Important Author's Note at the end.



Chapter Forty-Two

I'm suddenly woken up by someone tossing and turning beside me. My brain is a little foggy and it takes me a few seconds to process what's going on. I don't know how long I've been asleep, but it doesn't feel long enough. I remember laying on the bed with Dani and tucking her into my side. I take a glance to my side and check to see if she's still asleep. Thankfully, she is. I don't want her to wake up in my arms and freak out, especially if I am not awake.

Dani's sobbing and she's very distressed. My heart aches at the sight and there's nothing I can do to make it better. I hate putting her through this but there was no other way. She wouldn't have rested if my dad didn't sedate her and then she would have been in the hospital. I hold her hand and trace circles on the back of her hand with the pad of my thumb. Her sobs subside a little and turn into whimpers. I'm just ready to drift back to sleep when my cell starts to vibrate in my pocket. I groan as I reach for it and answer before even checking to see who it is.

“Ramirez...”

I hear my dad's voice say, “Hey son, I'm just checking in. How is everything?”

I groan and ask, “What's the time?”

“4pm.”

“Seriously? It's Saturday, right?”

“Yes, it's Saturday. What's happening? How's everything going?”

“She's still asleep.”

“I expected that. How's she been?”

“Honestly? The nightmares have been intense. I have no idea how she's going to be when she wakes up...”

“She'll probably be too groggy to be freaked out at first. Once she comes out of the sedation better, then she'll probably freak out. Do you want me to come over? I can make sure she's doing ok and give her something to take the edge off when she wakes up.”

“No sir, it's ok at the moment. I can handle this. I may need that offer later on though. I'll have to see how everything goes.”

“Sure thing. Just give me a call when you need me. How are you doing?”

“I'm tired. Just tired of all this stuff. I want it to be over. I want Dani to be ok. I so desperately want her to have a good life, a life that she deserves. Only I don't see that happening any time soon.”

“It'll get better son. It has to. If Dani will agree to a drug regime, then I'm sure we can address some of these issues.”

“Will that be for the rest of her life?”

“I don't know, Eli. I honestly can't give you an answer on that one. We'll just play it by ear and see what happens. Get some sleep and I'll speak to you later.”

We say our goodbyes and I hang up. I try to close my eyes again, but my phone vibrates as soon as I do.

“Hey Ash.”

“Hey. How you guys doing?”

“She's still asleep.”

“Geez. Can pops give me some of that stuff? It sounds awesome.”

Trust Ash to want something to make him sleep for 24 hours. I smile a little and say, “I highly doubt that, Ash. I'm sure Dani is a special case.”

“In more ways than one, huh? How you holding up?”

“I don't even know, man.”

“Have you eaten?”

“I've just woken up.”

“Good. Open the door.”

“Huh?”

“I'm waiting at the front door. Open up.”

“Scott...”

“Are we seriously going to do this on the phone while I'm standing right outside?”

I can just see his left eyebrow raised in disbelief. He's right though, there's no point discussing this over the phone. I extract myself from Dani's tangled limbs and I'm almost sure I hear her whimper as I untangle our limbs. I guess I'm hearing things though, because there's no way she'd be missing me like that. I make sure to tuck the covers around her body and then I head for the front door. I leave Dani's bedroom door open slightly, so I can still hear if she needs me.

I open the door and see Ash standing there with a couple bags of food. I have to admit, it smells great. It actually smells like my momma's cooking. Ash smirks at me and says, “Yes, your momma asked me to bring this by.”

I stare at him closely and ask, “How did you know...?”

He chuckles, “Dude, I've known you forever. I think I can read your mind at least a little bit. Can I come in then?”

I hesitate, knowing Dani wouldn't be ok with this. But I don't think she'd want me to be alone. It's not like she's going to wake up any time soon, so I decide to risk it and open the door wider so Ash can enter. He places the bags on the breakfast bar as I get plates and cutlery out. “What drink do you want?”

“You got any beer?”

“No. No alcohol allowed in Dani's house.”

“She's Russian...”

“So?”

“Don't they like drink Vodka for breakfast or something?”

“Not Dani. She's different.”

“Obviously.”

“Scott. I'm warning you. I let you in here even though I know Dani wouldn't be comfortable with it. Please don't make me regret that decision even more.”

“Sorry. That was unnecessary and I apologize. So.... How you doing?”

“I'm worried about Dani to be honest. I'm more concerned about her than myself.”

“What actually happened to her, Eli?”

I shoot him a pointed look and say, “You really think I'm going to answer that?”

“I don't know. I think I have an idea. I mean, from the way she acts I can see that she was mistreated. I'm guessing it was an abusive relationship, seeing as she doesn't trust men and she's frightened of us. She acts like she's taken a beating or 2 before.”

He's a good cop. I always knew he was good, but he doesn't realize how close he is to the mark right now. I'm sure I just stare at him in disbelief because he just nods and starts dishing his food.

“At least I know what we're dealing with now.”

“You can't say anything. You can't even let on that you know a thing. She'll be so upset if she thinks I've told you. I don't want to betray her trust.”

“I won't say anything. I've had an idea for a while now, but seeing the video pretty much confirmed my suspicions. You're a good man, Eli.”

“No I'm not.”

“Er, yes, you are. You know her background; you know that she doesn't trust you, yet you're trying to help her anyway. You know there's no relationship there, at least there won't be for a long time, yet you've still stuck around. Most men wouldn't deal with that. I don't think I could do what you've done.”

“Yes you could. For the right girl you would.”

“You love her, don't you?”

I can't stop the splatter of pink that tinges my cheeks and I nod ever so slightly. Ash chuckles and says, “Well, who would have thought, huh? I guess love really does appear in the strangest of places...”

I don't make any further comment on the topic, hoping Ash will take the hint and drop it. As I dish my food, my stomach lets me know just how hungry I am. I don't even know what time my last meal was, probably yesterday morning but I can't be sure because my days are all messed up right now. I just lift a fork full of rice to my lips when Dani lets out a blood curdling scream. I see Ash jump a foot in the air, and he instinctively reaches for the gun that's holstered at his side. I literally drop my fork from mouth height and whisper, “Sorry. I got this. Carry on eating.”

I jog to Dani's room, frowning because she shouldn't be awake yet. I enter her room, expecting to see her sitting up or awake, but she's not. She's in the middle of the bed, thrashing around, crying and screaming. It's like she's trying to fight someone off of her. It's a terrifying sight to see, especially when I know there's nothing I can do to help. I stand at the edge of the bed and softly sing, hoping her subconscious will hear and recognize she's in a familiar place. It's not working so I carefully slide myself onto the bed. I reach for her hand to see if that calms her down. I should have known that was a bad move; I should remember that touch isn't at the top of Dani's favorite things list, but the need to calm her down and help her clouds my vision. As soon as my hand connects with Dani's her arms fly everywhere, a bit like propellers on a helicopter, and then she retracts like I've thrown boiling water all over her.

I jump off the bed quickly and mumble, “Geez Ramirez, that was not one of your smartest moves...”

In a last ditch attempt to help Dani, I quietly say, “Dani? Baby, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can I need you to calm down. You're ok, baby. You're at home; you're asleep, but you're ok. Please baby, just listen to my voice. You're fine, sweetheart. Please just try to calm down. I promise nothing is going to happen to you. Just trust me a little bit. Just keep listening to my voice...”

I start to sing 'Gravity' and she thrashes around a bit more, letting out a few sobs and a couple more distraught shouts before she whimpers and seems to still. I don't know if it was my speaking/singing or if it's just a coincidence that the nightmare ended, but I'll just be thankful that one is done with. I wait a little longer, just to make sure she's ok before I exit her room and head back to the kitchen.

Ash doesn't say anything as I sit down. I feel his eyes on me though and I know he's trying to figure out what to say. I rub my hands over my face before picking up my fork again. Suddenly, I don't feel so hungry anymore, but I know I have to eat. I take a few mouthfuls of food before Ash sighs and asks, “What the heck was that, Eli?”

“Sedation.”

A cop out, I know, but I don't want to go into details.

“Like heck it is just the sedation. I'm sure it exaggerates the situation, but it's not going to cause that all by itself. Is she like that all the time?”

“No.”

“Just a lot of the time?”

“Ash, don't. Just leave it alone.”

“Are you for real right now? You're just going to sit there and dodge every question I have? Do you realize how withdrawn you are now? Do you know how worried I am about you? How worried I am about her? Do you even know how worried your parents are? We're trying to help you. Are you really going to just turn down our help?”

I sigh and frown. I know they're just trying to help. I know it's only because they care, but don't they understand how difficult this is for me? Just like that, I feel like I have a bit of an insight into how Dani must feel. If I'm finding it this hard to share the problem with people I know, love and trust, then how much harder must it be for her? She hasn't known me for that long and she's got even deeper and darker secrets in her past that I keep pressing her to share with me.

I sigh again and say, “It's not that I'm turning down your help and I really don't mean to worry you all. You just have to realize that it's Dani's story to tell, not mine. She specifically asked me not to tell anyone. I can't just go back on that and betray the little bit of trust she's put in me.”

“I understand that, Eli, I really do. But you need to let something out. It's sitting on your shoulders too much and I can see you're going to snap from the weight of it. You need to vent or something, otherwise you'll explode at the wrong time, just like before...”

I narrow my eyes. We swore we'd never mention that again. That's a very touchy subject with me.

“I know we said we wouldn't talk about it, but if I was heading in that direction, you'd tell me. You really want to explode anywhere near Dani? Isn't that why you were at the range last night? You should know you can talk to me about anything and it will stay just between us...”

“I have no problem with talking to you about anything, but Dani does. She doesn't want anyone to know and I have to respect that, no matter how much I want to share it with you. Will you just trust me when I say it's not something you want to know. Once you know, you can't go back and undo it. It's bad, Ash, just leave it at that. And if you're worried I'm going to go out and start fights again, then don't. I'm not going to do that ever again. I learned from the last time and I know the Cap won't cover my tail another time. If I feel like I'm losing it, then I'll let you know and we can do some combat training or something. Ok?”

He reluctantly nods, probably not happy with the outcome but he should know I'm not going to let him beat me at this game of interrogation.

“How bad, Eli?”

I shoot him a side glance and then look at my plate before saying, “Real bad. Stuff we probably can't even imagine. I don't know the details, but I know enough to want to spare her and you guys. You don't want to know, just trust me, Scott...”

He nods again, but this time with more purpose, like I've clarified some stuff for him. I know he can read between the lines and in a way I'm counting on it. I want him to know roughly what I'm dealing with and what I want him to help with. I don't want to ask him to take this on, but at the same time he's my best friend and I need his support.

I swear he's a mind reader because he says, “Well, whatever you or Dani need, you just let me know. I'll do anything I can to help.”

“Thanks man. I appreciate that.”

“I'll look out for her as much as I can.”

“Thanks.”

“Any time.”

We fall into silence as we eat. The silence is disturbed a few times by Dani's nightmares. With each one, I can see Ash tensing up and getting more angry. As I make another trip to Dani's room, I hear Ash mumble, “Someone should die for doing that to her...”

Despite the situation, I smile a little at the fierce tone in Ash's voice and also the loyalty he's showing. His word to protect Dani is as good as a binding contract. I know he'll have our backs, no matter what, just like I have his.

By the time I return from Dani's room, Ash has cleared away all of mess we made and put the leftovers in the refrigerator. “How long will she be out?”

“I have no idea. My dad said anything up to 48 hours. We're coming up to 24 hours so I can't tell how much longer.”

“You want some company?"

I know he's just worried about me so I shrug and say, “Sure. I'm sure there's a game of something on somewhere.



So, we sit, watching sport on the TV, waiting for Dani to wake up. Even though I don't tell Ash, I'm grateful for his company, something to break the monotony and someone to bring me out of my own thoughts.



A/N: I know guys, I suck. I'm trying, really I am. You have been so patient with me. I'm going to work as hard as I can to get another chapter out tomorrow just to make up for my lack of updating.

I don't think this chapter is very good, but I would appreciate your feedback on it. I do have a question for you guys though. Would you like me to continue the story at the pace it is currently going? Or would you prefer me to speed it up a little? I don't know if it's dragging too much. I personally like stories that give as much realistic detail as possible, but I don't know if you guys are getting bored. Please, please let me know your thoughts.

And has anyone told you you're awesome? No? Well, consider yourself told right now :D