Chapter Twenty-six

This weekend wasn't very restful for myself or Eli. Seeing that guy, I can't even bring myself to say his name, but seeing him shook me more than I realized. I thought I was handling it relatively well, until I went to sleep. That seems to be when all of the problems hit me the most. I'm also worried about meeting with the Captain this morning. I'm nervous about seeing all of the guys, especially if or when I have to tell them I'm not going back. I don't want to explain and I don't want to see the disappointment on their faces.

Eli's voice snaps me back to reality, “You need to eat something, sweetheart. I know you're nervous, but you still have to eat something. It's going to be fine. Just trust me. I've got it all figured out.”

I mumble, “I'm glad one of us does...”

He chuckles, so I know he heard me. “I told you, I'm going to take care of you. It'll all work out, just wait and see.”

Instead of answering, I bite on a piece of toast. I feel a little nostalgic, so I say, “Eli?”

“Yes baby?”

“Can we have pancakes tomorrow morning?”

“Sure, why not? Like your mom used to make?”

I nod, “You remembered?”

“Of course. I wouldn't forget a detail like that. Can I ask my question?”

“Yes sir.”

“Do you know where your parents are buried?”

I was taken aback somewhat. I wasn't expecting a question like that. I thought he would just want to find out my history in the... brothel. I shudder at the name and remember I haven't answered Eli's question.

“No sir. I was in the hospital when they were buried. I don't even know if they had a service.”

“Didn't you try to find out?”

“Not really. I was so focused on getting clean and avoiding life that I just didn't do it.”

He sits in silence for a few seconds and then he says, “You ready to go?”

“As ready as I'll ever be. Do I need a jacket?”

He looks at me like I've grown another head as he says, “No ma'am. It's going to be like 92 degrees today. I think you can do without the jacket. You could do without the sleeves too most likely.”

I wince, I don't think I voluntarily do it either, but he notices it.

“What? What was that look for?”

“Nothing.”

“No, that wasn't a nothing look. That look meant something. What did it mean?”

I sigh, “I just don't like wearing no sleeves, that's all.”

He lets it slide for now, but I know that it's been stored under his 'things to ask later' tab.

It feels weird heading back to the precinct. Nothing has changed but somehow I feel like everything has changed. Ash meets us at the stairwell and he throws a soft smile my way. “It's good to see you girlie. How you doing?”

“Ok. You?”

“Better now I've seen you. You nervous?”

“Very.”

Eli's head snaps my way. I would never have offered that information before and he is proud of me. He does wonder where the change has come from though.

Ash smiles wider at me and says, “Don't be nervous. The Captain isn't that bad, trust me. I've done way worse than you ever could and I'm still here...”

Eli pipes in, “That's because I'm always saving your butt, Ashton.”

Ash chuckles, “That's probably true, Elijah. I know you can't live without my charm and humor...”

“Yeah right, keep telling yourself that. Actually, I can't live with your momma ragging on me because you lost your job.”

“Ain't that the truth. I love that woman, but lord she scares me as well. You remember the time she caught us smoking? I actually thought she was going to kill me...”

The 2 guys laugh and Eli says, “Correction, she caught you smoking. Momma K made him smoke a whole pack of cigarettes one after the other... The look on your face was priceless.”

Ash grimaces and shoots a look my way, “Safe to say I've never touched another cigarette in my life. I actually thought I was going to die. I didn't even know you could function without oxygen in your lungs for so long.”

I must have looked shocked because Eli said, “She knew what she was doing. A little bit of reverse psychology I think.”

I didn't know what to say, so I just whispered, “Wow.”

“My momma is something else. She's a good lady, but she can still put me in line. I'm not ashamed to admit that.”

We were now at our floor and I was physically shaking. Ash shot me a sympathetic smile as he said, “It's gonna be fine, Dani.”

He reaches out to touch my elbow, but before I can react, freak out or even step back, Eli steps in front of me, blocking Ash's path. He shoots Ash a quick look and shakes his head slightly before he turns to me and says, “Shall we?”

I briefly wonder what the look means before I nod and Ash winks, “Good luck girlie.”

“Thank you, sir.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



(Eli's POV)

I can feel the nervous energy radiating from Dani. We haven't even stepped into the Cap's office and I think she's on the brink of passing out. I reach for her hand and gently touch her fingers before she pulls her hand back. “Just let me handle the Cap, ok?”

“Yes sir.”

I knock and wait for the Cap to call us in. When we enter he looks tired and stressed.

“Hey Cap. Everything ok?”

“Hey Eli, Dani. It's been manic here. I've been in since 4am and I feel like I've worked a whole day already.”

I hear Dani mutter, “I know that feeling.”

She quickly puts her hand over her mouth and I assume she didn't mean to say that out loud. I send her a reassuring smile and then I look at the Cap again.

“So.... what's happening, sir?”

“Well, I'd really like to speak to Dani, Eli.”

“She wants me to stay.”

“Do you, Dani?”

She nods slightly.

“I can order him to leave if you feel pressured into having Eli here.”

“No sir. He stays.”

“Ok. So, I called you here to see if we can muddle through this whole situation. It seems to have got a bit out of hand and I don't want it to stay so open ended. We need to clear a few things up.”

I hear Dani hold her breath and I wait for the questions to start.

“I did a little digging into your background, but I can't really find anything. I find that unusual so I'd like you to tell me if the information I have is correct. Can you do that?”

Dani nods again and I can see the panic in her eyes, even though she's trying not to show it. I think she's trying to be strong so the Cap has no reason to think she can't handle this job.

“Right, good. Your file says you came over here when you were 10 years old, is that correct?”

“Yes sir.”

“With your parents, right?”

“Yes sir.”

“And your parents died when you were young, correct?”

She chokes a little, “Yes sir.”

“I'm sorry, Dani. That's an awful thing to have to deal with.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“It says here that you were in the care of Mr & Mrs Voli...kov, correct?”

He must have pronounced the surname wrong, because Dani says, “It's Volikov, sir. And I was in foster care first, sir.”

That's good, she's giving him easy truths, just like I told her.

“Oh. I must have missed that section. Sorry.”

“Don't be, it's not a nice place to be, sir.”

“No, I can appreciate that. We have everything up until you were 15. After that, there's nothing until 3 years ago. Would you like to shed some light on those missing years?”

Dani freezes and I don't actually know if she can do this. We've discussed what she should say and I have no doubt that she will remember it. I just don't know if she'll be strong enough to say it.

I can hear her taking deep breaths and she's counting under her breath. I decide to intervene and let her try to calm herself down a bit.

“Would you like me to tell you, Cap?”

The Cap raises his eyebrows, “Now you're ok with telling me, Eli?”

I shrug and say, “I've discussed it with Dani and it's quite an emotional time for her to relive, so I said I'd fill in what she can't say.”

“Dani?”

She's concentrating too much on her breathing and I don't think she hears him. I can see the Cap edging towards her, so I say, “Cap, let me just talk to her a second.”

I kneel in front of Dani praying that she won't freak out in front of the Cap. I whisper, “Dani, you hear me sweetheart? You need to calm down. You've got to be strong, just for a little bit longer. Please, just hold on a little longer.”

She reaches for my hand, and I'm touched by the gesture. She really must be scared if she's touching me. I hear the breath catch in the back of her throat as her fingers find mine, but she doesn't shrink back. I squeeze her hand in reassurance and I sit on my chair again.

“Eli?”

“Sorry Cap, just give her a minute. I'll talk and she can add information when she's ready... Basically, Dani found herself in with a bad crowd. Her classes were too easy, there was no challenge for her and as a result of that she got into drugs. She ran away from the Volikov's and ended up on the street. She was a drug addict, living it rough and had no one to call for help.”

The Cap looks shocked, but then he asks, “This is why Paul is so worried?”

I shrug and say, “I can't presume to know what he's thinking, but as you can imagine, living that kind of life does not cause trust to be built so easily. Dani doesn't trust people and maybe that's what Paul is so worried about.”

I hear Dani sigh, like a weight has just been lifted from her back.

“I can understand that. Although, in this job being naturally suspicious is a good thing.”

“We know that, but Paul isn't a cop.”

“So, Dani, what did you do for all those years?”

She doesn't look up, but she whispers, “Slummed it. Mostly stayed in a drug den.”

That isn't too far from the truth. I'm sure that place was a stinking drug pit.

“That's awful. I can see why you wouldn't want to talk about it. But it doesn't really explain your reaction...”

She freezes and I think I feel my heart skip a beat. For a few seconds I actually think the Cap sees right through our little plan, but my Dani is a little star. She looks up at the Cap and she gruffly whispers, “There are things that happened that I'd really rather not remember, sir. Unfortunately, I have been cursed with a photographic memory and I can't not see them. I can, however, not talk about them. And that's what I choose to do. They are my memories, no matter how awful they are, they are still mine. If or when I choose to share them, it should be on my terms, not because someone forced me to reveal them.”

We're both taken aback, probably for completely different reasons. I can honestly say this is the first time I've actually wanted to push all of Dani's boundaries aside and scoop her up in my arms and kiss her. I know I can't do that, and usually I put those kind of thoughts to the back of my mind, but right now she has never been more beautiful. She truly is an amazing person.

The Cap takes some time to process what Dani has just said and probably to recover from the shock. So I shoot Dani a quick glance and smile at her. She looks confused and frightened, but I don't know why and I can't ask her right now.

The Cap breaks my thoughts by saying, “Well, I wasn't expecting that response from you, Dani. To be honest, I'm kind of glad you stood up for yourself. It proves to me that you're not just a push over. You seem like a strong girl, Danica. Maybe Paul is wrong about you; I certainly hope so. I've missed you being here and the job is still your's if you want it... I do have some conditions attached though.”

Dani looks shocked but says, “Yes sir?”

“Well, I want you to assure me that if there's ever any problems you will come and speak to me about it. It doesn't matter if it's the teams, the work or any personal problems, I want you to come and talk to me before it becomes an issue; before it overwhelms you. Can you promise me that?”

She hesitates, looks at me and then says, “Yes sir.”

“Good. The next one is that you promise me you'll stay away from drugs...”

“I'm trying my hardest, sir.”

“Is it hard?”

“Honestly?”

“Yes.”

“Yes sir. Every clean day is an achievement and I don't intend to ruin that now.”

“Good girl. The last condition is, if I feel that things are getting too much for you and you need some sessions with Paul, then you will go. No questions asked.”

I don't know about Dani, but even I'm shocked by this condition. I know the Cap has the power to send any of the team members to the shrink, but doesn't this go a bit far?

Dani lets out a deep breath and I see a sadness in her eyes. “Sir, with all due respect, I can't do that. You're asking me to open up things that I've tried so hard to bury. I'm not normal; I'm not like other people. I don't forget things and by asking me to agree to that, you're basically telling me to undo all the work I've done by putting things behind me. You're asking me to open that little box in my head and to release all the memories. How is that fair? Would you ask Eli or Ash to open that box? I know all of you cops have that 'do not open' box in your brain for all the awful things you've seen and done. Would you want someone to make you delve into it?”

I'm stunned. Where has this Dani come from? This is not my Dani. Don't get me wrong, I'm so not complaining about the change. I'm just shocked that she's talking like this.

The Cap shakes his head and says, “I thought you were going to just jump on my offer and come back. It seems that I'm more desperate to have you back than you are to be back.”

“I want the job, sir. Really I do. The price you're asking is just too high, I'm afraid. I'm sorry.”

“Ok, so how about we make a compromise? If I say we'll discuss the Paul situation if it ever arises, will that work for you?”

She's silent, tossing it up. I can see the thoughts running through her mind. She has no intention of ever letting the 'Paul situation' arise. After a few seconds, Dani says, “Ok. That, I'll agree to.”

“Good stuff. I'm glad you're back. When do you want to start?”

“Now?”

“That works for me. Do you need anything?”

“No sir. Do you want coffee?”

And just like that, it seems like everything is back to normal. Well, back to the way they were before all of this mess. As Dani leaves the room to get the Cap's coffee, I stand to leave the room as well.

As I start to walk, the Cap says, “Eli?”

“Yes sir?”

“Whatever you're doing with Dani, it's working. She's more confident. It looks good on her. Keep it up.”

I'm stunned, but I shouldn't be. He was good cop before he became our Captain, so I shouldn't be surprised he has noticed the change in Dani.

“I'm not sure if you were both telling me the total truth, but I have to trust that you both have it under control. Just don't let me down, Eli. If there's a problem, I need to know about it before it becomes a problem. You got it?”

“Yes sir. What's on the agenda for today?”

“Routine security for a Russian diplomat, and a security check at Yankee Stadium. Bravo Team have a training session this morning. I don't know if you want to run point on that. Carlos doesn't seem to be getting the same results as you. I told him you'd look in on his sessions at some point this week.”

“Yes sir. I'll check in with him later. Do I have the Russian diplomat?”

“Yes and the Stadium. Carlos has a raid this afternoon, that's why they're on training this morning.”

“Ok. I'll check in with Carlos now then.”

There's a knock on the door and Dani appears with 2 coffees. She puts one on the Cap's table and then places one near me, on the desk.

“For you, sir. Thought you might need it.”

I smile at her and try to convey how proud I am of her as I whisper, “Thanks sweetheart. I'll be out to check in with you soon.”

She nods and is gone again.

The Cap is silent for a few seconds and then he chuckles.

“What's funny?”

“You. You're in way deeper than you think, boy. You're like a son to me, Eli, so I'll give you some advice. If she makes you happy, go for it.”

“I don't know what you're talking about Cap.”

He chuckles again, “You will, son. You will.”