Chapter One Hundred Twenty-Four



Eli's P.O.V.

Dude, a cold shower is really needed at this moment. I'm not going to lie and say that that kiss did nothing for me. I wanted to run away because I was so scared Dani would notice just how much it did effect me. How the heck am I going to be able to control myself now? The fact that she's allowing me to push the boundaries a little just makes this feeling even stronger. I'm going to have a serious case of pent up frustration. I'm going to need some serious distractions because I can't even train or shoot things. This is going to be a long old recovery and Dani might just blow my mind.

I groan as my mind automatically thinks of some crude comment Ash and Arrow would say right about now. This is going to take more control than any other situation I've ever been in. Still, I have to give it my best shot because if I lose control then I risk losing Dani. That's something I'm not prepared to do, so I have to suck it up and deal with it.

My parents are the first to arrive, followed closely by Maria, John and Fiona. Maria gushes about how beautiful the house is and Fi eyes the pool with excitement. Ty, in predicable fashion, is late. When I open the door for him, he says, "I found two strays standing around out here. They say they know you, but I'm not convinced. Are you guys up for feeding a couple homeless guys?"

I chuckle at Ty, Ash and Arrow before opening the door to allow them in. I quickly find Dani to warn her Arrow and Ash are here too. My body reacts differently when I place my hand on her shoulder. It's something I've become so accustomed to, but a jolt of electricity floods through me and reaches places that really shouldn't be awake right now. Especially not with my family here.

My three brothers must notice my discomfort because they all cackle loudly at my expense. Dani looks confused as she looks between the group of guys and myself.

There's no way I'm explaining just what's going on, so I simply say, "They're just ragging on me. Ignore them. You doing ok?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

I bit back a groan and think, 'If you only knew, sweetheart.'

Obviously, I can't say that, so instead I shoot her a smile and say, "Yeah. A little sore, but nothing I can't handle."

"You can go and sit down. I've got the dinner covered."

"Sure?"

She nods and gets back to cooking the Kotlety so I join everyone else in the living room. Aside from my random moments of discomfort, we have a pretty good evening and Dani seems relatively relaxed with everyone in our house. As I'm seeing everyone out, Ash says, "I'll swing by in the morning to take Dani to work."

"I'm going in tomorrow. I want to see the Cap and find out what's going on."

"You're not driving, right?"

"Not tomorrow. Doc says I can't drive for a few weeks, but I should be ok by Monday. Obviously, I won't be out in the field, but I can do stuff at the precinct."

"The Cap won't be thrilled with that prospect, but I'll pick you guys up in the morning."

I nod in appreciation and we say our goodbyes. After Dani has done all of the clearing up, I notice the five cakes sitting on the side.

I question, "Five?"

She knows exactly what I'm talking about because I see a tinge of pink flush her cheeks. She answers, "Seven if you include the two everyone ate tonight."

"Geez, baby, you could have talked me through what's on your mind, you know?"

She shrugs, "I needed to process. You're going to have to eat a lot of cake over the next week though. Sorry."

I smile, "No need to be sorry about that. I'm not going to turn down cake. We should take some to work tomorrow."

She freezes from wrapping up the leftovers.

"You're going into work?"

"Yeah."

"But you should be resting..."

"I'm going to get bored and go crazy sitting at home all day. I'm not going in the field. I'll just do paperwork or something, but I can't sit around here and do nothing."

She nods, but doesn't say anything. I know my Dani; I know there's more to that nod than she's letting on. She clearly doesn't agree with my decision, so I try to prize her opinion out of her.

"Baby? What are you thinking? Lay it on me. Whatever your opinion is on the matter, I want to hear it. My decisions don't just affect me, they have an impact on you too. So talk to me."

Her voice is small when she speaks, "I don't want you to get hurt, Eli. I don't want there to be any complications or risks taken with your recovery. I can't lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here with you. You're not getting rid of me that easily..."

"It's not a joke, Eli."

"I'm not kidding around."

I don't miss the fact that she didn't flinch or back away when she voiced that last comment. I don't do or say anything to draw attention to that fact.

"I'm seriously not joking, Dani. I don't intend on leaving you any time soon. I want to go in and see the Cap. I want to make sure you're safe at work. I can't sit around here and not know what's going on at the precinct. I need to know you're ok and that the team are doing things properly. I'm still their commanding officer and I need to make sure the team is being run the way that I would do it. I promiseI will keep myself safe and I will be extra cautious. If I even have a passing thought that something isn't quite right, then you'll be the first person I speak to. Will that be good enough?"

"If your wounds feel any different or there's any change in the color of the dressings, you'll let me know right away?"

"Yes. Definitely."

"Ok."

I send her a smile of thanks and we shut off the lights on the way up to bed.





The Cap has mixed feelings on me being at the precinct when he sees me enter his office the next morning. He's pleased that that I'm ok, but he's not happy that I'm not at home recovering. Like that's going to make me leave. He knows me too well, because he says, "Unless I order you to stay at home, then you'll just keep turning up. I can't be dealing with you checking in every hour on the phone so it's easier to let you stay. Don't mess up your recovery, Ramirez. I need you healthy after this."

"Of course, sir. Where are we at with the investigation."

"The Feds are taking the case. Apparently Ivankov is being shipped back to Russia. It would seem that his crimes over there were committed before ours and they have a trump card that no one is telling me about. We can process and charge everyone else, but he goes back to Russia I'm afraid. I just got the news early this morning."

I let out a low growl of frustration. I want to make this guy pay for everything he's done to Dani.

The Cap senses my frustration and tries to ease the blow, "I have it on good authority that he's going to be thrown into a black hole and left to rot though. My source seems to think his crimes are even bad enough for the government out there to want to make him pay a heavy price."

"Russian prisons are awful for the most part, especially if you can't get favors with the guards. Let's hope he can't buy his way out of that hole, huh? Does Dani know about this?"

"No. I didn't want to be the one to give her that news. What are you going to do?"

I let out a puff of air, "No idea. Maybe I'll just play that situation by ear. She needs to know, but maybe not right now. She'll worry he's going to escape and hurt us again. Can I be on the detail that gets him onto the plane?"

"I'll make some calls, but I can't promise anything. Another thing, Eli."

His tone has changed, like he's trying to be tactful but he doesn't have good news to share with me.

"Tom's been processing the evidence from the building... He says there's a lot of Dani's DNA in that place. He's trying to keep it low key, but he wanted to give me a head's up in case it gets back to anyone else."

"I appreciate the head's up. I wasn't expecting there to be no trace of her in there. I don't need the evidence to prove she's telling the truth though. I know she was there and I know the kind of things that happened within those walls. The evidence will never truly tell of the horrors that those girls have been through. I'll get through filing some reports if you don't need me for anything else."

"No, go ahead. It's good to see you looking better, Ramirez. I thought we were going to lose you for a bit there."

"Nah, you can't get rid of me that easily. Who would keep Scott in check if I wasn't around?"

He chuckles, "Fair point. That guy would drive me crazy if you're no there to buffer his antics."

"Exactly."

I get on with my paperwork and by the end of the day I realize just how much I miss going out with the team. Now I know what drove Cain so crazy. Being benched is no fun, especially when you've learned to live on the high of risky situations. Ash looks uncomfortable giving the team orders with me in the building, so I assure him that I'm cool with it. I'm not stupid enough to think that I can lead my men in the field while I'm back in the precinct. I'm not like Dani; I can't see everything at once and I need to be in the situation to assess everything that is going on around me.

Just before we leave for the evening, one of the officers from the K9 unit show up by Dani's desk. He has his dog with him, which Dani eyes with excitement. The dog actually strains at the leash to get around Dani's desk and to her.

Ash comments, "I'm not sure a police dog taking an interest in you is such a good thing, darlin'."

She looks stunned and shocked at his comment and the handler quickly remarks, "He's not normally like that. I'm sorry, ma'am. He doesn't mean anything by it. He's not showing any signs that you're a threat or anything, honest."

As if that was the ok to do so, Dani pets the dog on the head and he wags his tail at the contact.

I speak my first words, "He likes you, Dani."

She smiles softly, "I like him too. I like dogs. We had one when I was a child, but she got sick."

The handler's interest is peaked, "What kind of dog did you have?"

"A Borzoi. It's a Russian Wolfhound. She was called Katya."

I didn't know Dani had a dog. She's almost like a different person, talking about dogs with this stranger. It shows just how much progress she has made.

"What is his name, sir?"

"Scar. I know, it sounds very fierce, but it's on account of the scars he has under his fur. When he was brought to us as a puppy, he had scaring on his back and sides. No one knows how he got the wounds, but that's how he was named. Not very original, I know, but it suits him."

The dog stares at Dani with such an intensity. Now, I'm not normally one for the dramatic, but it's almost like the two of them are sharing something; past experiences or what, I don't know, but there's definitely a connection going on there.

The handler says something to Scar in another language and he sits. Dani smiles a little and questions, "Dutch?"

The handler looks shocked, "Yes ma'am. You speak Dutch?"

She only nods a little but her eyes don't leave the dog. Instead of speaking to the handler, she talks to Scar in what I'm assuming is Dutch. The dog seems to be listening intently to her voice but he doesn't make any attempt to move or disobey his handler's command.

The handler continues to speak, "He's a Belgian Malinois. We train his particular unit in Dutch."

"He's beautiful."

The Cap appears and says, "Hey Toby. I didn't realize you were here already. How's Scar doing?"

"Good sir, thank you."

I notice the Cap's smile as he looks at Dani and Scar. He lightly questions, "Have you found a friend, Dani?"

She blushes at the attention and whispers, "He's lovely."

"He is. You want to join me in my office, Toby?"

Toby quickly replies, "Yes sir" and then gives Scar another command in Dutch, before smiling at Dani.

"I'm glad he likes you, ma'am. It was nice to meet you."

Dani's gaze briefly flickers to Toby but then she looks back at the dog, "Thank you. You take care out there, Scar."

The Cap sends us all a goodbye before he heads into his office with Toby and Scar. Well, that was... odd. I guess if the Cap wanted us to know what was going on he would have told us. Ash drops Dani and I home but he doesn't stay for dinner because he says he's going to visit his mom.





Over the next week or so Dani allows me to be a bit more affectionate with her. I don't attempt another kiss, but the energy around us has changed somewhat. Her sessions with Sam have been longer and Sam has asked me to leave the room towards the end of each session. I have noidea what they're talking about, obviously, but the change in Dani tells me that something is working.

We have dinner at my parent's house on Sunday, and when we step into work on Monday morning, the Cap asks to see both of us before we can do anything else. I frown, having no idea what is going on. Dani looks nervous, so I reach for her hand and whisper in Russian, "It's ok, baby. He doesn't look angry or anything, so we should be good. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."

She nods with purpose and silently follows me into the Cap's office. He tells us to take a seat and if the slight smile on his lips is anything to go by, the news isn't bad.

He clears his throat and gets straight to it. "The department is retiring Scar out of duty. He's eight and he's served the NYPD well, but they want to give him his retirement. We'd like to offer him to you, if you'd like to re-home him."

Dani gasps, "No way...!"

She must realize she has a slight outburst, because she blushes and then apologizes, "Sorry sir. That was just a shock. What about his handler? Don't they re-home their dogs?"

"Usually, yes, but Toby isn't retiring and he'll have to take on another dog. He won't be able to focus his attention on both dogs and he doesn't think that'll be fair on either of them, especially seeing as Scar has served so well. He believes the dog needs a home that will be able to give him the attention he deserves. Would you consider it?"

Dani almost shouts out, "Yes!"

I chuckle at her outburst and she looks over at me and whispers, "That is if you'd be ok with that, Eli?"

"If it gets a reaction like that out of you, then I'm completely up for it. It's a lot of work though, Dani."

"I know."

I see her face drop a little, like she thinks I'm trying to dissuade her from this. I think the Cap is actually fighting for Dani to have this dog because he says, "You can bring him into work with you. He'll still be classed as a department dog, just retired from active duty. Do you need to think about it? I didn't want to mention it earlier because I wasn't sure if I could get clearance for it. Scar's paperwork has all been completed. There will be a ceremony for him and the other dogs that are retiring and after that he needs to be re-homed."

I eye the Cap carefully and cautiously ask, "So, Toby turning up last week, was that a test?"

"Kind of. He wanted to see who Dani was, if Scar liked her and if he could trust Dani to take care of him. Both the dog and the handler seem to like you, Dani. I don't know how you do it, but you make quite a first impression."

This embarrasses Dani, so I take that as a cue to divert the attention away from her.

"We'll take him. That's what you want, right Dani?"

"Yes. Only if you're ok with it though, Eli. I know it's hard work."

"I like the thought of having a dog around, especially an ex serviceman. I think he'll be a good addition to our family."

Dani looks at me intently, but I don't know what that look means. I can normally read her expressions now, but that's one I've never seen before. I have no idea how to interpret that so I shove it to the back of my mind with a reminder to ask her about it later. The look crosses her features only briefly and then she turns to the Cap and questions, "How soon do we get to have him?"

I smile at the excitement in her voice. There is no disguising that. Even the Cap smiles.

"His ceremony is in a few weeks. You both can attend if you'd like. In fact, Toby would like you to be there. I told him I'd discuss it with you both first. He would like to see Scar in the future though. I told him I'm sure that we could sort something out. Is that ok with you guys?"

Dani nods so I agree to that condition. I'd agree to quite a lot right now, if it keeps that look on Dani's face. She looks like a kid in a candy shop with an infinite amount of money to spend. She looks so beautiful right now and I find myself thinking of ways to distract my mind from where it's heading.

The Cap cuts across my thoughts, "So, I'll let Toby know you'll take Scar. I'm glad you're having him. Honestly? I wasn't sure how you'd take me asking."

Dani quickly says, "I love dogs. I didn't think I'd ever be able to have another one."

"Well, now you will. I think that covers everything. Do you enough work to carry on with, Dani?"

"Yes sir. Thank you sir. I appreciate you allowing us to have Scar. I don't know what else to say..."

He smiles affectionately at Dani, "You're very welcome. It is a pleasure to be able to do something like this for you."

She nods and I see the familiar signs that tears are threatening to overcome her. She still finds it overwhelming when people are nice to her. Although she is definitely better with the exchanges, she's not totally comfortable with these situations. Still, she handles it well, trampling down any tears before she excuses herself.

After Dani leaves the room, the Cap sends me a look. "I take it that you're completely ok with this idea?"

"Truthfully? More than ok. Did you see her face light up just at the mention of it? How could I say no? Besides, it'll be some protection for her if I'm not around."

"That was my real motive, if I'm completely honest with you. After the year you guys have had, I thought you wouldn't want to leave her alone again if you're out on a call."

I sigh, "You're right. I've been thinking about it a lot, especially since the raid. I didn't quite know how to suggest she stay with my parents if I work overnight without worrying her. Now I don't have to do that. Thanks Cap."

"Don't mention it. You want to run through the team's last training session? Simon left the stats on Dani's desk."

"Sure thing. I'll get right on it."

When I get to Dani's desk, I hear her excitedly tell Ash, "We're getting a dog, Ash!"

He chuckles and matches her tone, "You are? That's pretty cool, darlin'. What dog are you getting?"

"You remember that dog from the K9 unit last week, Scar? That's the one."

"No way. You're kidding, right?"

"No sir. Oh, maybe I'm not supposed to tell anyone. Please don't tell the Captain that I told you. I don't want to get into trouble..."

I ease Dani's guilt by saying, "It's ok, Dani. You can tell people. Ash already knows, judging by that look on his face..."

She squeaks out, "Really?"

Ash actually looks a little embarrassed at being caught out, "Yeah, I knew. The Cap asked me if I thought it was a good idea. After seeing you with the dog last week, I knew we'd made a good decision."

Dani does something completely out of character for her and she reaches out to give Ash a hug. It's only very brief, but the sentiment and level of trust in the gesture is not missed.

Dani quickly returns to her chair and embarrassedly diverts the attention away from it by asking, "Eli, can I call your mom to tell her?"

"Of course."

She shoots me a smile, which I find myself easily returning. As she picks up the receiver, Ash and I head over to my desk to go through the training stats.



Ash takes Dani and I to Sam's after work, but he waits in the car. I'm sure he knows Dani doesn't like the thought of people knowing she has these appointments. The first part of the session goes pretty much as usual. Sam asks about Dani's weekend, if there have been any panic attacks, and anything she would like to discuss. They work on Dani trying to control the memories, knowing that she'll never forget them has changed Sam's plan on how to deal with them when they do happen. Sam has given Dani instructions to attempt to morph the memories as they are happening, to try and distract her mind and help bring her out of them or make them less daunting.

Twenty minutes before the end of the session is supposed to end, Sam clears her throat and kindly asks me to leave. I've been expecting this. This has been happening for the last few weeks, so I'm not surprised or offended by it. Whatever they've been doing in these parts of the sessions, it's having a positive effect on Dani so I'm not going to protest.

As I stand, I say, "I'll just be outside if you need me, sweetheart."

I say the same thing every time and it hasn't escaped my notice that she's been needing me less and less to step into the room in these sessions. I have mixed feelings on the matter though. I like that Dani needs me to calm her down or to help her, but I want her to be able to function on her own as well. As I sit in the reception room, I think about how far Dani and I really have come. She is vastly different to when I first met her. I know she's nowhere near what people class as normal, but I understand the reasoning behind that. I know that her mind won't just allow her to forget and get better. I honestly do believe that if she didn't have her photographic memory, then she would be so different with me, with my family and with our friends. Unfortunately, that's a luxury that we don't have so we have to make the best of the situation we are faced with.

I know that Dani is a good person and she doesn't mean to offend or upset anyone, but I also know her fear clouds her mind and her body. I long for the day when she can accept my family as her own and be herself around all of us. She is still so guarded most of the time and it hurts all of us to know she's not comfortable enough to just be herself. Glimpses of the real Dani have peeked through every so often, but I'd like her to feel like she can be like that all of the time.



It's now that I realize how tired and sore I actually am. Dani wanted me to stay at home this morning. She wanted me to rest, but I assured her I was fine. Maybe she was right and I should be resting more. Maybe tomorrow. I close my eyes and just rest until Dani appears again.