Chapter One Hundred Nineteen



Ash's P.O.V.



It's just after 10am when I eventually leave the precinct. I don't expect there to be any change with Eli, because someone would have called me. I wanted to get away from the precinct sooner, but there is far too much work to do. Cain and I questioned Greggson's man, Jack Preston. He eventually admitted that he has been to the brothel, but he wouldn't comment on anyone else that he saw or if he hurt any of the girls. He was adamant that he isn't, and never has been, part of the Bratva. I am inclined to believe him on that statement. He also admitted that he recognized Dani. I can remember his actual words as if he's speaking them right now: "Of course I remember Tatyana. Everyone remembers her. You can't forget those eyes or the fact that she would do anything to please you... Now, there's a girl who enjoyed her job. Always so willing to please..."



I really had to sit on my hands after that comment. I knew he was trying to bait me, but I really wanted to take that bait and give him a beating he'd never forget. Dani probably did whatever she could to make it hurt less. I'm sure she tried everything she could to prevent getting beaten up. If Eli was there for that interview, I think he would have lost it. Preston was so smug about the whole thing, like he knew it would upset us to hear about his encounters with Dani.



I'm heading to the hospital now for a little while. Then I'll have to go back to work. There's so much to tie up and I need to make sure I'm keeping a close eye on everything. Eli would want everything monitored closely. He wants the chain of custody for the evidence to be unquestionable. He wants to ensure that no one can worm their way out of a conviction. Obviously, he's not able to do that himself, so I have to do it for him.



I pop into the family room to check on Don and Connie. Don's sitting on the chair with Connie curled against his side. They're both asleep, so I quietly leave the room again. They need their rest. I'm sure they didn't get much sleep through the night.



Arrow is sitting outside Eli's room, checking something on his cell.



"Hey, everything ok in here?"



"Hey Scott. No change."



"How's she holding up?"



"She's barely holding it together, man. I don't really know how to help her. She's a mess but she's trying to hide it. She's been talking to him in Russian mostly. She hasn't eaten or drunk anything, even though I've offered. She hasn't slept either."



"She won't sleep; not here. I'll see if I can get her to go home for a few hours. Someone will need to stay with her if she does, though."



"I can do that. I might not be much help if she freaks out, but I'll go with her."



"Thanks. I'll see how she's doing. You doing ok?"



"Yeah. Can't wait for some good news. I'm getting a bit impatient now."



"You and me both. He's strong and he's a stubborn old goat. He doesn't want to leave Dani."



"Let's hope that's enough to pull him through this time."



"Yeah. Let me see if she's ok. You can go home, if you want, Arrow."



"I'll wait it out. Let me know if you guys need anything."



"Thanks, man."



I quietly approach the doorway and clear my throat to let Dani know I'm here. She looks up at me through glossy eyes. She looks like she's been crying. I wouldn't be surprised if she has. She must be so scared right now. I take the seat on the other side of Eli's bed and let out a sigh.



"Hey. How you holding up, darlin'?"



She rubs her hands over her face before asking, "What time is it?"



"After 10."



I don't miss the fact that she ignored my question. Maybe she doesn't really know how she's feeling at the moment. She looks panicked and I immediately tense up, waiting for something to happen. Instead she says, "I've got work. I didn't call the Captain..."



"He knows you won't be in. I already spoke to him. I have to go back in later, but I wanted to check in with you first. No change?"



She sighs deeply, "No sir."



"Do you need me to get anything for you?"



"No, thank you."



"Do you want to head home for a little while? Arrow can go with you. I'll sit with Eli for a couple of hours."



"No thank you. I'd prefer to stay here."



"You need to get some rest, Dani. I'm sure you didn't get any sleep last night."



"It's ok, Ash. You and Arrow need to get some sleep. You've been working hard."



"We're ok, Dani. I promise. You need to worry about yourself first."



She's always looking out for us. That's one of the things that everyone loves about her. She's concerned about other people and their feelings.



She whispers, "I don't want to think, Ash. I don't want to remember. I just want my brain to be numb. It hurts too much."



"Do you want me to ask the doctor to give you something to help with that? Maybe a sedative?"



Her tone is almost harsh when she speaks, "No...! I mean, no thank you,sir."



She backs away even further, like she's expecting some form of explosion or hit.



"I'm not going to hit you, Dani. I like it when you let your true feelings show through. It means you're more comfortable with me. I'll be right here to watch over you if you take a sedative. I won't let anything happen to you."



She lets out a shaky breath and whispers, "I need Eli here for that...The nightmares... They're too much for me on my own..."



She looks nervous and ashamed to admit that, so I reward her honesty by not continuing my questioning any further. "Ok. No meds. Got it."



She looks relieved, "Thank you."



"So, you don't want to go home?"



She picks at her fingers before answering. When she does reply, she shows just how much our relationship has progressed.



"No sir. It's not home if Eli isn't there... I don't want to be there if he isn't there. It'll upset me too much and I won't feel safe..."



"Arrow or myself will stay with you, if you'd feel safer."



"Thank you, but I'd prefer to stay here. I don't want to leave Eli's side. I want to be here if or when he wakes up."



"He said exactly the same thing when you were in the hospital..."



"Did Connie and Don go home?"



"No ma'am. They were sleeping in the family room when I arrived."



"They should be in here with Eli. I shouldn't stop them from seeing him..."



"You're not stopping them from seeing him. In fact, Don knows better than most how important it is for you to be in here. They know it's just a waiting game at the moment. They'll be in here when Eli wakes up, but for now, there's nothing they can do. They know that if anyone is going to get through to Eli, then it'll be you. Has there been any change in his heart rate at all?"



She shakes her head. That's not necessarily a good sign. It makes me wonder if he can actually hear us. I take a chance and tell Dani about some of our funny moments from the Army. She looks like she wants to chuckle, but she doesn't quite allow it to escape, so I say, "I'll tell you the same thing I told Eli when you were in hospital. I know you don't think it's proper procedure to laugh, but that's what Eli would want you to do. He wouldn't want you to mope about and go out of your mind with worry. In fact, he'd be thrilled to hear that you're laughing. I know you find it difficult to laugh and joke, but whenever you do, Eli is always so happy about it. It's like your happiness fuels his. Plus, he might hear me making you laugh and he might get jealous enough to wake up."



She does chuckle a little at that. "That's not really how medicine works, Ash."



"Maybe not, but not everything goes according to science or medicine. Miracles do happen, you know? The doctors said you shouldn't have survived, but you did. The doctors have told Eli he shouldn't have survived before when he got shot previously, but he did. You know what I think? I think you both survived so you could find each other and be together..."



"What if that journey has ended because now we've found each other?"



I shake my head, "No, I don't believe that and you shouldn't either. I know life hasn't been very kind to you, but things have changed and are changing. We got them, Dani. Things are starting to go right. You just have to hold out and hope for the best. That's all any of us can do..."



Not long after that, Don and Connie appear with breakfast and some books for Dani. They inform us that they're going home for showers, to change into fresh clothes and then they'll be back. I try to get Dani to go with them, but she refuses again, so I don't push the matter any further. I'm starting to learn how to deal with her a little better. I just wish Eli was here to tell me the right way of doing things. I don't want to upset or hurt Dani, but I don't know exactly how to approach her or deal with her and I run the risk of doing something that hurts her.



As I eat breakfast, I notice Dani doesn't eat a thing. I start to say something, but then something stops me from doing so. I take that as a sign, so I shut my mouth again and leave it alone. I think Dani is feeling uncomfortable, so she grabs a book and a sad smile appears on her face as she looks at the cover.



"What's wrong, darlin'?"



"Eli gave me a copy of this book for Christmas. I didn't get to read it."



"You like to read, huh?"



"Oh, yes sir. I like to learn. Do you like to read?"



"Not really. I like movies better. I haven't picked up a book in years, well, except for training manuals or stuff to do with work."



She looks shocked, "I can't imagine not reading. I used to read to my poppa all the time. I read his medical journals to him in every language I knew."



"Did he speak lots of languages too?"



"Russian, English and Hebrew."



"So he didn't know if you were translating the words correctly? You could have had so much fun with that."



"I did sometimes, but I liked to keep my brain active. I used to get bored easily."

"Do you want to read to me? I might not understand it all, but it'll be interesting. You can read in as many languages as you want."



"You sure you don't mind?"



"Not at all. I'd actually quite like it."



She smiles at me and I see what Eli means when he talks about her being happy. It's contagious. Dani is beautiful, but she's even more so when she smiles. It's more than an outer beauty though. I think she looks more beautiful because we know the struggle she has been through, and seeing her smile in spite of that makes us appreciate the gesture even more.



So, she reads; changing language after every line. Man, she's good. There isn't even a pause or hesitation between switches.







Dani's P.O.V.





I'm a quarter way through the book when I look up. Ash is asleep, so I quietly close the book and watch Eli. The steady rhythm of his breathing and heart monitor have become background noise to me. They're my comfort, because they assure me he's still here. He's just asleep; that's what I keep telling myself.



I whisper in Russian, "Eli, I know you're hurting right now. I know you need to heal, but I need you to wake up. I'm sorry I'm being so selfish. I don't want to lose you. I don't want your family to lose you because of me. It was my past, my wrongs, that led you to that place. Please don't let them take another thing away from me. Please don't let them ruin our lives again."



Still nothing. I sit and contemplate for a while. I'm losing this hope that Ash talks about. Life hasn't been kind to me and I've received enough disappointments. I don't want to accept that Eli isn't coming back, but if I don't at least think about it, then it'll completely destroy me. I need to start closing myself off again or it'll hurt too much. Losing Eli will break me far worse than that place ever did. I've just started to become accustomed to a good life. A life where people aren't going to hurt me, where people love me and I love them. Yes, I actually admit I love people. I love Eli's family like I loved my parents. That kind of love I can understand. My sessions with Sam have helped me to recognize those thoughts and feelings again. I feel differently about Eli. It's like the love for my parents, but so much stronger. The feeling scares me, but the thought of losing it scares me far more. Losing Eli by any means, even one of us walking away, would destroy me completely. So, yes, I'm pretty sure I love him.



Once I've come to this realization, I place my hand on his chest and I whisper in Russian, "I love you, Eli. Please wake up. Please just give me a sign that you can hear me."



I wait for something; any form of change, but there's nothing. Maybe he just hasn't healed enough to wake up. His body has been through a major trauma. He needs time to heal, right?







It's been three days since Don got that dreaded telephone call. The call that no parent ever wants to receive. I haven't left Eli's bedside. There hasn't really been any change in Eli's condition. There have been a few spikes in his heart rate, but the doctors have told us it wasn't enough to allow us to get our hopes up. I haven't slept since I got here and I'm trying not to eat or drink too much. I want to use the restroom as little as possible. I don't want to run the risk of seeing people I don't know or being put in scary situations.



Ash has been in and out of the hospital as much as he can. He's had to pick up Eli's job so he's been really busy. Arrow hasn't left the hospital though. He's actually been really good. He's been checking in on me constantly and trying to get me to eat, drink and sleep. He's tried to get me to go home a few times, but that hasn't worked. I don't want to go home if Eli isn't there. I certainly won't feel safe if I know he's not going to walk through the front door.



I'm a complete mess and I feel like I'm walking on the edge of a knife. I've been panicking more and there have been a few occasions where Ash and Arrow haven't known how to handle my attacks. That just made me even more heart broken, because Eli's the only one who knows how to get through to me and he's not here. I know his body is laying right in front of me, but he's not really here.



The nurse has just been in to change Eli's IV bag. The contents of those bags are keeping him hydrated and giving him nutrients so he doesn't die from lack of fluids or starvation. That's what the doctors told me, but I knew that already. I just didn't tell them I already knew; that would be rude. I don't want to be a rude person, even if I'm freaking out or extremely uncomfortable. People still have feelings, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.



Again, I am using every opportunity possible to distract myself from the current situation. I've been overthinking the smallest of things, so I don't have to focus on what else is happening in this room. I've even been thinking about the cold, white color of the room and what different colors could possibly help with calming and healing. I think green would be nice. Blue is probably a bit too cold and red can cause people to get angry, so green or yellow would be good.



I pause in my thoughts. I swear I just heard Eli groan. I'm imagining things. I mutter, "I really need to work on that. I must be going crazy."



I hear a croaky voice say, "Say it again..."



I gasp. It's Eli's voice; barely recognizable, but it's his voice.



I'm too shocked to move or speak, so he croaks out, "Say it again, Dani."



I frown, "I'm going crazy?"



He shakes his head and then groans in pain. I panic and quickly whisper, "I need to get the doctor and your parents."



His voice is stronger when he speaks next. Just one word, but it completely stops me in my tracks.



"No."



"No?"



I'm confused. His parents need to know he's awake. Eli's awake! Realization has just dawned upon me. He's actually awake!



"No. I just want you to say it again. Please?"



Now I know what he's referring to. He's almost pleading with me.



I'm pretty sure I've actually fallen asleep and I'm dreaming right now. None of this is really happening. I'm delusional because I've hardly slept in the last three or four days, right? Eli's not really awake. Is he?



I slowly walk back from the doorway and stand right next to Eli's bed. He carefully reaches for my hand and when he entwines his fingers with mine, I know it's real. I forget myself for a minute. I get so caught up in the relief and all the other emotions coursing through my body, that I burst into tears and place kisses all over his cheeks and forehead.



I'm so relieved that he's awake and I don't know how else to express that. I finally come to my senses and I realize what I'm doing so I quickly back off and cover my face with my hands. I am so embarrassed right now. I don't do things like that. I'm just out of Eli's reach and I know this because he whispers, "Come here, baby."



I tentatively step closer to him but I don't remove my hands from my face. My cheeks are on fire and I swear my face is going to explode with all the extra blood that is filling it.



"Look at me, Dani."



When I hazard a glance at him, he has that boyish, lopsided grin on his face. I've missed that grin so much. I didn't know how much I'd missed it until just now.



I whisper, "I've missed that. I've missed you."



"How long have I been out?"



"Four days."



"Geez. I need to get back to work. There's too much to do."



"No, you need to recover, Eli. Ash is taking care of it. Please, you need to get better."



He slumps back in the bed and allows his body to relax from it's sudden tenseness. I run my fingers over the worry lines on his forehead, trying to remove the creases. I don't like it when he's worried.



His eyes are closed again and I feel like I've imagined the whole scene that just played out. Eli's voice snaps me back into reality.



"Can you say it again? Before everyone bursts in here and ruins the moment?"



His eyes are still closed and the worry lines aren't as prominent as they were before. I know exactly what he's referring to, so I take a deep breath and whisper, "I love you, Eli."



I feel the smile on his face before I see it. His forehead crinkles with his smile and the lines are different to when he's worried.



"I love you too, sweetheart. Thank you for telling me."



"Please don't leave me like that again. I was so scared."



"I'm sorry, baby. I'm here now. Come here."



I carefully climb onto the bed with him and try to revel in the moment. I honestly missed him so much. I didn't think it was possible to miss someone that much.



Despite not wanting to ruin the moment, I whisper, "I need to get your folks and the doctor. They need to know."



"Just a few more minutes. I haven't been able to hold you like this for a while. Have you even slept?"



Arrow's voice scares me when he answers, "No, she hasn't. It's good to see you awake, LT. We thought you weren't going to make it."



"And leave you and Scott to take care of Dani? Are you crazy?"



Arrow chuckles, but I don't get the humor behind it and I quietly say,"They've been good to me, Eli. I promise..."



He smiles at me. Oh, I've missed that smile more than I care to admit.



"I know, baby. I'm just messing with him; he knows that. There's no other people I trust to take care of you like those two guys. Besides, I made Ash promise."



I sit up quickly. He thought he wasn't going to make it? He actually thought he was going to die?



I whisper, "You thought you were going to die..."



It's more of a statement, rather than a question.



His voice is serious when he speaks, "I wasn't planning on it, but you always have to have an exit strategy. I had to make sure you were taken care of if the worst happened. I'm here now, baby, you don't need to worry anymore. I'm right here."



I nod, but the thought of Eli actually dying still scares me. I think it will take a long time for me to work through that. I try to push it to the back of my mind and focus solely on Eli being awake and with me right now. Living in the present has never been something I've been particularly good at, but I'm trying to learn. I'm trying to be better at leaving the past in the past.



The doctor and Eli's parents appear very quickly after that. Connie starts crying and her and Don rush to Eli's bedside, so I swiftly get out of the bed and stand back. I don't want to interfere in their moment, but I'm also not that comfortable with everyone that I can just stand so close to all of the commotion.



Arrow must notice this, because he whispers, "Hey, you doing ok?"



I nod, "Just a bit too much too quickly. It catches me off guard."



I am finding it easier to be more honest with Arrow and Ash. I don't feel like I have to hide so much from them. Maybe it's because I am changing, but I think it has a great deal to do with them doing so much for me. They've put their lives on the line for me numerous times and I'm starting to realize they wouldn't do that if they didn't mean it. I'm learning I can trust them. Maybe not to extent that I trust Eli, but I can trust them to some degree.



I lean against the wall and watch the Doctor run his tests and make sure Eli's functions and mobility are normal. The Doctor says he's doing exceptionally well, considering he's been shot, lost so much blood and been out for the last four days. His movement is restricted, but that's mostly because of the pain and the damage caused by the bullets. I'm happy to take a back seat while everything is going on, but when the team appears in the evening, I have to leave the room. There are far too many people in such a small room for my liking and I can't cope with that. Not without panicking and Idon't want to do that. I don't want to worry Eli when he's recovering and I don't want the team to think they have to leave.



So, I take myself out of the situation completely and leave the room. I sit on the floor a little way down the corridor and a few minutes later, I see Arrow heading my way.



He sits just out of my reach, honoring my personal space rule, and doesn't say anything at first. We sit in silence for a little while and then he lets out a long breath before speaking.



"He sent me to check on you. Everything ok? Do you need me to do anything or get you anything?"



I smile slightly at him. He's actually quite a caring guy. You could mistake his size and abilities for a hard man, and I'm sure he can be, but he's got a whole other side that I'm pretty sure most people don't see.



"I'm ok, thank you. I didn't want to stay in there with everyone there."



He nods, "You've changed."



"I have?"



"Yes ma'am. You're being more open with me. I like that. I know I can read people most of the time, but I don't like to guess what you're thinking. I don't want to get it wrong and I kind of feel like it's an intrusion on your thoughts. You're not a perpetrator or one of my marks and I don't want to treat you that way."



I'm shocked and touched by his honesty.



"Thank you."



He shrugs, like it's no big deal, but to me it is. The fact that he actually admitted that shows that he's looking out for me. I'm amazed that I have people like Eli, Ash and Arrow in my life. I never thought it was possible, but life has thrown me another curve ball.



I hear loud laughter coming from Eli's room and I know Arrow wants to go and join in on the guys' jovial gathering.



"You can go back in there, Arrow. I don't mind being on my own."



"LT won't be happy about that."



"Do you always worry about what he'll think and say?"



He thinks about it for a second, "Pretty much. He's done a lot for me and I can never really repay that debt. So I do whatever he needs to try and make up for it. I know he doesn't expect it, but there's a bond that I won't break, which means I'll try my best to repay what he's done for me. If that means sitting out here with you, then so be it."



I smile, "You're a good man, Arrow."



He chuckles, "You're the first person to tell me that. Other than my momma, that is."



I feel a bit brave right now. Maybe it's because I'm on a high because Eli's alive, I don't know. But I say, "I'm guessing you don't show everyone this side of you."



He scoffs, "Are you kidding me? They'd make fun of me so bad. It's our little secret, ok?"



"Yes sir. Your secret is safe with me. Tell Eli I'm ok. I'll be ok out here on my own. You can join in on the team bonding or whatever they call it."



"You're sure?"

"Yes sir. Tell Eli I said not to tell you off. I don't want you getting into trouble because of me."



He stands up and says, "You're pretty cool, you know that?"



"I really don't think so, but thanks."



As he walks away, I hear him mutter, "You'll see."





I'm left somewhat bewildered about recent events. My emotions and thoughts are all over the place and I need time to process. I'd like to bake something, but I know that's not possible right now. Instead, I simply sit outside Eli's hospital room and try to understand everything that has happened today.