Chapter One Hundred Thirty

Eli's P.O.V.

Dani has just fallen asleep, but my mind is buzzing too much to be able to sleep. I can't believe everything that has happened in the last twenty-four hours. I'm staring at Dani's sleeping form; memorizing every line, curve and detail of her.

I love this woman with every fibre of my being. Trying to convey that and not seem weak isn't an easy task. I know the guys would give me a ribbing for thinking or saying such things, but Dani needs to know how much I love her.

I can't believe she said yes. I mean, I believe she loves me and trusts me as much as she can, but I never thought she'd agree so soon. I honestly thought I'd have my work cut out, trying to convince her to say yes. Seeing the progress Dani has made makes me so proud of her. Everything about her is beautiful, including her bravery. I know she doesn't think she's beautiful or brave, but she has to be one of the bravest people I know. She's definitely the most beautiful person I have ever met.

Dani is curled against my side and her left hand is resting on my chest, so I can see the new ring adorning her finger. I have to say, it looks far better than I could have imagined. Maybe that's because of the emotional attachment to the situation. It would seem that Ivankov being out of our lives and this country has sparked a change in Dani. She might not know he's far away from us, but there is definitely something different about her.

Sleep must pull me in at some point because my alarm startles me. I'm sure I only just closed my eyes. The bed feels a little empty, so I open one eye to see where Dani is. She's not next to me so I sit up and look for any sign of her. Scar is sitting at the bathroom door so I know exactly where Dani is. That dog would follow her everywhere if he could.

I whistle to grab Scar's attention and say, "Hier."

Scar trots back over to the bed, but he continues to watch the bathroom door.

I try to coax him onto the bed, "Scar, omhoog."

He does as he's told and jumps up, but he lays on Dani's side of the bed, still watching the door. My Dutch is extremely limited, and I've only got a few command words in my vocabulary, so I continue to speak to him in English.

"You love your momma, huh? I do too. She's so amazing, so strong and unbelievably brave. She probably doesn't believe that, but she is..."

Dani emerges from the bathroom, stopping my one-sided conversation with the dog. She smiles shyly at me as I whisper a good morning to her.

She quickly apologizes, "I'm sorry if I woke you up. I tried to be quiet...."

"You didn't wake me. My alarm did. Actually, I didn't even hear you get up."

"I was trying to be extra quiet."

"You were up early. Did you have a nightmare?"

She looks caught, like she wasn't going to admit that, but she nods sheepishly.

"You didn't wake me."

"No, I know you're tired. It's ok. It wasn't as bad as most."

"You can wake me whenever you need to, Dani. I might be tired, but I'll never be too tired to help you."

She nods, but doesn't make any further comment on it. Instead, she asks,"Are you going in to work?"

"Yeah, I think so. I'm ok, Dani, I promise. Nothing a little sleep won't fix, but I won't be able to sleep while you're at work. I'll just be wondering what's going on there."

"Ok."

I know Dani well enough by now to know there's a lot she thinks but doesn't say. She's definitely better with voicing her thoughts, but sometimes I need to coax them out of her.

"What's wrong, baby?"

She shrugs, "I worry about you. I want you to heal properly."

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm pretty much back to normal now. Maybe a few aches and pains every so often, but I should be cleared for full duty soon.... What? What's that look for?"

Her cheeks flush with color at being caught and she stutters but doesn't really give a proper answer.

I reach for her hand and calmly speak, "Hey, calm down. You know you can talk to me about anything. Just take a deep breath and tell me what's on your mind."

She breathes in deeply and holds it for a few seconds before releasing it. She quietly states, "I don't want you to get hurt."

"How am I going to get hurt?"

"When you go back on full duty. You'll be out there with all the bad people..."

"That's my job, Dani. I'm not going to be careless, but I can't give up my job. I love being a cop. I love leading my team. I can't give that up just because I got hurt."

She covers her face with her hands and I momentarily get sidetracked by the ring that's on her finger. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought I might have dreamed the events from the early hours of this morning. Seeing the ring reminds me that it was, in fact, a reality.

"I know that, Eli. I do. And I don't want you to give up your job. I just don't want you to get hurt again."

"I'll be extra careful, I promise. I would never deliberately put my life in danger. I will make sure that, as a team, we are more aware of our surroundings and that we are more careful in general. I don't want any of us to get hurt again. Those people are out of our lives forever, sweetheart. We don't have to worry about them any more."

I know she's thinking more than she's saying, but she simply nods in response. I'm not going to push it any further right now. We need to get ready to leave and Ash will be here soon.

"I'm going to get ready. Hey?"

She looks up at me and I shoot her a grin, "We're engaged.... That's pretty cool, right?"

She sends me a shy smile and pats my chest softly.

"I think so."

I shoot her a wink, "Me too. I'll be down soon."

She nods and speaks to Scar, "Scar, naar beneden. Wil je een ontbijt?"

His tail wags quicker, so I ask, "What did you just say to him? He seems more excited."

She chuckles, "I asked him if he wanted breakfast."

"Ah, that'll be why. He does love his food."

"I'll start our breakfast too."

"Thanks. I'll be there soon."

When Ash appears at our door, he looks like he needs coffee. Dani must notice this, because she disappears for a minute or two before returning with a travel mug. She hands it to Ash and says, "Black, 2sugars, right?"

He smiles, "Spot on. Thanks darlin'. I always knew you were special."

She looks confused, "For remembering the way you have your coffee?"

"No, well, yes, but also for picking up on the little things. Thank you...Hey, what's that?"

Dani freezes and Ash stops himself just before he reaches to grab her hand. He backs off quickly, like he was just about to pour scalding liquid on Dani, but he continues to speak.

"That wasn't there before, was it? Please tell me it wasn't, because I seriously need to work on my observation skills if it was. I can't have let them slip that much, surely..."

Dani looks embarrassed because the attention is on her, so I try to help her out by simply saying, "Er, it's a ring?"

I say it like he's a complete idiot for not knowing what the item of jewellery is called.

He shoots me a frown, letting me know he catches my sarcasm, but then he nearly exclaims, "Shut the front door! No way did that just happen!"

He smiles at what this means and I can see that he really is happy for us.

He continues, "It's about freakin' time though. This guy has been whipped for the longest time..."

Dani looks confused and I hear her whisper, "What does that mean?"

I smile sadly at Dani. I don't always see it, but sometimes I get glimpses of how much normality she has missed out on. Most times it either doesn't enter my mind or I try not to think about it. When she doesn't understand pretty normal terms or doesn't know what things are, like a rollercoaster, then it hits me a little harder than I like to admit.

I say in Russian, "It basically means I would do anything you ask..."

Ash interrupts, "And he learned Russian... I rest my case..."

Dani chuckles at his terminology and through her giggles, she chokes out, "We're not in court, Ash... You're funny."

He smiles, "I'm glad you think so, darlin'. I'm happy for both of you. Congratulations. Have you told your folks, Eli?"

I shake my head, "You're the first to know."

Ash nods, "That wasn't there yesterday, was it?"

"No, it happened after I got home last night."

"At least my observations aren't as bad as I thought. Let's get to work. You might want to call your parents on the way though. They'll want to know before the team."

Dani pipes up, "And Beth. She should know."

My Dani has definitely made so much progress since I met her, but more so in the last few months. She would never have spoken her opinion like that. She would never have wanted to call anyone and put the spotlight on her.

While we're in the car, I call my pops. As soon as he answers, I say, "Is ma with you...? Put me on speaker please..."

My mom sounds worried when she questions, "Is everything ok, Elijah?"

"Yes ma'am.... Dani said yes...."

My ma squeals with excitement and I have to move the phone away from my ear because of the loud tone. My pops chuckles, "I think your mom is happy about that."

"No kidding. I don't know what gave you that impression... I just wanted to let you guys know before we got in to work and the team found out."

My mom must have calmed her excitement enough to ask, "Is she wearing the ring?"

"Yeah, she is."

"You must come over for dinner tonight. Ash and Arrow too. It's so exciting. Have you made any plans?"

"No, ma, we haven't planned anything yet. It's only been official for a few hours... Don't overwhelm her. Just give her some time to get used to the idea, huh?"

Both of my parents agree and my pops finishes the call by saying, "I'm proud of you son. I know it hasn't been an easy road, but you stuck by Dani. It'll all be worth it in the end."

I swear I can hear unshed tears in his voice. My pops isn't like that, so I brush it off as my imagination.

"I know, pops. It's already more than I could have imagined. I'll see you guys later tonight."

Dani is looking out of the window and stroking Scar's fur when I hang up. She looks deep in thought; like she didn't even hear my side of the conversation.

I whisper, "Hey? Do you want to call Beth now?"

She nods, takes my cell and dials the number.

I can see that she's nervous as she waits for Beth to pick up. They greet each other and exchange small talk for a minute or two. Eventually, Dani tries to get the words out.

"Beth? I have something to tell you.... Eli and I are...."

She's silent for a few seconds and I'm sure she can't actually get the words out. Beth must speak them for her, because Dani's next words are, "You knew? How did you know?"

Oops, I think I might be busted.

I watch a number of emotions cross Dani's features, but I wait patiently for her to end the call and see what's in store for me. The car is quiet for a little bit and when Dani talks next, it's in Russian.

"You asked her?"

"Of course. She's the closest thing to family you have; aside from my family, obviously. I wanted to ask for her blessing. I wanted to do this right. I know I asked your poppa, but I wanted to ask the woman who took care of you as well. Are you mad?"

"Of course I'm not. I can't believe you thought of it."

She starts rambling, "I guess I don't really have much experience in things like this so I don't know what the standard protocol is... I have no idea what any of this is supposed to go like... What am I even supposed to do now...?"

I smile at her but she doesn't see me, or even hear me calling her name. So I do something that I know will snap her out of her trance and I kiss her. At first she's shocked and she takes a sharp breath inwards, but then she relaxes slightly against me. She even responds to me, which leaves me wanting more. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I am reminded that we're in Ash's car, so I break away and rest my forehead against Dani's. I keep my eyes closed for a while, trying to get my mind focused on other things. It's Ash's chuckle that snaps me out of my trance completely. Dani looks completely embarrassed and she drops her head so she doesn't meet Ash's eye in the rear view mirror. I lift Dani's face to look only at me and I place a quick kiss on the tip of her nose.

I whisper, "You don't need to be embarrassed. He's making fun of me, not you. You're amazing, you know that?"

I can see the denial in her eyes, but she doesn't dispute my words. I know she still thinks negatively about herself, but I will change that eventually. I know that's going to take time and work. Both of which I intend to put into this.



Arrow is already at the precinct when we step onto our floor. I knew he was coming in, but I didn't expect to see him so early. Ash jumps on him, as per usual, and I give him a quick fist bump.

He smiles at Dani, "Hey girlie. How's it going?"

"Fine, thank you. How are you?"

"I'm good."

I say, "Before I forget, my folks want you guys to come for dinner tonight. Is that cool with both of you?"

Ash has a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and I know Arrow notices it because he looks between the three of us intently.

He frowns, "What's going on, guys? Is there something I'm missing out on?"

Ash chuckles, "I can't believe the one who prides himself on being the 'Oh Observant One' hasn't noticed.... Even I noticed..."

I send Ash a warning, "Scott..."

He's embarrassing Dani even more, especially when Arrow turns to study Dani carefully.

Dani doesn't know what to do with herself, so she sits at her desk, speaks to Scar in Dutch and begins her work. Arrow is quiet for a few minutes; watching everything intently.

Eventually, he shout-whispers, "No freakin' way! Are you guys pranking me right now?"

I smile, "Nope, no pranking. It's for real."

I can't hide the huge grin that covers my face. Arrow chuckles and nudges Ash with his elbow.

"Dude, LT looks like the cat with the cream. Look at that million watt smile right there. It's like all his birthdays and Christmases have come all at once. Who would have thought, huh?"

They share a few jokes between each other, but no amount of ribbing is going to make me feel any differently. Nothing will take away the high I have just from Dani agreeing to marry me. We haven't set a date or even talked about it, but I don't care if it doesn't happen for a year or two. The fact that she agreed, means she trusts me and loves me.

Arrow steps right in front of Dani's desk and says, "Congrats, girlie."

He looks awkward, like he wants to give her a hug, but he's not sure if he's allowed to do that. I see Dani hesitate and then she gets a look on her face like she's remembering something. A few seconds later, she holds her hand out for Arrow to shake. He looks confused and shocked at the gesture and Dani whispers an explanation.

"Sam told me to try giving handshakes to people I trust more... I'm not good with... touching.... and I can't... hug.... so...?"

Arrow smiles and gently takes Dani's hand. He winks at her and whispers, "Thank you; for trusting me. I'm really happy for you and Eli. You make him happy..."

I'm guessing Dani's starting to feel uncomfortable with his words and also the fact that he's still holding her hand. She pulls her hand away, like it's all got a bit too much for her, but Arrow doesn't comment on it or draw any attention to the fact.

The Cap appears and asks, "Are we having a little party out here?"

Ash and Arrow laugh, which causes the Cap to question what's actually going on.

Ash chuckles, "Eli and Dani have some news."

The Cap's eyes widen, but I'm not sure what he's expecting us to announce because his expression dampens slightly when Arrow tells him what the news is.

Dani looks so embarrassed right now and I try to make this easier on her. Unfortunately, there's not much I can do about it because people will want to congratulate both of us. The Cap calls Dani to his office and I call the team to the briefing room before they can catch on to what's going on.

While we're briefing for the day's work, I say to the team, "Guys, I've got some news. Dani and I got engaged last night..."

They all let out a few whoops and hollers, to which I chuckle before telling them to calm down.

I continue, "Try not to make too big a deal about it in front of Dani, please? She's struggling to deal with the attention and I want to make it as easy as possible for her. Can you do that for me please?"

Cain says, "We'll do it for her. You need a good ribbing, but for Dani we'll keep it on the DL."

Ben chuckles, "You guys kept the seriousness of that under wraps. Congrats, LT."

It takes a few more minutes to get things back on track, but I can't blame them. This is big news for them as well as myself and Dani.

Before we're called out, McGuire turns up and asks to speak to Ash, Arrow and myself. We run through a de-brief from last night's transfer. McGuire informs us that he'll send confirmation when Ivankov has reached Russia, so we know he actually made it there.

He finishes by saying, "Thanks for your help last night, guys. I'm glad you planned for every eventuality. It was supposed to be a dark transfer, so I don't know how they got the plans or location. I will be checking that out. I'm glad you guys managed to contain the situation."

I nod and purse my lips together. I hear Arrow take a breath, like he's going to speak his mind. I pin him with my stare and shake my head ever so slightly. He closes his mouth again, without uttering a word.He knows my rank overrides him right now. I don't want it to look like I don't have my team under control and him speaking out of turn will look like that.

Instead, I address McGuire myself, "I'd appreciate it if you could let me know the outcome of that investigation. I'd like to know who I can and can't trust. I'm glad we could assist. Thankfully none of our guys were hurt."

"That's always a good thing. You have a good team, Ramirez. You've done well with their training. That's a real compliment to your character. I'll be in touch when I have more information."

I shake his hand and thank him before seeing him out.

I am constantly amazed by how varied some of our days are. By lunchtime, my cell rings and Sam's number flashes up. I take the call out in the stairwell so no one can hear my conversation.

"Hey Sam. Is everything ok?"

"Oh, yes. I was just wondering if you have a minute to talk. Is now a good time or should I call back later?"

"I've got a few minutes. What's on your mind?"

She chuckles, "It's usually me asking people that question. It sounds strange to hear it directed back at me. How has Dani been?"

"Ok. Actually, pretty good to be honest. We got engaged last night?"

She sounds shocked when she asks, "She gave you an answer?"

I shouldn't be surprised the two of them have discussed this matter. I hide my feelings on the matter and say, "Yes ma'am, she did."

"That's great news. Congratulations! I'm very happy for both of you."

"Thanks. So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

She's quiet for a few seconds, like she's trying to figure out exactly what she wants to say.

Eventually, she speaks, "I told Dani I would call you today to give you a head's up about some things. She had a serious conversation with me yesterday and she brought up some concerns but she was scared you'd be upset if she brought them to your attention."

"I don't understand, Sam. Dani can talk to me about anything; she knows that..."

"I know she does, but she doesn't want to upset you by telling you these thoughts, because she knows they're not rational thoughts. They're her fears and she knows you've done nothing to make these fears a reality. She doesn't want you to think that she doesn't love you or trust you and she doesn't want to upset you by bringing it up. However, I advised her that she needs to discuss it with you. She doesn't want you to think we talk bad about you in our mini sessions. I assure you it isn't like that. I encourage her to talk about her fears and her feelings. Inevitably, you come into that because you are such a big part of her life. Add to that this whole thing is unchartered territory for her and you can be sure your name will come into the discussion some way."

I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I don't think she'd speak badly about me and I know she loves me and trusts me. Can you tell me what this is about?"

I hear Sam sigh and then she admits, "I'm not supposed to tell you things she's said to me in confidence. Although, she didn't specifically tell me what I can and can't say. She did tell me to let you know she doesn't want to hurt you. She's very worried about that. She believes you're a good person and that you'd never intentionally hurt her."

Hearing that confirmed by someone else makes me smile a little. She's told someone else that; not just me.

"I want to help her, Eli, and I believe you're a big part of that. You're a huge part of her recovery, so I'm going to tell you some of what was discussed, but I need you to promise me you won't tell her I gave you specifics. Can you promise me that?"

"Yes ma'am. Of course I can."

"Ok, thank you. Dani doesn't want to hurt you Eli, you need to know and remember that..."

"I know."

I know Sam is trying to reassure me, but I'm starting to worry about what exactly Dani has been struggling with.

"Dani told me that she freaked out after you kissed her. She feels very torn about everything. She feels like she has betrayed herself because she spent years building up walls to stop people from hurting her and now she feels so vulnerable with you. She's worried because you have at least part of her heart and that is a completely new concept to her. She admits that those people broke her body and spirit, but they never had her heart to break it. You have that now and she's terrified. She has all of these thoughts coursing through her mind and then she feels awful because you've done nothing to make her feel that way. She knows it's her fears but she can't help that right now and she feels like she's punishing you."

She takes a breath and then continues, "In the back of her mind, she's waiting for the next time she's going to be hurt. She doesn't intentionally back away from you or freak out, but her fears go beyond rational thoughts. They go beyond her fears of someone touching her or men in general. She's frightened of herself, how she feels and how vulnerable she is right now."

I take in a sharp breath. Dani hasn't really spoken like this with me and I feel torn between being happy she has someone she can talk to and upset that she feels like she can't discuss this with me.

Sam breaks through my thoughts, "Dani hasn't spoken to you about this because she's scared she's going to hurt you with her words. She's not frightened of you so much as her thoughts and fears in general. She's trying, Eli. She's really trying so hard and she wants you to know that. It kills her when she thinks about being scared of you or not trusting you. Shall I tell you what I told her?"

"Yes ma'am."

"I told her that she can't make herself trust you. Her subconscious isn't going to be easily convinced and she's trying to protect herself, even if she's doing it unintentionally. Dani panicking, freaking out or shutting people out is her body's natural way of defending her. I told her that you wouldn't blame her for that. I told her that you'd probably be hurt initially when she speaks to you, but you would understand in the long run. I know you don't give much away, but I do know that you love Dani very much and you are extremely understanding to her situation."

The line is silent for a little while, like Sam is trying to let her words sink in. She breaks the silence first.

"I don't want Dani to think I've broken her confidence, but I feel like she needs some help with this. Help that you can't give her unless you know what she's thinking. I know she most likely won't speak about this with you without some prompting. I want to see Dani happy; truly happy. I know that you can help with that, but I also know she needs to learn to accept herself and deal with her thoughts and fears. You need to help her with that and to do that, you need a bigger picture of what's going on. This will probably be the only time you get a pass to the information she reveals, so use it wisely."

"Thanks Sam. I appreciate it."

"You're welcome. I am really happy she said yes, Eli. Congratulations."

"Thanks. And thanks for all your help, really."

After we end the call, I sit on the stairs, thinking about what to do with the information Sam just gave me. I need to talk to Dani about it, but I need to do it carefully. She's been doing so well and I don't want to ruin that. I think Ivankov's transfer scared Dani into giving me an answer. I don't think it forced her to say yes, but I do believe it got her to the decision quicker than she would have got to it otherwise. I don't think Dani figured out who we were moving, but I know she's not stupid. She must have known it was someone of significance, otherwise we wouldn't have been in on it; especially with the Feds involved.

Ash appears in the doorway, "Hey, the Cap is calling us in. We've got a call. Everything ok?"

"Yeah, just needed a minute. I'm cool."

Ash chuckles, "That's debatable, but I'll let you think otherwise if it makes you feel better."

"Whatever."

We brief on the way out, and I don't get any time to think about Sam's call again. It's completely pushed to the back of my mind.



When we get to my parent's house later that evening, Maria, John and Fiona are there. Tyler is just arriving as we pull into the drive. I hear Dani take a deep breath and I know she's worried about this. I don't think it's because it's my family or anything like that. It's because she knows there's going to be a lot of attention on her; on us and on our relationship.

I whisper in Russian, "You can do this, baby. You've got this andI'll be right there with you, every step. Ok?"

She nods and runs her fingers through Scar's fur. That dog has been a real confidence boost for Dani. It's like she feeds off of his need to protect her.

I hear Dani take a deep breath and then she mutters, "I don't like this attention...."

"I know, baby, I know. It's just because they love you and they're happy for us. Actually, my ma nearly burst my eardrum this morning with her squeals of excitement."

She smiles a little at that comment so I nudge her forehead softly with my chin. When she looks up at me, I see a mixture of emotions in her eyes. She's worried, but she also looks happier than I've seen her. Sam's words are plaguing my mind and I'm trying to figure out how best to approach the conversation.

"Eli? Are you ok?"

I shoot her a smile, "Yes ma'am. Just thinking. You make me happy, you know that, right?"

Pink flushes over her cheeks and she averts her gaze. She's embarrassed.

"Maybe we should get inside before they come looking for us, huh?"

She nods but before she can get out of the car, I call her name so she turns to face me again. As she does this, I place a quick kiss on her lips and whisper, "I love you."

I think I shock Dani, because she doesn't do or say anything. In fact, it's like she completely forgets what she's doing or how to open a car door. Arrow appears outside the door and he opens it for her. This snaps Dani back into reality and her face flushes an even deeper shade.

Arrow does a fake bow, "Your people await you, m'lady."

Ash and Arrow's sarcasm have rubbed off on Dani, because she responds, "Thank you, kind sir."



They share a little chuckle and Dani holds onto Scar's lead while waiting for me to exit the car. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the onslaught that I know is coming. This engagement is a big thing for us as a family. I know my family never believed I'd settle down and after seeing the struggles Dani has been through, no one would have thought it was possible. So much has changed since Dani started at the precinct three years ago. Our whole lives have been completely turned upside down, but looking back at it, I wouldn't have it any other way.