Chapter Sixty-Eight



Dani

My poppa and I are walking through the pasture, looking at all of the beautiful horses. He really has done an amazing job with this place and I tell him so. He smiles in response to my comment, but the smile doesn't reach his eyes.I begin to feel the familiar sense of panic settle in the pit of my stomach. He's going to say something I'm not going to like.

He reaches for my hands, to stop me from walking and he says, “Danica, you know your mother and I love you very much, don't you?”

“Yes poppa.” Even though inside I know that would change if they knew the truth.

“And you know that we want the best for you, yes?”

“Yes poppa.”

“And did you think about what I said?”

“Yes poppa. I don't know what to do.”

“You miss Eli, yes?”

“Yes sir, but I don't want to leave you and momma.”

“I know, but you have to make a decision soon, otherwise it will be made for you and you will be stuck here.”

“Am I dead, poppa?”

“I'm not going to lie to you, my child. At the moment, you are pretty much dead. The final decision lies with you. If you want to go back to Eli, then you must fight to get back to him. Does he know what happened?”

“With the investigation?”

“No. To make you so sad.”

I drop my head and whisper, “Yes sir.”

“So you trust him. But you can't tell me?”

“No sir. I can't do that to you.”

He nods and purses his lips in thought.

“He must care for you a great deal...”

“I don't know, poppa.”

“It sounds like he does. He also sounds like a good man. If you were to never see him again, what would you wish you could have done differently? Think about all of the people that you know and try to think what you would want to change.”

I think for a minute or two. The need to get some of the guilt off my chest nearly rips me in half and I bite back a sob. I whisper, “There's so many lies, poppa. So many lies...”

“What kind of lies?”

“My whole life. You wouldn't be proud of me. You and momma wouldn't want me to stay here if you knew...”

“Oh my dear child, we would never think like that! We want what is best for you, always. I will always be proud of you. You have turned into an amazing and beautiful young woman and you have a job working with the police. This is something to be proud of...”

“It's all a lie, poppa. I have done so many awful things. I don't want Eli to hate me...”

“I don't think he will hate you. If the way you describe him is anything to go by, then I really doubt he will ever hate you. Why don't you tell me about it? Maybe I can help you to decide. You want to tell me, but you're scared, aren't you? You fear that I won't love you, don't you? Svetlyak, I am your poppa. I will always be your poppa and I will never love you any less. I may get sad, disappointed or angry, but every father feels these things at some point. I will never love you any less, I can promise you that one hundred percent...”

I wipe some of my tears away and I take a deep breath and a leap of faith. He is right. He is my poppa and I have never held things back from him before. So, I jump in and give him a brief synopsis of what has happened. He cries as I speak of the awful events of my life, and that's not even giving him the details. Once my words have dried up, he sobs and whispers, “I am so sorry, my darling. I am sorry we left you too soon and caused all of this pain for you...”

“It's not your fault, poppa. I know you didn't want to leave me. You must never speak of these things with momma. She can never know.”

“Of course not. It will break her heart. My poor Svetlyak. Eli must love you very much. If he is willing to help you through all of this, then he must love you. You are my beautiful Danica, and I love you more now than I ever did. You are so strong and so beautiful. I can't imagine the pain you must have felt. I am truly sorry for everything you had to endure. Word cannot even begin to express my sorrow at your words. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you with your memory. I know that you can never forget all of these things. I only wish I could change it all for you.”

“No one can, poppa.”

“I know, but this Eli makes it easier to bear, doesn't he?”

I sigh, “Yes sir, but I don't feel the same here. I don't have the scars or the reminders. I feel... normal when I'm here.”

“Danica, you can't stay here just because you are hiding away from life. Don't you think that is a bit drastic? I know life hasn't been so kind to you, but do you really think you should leave it all behind just because it's hard? I know you struggle with every day, but can you really leave Eli on his own? Can you honestly tell me you will be happy here without him?”

I shrug and sniff before whispering, “I don't know, poppa. I don't know if I can ever be happy.”

He shoots me a sad smile, “You will, my darling. You just have to find a way to believe that.”

The time I'm spending with my parents is heart warming and making a decision is so very difficult. As they bid me goodnight again, my momma squeezes me so tight, telling me how much she loves me. My poppa looks unsure if he should hug me, so I step forward and wrap my arms around him. He whispers, “I love you so very much, svetlyak, don't you ever doubt that. No matter what you decide, we will always love you. You need to think about yourself and what makes you happy. Forget about us and Eli for a minute, and think about what you want. Whatever you decide, we will be happy and support you. Goodnight my child.”





Eli

It's been 3 days since Dani came out of surgery. I've done nothing but sit by her bedside. I know I need to get out of here. I need to wash; I need to shave; and I need to get back to work, but I can't seem to make myself move from this little chair beside the bed. My mom and dad have been in and out during the past few days, but I'm not very talkative, so they don't really know what to do with me. It's not that I'm trying to be rude, I just can't seem to get my brain to function on the simple things at the moment. All I can think about is what I should have done differently, what I can do now, and how I'm going to cope if Dani never wakes up. The doctors have told me that she has a better chance at recovering, since she's made it through the very critical stage, but they say her brain activity isn't at the level they would expect at this stage. I don't even know what that means.

My dad is with me when Doctor Stone is checking Dani's vitals and informing me of her progress. My dad can see that I don't understand, so he clarifies, “What Doctor Stone means, is when brain activity is extremely low, then we start to consider the possibility that the patient is brain dead. If this is the case, then they won't be able to function without life support. This then poses a time frame for questions to be answered. One, we need to know if the next of kin wishes to keep the patient on life support and two, if not, then do they wish organs to be donated...”

“What?! No! No one is donating anything right now. We just keep everything as it is. She's going to make it through this; we just have to wait until she's ready to wake up. Doc, you said she's in a medically induced coma, right? Well, maybe it's just because of that. Just give her some time...”

I'm desperate. I can't even begin to deal with these possibilities.

“Ok, Lieutenant. We'll wait it out for a bit longer. We can't bring her out of the coma just yet because Dani's body hasn't healed enough to be able to deal with the damage if she was to wake up. We will continue to monitor her and see how it goes. Ok?”

“Yes sir. Thank you.”

As Doctor Stone leaves the room, my dad says, “Elijah, you need to go home. You need to clean up and get some sleep. Even if you just go home for a few hours. You heard Doctor Stone, she's not going to be waking out of the coma any time soon, so you need to use this time. Please, Eli. I know you're worried about Dani, but your mother and I are worried about you as well. You need to get some rest, some air and clear your head a bit. Captain Michaels wants to talk to you. You should go into the precinct and see him.”

I drop my head and stare at my fingers that are entwined with Dani's, “I don't want to go there just yet, dad. I'm going to have to walk right passed her desk and I don't know if I'm ready to do that right now. I'm not strong enough to deal with this. I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose her, pops...”

I hate how broken and weak I sound, but I have to tell someone the truth. My dad and I are close, always have been, so he seems like the best person to speak to.

“Eli, you're stronger than you think. You've been so strong thus far. You need to get out of here to clear your head. I promise it will make you feel like you can deal with this a bit better. Please, just take a break. I'll even sit here until you get back, if you really want me to.”

There's a knock on the doorframe and we both turn to see Ash standing in the doorway. He sends us a lopsided smile as he says, “I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I just wanted to stop by on my way home.”

My dad stands up, “Not at all, Ash. Eli could use some company. Try to take him home with you. He needs a break.”

“Yes sir.”

Ash sits in the chair my dad has just vacated.

“So, the lead detectives told me you wouldn't speak to them... That's not protocol, Eli.”

“Yeah, like that's what I'm worried about right now.”

“I understand that, man, really I do, but don't you want us to catch these guys, LT?”

“We know who they are, Ash. At least, we know who one of them is. If we can't get anything to stick then my statement isn't going to make one bit of difference. It doesn't really matter if they get my statement now or next week. It's not going to get anyone arrested because I didn't see it.”

“I know that, Eli, but you still need to do it. It could be the piece of information that links everything together. We're working with Greggson and his team to get a result. We're dealing with it at our precinct, seeing as it's in our jurisdiction and we have a stronger case. Tom's running the trace he found at the scene, so hopefully we'll find something there. What are the doctors saying?”

“We just have to wait.”

“Do they have any time frame for Dani waking up?”

“No.”

“Well, if that's the case, then you can come home with me. I'm not taking no for an answer. You can stay at mine tonight and come back in the morning after stopping by to see the Cap. He wants to talk to you. You need to shower, eat and rest. Then you'll be able to process better. If you don't walk out with me, I'm going to drag you out, just so you know.”



I nod, brush a kiss over Dani's fingers and whisper in Russian, “I'll be back tomorrow, sweetheart. Stay strong for me.”