Chapter Fifty



Eli

Dani has quite a restless night, but that's probably because of the heavy topic we were discussing before we went to sleep. I do feel like we are making some real progress though, I just hope it's not ruined when Dani stops taking the medication. I had a bit of a restless night myself, there's a small crack in the box of my mind and a few army memories managed to escape. I don't regret serving my country, not for a second. However, there are certain aspects of battle that are not talked about. Taking someone's life takes it's toll on you. It's not really a natural thing to do, and even with all of the training it can never fully prepare you for the repercussions.

Dani's on the treadmill when I go into the kitchen for some coffee. That girl can seriously run. She would actually be on that treadmill for hours. I really want to take her running in Central Park, especially early in the morning during the spring and summer. The way the sunlight peeks through the trees as it is rising makes you feel like you are the only person in that moment.

I set the coffee machine and make a start on breakfast. By the time I've finished making breakfast, the treadmill has stopped so I go to let Dani know it's time to eat. She's doing some yoga stretches as I approach the doorway. She's in deep concentration and I don't want to break that so I just watch her. I see the scars on her lower back again. They're very similar to the scars on her arms and my mind wanders to what could have caused them. I know it doesn't really matter if I know what it was, because that's not going to remove the scaring, but I can't help but think of all the awful things that could have caused them. I don't know if my mind brings up worse scenarios or not.

As I'm watching, I see something different; something I haven't noticed before. Maybe because I wasn't looking before or maybe because Dani's shirt has never risen that much before. Whatever the reason, I've seen it now. On the right side of her lower back, there's a tattoo. I can't make out what it is, but it looks like some form of identification. I remember Dani saying at Coney Island that she had a tattoo. It shocked me back then, but actually seeing it now I think it shocks me even more.

I desperately want to ask about it, but I don't know if that's something Dani will be open to. I decide to test the waters a little bit at breakfast and see how that goes. I clear my throat to let Dani know I'm here. She jumps and immediately pulls her t shirt down to cover her back. I quickly avert my gaze, so she doesn't think I'm staring. “Breakfast is ready whenever you're done.”

“I'm coming, thank you.”

As I start to dish our food, my mind goes back to the tattoo. Something about it is bothering me, but I can't think what it is. Sometimes I wish I had Dani's memory. It certainly would make my job easier in some respects. Although, I do know that it would make forgetting some memories very difficult. Dani plops down on the stool, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Eli? Are you ok?”

“Huh?”

She smiles a little and then says, “You look troubled. Are you ok?”

“Just thinking, that's all.”

She nods and scoops up some of her eggs. I try a subtle tactic, to see how Dani responds. I run my fingers 'absentmindedly' over my Ranger's tattoo on my upper arm. I see her gaze flit to my tattoo and then back to her plate again quickly. I continue to do this in between taking bites of food. I see her tense up dramatically at first and then her body sort of slumps in some form of resignation. After a few minutes, she looks very uncomfortable as she whispers, “You want to ask me something, don't you?”

I fake confusion, 'Huh?”

“You want to ask me something. I can tell...”

“What gives you that impression?” I want to see how she can read that.

She sighs and puts her fork down before she sheepishly responds, “You keep brushing your tattoo, something you do when you're thinking hard, even when you have sleeves on. You're quiet, and your body language is different...”

Despite my shock, I chuckle and ask, “You sure you're not trained in interrogation?”

She shakes her head, “Just learnt how to read people...”

“Well, you're good at it, despite the reasons why. Do I really brush my tattoo when I'm deep in thought?”

“Not all the time, more so when you want to ask me something.”

“Do I do it at work?”

“Sometimes. When you're annoyed with one of the guys, then yes. So, you're either annoyed or you want to ask me something.”

“I'm not annoyed, I promise. But you are right, I do want to ask you something. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Just tell me to mind my own business...”

I see her eyes widen at that thought so I say, “Honestly, I want you to tell me to butt out if I'm pressing too much. I will not get angry or anything, ok? I might be disappointed, but that's only because I'm an inquisitive guy and I want to know too much. I don't want you to feel like to have to tell me anything, ok?”

“Yes sir.”

“I saw your tattoo, Dani...”

Now she really squirms and her chin drops even further.

“I remember you said you had one at Coney Island, but I didn't really think about it until I saw it. Can you talk about it?”

She whispers, “I don't really want to talk about it...”

I feel the need to reward her boldness so I back off and say, “Ok, no worries. Whenever you feel up to it, I'd like to talk about it though. Ok?”

“Yes sir. Sorry.”

“It's ok, honestly. I just wasn't sure if you were up for discussing it. We need to leave at 2pm for my parents house.”

“Ok, sir.”

Dinner at my parents is pretty good actually. Dani is really on guard, but she manages to hold it together for the most part. She does have a few panic moments, but they are easier to manage with the drugs in her system. My ma just stares at Dani and myself, with a small smile on her lips. You know the smile I mean? The one that your mom sends you when she's either trying to set you up with someone or the one that says she knows something you don't know.

Whatever that particular smile means, I know I'm not going to ask her about it or even get into a situation where she can tell me about it. Ash is his hilarious old self and even Dani is smiling at some of his antics. Just as my ma is making the coffee, I hear the front door open. It's only a few seconds before I hear Tyler shout, “Pops? Ma?”

My dad shouts, “In here, Ty.”

I see and feel Dani stiffen as Tyler enters the living room. I whisper, “It's ok, Dani. It's my brother. It's just my brother.”

“Hey pops. Oh, hey Ash, Eli. Who's this fine looking female?”

I grind out, “Ty, behave.”

My dad feels the tension, and he says, “Ty, this is Dani. She works with Eli and Ash. Dani, this is Tyler, my youngest. How come you're here, Ty? I thought you had a big case.”

“Yeah, I do. I just popped in to get some food from ma. I've got a colleague here, I just wanted to warn you before I brought him in here. Artur, come on in...”

As soon as the guy's face appears, I hear the breath catch in the back of her throat and I can see Dani panicking.

I whisper, “Dani? What's wrong?”

At first she can't talk, her mouth is moving, but no sound is coming out. Eventually she manages to whisper, “I need to go.... We need to go.... Please Eli......?”

I know something is very wrong and the last time this happened was when we saw Viktor. I stand up and quickly walk over to my dad. I quietly say, “Pops, we have to go. Something is wrong and I need to get Dani out of here. I'm sorry.”

He nods and replies, “Call me.”

“Ash, we have to go. Sorry.”

“No worries. See you in the morning. Call me Eli.”

I nod absentmindedly and reach for Dani's hand. She flinches but then realizes it's me and allows me to lead her out of the room. I hear the guy mutter something in Russian but I can't quite make it out. I know Dani hears because she stiffens and then nearly jogs out of the room.

I don't miss the disgusting smirk that the guy sends us and it sends a shiver up my spine. I have a very bad feeling about this whole situation.

The car journey is tense and silent. Dani is just trembling and staring out of the window. I can't be sure, but I think I spot a few tears as well. My dad sends me a text to tell me to give Dani an extra dose of medication when we get home. He obviously saw the signs too. When we get into the house, it takes me at least 30 minutes to calm Dani down. She's pacing the room, checking all of the windows and doors and talking in Russian. I manage to pick out pieces; things like, 'They're going to kill me' and 'They know where I am.'

I take a wild guess and assume that this Artur guy was a 'visitor' to that dungeon. I whisper, “Dani? My pops said to give you an extra dose of medication.”

This stops her in her tracks and she nods, almost too eagerly, like she's begging for some form of escape from reality. As I prepare the shot, Dani perches herself on the couch, waiting for me.

“What happened baby?”

She jumps up and runs for the bathroom. I follow slowly and I hear her puking. This reaction is worse than the Viktor encounter, which leads me to believe its way more serious. I let Dani finish in the bathroom and when I hear the tap running, I enter the room slowly. I don't want to make sudden movements and scare her even more.

“Let me give you the shot Dani and we'll talk about it later. Ok?”

Once the drugs are administered, I tell her to rest on the couch while I make her some tea. She usually has peppermint tea to help calm her down, so I set about making that. When Dani picks up the mug, I can see her hands shaking. I reach for her hands, to try to still them but she backs off quickly and spills the hot liquid over the couch and her legs. She doesn't even seem to notice the boiling water on her legs because she just sits there staring at her soaking clothes.

I interrupt her thoughts as I say, “Dani, you need to change out of those pants. Doesn't that hurt?”

She whispers, “Not really.”

My heart sinks at the fact that she's seen more pain than this. “Go change your pants and I'll clean this up.”

“I'm sorry...”

“You don't need to apologize but we do need to talk about it.”

She nods as she leaves the living room.

By the time Dani returns, I've left a new mug of tea on the coffee table. As she sits down, I sigh and start, “You remember when we were at Coney Island? You remember you promised me you'd tell me if we were ever in that situation again?”

She nods.

“It happened again, didn't it?”

She nods again and then covers her eyes with her palms.





Dani

I don't want the memories. I don't want these awful pictures inside my head. I whisper, “Please make them stop.... Please...”

Eli whispers, “I want to help, sweetheart. I want to help so badly, but I need you to talk to me... He was one of them, wasn't he?”

I can't speak, I just manage a frantic nod.

“He was worse than that Viktor guy, wasn't he?”

I choke back a sob as I say, “Yes...”

“What did he do, baby?”

“Please Eli...”

I don't want to say it; I can't say it.

Eli's voice changes when he speaks next. It's taken on a more authoritative tone. “I need to know, Dani. You need to tell me on this one. I let the Viktor one slide, but he was in my parents home. I can't let this slide. I need to know what he did.”

I whimper, “Please...”

“I'm sorry, Dani. I know you think I'm being harsh here, but I promise I'm not. I need to know. I need to make sure he stays away from my parent's house, but I need to know exactly why I'm risking my job for raising the alert without an explanation.”

I'm not going to get out of this, am I? He's going to keep pushing until I give him an answer. I try to steady my nerves and my racing heart and I take a few deep breaths. As I do this, I feel the drugs kick in a bit and my heart rate drops ever so slightly. It's a strange feeling. You can actually feel the moment when the drugs have finished running through your bloodstream and have settled wherever they do and start working.

I take an extra deep breath and Eli whispers, “I know you don't want to talk about it, and I appreciate that it's difficult for you, but you need to talk about it. Please, Dani? Just talk to me...”

I drop my head even further and scoot away from him even further before I mumble, “Do you remember that nightmare when I could smell blood?”

He's quiet for a little while and I assume he's trying to remember. I sometimes forget people can't recall things as well as me. I just presume they're going to be as quick as me to revisit the memory.

Eventually Eli replies, “Yeah, I remember. You said someone cut you...”

I nod and sit still, waiting for something to happen; maybe some form of explosion or something.

Eli whispers, “He did that?”

I nod again.

“I'm sorry baby, but what exactly is 'that'? You have to be a bit more specific here...”

I shut my eyes and a few tears escape. The memories taking over. I clench my jaw, trying to ready myself for this moment and then I quickly say, “He took a blunt knife to my thigh and rammed it between my muscle and bone. Just for kicks he twisted it in as well.”

Eli lets out a shocked breath and then I realize what I've just said. I slap my hand over my mouth and some more tears fall involuntarily.

“Is that all he did?”

Eli sounds like he's trying to keep his temper in check and even though I'm scared he's going to explode, I feel myself not wanting to lie to him. So I shake my head and whisper, “No sir.”

“What else did he do?”

I risk saying, “I don't think we should talk about this...”

“No, we need to talk about this. If I'm going to rip into Ty and tell my dad to keep that scum out of his house, then I need to know what I'm doing it for.”

I panic, “You can't tell them! Please, you can't tell them...”

“I won't. I promised I wouldn't tell anyone and I will keep that to the best of my ability. But I need to know. I need to know why I'm doing it. I'm not going to allow you to be even more uncomfortable in my parents' house because of this. I want you to feel like you can go there without the risk that anyone like that is going to be there. If they can't respect my judgement on the matter, then I'll refuse to go there. But I have to know why I'm potentially cutting them off.”

“He's violent, Eli. He's horrible.”

“Did he cut you more?”

“Yes sir.”

I can't tell him about the metal rod, that's just disgusting and embarrassing. He'll hate me for that.

“You're holding out on me, aren't you? I can tell you're withholding information...”

Trust him to know that and to use cop talk on me.

“I can't Eli, I can't...”

I'm squirming in my seat. Just thinking about the memories makes me nervous and feel sick. I sit on my hands to try to stop them from shaking. I thought the drugs were supposed to stop this kind of thing.

“I'm sorry, Dani. I'm sorry he hurt you, I'm sorry Ty brought him into the house. I'm just sorry for everything.”

“It's not your fault.”

“But I feel like you're punishing me for it. I understand you don't trust that we won't hurt you, but you won't even trust me with information. Do you want me to tell you about being in the Middle East? Would that help you to talk to me about this?”

I sigh and whisper, “It's not because I don't trust you with the information and I don't want you to think I'm punishing you. It's just... embarrassing and... disgusting....”

“Dani...”

“It is, Eli. Even if you don't want to believe that I'm disgusting, after hearing it all you will think it. Just the thought of saying those words out loud fills me with dread and disgust.”

“You need to talk about it, Dani. We need to get this out in the open and clear the air. My mind is going crazy with possibilities here and I need you to confirm or deny my thoughts. Otherwise I'm thinking worst case and it's driving me insane... Did he beat you?”

I scoff a little at that and involuntarily answer, “If only it were that simple...”

I slap a hand over my mouth, wishing I'd kept that to myself.

“What else did he do?”

I close my eyes and mumble, “He brought weapons...”

I don't want to see his face. I don't want to see the shock, disgust, shame or pity on his features. I hear Eli take a few steadying breaths and then he whispers, “What kind of weapons?”

I freeze, lost in the memories.

He looks me over and smiles before he pushes me onto the bed and kisses me. He lays me down and lays on top of me. I feel him tie my hands to the bed posts. I know better than to struggle, but inside I am panicking. No one has ever done this before and I can only imagine what's coming next. Then he ties my feet to the foot of the bed; I know this is really bad. He leaves me there, naked and exposed as he goes to his bag. He takes his jacket and shirt off and places them over the chair. Everything he does is deliberate and planned. He knows exactly what he is doing and he's loving every moment of this. He's enjoying my fear. He gets a metal rod out of his bag and I'm almost sure I hear him chuckle. He uses the metal rod to violate me and I have to bite the inside of my cheeks to hold back my screams and sobs. I can taste the blood in my mouth from how hard I am biting my cheeks. He takes the rod away and wipes it off before going back to his bag....

I'm ripped from the memory when I hear Eli's voice. “Baby? Come back to me... You're safe... It's just you and me here...”

I choke back a sob and shut my eyes even tighter. Before I know what is happening I blurt out, “He tied me to the bed...! He tied me and he hurt me so bad....”

I'm panicking. I can feel it rising in me and there's nothing I can do to stop it. My brain is flooded with the mental images and I can't turn them off. Just as I feel like the memories are sucking me back in, I see Eli's gun slide across the coffee table towards me. I snatch it up quickly. Just feeling the metal in my fingers brings me back to reality and I take in a shaky breath.

“Just count your breaths, Dani. You're ok. You're safe. You're with me, at your house. It's ok.”

I hold the gun and count my breaths, trying to get a firm grip on reality; in the present. Once I'm calm enough to talk, I mutter an apology to Eli.

“You don't need to apologize. I know you want to release this. I know you need to let it all out. Maybe tonight isn't the right time to tell it all, but this is a good place to start. Whatever he did is obviously haunting you and maybe talking it out will help with that. You need to see that it wasn't your fault. None of this was your fault. What weapons did he use, sweetheart?”



I clutch the gun even tighter as I ready myself to put some of my most horrifying memories into words.



A/N: This was quite a hard one to write because I don't want to unnecessarily make it drag, but I know Dani wouldn't just give in to Eli's quest for answers. She still believes that his opinion will change once she tells him her full history. Thoughts? Opinions? Also, is anyone any good at making covers? Mine is trash and I'd like one that does the book justice, but I'm just not artistic enough for that. Would anyone like to make me one? Pretty Please? :)