Chapter Seventy-Seven



Dani



Eli knows something is up. I can tell from his expression and his body language. I think I might be in trouble. This thought is only confirmed when Eli speaks.

“You want to tell me what's going on, sweetheart? Do you really need those drugs? Or do you just want them?”

Yep, I'm so busted, pardon the pun.

I sigh and stare at the bed sheets. I can't look at him. I don't want to see the disappointment or disgust in his eyes. The voice inside my head grinds out, 'When has he ever looked at you with disgust or disappointment?'

He's never seen me addicted to drugs though. Everything will all change once he finds out I don't actually really need the pain meds.

Again, I hear that voice say, “Svetlyak, stop pushing him away. No more lies, remember? Tell him the truth...”

I take a deep breath and glance up at Eli. He's looking at me in deep concentration, like he's trying to read me. I whisper what is becoming my new motto, “No more lies...”

Eli takes the smart option and doesn't speak. He just waits for me to make the first move.

“I can't cope without them, Eli. I need them to get through this...”

Eli simply responds, “You're addicted.”

“No. Yes. I don't know.”

He frowns, “I don't understand, Dani. Make me understand.”

“It makes my mind quieter. The Modecate isn't good enough... Being in here is too much... I can't do it without the drugs... I'm sorry, Eli. I really am sorry... I know I'm a disappointment. You can leave, I'll understand... You shouldn't have to deal with the mess that I am. I'm just sorry... for everything.... I'm sorry I'm not good enough...”

A few tears have escaped as I'm speaking, but Eli doesn't let me say anything else because he puts his finger over my lips. I tremble at his touch and my eyes go wide, but I don't move a muscle. It's not like I can actually go anywhere, but I don't even back off. The look on his face tells me he doesn't mean me any harm, but I can see some form of fire in his eyes. Yes, I'm scared, but I'm trying to trust the man that has helped me in so many ways. I'm tired of being scared of him and I just want it all to be over.

Eli almost growls out, “No. Enough. No more negative thoughts. No more putting yourself down. I can't hear that anymore. I can't keep listening to you put yourself down. Listen to me, baby. You are not a disappointment. You are good enough. I'm not going to just leave you. I thought we cleared this up last night. I'm here until the end. I'm not going to leave just because you're having a set back. We've had plenty of those and we've always come through them. This is just an obstacle that we have to overcome. It'll all work out. I promise you I'm not going anywhere. I only need you to be honest with me. I don't want you to hide things like this from me. It doesn't matter what you say, I'm not going anywhere, so please, just be honest with me. Ok?”

I nod quickly, not really knowing what to say. The raw emotion in Eli's voice shows me just how serious his words are.

“We need to do something about those negative thoughts though, seriously. I can't keep listening to you berate yourself all the time. It kills me to listen to that because I know it's not true. I know you think all manner of things....”

The nurse walks into the room and the look that Eli shoots her seems to be a mixture of frustration, annoyance and sadness. She looks trapped but she scurries in and quietly says, “Sorry Lieutenant, I just have to take the blood work that Dr. Stone needs. I won't be long.”

He nods and takes my hand as the nurse prepares to draw the blood. He knows I'm nervous, but there's a number of reasons why. Obviously, I don't like being touched but it's more than that. Needles bring back bad memories. I'm not scared of them, but I'm not fond of them either. I concentrate on the feel of Eli tracing shapes on the back of my hand rather than the fact that the nurse is touching me and the needle that is inside my vein. I'm thinking about Eli's shapes so much that I almost miss it when the nurse says, “All done. I'm sorry for interrupting. Breakfast will be here soon. Would you like something to eat as well, Lieutenant?”

His expression softens, “Yes ma'am. If it's no trouble.”

“No trouble at all. Your dad called earlier. He said he starts work at noon so he'll check in before he starts. He said he did try your cell, but it went straight to voicemail.”

“Thank you, Sally. I'll give him a call.”

She leaves just as quickly as she appeared, and Eli just stares at me for a few minutes. I'm not comfortable under his gaze, so I squirm and fiddle with the bed sheets again. It's not like I can do anything else. I can't even get out of bed so I can't go anywhere.

Eli's voice snaps me out of my thoughts, “Dani? Talk to me? What's going on in your head?”

“I'm tired of this, Eli. I'm tired of all these set backs. I'm tired of being scared of you. I'm trying, but it's so difficult. It's a fight all the time. I'm fighting my mind all of the time and I don't want to do it anymore. I just want all of the memories to be taken away... The only way that happens is with copious amounts of drugs...”

“There has to be another way. I can't let you destroy yourself with all of those drugs; it wouldn't be right of me to let you do that. There has to be another way. You're better, Dani. At least with me you are. Surely trusting me is the first step. If you can trust me, then it proves that you can trust other people. It's just going to take some time. Don't keep beating yourself up because things aren't moving as fast as you'd like. You can't rush things, especially after the ordeal you've just been through...”

The door opens again and Eli actually growls this time. I honestly hear a primal growl leave his mouth. If I wasn't so concerned I'd probably laugh at it. When I se who is at the door, I visibly pale and the trembling starts. Eli takes in my appearance before turning back to the two detectives.

Baker speaks first, “Good morning Miss Romanov, Lieutenant. We would like to have a word with your girlfriend, if you don't mind Lieutenant...”

“Actually, I do mind. The Cap didn't tell me you'd be stopping by today.”

“No, we heard that Miss Romanov had her memory back, so we need to get a new statement from her.”

“You're not interviewing her on her own. That's so not happening.”

“Well, it's a conflict of interest you being in here, so you really can't stay.”

“Then bye. You either let me stay or get Sergeant Scott in here. I'm not letting you stay in here without of of us.”

Jones looks annoyed, “You're really going to do this, Lieutenant?”

Eli stands up and I don't miss the fact that the green in his eyes is darker and deeper. The guy is angry, like seriously angry. Surprisingly, I'm not scared of him. That makes me frown. I'm so used to being frightened of people when they're angry, that I don't really know how to comprehend this feeling. I should be scared, but I'm not. That means something, I'm sure. I must trust that he's not going to hurt me, no matter how angry he is. That little voice inside my head speaks up, 'It's about time. You took you're time in getting here...'

Eli bends down to look me in the eye and I notice the color has lightened slightly. He whispers, “I'm going to sort this. I'll be back in a minute, ok? I'm sure it won't take long.”

He brushes a soft kiss over my forehead and he quickly escorts the detectives out of the room. I close my eyes and sigh. These feelings are too much for me. I've never actually felt anything like this. In high school I kept to myself, I didn't have any friends and then I was thrust into a life that no one should ever have to go through. I've never experienced the normal feelings a girl should growing up, so I don't know what this jello like feeling in my stomach is. I know it's not fear because I've felt plenty of that, trust me. It feels like it could be nervousness, but it's not quite that feeling. It's confusing and I'm not sure I want to analyze it when Eli is on the other side of those doors. I think that's something I'm going to have to do when I'm on my own.







Eli



To say I'm furious is an understatement. I'm absolutely livid at these detectives. I'm going to give the Cap the benefit of the doubt and presume he didn't know about their little visit. I lead the detectives to a quiet room and the door is barely shut when I grind out, “You've read the case file, right?!”

They both nod.

“So you know what she's been through, right?!”

They nod again.

“So someone won't mind explaining to me exactly why you expect her to be interviewed in a room alone with two guys?!”

Neither of them speak for a minute or two. Eventually Jones says, “Look, Lieutenant, we need to get this cleared up. We regret what happened to her, of course we do, but we can't just pander to her because of it. Despite the fact that she's your girlfriend, we still need to do our job...”

Is this guy for real?! Does he know how much I want to smash his face in right now?! I take a deep breath to draw deep and let my inner calm cop facade fall into place. When I speak next, my voice is cold and emotionless, just like I want it to be.

“So, you're telling me, Jones, that if it was your wife that had been through the same ordeal, you'd just let me and Scott in there to interview her? Even though we'd already upset her the first time we interviewed her? You'd just let us do that, would you?”

Jones looks sheepish as he mumbles, “Well...”

Baker quickly jumps in, almost like he's trying to stop Jones from putting his foot in it again. “You're right Lieutenant. When you put it like that, it makes it more real to us. If we were in the same position as you, we'd be acting the same way. Actually, I'd be at the precinct, trying to kill the guys. Let me speak to my Cap and I'll let you know what he says.”

I nod curtly and swiftly walk back into Dani's room. There's no point in trying to finish our previous conversation, we'll only be interrupted again, I'm sure. I'll have to save it for another time. I glance at my watch and see that it is only ten til nine. It feels much later. When I get back into the room, breakfast is waiting for us. The food here isn't that bad, really. Obviously, home cooked food is way better, but this stuff isn't as bad as you'd think.

Dani has a piece of toast in her hand and she's just staring at the door, like she was waiting for my return.

I soften my expression and quietly say, “Hey.”

I see a tiny smile appear on her lips and I just want to kiss her right now. I know it's not allowed and it'll freak her out, but a guy can hope, huh?

She whispers, “Hey.”

“You ok?”

“Debatable. You?”

“Better now I'm back with you. You won't have to talk to them on your own, baby. I won't let that happen.”

“Eli?”

“Yeah?”

“I don't want to say it out loud. I can't speak what happened...”

“You need to give a full statement if we want to lock these guys up for a long time.”

“They already know what happened. The evidence tells them what happened. I don't need to tell them.”

I sigh. I know she doesn't want to do this, but she has to. We can't let them wriggle out of this on a technicality. I don't want to make her do this, but I need her to understand how important it is.

“I wouldn't ask you to do this if it wasn't important, Dani. I'm going to be blunt and completely honest with you right now. What happens if the evidence is cross contaminated because there were too many of them? What happens if their DNA samples are mixed and we can't get a clear reading on it? What happens then? Unless we have a statement from you, they'll walk...”

She quickly mutters, “I don't care...”

“Really? You don't care if they walk? You think they won't try again?”

“If I can't even tell you exactly what happened, how am I going to be able to tell two strangers, Eli? I can't do it. I can't say those words...”

This is the most Dani has fought back, so I try to push her even further. I see the flush in her cheeks and I don't think it's just because of embarrassment. I think she's actually angry, even if she'd never admit it.

“You can't say what words, Dani?”

“I can't say what they did.”

“You need to be a bit more specific, sweetheart. I wasn't there, so I can only guess what happened. What can't you say?”

She goes silent for a few minutes, just staring at her toast. After the unbearable silence, she places the toast back onto the plate and turns away from me, bringing the covers further up her body to pretty much cover her face. She turns away from me, and I almost feel the atmosphere turn to ice. I look up at the ceiling, feeling awful for putting her through that. It'll get a lot worse if she has to go on the stand and give her testimony. I hope it won't ever come to that, but if these guys don't take a plea, that's what she'll have to do.

Just as I'm trying to figure out how to fix the mess I've just made, Baker knocks on the door. My eyes snap to him and he says, “My Cap says you can sit in for the interview, but you're not allowed to talk in any other languages and you're not allowed to talk unless you're trying to calm her down. That's the terms, take it or leave it.”

I groan internally. There's no way she's going to let me comfort her now. This day can only get better, right?

“Can you just give us a few minutes, please? She's upset and I need to talk to her without an audience.”

“Sure.”

“Thanks.”

After I shut the door again, I carefully approach Dani's bed. I go around to the other side of the bed, so I can see her face. Her eyes are shut, but I know she's not asleep; I can see the tears falling from her closed eyelids.

I whisper, “I'm sorry, Dani. I didn't mean to upset you. I don't know how else to do this. I don't want these guys to get away, but I also don't want you to be upset. I don't know what to do. I want justice for you, baby, but I don't want you to push me away. I understand this is difficult for you and I'll do whatever I can to make it easier. I just need you to understand how important this is.”

She says nothing for the longest time and if I didn't know her better, I would think she's asleep. However, I do know her and I know she's either tossing up what she should say, or she's avoiding the whole thing. Just when I think she's avoiding the subject altogether, her broken voice quietly sounds in the room.

“I can't say it, Eli. I'll say they beat me up. I'll say they blew up my door. I'll even tell them I shot that guy, but I can't tell them anything else.”

I nod. I might not like it, but I'm not the one who went through it and I'm not the one that has to speak it. Just the thought of another man near her like that drives me almost to insanity. The fact that she didn't want it to happen drives me out of my mind with anger and sadness.

“Ok, you tell them whatever you're comfortable saying. I'm not allowed to speak, unless it's to calm you down, so they can't accuse me of influencing your statement. We're not allowed to speak in any other languages either. Ok?”

“Yes sir. Eli?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Can you bring me some books please? I need something to do before my mind drives me any more crazy.”

I smile, “Of course. Anything in particular?”

“I'd like some encyclopedias and a language book. Any language, as long as it's not Russian, Spanish, Arabic, Italian, French, or Hebrew.”

“Yes ma'am. I have to work late tonight, so I'll ask my pops to drop them in. Is that ok?”

“Yes sir.”

“You ready for this?”

“No sir.”

“I'll be right here. You let me know if it's getting too much and I'll tell them to back off until you're ready to start again.”

I let the detectives in and I take my seat beside Dani, sitting silently as she recounts the awful events of that day. She tells them about the door being shot down, about the guy advancing towards her. She tells them she shot him before he could get to her.

Jones asks, “You shot him 7 times, Miss Romanov. Any particular reason for that?”

I squeeze her hand and she rolls my finger in between her forefinger and thumb. The tiny gesture makes my stomach flutter a little, but I focus on how she answers this question. I know she won't want to reveal her past with them, so I'm curious how she'll answer. I'd tell you she's a smart cookie, but you already know that.

“I've never shot anyone before. I guess I panicked.”

The girl is a quick thinker, I'll give her that. At least it shows she's not completely panicking right now.

The detectives just nod and ask her to continue. Dani carries on explaining that she tried to run for the bathroom, but they got to her before she reached the safety of the room. She says her gun was knocked out of her hand, but she's not sure where. She briefly shuts her eyes and I know she's going back into the memories, so I squeeze her hand to grab her attention. Her eyes snap to mine and I shake my head at her.

Jones notices the exchange, so he says, “No silent communication. You want to fill us in what that's about, Lieutenant?”

I sigh, “Dude, relax. She's remembering what happened and I'm just snapping her out of the memories. You told me I wasn't allowed to talk, so I had to do it silently. I'm not going to let this distress her any more than it already is.”

Dani quickly says, “The gun flew under a book shelf in the bedroom...”

I hear the breath catch in the back of her throat and I know what's happening. I know she's seeing the images again, so I quickly say, “Baker, I need to talk to her. Unless you want a panic attack, you need to let me talk to her.”

He nods and I grab both of Dani's hands. I put my face in front of her's, so I'm the only thing she sees.

“Baby, you need to look at me. Look into my eyes. You're safe now, they can't hurt you any more. It's ok. You're in the hospital and they're in jail. Just focus on me. It's alright. You're safe...”

She snatches one of her hands out of my grasp and I think she's going to have a full blown attack, but she surprises me yet again. She reaches up and touches my face with her hand. As she does this, she whispers, “Eli?”

“Yes baby, it's me. I'm right here. You back with me?”

She lets out a shaky breath and says, “I think so... I don't know how much more of that I can take, Eli.”

“I know, baby, I know.”

She lets something slip. Something I never thought I'd actually hear her say.

“It was Artur... He was there... He... He...”

I never thought she'd actually say his name willingly. I see the tears streaming down her face and I slowly lift my hand to wipe them away. At first she backs off, but then I reassure her it's just me and I'm not going to hurt her, so she relents and lets me wipe the tears away.

It takes me a couple minutes to get her calm enough to finish telling the detectives about the beatings. She says she doesn't know any of the other peoples' names; just Artur and Petrov.

Baker looks up at Dani, but she's just staring at our entwined hands. Baker asks, “And how do you know these Artur and Petrov people?”

Dani's eyes snap to mine. She looks trapped and scared. I know why they're asking. It's because of something Artur said in his interview. They want to know if what he said is true. I part my lips, but don't move them as I whisper in Russian, “Don't panic. Think.”

The detectives must not have heard me, because they make no comment. They just wait for Dani to answer the question.

“They're Russian. My foster parents were Russian.”

“You know them through your foster parents?”

“Yes sir.”

Indirectly that is true. If it wasn't for those poor excuse for foster parents, Dani would never have been introduced to that life.

Jones clears his throat and then says, “Mr. Babkin told us that you are a call girl for some of the Russians. Is that true?”

Dani's eyes nearly fall out of their sockets and I can feel the anger rise in me. I know they are doing their job by asking, but that doesn't make hearing it any easier. If I was in their position, I know I'd have to ask the same question. I try to fight back the anger and put on my cop hat, as I say, “Baby, you have to answer that question, I'm afraid. They have to confirm or dispute Babkin's claim.”

I can see Dani fighting back tears as she whispers, “I'm not. It's not true.”

Good girl, she didn't say anything about the past. She hasn't even left it open for discussion. Nicely done.

Jones frowns and then says, “You have a tattoo that suggests otherwise. Would you like to clear that one up?”

Dani's eyes turn hard and she hisses, “That's none of your business! I'm not talking about that.”

“Well, it has something to do with this case, so you need to clarify it.”

Jones is a jerk. I really don't like him.

“I work for the NYPD, that's it!”

I hear the shakiness in Dani's voice and I know she's angry, but more than that, she's hurt and scared. She knows that they know. Her fears are coming true. I understand why the detectives asked about it, but it doesn't make it easier to hear. It doesn't do anything to make me feel better when Dani is so distressed and hurt over the whole situation.

Baker knows this isn't going to get them anywhere, so he tries to diffuse the situation and get somewhere with the questioning. “What happened after they beat you?”

Dani takes a shaky breath and whispers, “I don't know sir. I remember feeling something hit my head and everything went black.”

“The doctor said you suffered severe blows to the head, I would guess you were knocked out. Was Miss Romanov conscious when you found her, Lieutenant?”

“No.”

They nod and thank Dani. Baker says, “I don't think we have any further questions at the moment, but we may need to speak to you again. I hope you recovery quickly.”

The detectives say goodbye on their way out and Dani and I are left in silence.

I'm not quite sure how to feel about what just happened. Before I can even process properly, there's another knock on the door. I swear I hear Dani mutter, “Can't they just go away?”

I almost chuckle but I don't want to embarrass her by letting her know I heard the comment. I turn away from Dani to see who is at the door. There's a woman I don't know standing there. She's got dark hair and piercing grey eyes. She's around 5 foot 5 roughly, but she looks confident in herself. She smiles warmly at us and is the first to speak, “Good morning. I'm Sarah Fox, the physiotherapist.”

“Hey, I'm Eli and this is Dani.”

“Nice to meet you both. Dr. Stone tells me you're a Lieutenant in the NYPD. That's a very admirable job, sir.”

“Thanks.”

“Is it ok if I call you Dani, Miss Romanov?”

“Yes ma'am.”

“Good. I'll be taking your PT sessions for the next few days. Dr. Stone said you can go home on Saturday morning, so I'll need to see you for a session once a week after you've been released. I can come out to you if you would prefer that though.”

Dani just nods. I know she's not comfortable about this whole thing, but there's no way she can get out of it. I can't really ask Sarah if Dr. Stone has briefed her on Dani's situation without Dani knowing, so I just have to hope for the best.

Sarah looks at me directly and says, “I have spoken at length with Dr. Stone and I we're going to try a different technique. I do believe your leg cast will be taken off in the next few weeks, so you'll have a bit more freedom. I usually recommend swimming to my patients that have these kinds of injuries. It helps to strengthen the muscles without the trauma of exercise with the body weight on the limb.”

Dani's breath catches in her throat when Sarah mentions swimming, so I squeeze her hand and quickly reply, “It's not something we usually do, but we can discuss it later. My parents have a pool, so it could be something we can arrange.”

“Good stuff. I'd just like to feel how much muscle control and muscle definition you have, if that's ok, Dani? You can still hold on to Eli's hand if you would like to. Is that ok? I just need to know what exercises to do with you, that's all.”

I whisper in Russian, “Just focus on me, baby. It's all going to be ok. I promise no one is going to hurt you. You just have to trust me a little bit.”

Dani nods ever so slightly, and Sarah begins examining Dani's arms. Dani takes in a sharp breath when Sarah's fingers touch her arms, but she holds her breath and starts shaking when the sleeves of her gown are rolled up. Her scars are exposed and I see the shock register on Sarah's face before she can mask it. Dani notices it too, because at that moment, a tear slides down her cheek. I've seen the scars so I keep my eyes trained on Dani's as I whisper comforting words to her. This is a major obstacle for her. She doesn't want anyone to see the scars of the life she led, but everything has been taken out of her control.

Sarah finishes her exam and carefully places Dani's hands back onto the bed. Dani brings her arms up and curls them around herself, like she's trying to comfort herself. If Sarah notices the problem, she doesn't comment on it. Instead she says, “Ok, so I'm going to get you a stress ball. I want to to squeeze the ball tightly 20 times in each hand, three times a day. There is quite a lot of muscle degeneration, which we need to build back up, so I'll also get you a small weight for you to lift. I'll show you exactly how to lift the weight and I'll also show Eli so he knows what you need to do. Both the ball and the weight will need to be done 20 times with each arm, 3 times a day. Ok?”

We both nod and she excuses herself to get the items. After she returns and shows us exactly how to do the exercises, doing the first session with Dani herself, she informs us that she will be back that evening to run through the same exercises again. She's gone again and I feel Dani sigh with relief.

We sit in silence again for a few minutes and then Dani whispers, “You have to go, huh?”

“I'm afraid so, baby. I'll be back, but it will be late. The Cap needs me to make up the hours tonight. You going to be ok?”

She shrugs and thinks about it before answering, “I have to be tough.”

“No, you are tough, Dani. No two ways about that. You just need more confidence, that's all. You'll get there. The detectives shouldn't be back, but if they do appear you call for a nurse and tell her to remove them. You're not to speak to them without Ash or I present. Ok?”

“Yes sir. You will come back, right?”

“I promise. It will be late, but if you're asleep I'll wake you, yeah?”

“Thank you. Eli?”

“Yes baby?”

“Thank you... for everything. I'm sorry for being so difficult...”

“Nope, no negative thoughts, remember? I'm going to find a way to stop those. I really do have to go though, sorry.”



“It's ok. See you later?”

“Most definitely. I'll get my pops to drop the books in to you later.”