Chapter Seventy-One



Eli

It's been two months since Dani was rushed into hospital. The doctors are quite pleased with her progress and they're going to try to bring her out of the medically induced coma. I've taken the day off work, because I want to be here. I also want to help Dani if she freaks out. She might not be able to panic, seeing as she's on a multitude of drugs, but I want to be here just in case. Dr. Stone thinks it'll take a couple of hours before Dani will be fully aware of her surroundings, providing her brain can function properly. This is when we determine if there is any brain damage. I am concerned about this and I can't even begin to stress how much I am hoping there are no lasting effects on her brain. I can't put this desperation into words, so I'm not even going to try.

Dr. Stone and my pops are at Dani's bedside, explaining that they will stop certain drugs and administer others, to start the process of waking Dani up. I sit for hours, waiting and watching for any hint that she's stirring. For the longest time there's been nothing; it's been longer than the 'couple of hours' Dr. Stone advised. Just when I'm starting to give up hope and resigning myself to the fact that Dani might actually be permanently damaged, there's a spike in her heart rate. At first I think I'm imagining it, because it's only a slight spike and only for a second or two. But then it happens again for a little bit longer. I wait, frowning, not knowing if this is a normal situation, or if Dani is actually becoming aware of her surroundings. When the increased heart rate becomes constant, I press the alert button, scared that Dani will hurt herself by panicking.

While I'm waiting for Dr. Stone, I say, “Dani? Baby, if you can hear me, I need you to keep calm. It's Eli, sweetheart. I need you to listen to my voice and try to stay calm. I know you're scared and I know you have no idea what's going on or where you are, but I need you to trust me. Just trust me for a minute. Just concentrate on my voice, baby...”

As I am talking, my pops and Dr. Stone appear in the doorway. When they see the numbers on Dani's heart monitor, they rush into the room and are at her bedside.

Dr. Stone says, “Dani? If you can hear me, I need you to listen carefully. My name is Dr. Stone. You have a breathing tube in your throat and I need to remove it. If you can hear me, I need you to give me a sign. Can you wriggle your fingers for me?”

We watch and wait; it feels like a lifetime passes, but in reality it's probably a few minutes. Eventually, we see Dani's fingers move, but I don't miss the tears that spill from her closed eyelids.

“Doc, she's scared. Let me talk to her.... Baby? It's me. It's ok; you're ok. You're safe. It's just me, my pops and Dr. Stone here. You're safe now. I'm going to hold your hand, ok? Just listen to the doctor. I'm right here and I won't let anyone hurt you. Just do what the doctor says and then you can see me again. Ok?”

I take Dani's hand and then I feel her squeeze a little. My Dani is back! She's back! She might not be whole or completely healed, but she's back with me. She can hear me and respond in some way. A lone tear slips down my cheek. I don't know how to express everything that is inside of me.

“Dani? I need to remove the tube, so I need you to try to relax. It will probably make you gag and cough, but that's ok. It's only natural. Just try to relax and hold onto Eli's hand. It won't take me long to remove the tube.”

Dr. Stone wasn't wrong; the gagging and coughing sounds awful as he removes the tube, but it doesn't take long. Dani's grip on my hand tightens through the process and then it seems like the pains subsides because her grip loosens again.

Dr. Stone continues, “Dani? Are you able to open your eyes? I need to check you over, but I'd prefer it if you had your eyes open. I'm sure it will make it less daunting for you if you can actually see what I'm doing... I'm going to dim the lights, so it's not such a shock to you... Whenever you feel ready to open your eyes, go ahead...”

He steps back, and almost pushes me in front of him, so I'm the first thing Dani sees. As if reading my thoughts, he whispers, “It will help if you're the first person she sees. It won't be such a shock to her.”

It takes a little while for Dani to actually open her eyes, but when she does I am so thrilled to see her icy blue eyes meet my green ones, that I shed a few tears. I see tears escaping from her eyes as well, so I whisper in Russian, “Oh baby, you can't even begin to imagine how happy I am to see your beautiful eyes. I have been waiting for such a long time for this moment.”

She opens her mouth so talk, but stops when nothing comes out. Well, that's not strictly true. The gargle, or weird sound that escapes is laced with pain and Dr. Stone quickly says, “Don't try to talk, Dani. Your throat will be raw and sore from the tube. I'll have a nurse bring you some water once I've checked your vitals...”

Dani's heart rate spikes again and I see the panic in her eyes. She has no way of communicating so I have to use what I know about her to read what she's saying.

“Doc, can you just give us a minute. She needs to adjust to her surroundings a bit. Just let me have a word with her.”

He nods and both him and my pops leave the hospital room.

I sigh, “Baby, I know you're probably scared out of your mind right now, but you need to let the doctor just check you over. He just needs to ensure that you're doing ok and then he'll leave us alone. You can do this. I'm right here and I won't leave your side. I won't even let go of your hand. Ok?”

She squeezes my hand a tiny bit and I nod to my pops and Dr. Stone.



Dani

As my eyes flutter open, I'm met with Eli's green orbs. Oh how I missed his eyes, even if I don't look into them very often. I could get lost in those deep green windows and that's probably why I don't stare into them very often. I feel like he can see right through to my soul, all my deepest secrets, just by looking into my eyes. I never thought I'd actually see Eli again. I know I chose him over my parents, but after everything life has already thrown at me, I thought my choice would be ripped away from me at the last second.

The doctor wants to check me over and while I panic at this thought, it's not nearly as frightening as I thought it would be. This leads me to believe I'm on some serious drugs. Those are the only things that make me drastically calmer. The prospect of drugs causes a different kind of panic to rise within me. Eli must read this panic as my fear of the doctor, because he says, “Doc, can you just give us a minute. She needs to adjust to her surroundings a bit. Just let me have a word with her.”

I assume he leaves because I hear Eli sigh. He looks deep into my eyes, but I can't move or find it in me to look away from his probing stare.

“Baby, I know you're probably scared out of your mind right now, but you need to let the doctor just check you over. He just needs to ensure that you're doing ok and then he'll leave us alone. You can do this. I'm right here and I won't leave your side. I won't even let go of your hand. Ok?”

I squeeze his hand slightly, seeing as I have no other way of communicating with him. This seems to satisfy him, because the doctor appears again and runs a series of tests on me. I am scared, but I can't manage to freak out. It's like there is a flood of water holding down all those emotions; like I'm almost in a haze. The doctor asks, “Dani, I'm going to ask you some questions. I want you to blink once for yes and twice for no. Ok?”

I blink once, so he continues, “Do you know where you are?”

I blink twice.

“You're in Lennox Hill Hospital. Do you remember what happened?”

One blink, then two. I know I was attacked, but I can't give any more details.

“Yes and no? You're not sure?”

One blink.

“Ok. That's probably because of the head trauma. I'm not too worried about that right now.”

Head trauma? No wonder my head aches. I feel the throbbing start behind my eyes and then it spreads across my forehead. I close my eyes for a brief moment, just wanting the throbbing to stop, if only for a few seconds. How did I not notice this pain earlier? I take a few seconds to assess the damage. Although I can't see what has happened, I try to hone in on where the pain is coming from. It seems to be coming from everywhere. I must have a look of deep concentration on my face, because Eli asks, “Sweetheart? What's wrong?”

I can't answer that question, because I can't speak. My throat feels like it is on fire and this pounding in my head is making me feel like I'm going to puke. Above the pounding in my skull I hear someone say, “We should try to raise her up a little bit, she might be more comfortable like that.”

I recognize that voice. I can't put a name to it though. Eli's hold on my fingers doesn't loosen as the top of the bed is slowly raised up. Now I can see everyone. I see Eli smile at me and then I see the face of the voice I recognized.

The doctor says, “Don, would you ask Nurse Mandy to bring some water and a straw in please?”

Don! That's his name. Why didn't I remember that? He's Eli's dad... right? As I'm second guessing myself, I hear the doctor say, “I'm going to dim the lights a little more. I'm sure it's an assault on your vision right now. Well, I'm pretty pleased with how you're doing, so I'm going to leave you to settle a little. I'll be back later on to check on you. Once you have a firmer grip on your surroundings and you're talking, I will need to discuss your condition though. But we'll leave that until later. And Dani? I'm so very happy that you're awake.”

He disappears through the door at the same time Don arrives with a cup. He hands it to Eli, who holds it up to my face. I frown and try to lift my arms, but they feel heavy and I can't move them. I glance down at them and I see casts on them. That's when I take stock of what I look like. I can get a better look at myself now I'm sitting up, so I can see that I'm in a hospital gown. I also see that I have casts on both arms and my left leg. I can't see the rest of the damage because I'm covered up, but I'm guessing there's more underneath the gown. It feels like I've been under a bus.

I take a sip from the straw and the cold water starts to quench the fire that is burning in my throat, so I take more water. It's Don that stops me from draining the whole cup, “Take it easy there, Dani. You don't want to drink too much. You'll shock your stomach with all that cold water.”

I freeze in my drinking and Eli lowers the cup. We're surrounded by silence and I don't even know where to begin. I'm not sure if I want to try talking again, but the burning in my throat isn't quite as bad, so I risk the pain as I whisper, “What happened?”

My voice sounds hoarse and the Russian accent is very thick. This shocks myself, as well as the two men in the room. Where did that come from? I know I have the accent somewhat, but this sounds abnormally strong.

Eli's the first to recover from the shock, “You don't remember?”

“Not really.”

“What do you remember, sweetheart?”

I frown, this throbbing is getting on my nerves.

“My head is really hurting...”

Don pipes up and asks, “Do you need more pain meds?”

My eyes widen, before I realize that's a really bad idea with a pounding headache. I decide that this pain is too much and I whisper, “Yes sir.”

“Ok, I'll go sort that out. Elijah, I'll call your mom. You need to make the other calls.”

Eli nods but turns his attention to me again. I feel like his stare is scrutinizing me, so I turn my gaze to the cup that's sitting on the table at the foot of my bed. Once Don has left the room, Eli whispers, “How are you doing?”

I can't answer that, so I ask, “How long have a been here?”

“Two months.”

I don't miss the disappointment that flashes through his eyes, but I can't deal with that right now. My head is hurting and I'm utterly confused. This is one time when I wish my mind was working properly. What if I never get my brain function back to normal again? Will that be a blessing in disguise? I don't like not knowing, but do I really want to remember everything again? I can remember my past; I can remember that awful place and all the vile things that happened, but I can't remember what brought me in here.

Eli and I are in complete silence, when Don appears with the vial of liquid. He puts the drugs into my IV and he says, “You should feel the effects shortly.”

“Thank you. Don?”

“Yes?”

“Why am I not freaking out?”

I don't know why I ask him instead of Eli. Maybe it's because things are strained between Eli and I right now, I don't know.

“You're still on the Modecate. I specifically asked Dr. Stone to keep you on it for when you woke up. I didn't want you to panic any more than you already would. You're also on pain meds, which will drastically reduce your reactions. I know you didn't want drugs, but it was a necessary evil, I'm afraid. We have tried to change the drugs before your body can get addicted to them though. We've tried to be as careful as possible, but we have needed to keep you comfortable as well. You should rest and not think about this too much. We'll deal with all of that once you're feeling a bit better.”

“Yes sir.”

“It's good to see you awake, Dani. We've all been very worried about you.”

“I'm sorry, sir.”

He smiles kindly at me and replies, “No need to be sorry. We worry because we care. It wasn't your fault. But I am very happy you're ok.”

“Thank you, sir.”

He turns to Eli and whispers, “Son, you need to relax. She's awake and she's ok. You can relax now.”

I was right; it is his dad. Eli lets out a long sigh, but he's far from relaxed. I can tell that even in my hazy state of mind. I think the drugs are starting to work, because the throbbing isn't quite so persistent. Don closes the door on the way out and Eli sits next to my bed. It's in this silence, that I take in his appearance. He looks tired and stressed. He's got dark stubble on his chin, like he hasn't shaved in a few days. I can't say that it looks particularly bad on him though. I can't find it in me to break the quiet, so I just sit there, except now I've moved my gaze to the cup again. I can tell Eli is studying me though and it makes me uncomfortable. I'm sure he can see through me.

“Dani?”

His voice makes me jump, so he apologizes. “Sorry. I'm glad you're awake. I was so scared.”

“I'm sorry.”

“Again, it's not your fault. You really don't remember what happened?”

“No sir.”

He frowns and I think he's trying to figure out if I'm lying or not. I'm not really lying, but I don't want to answer any questions about this.

“I can't tell you what happened because the detectives will want to question you and I can't influence your statement. Hopefully you'll get your memory back. I need to call the Cap. You going to be ok if I just step outside?”

“Yes sir.”

As soon as he's gone, I close my eyes and release a breath. I try to relax and let the drugs do their job. I can't bring myself to worry about addiction when this sweet feeling is running through my veins. That thought should worry me, but it doesn't.





Eli

I let out a sigh of relief as I dial the Cap's number. He picks up after the third ring. He's probably been expecting this call.

“Hey Cap.”

“Eli, what's the word?”

“She's awake. A bit disorientated, but she seems to be ok at the moment. I think she's in shock and reeling from all of the drugs, so nothing has quite set in yet.”

“Has she told you what happened?”

“No sir. She doesn't remember.”

“Really?”

“The doctor thinks it might be short term amnesia or something. We just have to see how she goes. Any luck on finding the other guys?”

“Arrow is scouting, but no one is forthcoming with names when the cops start showing sketches. Babkin is due to be released today...”

“I know. I'm trying not to think about it.”

“Is Dani up for having visitors? There's a few guys who would like to see her.”

“I'll ask her. Maybe one or two at a time though. I don't want to scare her.”

“Sure. I'll pass the word round and I'll give you a call when their shift ends.”

After my call with the Cap, I send a quick text to Arrow, letting him know Dani's awake. He replies with his relief and lets me know he'll stop by whenever he can take a break from searching for these guys.

As I step back into Dani's room, I hear her whispering, “Come on Danica, you chose to be with Eli, so stop acting like this. You left your parents for this man, so stop treating him like this...”

“Dani?”

She jumps and then grunts with pain. “Sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump. What do you mean you left your parents?”

She sighs and I know she'd be picking at her fingers right now if her arms weren't in casts.

I take her fingers in mine and try to catch her eye, “Dani? Look at me? Please?”

As she glances my way, I can see unshed tears in her eyes.

“What's wrong baby? Please don't cry. I don't want you to be sad...”

She holds back a sob, as she croaks out, “It's like they've died all over again... I know I chose this, but it doesn't make it hurt any less...”

I'm confused. I have no idea what she's talking about. “What are you talking about, Dani? You're not making any sense.”

“My parents.... It's like they've just died.”

Her breathing is labored, like she really wants to sob, but she either can't let it out or she's frightened it's going to hurt too much.

“Do you not remember anything after they died? Is that why you're so upset? It's like it just happened to you?”

“No sir... I saw them...”

“You saw them? When you were asleep?”

“I was dead, Eli... I saw them... I chose not to stay with them.... and I feel so guilty.... How could I leave my parents? What kind of daughter am I....?”

“Shh, baby. You need to try to calm down... You need to talk to me. Tell me what happened and we'll figure it out together. Just talk to me...”





Dani

I want to let a sob out, but it's almost like my body is so distraught that it can't let it out. You know the times when you're so upset and you need to cry, but only ragged breaths and short bursts of air are released from your lungs? That's what I've got right now. The reality of my situation has just hit me. I'm never going to see my parents again. I chose this, so why does it feel so wrong? Why am I so torn up by this decision? Eli looks so confused right now and that makes me feel even more guilty. This poor man has done more than any person should for me and I'm making him worried purely for my own selfishness. I can't fight the need to be truthful with him, so I explain what happened while I was with my parents; even down to telling my poppa what happened to me.

When I finish talking, I can't look at Eli. I'm too embarrassed so I just stare at the cup, yet again.

I think he's shocked, because he doesn't say anything for the longest time, but when he does speak, it's not the words I thought he'd respond with.

He lets out a breath and sighs, “You picked me... You chose to come back to me...”

I don't say anything; what can I say to that without making myself even more vulnerable?

“Thank you.”

That catches my attention and my eyes snap to his. Note to self, don't make any sudden movements, they're far too painful.

“Thank you for choosing me. I can't even begin to understand how hard that decision was, but I appreciate it more than you will ever know. I don't actually know what I'd do without you in my life. I don't even want to imagine that anymore. I came too close to losing you and that's something I never want to experience again... No, don't apologize. It's not your fault. In fact, I should be apologizing to you. I should have protected you better. I should have kept you safe. I failed in that and I have to learn to live with the guilt. I am truly sorry, sweetheart.”

I whisper, “It's ok.”

He shoots me a lopsided smile as he says, “I love that you're so willing to forgive me, but you need to give me a harder time than that. You shouldn't let me off the hook so easily.”

“I think you've had enough to worry about.”

Eli changes the subject, “So, you told your poppa, huh? How did he take it?”

“He cried.”

“Understandable. But he doesn't hate you? I know you were worried about that...”

“No sir. He said he loves me more now than he ever did.“

“I told you; a father's love knows no bounds. You look like you need to rest, Dani. You need to let your body heal. Are you up for some visitors later?”

“Visitors?”

“Yes ma'am. Some of the guys want to pop in to see you. They've all been very worried.”

I feel like I pale at the thought of everyone seeing me like this; vulnerable and with no way of running. It's as if Eli reads my thoughts, because he smiles and says, “I won't let anyone come near you. They can just stay by the door. If you're not comfortable, then I'll tell them to visit another day.”

I blurt out, “They were really worried?”

This concept is so foreign to me.

“Yes ma'am. Of course they were. You're part of our family now, we worry and care about our family.”

Him saying that kind of forces me into seeing the guys. I mean, after they've all been so worried, I can't exactly refuse their chance to make sure I'm ok. That would be very selfish of me. While I'm on the drugs, I should make the most of not being able to react in fear.

“Ok.”

“Ok?”

“They can visit.”

“Are you sure? If you aren't comfortable, then I can tell them to visit another day.”

“No, it's ok. Just stay with me...”

“Of course. I'm not going anywhere. You should rest, baby. The doctor will check on you later.”

“Ok.”



As I close my eyes, I feel Eli plant a kiss on my fingers. I don't jump, I don't freak out and I don't feel uncomfortable. It must be the drugs and that makes me want to take them even more. If it means I'm not scared of Eli, then maybe they're not such a bad thing. That's the last thought I remember as I fall asleep.



A/N: Sooooo, the chapter you all have been waiting for. I hope it didn't disappoint. I'm not sure I'm happy with it, so if you have constructive criticism then I'd like to hear it. I'm not sure that the chapter flows well, but it kind of needs to be like that because Dani's thoghts are all over the place. Thank you all soooo much for your support, votes, comments and follows. It means so very much to me :)