Chapter Seventeen

It's now Friday morning and this week has been absolutely awful. Cain has been on desk duty, which means he's found any and every excuse to be near my desk. He's asked me for help on basically everything, but there's always an ulterior motive when he's around. He's rude, aggressive and he keeps trying to touch or grab me. I've got a few bruises from him. I know I should tell Eli, but for me that's a lot of trust to put in someone, especially a man. I know I told him about my past, but we act like that didn't happen. We haven't really spoken about it and I don't really want to. The thing is, Cain is on Eli's team; they've known each other for a long time. I'm just the new girl and although Eli seems to like me that might all change when I report one of his brothers. If he doesn't believe me it'll break me all over again. It'll be another betray of trust, so as much as I know reporting it is the right thing to do, I just can't bring myself to say anything.

I'm sitting at my desk, running surveillance on a drug house that the team are supposed to be helping to raid. The Captain asked me to keep monitoring the house through satellite to see what the activity is like before the teams make a move. I'm guessing he wants to know what the busiest time is so they can make more arrests. As I stand up to take some information to the Captain, Cain appears by my desk. I drop the papers I'm holding and start to back off.

He grabs both of my elbows and holds me there forcefully, as he shakes me, saying, “It's all your fault I'm stuck in this office. I should be preparing for that raid, but because of all your lies I am stuck here with you and your stupid team...”

My breathing is ragged and my heart rate is through the roof. I'm about ready to pass out when I feel a slap across my face. I let out a whimper and start begging, “Please, please.... Don't hurt me.... Don't touch me.... Please...”

“I'm talking to you! You think your damsel in distress act is going to work with me?! I'm not a fool like the rest of the guys...”

I'm hyperventilating and I can't control my breathing or my heart. I'm absolutely petrified and there's no one around to stop this situation. I'm not strong enough to get Cain away from me. Eli and the team are on their way out to a fitness session, so there's no one around to help me.

The blackness is just about to overwhelm me, when Cain suddenly lets go of me and I drop to the floor. I scramble under my desk to hide and I work to calm myself down. I'm obviously not thinking rationally because if I was I would have run somewhere safe. Pure terror stops you from thinking clearly. All I can think about is how scared I am and how much I am struggling to breathe.



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(Eli's POV)

I get to the SUV, when I realize the Captain didn't give me the details for the raid. I say to Ash, “Hold up, I have to get the raid package from the Cap.”

“Can't you get it when we return?”

“Could, but it's a good time to get my head round the details while we travel. That way I can give you all the proper information quicker. I'll be a couple minutes, tops.”

I grab the elevator, barely noticing the flirtatious smile that the girl riding the elevator shoots at me. At least I get to check on Dani while I'm up here.

As I round the corner towards the Cap's office I hear Cain say, “I'm talking to you! You think your damsel in distress act is going to work with me?! I'm not a fool like the rest of the guys...”

I frown, not realizing the gravity of the words or the situation until he comes into my line of vision. I see him holding onto Dani by her elbows. She looks absolutely terrified, like she's about to pass out. I see red and I run towards Cain, body tackling him to the floor. I don't have time to worry about Dani because Cain throws a punch my way. There is no way I'm going to let him get away with that, so I throw a few punches myself. That causes a chain reaction, and we are rolling around on the floor hitting each other. I don't know how long this goes on, but eventually I pin him down with his hands behind his back and I slap some cuffs on him. That's the only way I know he won't be able to do anything else. He's cursing and throwing himself around, trying to get loose. As I'm catching my breath, the Cap comes out of his office asking, “What the heck is going on out here?!”

I see confusion on his face as he takes in the scene. I frantically look around for Dani, “Where is she?! Where's Dani?!”

I'm quiet for a few seconds and I can hear her ragged breathing, so I follow the sound until I find her under her desk. I sit down near her and whisper, “Dani? It's me. It's ok, he's not going to hurt you. He can't hurt you now. Hey, hey, sweetheart. You need to calm down.... Baby? Give me your hand...”

I carefully reach for her hand, not knowing how she'll take such an action right now. She pulls it away and starts sobbing. I can see her trembling all over and my heart breaks for her. She's so scared that she doesn't even know it's me. I slide out my gun, forgetting the Cap is there, and push it towards her. She grabs it quickly and points it towards me, but something changes in her eyes. I see a flicker of recognition as she whispers, “Eli?”

“Yes baby, it's me.”

“Can't breathe...”

“Shhhh. You want to give me your hand and I'll calm you down?”

She tentatively reaches out to me, hesitating before she reaches my hand. I close the gap and take her hand before placing it over my heart. I shut my eyes and try to steady my own heart yet again. Her touch just sends my heart racing, but also she chose to give me her hand just now. Yes, it was hesitant, but she still did it. That is something special.

I don't know how long it is before I hear her breathing slow down, but when I open my eyes, Cain is no longer rolling around on the floor. In fact, his not even in the room anymore.

“Dani?”

She doesn't speak. She does something that completely shocks me and she launches herself toward me and wraps her arms around me. I hold her tight as she sobs. I just let her cry it out, knowing her body needs the release.

All of a sudden, she gasps and all but runs away from me. I hear her whispering something in another language; it sounds like she's telling herself off.

I whisper, “Dani? It's ok. It's just me. Shhhh, it's just Eli.”

“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?”

“It's all my fault. I'm sorry.”

“No, it's not your fault. Cain chose to act the way he did. You're not to blame. You hear me?”

She nods, but I don't think she actually believes me.

“Dani? This isn't the first time this happened, is it? He's done this before, hasn't he?”

She nods and I see red all over again. I have to calm down and the best way to do that is to take a walk. I say, “Dani, I have to tell the team to go on without me. I'll be back in a minute; then I'm all yours. Ok?”

She nods again, like she doesn't trust herself to talk.

I stand up and walk into the locker room, when I find the Cap and Cain. Neither of them are saying anything, just glaring at each other. I motion for the Cap to follow me outside and when he does, I say, “Can I tell Ash to take them out without me, Cap? I'll do my own session tonight, but right now I really need to make sure Dani is ok.”

“Yeah, of course. He's not saying anything, well, nothing helpful anyways. I think you should take her home, Eli. You can get her side of it in her own environment. I think she'll be more comfortable with that. I'll hold onto him until you've left and then I'll turn him loose. I'll informally suspend him until we can figure out what's going on. This isn't like him, Eli. Something has happened to him...”

“Yeah, I know. Right now I just want to hurt him; not try to figure out why he did whatever he's done. I'll deal with him tomorrow when I've calmed down a bit. I'll call Ash and then I'll take Dani home. Thanks Cap.”

I call Ash and tell him that something has come up; that he needs to lead the team fitness session. He can hear in my voice that something is wrong, and he questions me about it.

My answer is just, “Not now. I'll explain later.”

After I hang up, I find Dani coming out of the ladies room, looking like she's trying to hold it together.

I say, “Come on, let's get out of here...”

“But I have work...”

“Not today you don't. The Cap told me to take you home. Come on.”

She doesn't argue, thankfully. She just grabs her stuff and heads towards the stairs. I snatch my gun up from the floor and pick up my jacket before following her.

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(END of Eli's POV)



As we walk down the stairs, I am overly aware of Eli's smell. I can't believe I hugged him. I'm furious with myself for letting my guard down, but I'm also battling with the realization that Eli comforts me. Just giving him a hug calmed me down. I can't explain how or why it happens, but it does. So now, as we walk down the stairs, I can smell his aftershave and I find it frightening and comforting at the same time. This guy is breaking through my walls, despite my attempts to keep him out. That alone scares me. I wish my poppa was here; he'd tell me what to do. He'd give me good advice and it would all be ok. I have an internal battle going on between my heart and my head constantly. It's like my heart wants to let everything go and just hold onto Eli, to cling on for dear life; but my head is wary and only wants to protect me, to look out for my survival. I think my head knows that if my trust is betrayed again, then I won't make it a second time. It'll break me so much that there will be no returning from it.

Out of nowhere, like a whisper, something says, “ Svetlyak, let go. Just let go and give him your heart. Trust this young man. He won't do you wrong.”

I gasp and Eli stops. He looks worried as he asks, “Sweetheart, are you ok?”

At first I don't answer, I just stare in front of me, at an unknown point on the wall. Eventually I whisper, “Eli? Do you think the dead can talk to you?”

He looks confused and shocked at the same time. He lets out a deep breath and answers, “Honestly? I don't know. Maybe they can, maybe they can't, but I think there's someone out there watching over us who gives us guidance and advice when we need it the most. It might be the dead, it might be a guardian angel, but I believe there is someone out the who helps us. Why do you ask?”

I bite the bullet and decide to tell him, even at the risk of sounding crazy.

“I think my poppa is talking to me.”

“What makes you think its your poppa? I'm not saying it's not, I'm just wondering why you think it's him instead of someone else?”

“He calls me something, a name only he ever called me. If no one else knew the name, then it has to be him, doesn't it?”

“I'm not going to lie to you, Dani. It might be him, it might not be. What matters is that whoever is talking to you is calling you a name you trust. Has he spoken to you before?”

“Yes sir.”

“When?”

“The night we came home from the hospital...”

He nods in recognition and he asks, “What does he call you? If you don't mind me asking.”

“Svetlyak.” I see the confusion on his face, so I say, “It's Russian for firefly.”

“How did he come up with that name?”

“He used to say I lit up a room whenever I entered it; his little svetlyak.”

“It's a beautiful nickname. It suits you.”

I frown, “I don't really light up any rooms now. He wouldn't call me that if he knew...”

“If he knew what, Dani?”

“Just... everything.”

“You'd still be his little girl, despite everything that has happened. He wouldn't see you any different.”

“You don't know that. You don't know.”

“No, I don't know what happened, but I do know that the love of a father for his children goes further than you can ever imagine. Whatever happens, you're still your father's daughter, and he'd still love you. No matter what.”

We're at my front door, so I open it and let Eli go in first. He puts the kettle on and sets about making herbal tea. “Peppermint or cinnamon?”

“Cinnamon please.”

I sit at the breakfast bar and watch Eli make his way round my kitchen. He looks comfortable there; like he belongs. I jump when he sets my mug in front of me, which he apologizes for. We're silent for a little while, then Eli breaks the silence, “Dani, I'm sorry, but I need to know what happened with Cain.”

I nod, knowing that this would happen. I sigh and resolve myself to it; I have to tell him. So I open my mouth and everything just pours out. From the incident in the stairwell to this morning. He looks angry, but he says nothing. I finish up by saying, “I think he's on drugs, Eli...”

“What makes you say that?”

“He never used to be like this. I know what a drug addict looks like. I was one, for 10 years. I know what it looks like and how they act. He's not himself; something has taken over him.”

He nods and grabs his cell. He says, “Hey Cap. Have you turned Cain loose yet?..... No, I've spoken to Dani. She thinks he's on drugs. Has anyone checked to see if he's still filling his pain medication prescriptions? He was getting them through the department, so it should be relatively easy to trace.... Yeah, she's ok, just a bit shaken up. I'll call you later to check in.”

He hangs up, looks at me and says, “The Cap has let him go, but he's suspended him until further notice. He's going to get Ash to pick up a sample from him though. Does the Cap know what happened to you?”

“No sir. Why? Did he say something? I didn't think anyone could find out....”

“Shhh, calm down. He didn't say anything. He just didn't question your opinion that Cain's on drugs.”

I'm sure I turn a bright shade of red, as I say, “He knows about the drugs... I had to fill in a medical form and disclose some information.”

“Oh, that makes sense. He never let on that he knew.”

“It's supposed to be private information. Only for emergencies.”

“Understandable. How are you doing, really?'

I shrug. Not really sure how to answer that.

He sighs and whispers, “Dani, if you ever need to comforted, like a hug or anything like that you need to let me know. I'm not going to make the first move in case it scares you, but I never know what to do when you're so upset after a nightmare or anything like that. I'll do whatever you need me to, but you have to let me know what it is you need, ok?”

“Yes sir.”

“So, what do you want to do? We've got a whole day to waste.”

“Lunch?”

“Sure thing. What should we make?”

“I can make carbonara if you'd like.”

“Sounds good to me. I can help.”

So, we set about making lunch. He cut up the vegetables and salad as I made the pasta and got all the other ingredients ready. We settled into a little routine, all the while Eli made sure not to get too close to me. For once it was nice to not have to worry that someone was going to try to touch me or come too close. It was nice to not be so on my guard all the time.

Eli decided to stay at my house that night, just to ensure I was ok through the night. I surprised him by asking him if he wanted the spare room. He was shocked and made sure it was what I wanted before taking me up on the offer. The spare room is next to my bedroom, which is why he was so shocked. It all pointed to progress, which we were both thankful for.