Chapter Twenty-five

I can't believe I'm actually doing this again. Every time I think I start to trust Eli, something throws a wrench in the works. Maybe that's a sign; maybe I'm not supposed to trust this man. But he's been so good to me and my poppa told me trust him. My poppa wouldn't tell me that if it wasn't true, would he? Why does life have to be so confusing? I don't understand people.

I stare at Eli and I notice again just how handsome he really is. That thought scares me, but it also intrigues me. I haven't found anyone handsome since I got out of that awful place. I haven't had any feelings for anyone accept fear and contempt for everyone I encounter. Eli has changed that. Even if it's only a small spark of something, it's still a change. I don't think he knows how much he's changed me, I just can't actually verbalize those kind of things. Romance and intimacy frighten me and embarrass me. I find the thought of it repulsive; enough to turn my stomach inside out. I feel the bile rise in my throat and I struggle to swallow it back down. I can't be sick now.

I take a deep breath to try to calm myself down. That causes my thoughts to wander again and I see that guy's face flash before my eyes. I can't believe I saw him. What if he tells them that I'm still alive? They'll come looking for me! They'll take me back! I can't go back; I'd rather die than go back there...

My thoughts are frantic and Eli must have sensed that, because his eyes fly open and he looks around like we're under attack. “What? What's wrong, Dani?”

I'm panicking so much that I just blurt out, “They're going to find me! They'll find me and take me back! I can't go back, please Eli.... I can't go back...”

“Shh, sweetheart. It's going to be ok. I'm not going to let them find you or take you. It's going to be ok. I'll spend every moment at your side if that's the only thing that will make you feel safe...”

“You don't know them; they'll kill you...”

“Babe, I've dealt with all sorts of people in this life. I'm not about to let the Russian Mob scare me. I'm not going to be stupid and do foolish things, but I'm not going to let them frighten me either. Just have a little faith in me. It's going to be ok.”

I whimper and I hate myself for being so weak and helpless but I can't seem to function when these thoughts course through my mind. Fear and panic take over and they render me dysfunctional. You can't imagine how utterly frustrating that is for me. I have a photographic memory and an above average IQ and I'm unable to function physically or mentally when I get into this mindset. There's no stopping it, either. No matter how hard I try, I cannot stop the thoughts and memories.

I whisper, “You promise?”

I know he can't really promise such a thing, but I just want to hear him say it. To give me some form of hope to cling to; to know that he'll do everything in his power to make it all ok.

“I promise. I will do everything I can to keep you safe. Even if it means camping out at your house and getting a team to watch your building. I will do whatever it takes, I promise.”

“Thank you... They're horrible people, Eli...”

“I know and I'll be careful. Should we head back now?”

“Yes sir.”

As we pull back into the flow of traffic, I can't help but worry about what the future holds. It's as if Eli reads my mind because he looks at me briefly and says, “It's going to be ok, sweetheart. I won't let anything happen to you. It's going to be alright.”

I nod slightly, not knowing how to respond to that. For the rest of the journey I sit silently, staring out of the window.

When we get back to my house, I notice the flashing light on the answering machine. I frown as I stare at it. The only person who leaves messages is Eli and I've been with him all day, so I know it's not him. My number isn't listed, so I don't get calls. Mainly out of curiosity I press the play button and I hear the Cap's gruff voice filter through. “Dani, it's me, Captain Michaels.” He sighs and then continues, “Look Dani, we need to talk. I know you're probably angry with me, but you have to realize what it's like from my perspective. We need to talk about this. Your job is still open if you want it, but the condition to that is that you give me some answers. I can't have another Cain incident, especially seeing as you have a history in that department. I'd like you to come in on Monday morning to talk. Even if you don't want the job, I'd like to clear some stuff up. Just get in before the teams do. Hopefully I'll see you on Monday.”

The line goes dead and Eli is just staring at me. I whisper, “What?”

“Do you know how out of the ordinary that is? The Cap has never done anything like that before. You know what that means?”

“No idea, sir.”

“He can't function without you. He needs you back at work. This puts you in a good position.”

I fail to understand how that works, so I question, “How so, sir?”

“Well, you can tell him pretty much anything you want and as long as it gives him some form of an explanation, he's going to believe it.”

I frown, “No, I don't think so. He'll see right through me. I can't lie; I'll be too scared.”

“So let me tell him for you. You just tell me what you want him to know and I'll talk to him. Once that is out of the way, then you can go in and talk to him.”

“You won't leave me on my own with him, will you?”

“Not if you don't want me to I won't. Plus, if you take your job back, then it'll be much easier to make sure you're safe. What do you say?”

I nod, but it's sort of a noncommittal nod. I want to be safe, of course I do, but this whole situation has made me very embarrassed and very uncomfortable. When Eli questions me about it, I try to verbalize what I'm thinking.

“Everyone is going to think I ran away just because of a stupid question.”

“No they won't. At the moment, the teams think you're on holiday. It's only Ash and I that know what happened. Besides, all of us have demons that we'd rather not let out. The guys have all seen and done things that we don't want to remember. To be honest, we understand that concept more than you know. Let's just talk to the Cap and see where it goes from there, ok?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good. Let's make some lunch. I bet you're starving, I know I am.”

We ate in silence for a little while and then Eli said, “Dani, we need to talk. Seriously.”

I put my fork down, and picked at my fingernails.

“If I'm going to keep you safe, I need to know a few things. I know you're not going to be comfortable talking about them, but I need to keep you safe. Just keep that at the front of your mind. Ok?”

I nod slightly and I hear him take a deep breath. He almost sounds nervous. I may have chuckled at the thought if I weren't so scared. Eli never seems to be nervous about anything. He's always so strong and so calm. He doesn't ever seem to panic or worry about anything. Eli's voice cuts through my thoughts.

“Dani, if we're ever in the situation we were in today, you must tell me immediately, ok? If I'd have known, I wouldn't even given the guy 2 seconds of my time. I'd have got you out of there straight away. You have to promise me you'll tell me right away.”

“I promise.”

“Thank you.... Did you ever hear the name of the person in charge?”

I shook my head, maybe more violently than I intended to. I really didn't want another trip down memory lane.

“I know it's hard baby, but I need you focus. I need you to try.”

“I don't know, Eli.”

“Shh, just close your eyes and think for a few seconds. Just try to remember any names you heard. Even when they thought you weren't listening...”

I take a deep breath and decide to try, just for Eli. As I try to filter through the thoughts in my head, I battle with the mental images. I can't take the pictures, so my eyes fly open and I fight back tears.

Eli looks at me, like he's trying to monitor my reactions. I whisper, “I heard Misha, but I don't know who that is.”

“That's good, baby. It's a start.... Do you know the name of the guy we saw today?”

I choke back a gasp. I don't know why I'm so surprised, I should have known he'd ask me about it at some point.

I mumble, “Viktor.”

“Good girl.”

I get lost in my thoughts again. I don't know why it's bothered me so much. It's not like he was one of the particularly horrible ones. I shouldn't be reacting like this.... I'm safe; I got out. They can't get me here...

I don't realize I was talking out loud until Eli says, “You're scared, baby. It's only natural. Seeing him sparked a memory, something you'd rather forget. You've suffered a great trauma and that's not going to just vanish over night. Even though you're safe now, it doesn't erase all the years of trauma you had. And what do you mean he wasn't a particularly horrible one?”

I look trapped. I'd just shot myself in the foot so to speak. I'd let the cat out of the bag and now the real questions would start. This is when Eli will want to know the real stuff and I'm not ready to give him that information.

“Dani, what do you mean? What else happened in there?”

“Nothing. It's nothing. Some people just weren't as nice as others.”

He eyes me suspiciously and I can see that he wants to press further. Instead he asks, “So this Viktor guy isn't part of the group who held you? He was only a...”

I butt in, “Client. You can say it. It's not going to make me feel any worse about myself. I appreciate that you're trying to be diplomatic, but let's be honest, you can't really be diplomatic about something like this.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's not your fault... He was just a client. Chances are he still goes there though. He was a regular.”

“We can pick him up on solicitation.”

I scoff, “Good luck with that. These guys are ghosts. You'll never find them.”

“I will. I'm going to find them and make them pay for every single thing they did to you.”

I smile slightly, touched that he wants to do such a thing for me. Who am I to dash his hopes about finding them? I sigh and say, “Just save the girls.”

“Of course I'll do that first. Then I'll make them pay.”