesting day. Going into the stores, looking through clothes... I was more focused on Luke as he tried to help look for clothes for me because it was kind of amusing. When he grabbed something off a rack on a hanger and approached me, my eyebrows shot up instantly as an act.

"How about this?" He asked, holding up the black sweat shirt with our states name on it. Printed in white letters, Ohio was written across the front. It was kind of plane - which was exactly what I was looking for.

"I like it." Now time to mess with him. Don't blame me; it was in my nature. "So what's the size?" I asked, moving closer to him to get a better look. Finding the tag in the sweat shirt, I looked at it and found he actually had my right size. He didn't know that though. "A medium, eh?" I asked, pursing my lips and glaring at him, giving him a hard time.

His relaxed facial expression collapsed. Regret and a sorry expression filled his face in an instant and it was hilarious. "I'm sorry," he struggled and I crossed my arms, trying to hold my pissed off expression. "I- I didn't know that wasn't your size." Seeing how much regret was in his face, I knew the exact same thing had occurred before with Clare. Except, she had been actually very pissed off like I was only pretending to be.

I kept the act up. "So what exactly do you think my size is then?"

"Small," he answered immediately without a thought, his eyes looking panicked. Oh yes, I was sure this happened before now. Clare must have beat him with the fear in his eyes. This was too funny. With how quick he was to say it, as if desperate for me to not be offended again, it made my lips tilt up just slightly in amusement.

He was watching me, slightly confused at why I was smiling. With the sweat shirt he was still holding, I took it from him and put it in the large black bag the store allowed for their costumers to carry for clothes. Looking back up at him after he saw I put it in the bag, and wanted to buy it, he realized I was only joking around about the size. He shook his head with a scoff, the right side of his lips tilting up slightly.

"I hate you," he said lightly after an exaggerated sigh.

"I know," I grinned as we continued to look in this section of the store, my eyes following the racks of clothing. It was mostly sweat shirts, which was all I really wanted. Even during the summer, in public, I wore sweat shirts. Or really just anything with a hood. I stuck with dark colors as well. Now, it sounds like I'm suiting up to be a depressed loner but, even though that was mostly true, I dressed like that because I don't want people recognizing me. Which was why I was feeling uneasy wearing Clare's clothes right now. Nothing covering my head and my black hair in a bun.... I just felt exposed really.

After we were able to find four more sweat shirts in this section, we moved onto the lighter tee-shirts and tank tops on the other wall. I was surprised how well Luke was with helping me. He knew my taste I guess. He didn't know why I liked the dark sweat shirts so much and was getting so many but he didn't say anything about it yet. Besides that, now that we were just looking through regular shirts, he seemed to understand my style. He found me a very plane green v-neck tee-shirt, a few different color Cami's with the same design, and a button up grey and faded red plaid tee-shirt. No writing on them, no stupid flowers or butterfly's, no over the top design on them. Just average, which was what I liked wearing around the house and anywhere else that wasn't too public of a place.

"I'd swear you've been a girl yourself before, Luke. You have the perfect taste for a guy who wears the same ugly uniform everyday."

"Well, I usually go shopping with Clare. I don't like it but she likes my opinion on things. And it's not like I want to wear a uniform or have a say in how it looks."

I nodded, glancing up at him as we moved down the isle towards where the pants were. "She wants your opinion, huh? I bet you spend a lot of time in Victory Secret, right horny boy?" I asked.

He chuckled lightly under his breath, shaking his head. "You know, you have a pretty dirty sense of humor for a girl your age."

"I think I get the dirty part from my mother. That's not a good dirty either, by the way."

When I found pants for myself, it took less time because pants were always easy for me. And it's not because I pull mine down all the time either so don't get the wrong idea, pal. I had wider hips than most girls my age, more curves - which was what I think was attractive to the guys that have been with me. I looked older, more mature looking because of it - or so that's what they had said. It was funny too because for some reason, blue jeans and any other pants were easy.

So that turned out to be a fast stop in the large store. We added four pairs of jeans to the bag as well as strayed further back towards the shirts, which also had different pants. We found two pairs of jean shorts, grey sweat pants, plane cotton and faded red shorts, and a pair of olive green shorts. By the time we were done with that, Luke offered to take the bag and carry it since it was getting full and heavy. Of course, I gave him a little attitude over it and how I am just as capable to do it as any man. For some reason, that made him laugh. He ended up carrying the bag.

We did pretty good for just the first store. Yes, that's right. First. I gaped at him when he told me that this was only our first stop in the mall. I expected one store, two at the most. But this was just the first. As in, we were not done shopping. Not done spending money. Spending his money on me. Now, if it were Clare's money, I would be buying every thing I see over the price of a hundred dollars - and would buy something retarded to piss her off. But this wasn't Clare or her money.

"You're joking," I said as we were waiting in line to pay and he told me his plans for the next places we were going.

He looked down to me, eyebrows dipping in confusion. "What happened to 'how much money did you bring?'"

True, on our way here, I basically said I wasn't holding back when shopping and wouldn't take into consideration how much he would spend on me. But... that was because I figured we were just coming to this one store - the biggest clothing store in the mall. I didn't think we would get anymore than what he was already buying for me. But hey, why complain? The man wanted to buy for me, let him.

"Hey, your money dude. Just surprised you would spend so much on me."

He rolled his eyes, scoffing as if what I just said was silly. "I got you out of jail, out of community service, am keeping Clare away from you for your health, promised you a fun summer, got you off drugs and gave up hours and hours in my day to watch you. And now, you're finally surprised I would spend some money on you?"

Jesus, why did he have to bring up all those nice and helpful things he has already done for me? I was leaving and running away when he started trusting me again to sleep on my own. That made me guilty enough - and I don't like feeling guilt. But now... knowing I would reject all of that and betray him.... I admit, it would be hard to run after he did so much for me. But I would do what is best when the time comes.

Pushing those thoughts away, I said, "I just figured that what you were getting me today would be enough. But hey, if your willing to buy... don't be surprised when I buy out the whole store."

After he paid for the clothes and the woman put them all in a big plastic bag for us, we walked back around the store and towards the entrance to the rest of the mall. The entrance to where there were more people, more chances someone would recognize me.

It's not like I fear people being mean to me and noticing me. What I didn't like was how pissed off it made me. How it reminded me of my life being a joke people enjoyed laughing at. And that was just before, when I was just 'crazy out of my mind.' But now, a year later, my title changed. I am the crazy girl out of my mind that went missing and made even bigger news around this town. More people knew of me, knew more about me. I'm waiting for the day that I get my own wiki page of all that 'accurate' information on me.

As Luke and I walked closer towards the mall entrance, I swallowed. I forced myself to man up and convinced my mind that I would just deal with the attention I knew would come to me. I was good at hiding my real feelings most of the time - which I did, walking with a neutral face as we walked more into the public's eye.

"Which store are we heading to next?" I asked. I took the time to quickly glance around us. Nobody was looking directly at us as we walked. We were lucky today it seemed. But I knew it was only time until someone recognized me. Passing a familiar looking nail salon and an old lady candle store, we rounded the corner and I could only hope where he was taking me wasn't too much farther.

"Anywhere, really. Do you want to finish getting your clothes or move onto some things you like or want, maybe stuff for your room...?"

"Well, I guess the furniture in my room isn't too bad." I admitted. After I got home, I discovered that all my things were gone and replaced. Or rather, Clare got rid of them and by the time Luke came along and saw an empty guest room, they filled it as a guest bedroom. But even though I missed all my things, the new dresser was nice and matched the headboard - even though I would always hate that headboard for obvious reasons. "But I use to have a desk and a computer and I would really like one again. I don't like the bedspread either but that's not why I want to get a different one. I think along with the sweat and puke, it's been through enough and we should put it out of it's misery. And Luke, sorry man, but the color of the walls in there are hideous. You have good taste in clothes. Just not colors for a room. Too bad too. The rest of the house looks amazing and designed great. But you just seemed to have given up on my room. I'm ashamed. I mean, come on! Yellow?" I asked, acting all worked up and overdramatic because hey, I guess you could say that was true. The house looked great with the blue and black and brown color scheme. Then, ironically, the one room he fucked up was mine.

"Actually, Clare planned the design for the house. She decided on the colors as well as the furniture, the walls and floors. She picked out the tile for the floor in the kitchen, the cabinets, and appliances. Did every inch of the house. All I did was the outside landscaping and your room because she really didn't want to bother with it." He chuckled harshly after that. "Wonder why," He muttered.

My eyebrows shot up for a second and I glanced quickly back up at him, seeing a scowl on his face and his eyes darken. I was surprised to hear him say those words. I knew it, knew he wouldn't be able to really forgive her for everything even though he told her he did forgive her. His words, his realization just now on why Clare didn't want to remodel my room, came to him; it proved he was still very much pissed off. Realized that Clare did everything but my room because she didn't want to bother, bother or rather didn't care for the fact that it was my old room.

I smiled at that. He wanted to be loyal (and he was by telling her he forgave her). But he couldn't help but not be skeptical. Not to mention, we just discovered something else. "So, wait, let me get this straight," I said. "She decided on the whole house - every room including yours and hers - and put your money into remodeling it the way she wanted. All except for the guest room - my old room. She made you do it for the fact that she didn't want to 'bother' with it."

"Yes. But... you know, maybe she just didn't want to bother with it because it brought back too many bad feelings and memories," he said, trying to use that to defend Clare. "Remember, she did say that she got rid of all of your things because she wanted to start over and new. Maybe that was why."

"Right. Or maybe she just didn't want anything to do with me - which was why she really got rid of all my things. Didn't want to remember me, deal with anything of me - even my old room."

He didn't say anything at first. Just looked straight ahead as we walked forward. Finally, he said, "She did it because she needed to. And that's what I believe." He spoke as if wanting to convince himself of that. The blind dude beside me looked down to my eyes, giving me a sympathetic look. "I didn't forget what you said to me that night. I am not going to give her an unfair advantage just because of my relationship with her. I wont sit in denial if you tell me those things about her." I remembered that night, when he handcuffed me to the bed the first time. I told him he was selfish and I didn't want to see what was in front of him. It was true. But at least he considered the words I guess. "I thought it over; I really have and put my relationship with her aside. But Albany, I can't get pass the papers. The doctors, numerous of them, have documented your condition."

I shrugged. "Yeah, I understand." I already knew all that; he wouldn't be able to get over the papers. I still think, despite his words, that he isn't looking hard enough. At least he thought about it I guess. But something else was holding my attention. "But you said she let you do my room... and the landscaping outside?" I asked. I noticed him leading us towards a JCPenny store. Thank god nobody saw me yet. But as of now, I wasn't too paranoid over that. Right now, I was more curious about the landscaping thing.

"Yes, why?" We entered the store and when we did, I felt my feet come to a stop, too focused on his words to continue for a minute. When I did, he stopped with me, looking down at me with a confused look.

"And, just let me guess here," I said, grinning harshly at the terrible thought. "It took a lot to convince her to landscape the yard, didn't it? She refused, paranoid with the thought of you landscaping and planting in the yard."

His eyebrows dipped even lower. He looked shocked and even more confused. His pretty green eyes grew bigger too. Looking down to me as I stared smug up at him; while the thought upset me, I was happy knowing I was right.

"How did you know that?"

"She was especially worried about you putting anything in the ground, right?" I asked, ignoring his question, wanting to see just how accurate I was.

He scoffed and gaped at me, not believing that I was right again it seemed. He was wondering how I knew this. How I knew that Clare would be uneasy about yard work. "Yes..." he said, slightly dazed. "Yeah, I suggested putting a pool in a few months back," he recalled. "She really didn't like the idea of it and wouldn't really give me a clear answer as to why. She said she just didn't want a pool. But after a while, she agreed to the landscaping after I told her where I was going to do it."

Ha! Exactly. I have wondered for years where exactly Clare put her. Though it still wasn't clear, Luke just said Clare agreed to let him landscape just around the house. Meaning, that was one less spot Emily could be. It also told me she was somewhere close. Somewhere in the woods we owned or the actual yard.

"Albany?" He asked, bringing me back from my thoughts. "Are you okay? You look disturbed. How did you know that?" He looked curious but beyond that was worry for why I wanted to know about this in the first place.

I shook my head. "Nothing you would care about," I said, moving my feet again and walking forward, more into the store. He followed and said nothing else on the subject, seeing how I didn't want to talk about it. Or rather, how I didn't want to even try to bother this time. After all, bringing this up would end with him believing I was imagining it.

***

"What about this one?" he asked, pointing at a picture of the bedspread that was on the clear bag that held the actual bedspread. It was a dark green color. The design on it had black lines boarding the edges of the bed. It came with two decorative and matching pillows so overall, it was plain but pretty looking.

We were moving up and down the small rows that offered bedspreads in the store, trying to find a decent one and curtains to match with it. But screw the curtains for now; a bedspread was more important I realized.

"I like it," I said, looking at the details of it a bit more. The bedspread ended short where the mattress did and from there started a bed-skirt that was a lighter green color. Looking back up at him as a question came to me, I spoke. "But shouldn't I first decide on the color of the walls? Don't want to buy a dark green bedspread first before I decide to paint the walls orange."

"You want the walls orange?" He asked, raising a brow.

I rolled my eyes. "I said if I decide I want orange. Or any other color for the walls that wouldn't match with it. "

He shrugged. "It doesn't matter. You can buy this first if you want then decide on what would match for the walls. Or pick the wall color first." He paused for a slight moment, thinking something over before he went off topic. "Also, it's not a bedspread. It's a comforter. Comforters have bed skirts and a bedspread doesn't because it covers where it would be."

You know, just when you think he understands me, he says something like that to me. "It's the same thing. Just because it's different doesn't mean it isn't the same. Racist." I shook my head, disappointed.

He raised his hands in surrender. "Just pointing it out. Also... racist?" He laughed.

Holding back my smile, I pointed at him in accusation. "Exactly! Bedspreads, comforters, blankets, whatever. They have rights too you know."

He chuckled, shaking his head as he was looking at me. He tilted his head down, turning back to face the other displayed bedspreads as his laugh died. "Just decide! What do you want to do?"

I looked back to the green bedspread, thinking it over. I really did like it. "We can get this one right now. I'm getting it just because you hate it, you racist! I'll show it that it's loved." I said as seriously as I could, grabbing it from the shelf and I took the heavy bedspread - yes, to me, it's a bedspread so get over it - in my arms. I glanced to an amused Luke.

"Are you done and ready to leave or do you still want to shop around here?" He asked. "Because if you want to shop more, we can put this back for now and get it on our way to check out so we don't have to drag it around with us."

I shrugged. "Yeah, we can leave it here for now," I said, putting it back on the shelf. Even if someone did grab it, there were extra ones behind it for us by the time we are ready for check out. "I'm not done shopping."

"Well, in this mall, there isn't much furniture for a desk or computer. No paint for walls either. More clothes?" he asked.

I nodded. "I forgot about a few things to look for in the other store that I want," I said and that was an understatement. The word 'want' wasn't right when I have been in the same bra for too long and to the point where it's too small. Thank god the same didn't go for my panties. Not too small and I had more than one pair while on the streets.

"Like what?" he asked as I started walking down the isle of the store, him following next to me.

"Like something that will make your trip here the best shopping trip ever," I said as I glanced up at him as we rounded the corner and I saw the woman's section that was near the jewelry department. When I knew he was able to see where I was heading, I glanced up at him and saw a very light blush go over his cheeks and it made me smile at seeing it. He looked cute with that blush.

"Can you do this without me?" he asked when we reached the start of the rows of bras.

I chuckled, sifting through some of them that looked too sexy for comfort, just to make Luke uncomfortable. One I put my attention on was black with small pink polka dots, black fancy lace along the top. Sexy I guess but not something I would buy for just everyday wear. I picked out my size though, loving how fun this was embarrassing him.

"Sorry, need your opinion," I said lightly, holding it up to my chest as I turned to him, smirking as his eyes were blank and lips straight. But he couldn't fool me when that blush was still on his cheeks and his eyebrows were slightly dipped. "How does this one look?"

"Albany--"

I cut him off as an older woman started to walk by us. "Come on dad, how does it look?" I asked, loud enough so that the woman that was passing us heard. And sure enough, we knew she did by how quickly her jaw dropped as she looked at Luke in disgust, her eyebrows sitting low. Luke, glancing behind him to where the woman kept walking in the isle, caught her angry eyes before swiftly turning back to me, his blush even worse with red and lips tight.

"This isn't funny," he said.

"Oh yes it is," I smiled, putting it back and moving to the next row where more decent and plane bras were. He didn't follow me the few feet to the next row at first as I heard him sigh, taking a deep breath. I stared to look for my size. And at this point, I knew I was now in the C's; I was wearing a very tight B for a while now. On the streets, if I had money, it wasn't often spent on clothes. So really, this would be nice.

By the time he came over to me in the next row, I had found three different ones I liked. Glancing up at him, I noticed his blush calmed and he still held that blank face. Before he could speak, I did... for some reason feeling I needed to tell him this. "I like your blush. Should I make you do it again because I can," I warned, chuckling just slightly under my breath.

Well, I got more than a blank face. He didn't like that I said that because he knew it was true and I was capable of embarrassing him again. "No," he said immediately. "No, don't."

I laughed and when I did, looking up at him, I saw him relax a little. He shook his head slowly as a small tilt to his lips appeared. "One of a kind, I tell you," he said under his breath. He was looking at me in slight amusement while still seemed very much embarrassed. For some reason today, I felt... better. Not physically but I can honestly say that I was having a good day and a fun one. There weren't too many times I could say that in my past. Not to mention, what helped, was the fact that I could make him laugh. "Before you can make me any more uncomfortable--"

"Want to see me try them on?" I said a little louder too, hoping someone would hear and eye Luke again in suspicion. He was just lucky I didn't call him dad again. "It's a big day for me." I said before he could interrupt me with the warning he was about to give me. "I'm graduating from a B to a C. I think you should be there with me to celebrate."

After I said that, he looked down in a stifled groan with his blush coming back. I laughed at that and before I could say anything else, he looked up at me and that was all the warning he gave. His eyes told me no more no matter how funny this was to me. "I'll be looking at the jewelry if you need me," he said on an absolute note before he quickly turned around. Luke walked out of the maze of bras and headed towards the jewelry counters.

Chuckling to myself, I turned back to the racks and ended up picking out one more bra. After that though, I moved to the panties that were laid out on the table close by. I was able to find enough pairs by the time my thoughts started to wander.

I don't recall being this happy in a long time. I wonder what we would do this summer since he said we would be doing a lot of fun things. I was really having a good time with him surprisingly. I wondered--

I cut my thoughts off immediately as another thought filled my head. One I shoved aside earlier. One of guilt. Shit. There would be no fun summer like he said. Because I needed to run, I needed to go and get away from home. Away from Clare and this town filled with people hungry for my misery. I couldn't look forward to anything. I was going to be gone. I would. I will.

Who was I turning into? Because I wasn't someone who laughed much in the past; I didn't care and I didn't like that I was now. What was worse was the fact that it's been just over a week and I've already been affected with these feelings that are back. Too fast to go from what I was then to now someone feeling weak. I shouldn't care for anybody - especially in such a small amount of time. I shouldn't have let him become my friend as I was now. I shouldn't be having a good day because now, now that I was, it made me like it. Like this feeling of weakness. Because I knew that if I like how it is now, I wouldn't want to go as easily.

But that was being weak. It didn't matter if I was having a good day. Because one good day - and I'm sure many after if I stayed with my new friend - would not be worth the time people would pick on me and judge me. Look at me like an animal. Luke wasn't worth sticking around for.

"Albany?" I heard him say and I glanced up to my right, seeing him standing there and looking at me in a worried expression. "Are you okay?"

He wasn't worth the pain of being here. But today was a good day for the weak girl I was turning into. So for today... I guess I could be selfish.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. Are you done looking through the jewelry?"

"Yeah, I am. I figured you would have been done by now. It's been about ten minutes."

Ten minutes? I didn't realize that much time went by as I was thinking. "Oh, well, I'm done. All that's left is shoes. Unless you want me to model some of these things for you," I smirked.

He shook his head, chuckling as we began walking back towards the shoes. "No, don't worry. Looking for shoes will do."

As we walked towards the shoe department, I could feel those thoughts that were running through my head come back to me. But again, I pushed them back into a corner in my mind for later. I was done thinking like that for the rest of the shopping trip. I was having too much fun to punish myself over it right now.