Chapter One Hundred Twenty



Eli's P.O.V.



I don't like that Dani left the room when the guys appeared, but I understand why she did it. I sent Arrow to make sure she's ok, because I can't go out there myself. Honestly, I'll be glad to get out of this place. I hate hospitals and I hate the fact that Dani is probably scared out of her mind by being here.



Arrow's back a few minutes later and I shoot him a frown. He whispers in my ear, "She said she's fine and she sent me back in here. She also told me to tell you not to tell me off for coming back in here. She doesn't want me to get in trouble because she sent me back. She's ok,Eli. I promise."



I nod, but I wish she could be in here with me. She's the most important person to me and I want her by my side. The guys and I all joke around for a while. I know they're pleased I'm ok. I'm relieved I'm awake as well, trust me.



After about a half hour of joking around, I turn things serious as I ask, "What's happened to all the guys we arrested?"



Ash clears his throat, "They're being processed."



"Anything I need to know about?"



He's quick to respond, "No, you need to get better."



That means there is then. He was far too quick to reply. I sigh.



"What is it, Scott? Just give it to me. I'm not sick and I'm not dead, so fill me in."



He proceeds to give me the details of what happened after I was taken into hospital. All of the guys have lawyered up; no surprise there. No one's talking; again, no surprise. We caught them in there, so there's no getting out of that one.



I ask, "What about the physical evidence? Has that been processed?"



"Yeah, well, a lot of it has. Tom's still working through all the samples. There's so much to process and it's taking some time to get through it all. We're getting names pinging up on the computer from arrests made years ago where the DNA evidence is throwing up matches. It'sway bigger than we thought."



"That's not a surprise. Anything unexpected that I should know about?"

He closes his eyes for the briefest moment and then pinches the bridge of his nose. That suggests I'm not going to like what he has to say. He doesn't answer and I know why. He doesn't want to lie to me and he knows I'll be able to tell if he's lying.



"Just tell me, Ash. I'm a big boy, I can handle it."



He sighs, "One of Greggson's men had been there."



I bite down my initial reaction and manage to grind out, "Who? How did you find that out?"



"Jack Preston. We've got him in holding and he's being processed. Everyone is separated so there's no chance of them talking. It's making things a nightmare in the precinct though, because there's not much space left."



He avoided my question, so I ask again, "How did you find out he was there?"



Somewhere in the back of my consciousness I hear Arrow say, "Come on, guys, let's give LT and Scott the room."



Once the energy and atmosphere in the room change, I know we're alone and Ash says, "Dani recognized him. When the teams turned up to find out how you were doing, she saw him and told me."



"How was she? Did she have a complete melt down?"



"She was upset, I can't blame her for that. She thought we were the good guys and it turns out one of the people who's supposed to help, was actually a perpetrator. She didn't have an uncontrollable freak out though. I managed to handle it."



I let out a deep breath, "Thanks man. I'm sorry you had to deal with that; that you've had to deal with everything."



"I'm glad to help. I wish you didn't get shot, but I'm happy to do whatever you need me to. How you doing, really?"



"It hurts like a mother but at least I'm not dead, right?"



He chuckles, "Yeah, there is that."



It might seem frivolous, talking about death like that, but that's the Army coming out in us. We've been around death far more than people can comprehend and a dark sense of humor about these kinds of things are how we get through some of the horrors we've seen.



"Have the doctors said when you're getting out of here?"



"No, not yet. Hopefully tomorrow, otherwise I might just discharge myself. I can't wait to go home."



"You need to make sure you're well enough to leave first. We've got the precinct covered, Eli. Just rest up and get better."



There's a soft knock on the door and Dani's face appears. She whispers, "Am I interrupting? Should I come back later?"



Ash speaks first, "I was just leaving. This guy needs to rest. I'll take the team away. Cap said he'd stop in at some point. I'm glad you're not dead, Eli."



I shoot him a smile, but I don't miss the frown on Dani's face at Ash's words. That doesn't sit well with her. After Ash has gone, Dani and I sit in silence for a little while.



Eventually, I question, "Are you ok?"



She smiles and replies, "I should be asking you that. Do you need anything? Should I get the doctor?"



"No, I'm fine. Have they said when I can leave?"



"No. Probably not for a few days. They'll want to make sure you don't have any underlying problems or infections. I'm guessing they'll make sure the intravenous antibiotics are at a point where they can stop them and put you on tablets."



"They told you all of that?"



She looks sheepish as she says, "No. I read your chart and made some guess work. I hope you don't mind."



"Not at all. You go ahead. If you can make sure the doctors are doing their jobs properly, then I'm cool with that. Your talents are wasted at the precinct, you know that? You could do so much more..."



"I like working at the precinct. I like my job. I like working with you."



"I'm glad you do. I like working with you as well, but I don't want you to get bored or feel like you're not being challenged. I don't want to hold you back."



She shakes her head. "You've actually freed me, you know that, right? I've done so much more than I ever thought possible, because of you. I want to stay where I am."



I nod, ending the conversation. I know she's uncomfortable talking like this too much. She still struggles with voicing her feelings so I don't want to push too much; especially in a public place.



It's getting late when the doctor does his night rounds. He checks my vitals, makes sure the IV bag is ok and then he says, "Providing everything stays this good, you should be able to go home relatively soon. We'll monitor you closely for the next few days and we'll make a decision based on that."



"Any chance of me going home sooner than that?"



"I'm afraid not, sorry. One of the things holding you here are the antibiotics in that IV. If we take you off the drugs too soon then there's a high risk of an infection flaring up. We need another few days on that particular drug and then we'll put you onto some oral antibiotics for about a week. We need to ensure your wounds don't get infected, especially the one that went into your internal organs. You'll be able to go home soon enough."



"Thanks doc."



Once the doctor has gone, I chuckle, "You were right, baby. Maybe you should just be my doctor instead. Then I could go home earlier."



"They're not going to allow that. It won't be too long."



"I certainly hope you're right. I want to go home now. You need to get some sleep, sweetheart. You want to hop in here, with me?"



She hesitates but I'm not sure why. I'm silently hoping she'll decide to join me on the bed. I've missed her. I didn't even know it was possible to miss someone when you're in a coma, but I definitely woke up missing Dani. She must have felt a million times worse when she woke up from her coma. She was out a lot longer than I was and mine felt like a lifetime. It's such a weird feeling. You have no concept of reality or time, but you can hear what is going on in reality.



Dani eventually decides to climb onto the bed and she curls up against my left side. I try to hold her close without causing extra pain in my right side, which is more difficult than it sounds.



She whispers, "I'm hurting you, aren't I?'



"No, not you. It just hurts, regardless. In fact, you make it feel better. I want you to stay here."



"You're sure?"



"Most definitely. You haven't slept, huh?"



She looks guilty and I desperately want to run my fingers through her hair and over her face. I want my fingers to memorize the shape and texture of her skin. I know that I can't do that, not yet. One, she'll probably panic and two, it's not physically possible with my arm in pain like it is. One day soon, I'll be able to do that though.



I place a kiss on the top of Dani's head and I whisper, "Sleep now, baby. I'm fine. You don't need to worry now. I'm right here and I'm not leaving you."



She closes her eyes and whispers, "I missed you, Eli."



It's not long before her breathing deepens and she's asleep. Once I know she's asleep, I whisper back, "I missed you too, sweetheart."



I lay awake for the longest time, just watching Dani sleep. She actually looks peaceful right now. Something that doesn't happen very often. Even in her sleep, she looks tormented or troubled. It usually happens in waves; she'll go for maybe an hour of quiet before a memory or nightmare starts and then she looks distressed before waking up. The drugs have helped her to sleep for longer without a nightmare waking her up, but she never gets a full night's sleep.



I have come to terms that life is going to be like that for the foreseeable future. I have to accept that I can't make everything better or go away. Don't get me wrong, Dani is so different now to when I first met her, but there are some things that I think will never leave her. I don't like that fact, but I have to accept it, orit will drive me crazy.



At some point in the night, just as sleep is pulling me in, Dani starts tossing and turning. She's talking in Russian, but it's a dialect that I don't know. There are some similarities, but not enough for me to catch exactly what she's saying.



I loosen my hold on Dani, because I don't want her to feel restrained. I know she doesn't like being restricted. I wait it out, hoping she'll wake herself out of the nightmare, but it's taking too long. I don't like the fact that she's not waking up, but I find it even more distressing when she stops breathing. Just as I'm about to wake herup, Dani shoots up in the bed, gasping for air. She grabs onto her throat, clutching it like she's trying to get something off her neck.



Once her gasping has finished, she takes in a shaky breath and that's when I risk talking.



I whisper, "Dani...?"

I don't get to say anything else, because as soon as she hears my voice, Dani lets out a scream and shoots back. I try to catch her, but a sharp pain jolts through the whole of my right side. I let out a groan of pain as Dani hits the floor.



I quickly exclaim, "Shoot! I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't mean to scare you. It's just me. It's Eli, sweetheart. Are you ok?"



I hear her ragged breathing and I'm pretty sure she's crying, so I slowly and carefully get off the bed, being careful of the IV that's attached to my arm. I manage to sit on the floor in front of Dani and I wait for her sobs to subside a little bit. When she seems to have calmed down a little and I think she's not going to panic again, I speak again.



"Dani? Are you ok? Did you hurt yourself?"



She lets out a shaky breath and quietly replies, "I didn't hurt myself."



"What was that, sweetheart?"



She sounds almost dejected when she says one simple word, "Nightmare."



"You haven't had one like that in a while. Do you want to talk about it?"



"I'm ok. It's ok."



"Really? You don't seem ok, baby. What's going on?"



"Just a few memories that have escaped from the vault."



I take her hand in mine, in an attempt to comfort her.



"Are you due another dose of Modecate?"



"Not for a few weeks. I'm ok, Eli."



"That was worse than normal..."



She lets out a puff of air, almost like a humorless laugh. Her tone is on the verge of angry as she whispers, "Nothing about this whole situation is normal, Eli. This is so many levels of messed up that I don't even know where to start. Nothing about my life is any form of normal. Because of me, your life is messed up now."



"It's not messed up. And who decides what is normal? You've had a horrific past, I'm not going to deny that, but that's not who you are anymore. My life isn't messed up because of you..."



"You almost died because of me!"



So that's where this is coming from.



"No, I almost died because of my job. I get that you feel responsible because they kept you in that awful place, but it's not your fault. I would have raided that place regardless of whether you were there or not. That is my job. To catch the bad guys and save the good ones. Don't I get a say in my own life? If I want to protect you and find the people that hurt you, then don't I get the choice to do that?"



She stares at our entwined hands as she whispers, "I don't want you to die. Not for me; not for anyone."

"I didn't die, baby. I'm fine. I might have a few extra holes and be in a truck load of pain right now, but I'm not dead. Do you really think I'd leave you that easily? For the record, I would gladly give up my life to save and protect you..."



"I can't survive without you, Eli. How can I get through a day if you're not there to help me?"



"You're stronger than you realize. You've done amazing the past few days..."



She sends me a sideward glance, "I was a mess. I'm still a mess."



"But you're here. You didn't run away or hide out at home. You're here and Ash told me you refused any kind of sedation or drugs. Do you know how amazing that is? You really don't give yourself enough credit. How about we try to go back to sleep, huh?"



"Yeah. I'm sorry about that."



"It's not your fault."



I tactically maneuver myself into a standing position. That's not an easy task in my current situation, I assure you. I'm out of breath from the pain when I eventually manage to get into the bed. Dani looks terribly guilty, so I pat the other side of the bed and reassure her, "I'm ok, Dani. I know you didn't mean to dream orfall out of bed. It's ok. I promise I'm ok. I'll be even better if you come here and get some more sleep."



She lets out a shaky breath, like she thought she was going to be in trouble. I don't know why she'd think that now. I thought we'd got passed that fear. Although, she hasn't had any real contact with people for a few days. When I first started to get to know Dani, I believed that being in my company was something she needed to do on a daily basis or she'd get out of practice of it and start to panic again. Maybe my theory wasn't too far off the mark. Her brain probably goes back to it's original ways if let to it's own devices. That supports my decision to stay by her side for the rest of my life.



I lay awake for a long time, waiting for Dani's breathing to change and let me know she's fallen asleep again, but there's no change.



Eventually I whisper, "Baby? What's wrong? You want to talk about that nightmare? That's why you can't sleep, isn't it?"



She sighs, "I'm sorry, Eli. This isn't the right time or place for me to freak out. I'm sorry."



"You don't choose when to have a nightmare or a panic attack. I know that. If you need to talk about something, then that's the right time and place to do it. You remember what bottling it all up did to you? It nearly destroyed you. Please don't go back to that. I don't want you to do that. What happened, baby?"



She chokes back a sob and her voice is so small and frail when she speaks. "He tried to strangle me..."



"Who did? Ivankov?"



She shakes her head.



"Who?"



"That man on Greggson's team..."



I take a huge breath and hold it for a few seconds to try and subdue some of my anger. I want to rip his head from his shoulders right now. I want to give him a taste or his own medicine. When I feel like I've got my anger sufficiently in check, I ask, "He tried to kill you?"



Dani shakes her head again, and I can feel her trembling in my arms. She tries to escape, so I quickly say, "I'm not going to hurt you, baby. I promise. Yes, I'm angry, but not at you. I swear I won't hurt you. Please don't be frightened of me. And you don't need to apologize. I know you're just scared and that's what your brain has conditioned you to feel. Tell me about the nightmare, sweetheart."



"He wasn't trying to kill me. He used to tell me he had the power to kill me. He told me he was the boss... that I was a worthless piece of meat... just for men to use whenever they... felt like... He would punish me if I didn't obey fast enough... He made me do horrible things, Eli... Awful things...."



The sobs stop her from saying anything else, so I forget all about my pain and hold her close. I can feel her tears soaking through the thin hospital gown that I'm wearing, but I don't care. All I care about is that my poor Dani's heart is breaking all over again. All because of a sick, perverted guy who was supposed to protect her from people like him.



I quietly sing 'Gravity' to Dani, to try and calm her down. When her sobs subside, I try to find out some information.



"Do you know how old you were when you first saw him?"



She struggles to answer, but manages to choke out, "Not long after they took me, I think. I couldn't tell time..."



"It's ok, baby. I understand. We've got him, Dani. We've got a whole load of them. We got the guy who started all of this. It's over now. They can't hurt you anymore."



Her tears continue to fall, but they slow considerably over the next hour or so. It takes a lot to comfort her, but I know it's not just because of this one nightmare. I know that she's battling with years of nightmares and memories. They held her captive in that place for ten whole years and did who knows what with her. I'm sure the information she's revealed to me is only the tip of the iceberg. That thought breaks my heart but it also strengthens my resolve to love, care for and protect her even more.



Just as I'm dozing off, I whisper, "I love you, my baby girl."



I thought she was asleep, but then she whispers, "I... love you too,Eli."





My heart swells with pride at those words. I will never, ever get tired of hearing those three words fall from her lips. I place a kiss on the top of her head and I notice that she curls against my side even tighter. I definitely fall asleep with a smile on my lips.