Chapter Eighty-Three



Eli

Dani has been so much better this week and we've really been making some great progress. She even admitted that the thought of losing me scared her. She said in all of her bad moments, whether they were memories, withdrawal or what Babkin and his guys did to her recently, the thing that kept coming to the front of her mind was me. I have to admit, that's a pretty amazing feeling. My heart did a big flutter and I'm sure it swelled to twice it's original size. Everything has been so good, that I haven't told her about Babkin being dead. I told the Cap I would tell her when we got home, as long as he made sure Baker and Jones didn't turn up and put their foot in it.

It's now Friday, and Dani gets to come home this afternoon. My ma and pops have got the downstairs bedroom ready. My ma is so excited to have Dani staying there. I think she feels like she can actually do something now. She's taken the day off work to help Dani get ready at the hospital, bringing her clothes and making sure she's cleaned up enough to go home. Although, knowing Dani, she won't want anyone to help her clean up or get dressed. I have told my ma to read the signs Dani gives her and back off whenever she needs to.

The Cap is letting me leave at 2pm, so I can get to the hospital for Dani's discharge. It's almost time to leave when he calls me into his office. I take a seat and he sighs before talking.

“DNA is back.”

“And?”

“We have matches. We've got the right guys.”

I release a long breath and it feels like a weight that has been sitting on my chest for months has been lifted.

“At last. What now?”

“DA's office will prosecute. I'm going to get Flynn on the case. If anyone can get them to take a deal, it'll be her. It's been a long time coming, but I think we're finally getting the result we want.”

“I hope so. I won't get my hopes up too much until the verdict is in.”

“Understandable. Once that's finished with, you and Scott will need to get together with Greggson. You spoken to Dani yet?”

“No sir. I'll do it soon. I want her to get settled first.”

“She staying with you?”

“At my parents. I think it's safer for now.”

“I agree. Well, tell her I send my regards. Hopefully I'll see her soon.”

“I think she'd like that. She'd like to get back to work. As soon as she can use crutches, she should be more mobile.”

“If she's up to it, then I'll gladly have her back tomorrow. Just as long as she's ready, that's all.”

“Another thing I need to talk to her about. The list gets longer...”

Ash interrupts by knocking on the door. “Sorry. LT, you know the time?”

“Yeah, I'm coming. Anything else, Cap?”

“No, not right now. I just wanted you to be the first to know.”

“Thanks. I'll call in later.”

Ash is coming with me to the hospital. He's excited to see Dani being released and after everything he's done for both of us, I couldn't deny him that request. Surprisingly, Dani was ok when I suggested Ash being there for the big release.

When Ash and I step into Dani's room, my ma is there talking to Dani about cooking some meal. Dani's eyes brighten when she sees me, but then she blushes like she's just realized she's shown extra emotion. I can't help but send her a huge smile in return and a wink. This causes her blush to deepen even more.

Ash's voice breaks her focus on me. “Hey darlin'. So, today's the big day, huh?”

“Hey Ash. Yeah, they're finally letting me out.”

“I bet you're excited, hey?”

She shrugs and then replies, “A little nervous. It's been a while since I've seen the outside.”

This shows how much progress Dani has made. She would never have admitted that to anyone before; probably not even me.

“You've got your bodyguards here; no one's gonna mess with you, darlin'.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Dr. Stone appears in the room with a bright smile on his face. Dani takes a look at all of the people filling the space and I hear her breathing hitch, so I make my way over to her side and reach for her hand. At first, she shies away from my touch, so I look down on her and try to send her a reassuring look. It must work because she tentatively takes my hand in her's and I feel her trembling subside a little. I squeeze her hand softly, to let her know I'm right here and Dr. Stone clears his throat before speaking.

“Hey Dani. I see you have a leaving party with you today.”

“Yes sir.”

“I'm glad you're getting to leave, but we are going to miss you...”

The shock is evident on Dani's face and in her voice when she lets one simple word slip out, “Really?”

“Oh yes. We've grown quite attached to you and your Lieutenant here. Obviously I'll need to see you as an out patient, but we can schedule the first appointment at another time. I would like have a word with Dani alone, if you don't mind guys...”

I see the panic in Dani's eyes before the rest of her body gives me any signs. My head snaps to Dr. Stone and I question, “Doc?”

“If Dani wants you to stay Lieutenant, that's fine by me.”

“Baby, do you want me to stay?”

She nods quickly and with purpose. My ma and Ash step out of the room to let Dr. Stone talk. He takes a deep breath before he starts, “I don't want you to think I've been talking out of school about you, Dani, but I have felt the need to help you with your other issues. I don't know what happened, but I don't need the details to know something bad happened. You've just come through a very traumatic experience and I would suggest this to any of my patients after an attack like this... I'd like to refer you to a psychologist...”

She looks horrified and I hear her gasp, but Dr. Stone doesn't let that deter him.

“Just hear me out for a minute, Dani. My daughter, Sam, she's a psychologist and she's been making some great headway with different forms of therapy. I have spoken to her about a hypothetical case, and she has been very intrigued by the prospect of such a case. She believes that she could help my hypothetical patient and has already told me about a treatment she thinks would work. If you would just meet her one time, I think you'll see she can help you. Would you even just consider it?”

Dani can't speak. She's shocked, but she's scared. I think Dr. Stone realizes this because he quickly says, “You won't even have to tell her what happened. She doesn't need to know the actual memories; all she needs is for you to be there and open to what she's trying to do. I don't know exactly how it works, but I do know that she has seen some good results with her treatments. Can I give you her card? At least so you can contact her once you've thought more about it.”

Dani doesn't, or maybe can't, speak so I say, “Thanks, doc. I'll take her card. We'll talk about it more before we make a decision. Maybe Dani needs to settle at home for a while before we think about it though.”

“I understand. I only want to help, Dani. I swore to keep my patients from harm and injustice, and if I don't at least offer this advice I would be going against that oath. Just think about it. You don't need to see my daughter, I just know she's been using alternative therapies and making some good progress. She's done a lot of work with soldiers suffering from PTSD.”

“Thanks doc, we'll think about it.”

“Good. I have discussed the Modecate with Don and we agree that we should increase your dosage slightly. You're happy to administer that yourself before you go?”

Dani nods.

“Right, I'll go get that and your discharge papers. I'll be back shortly.”

He's gone no longer than 5 minutes and in that time Dani doesn't speak; she just holds onto my hand tightly. I don't know if she's trying to convey a message, but I can't really ask her about it right now. It's another thing to add to the growing list of things to discuss when we get home.

Dani plunges the needle deep into her thigh and it seems like she doesn't even think about it. I don't know how she does that after all of the drug use. I suppose she's more worried about someone else touching her. It's not long before I'm lifting Dani into a wheelchair and wheeling her out of the hospital. Most of the nurses that have treated Dani have stayed after their shift or come in early just to see her leave. She seems touched and overwhelmed by this fact. She's embarrassed so she taps on my hand, which is on the handle of the wheelchair. I look down on her and say, “Yes baby? You ok?”

She whispers, “Can you thank them for taking care of me and apologize for my horrible behavior?”

I smile at her caring nature and I nod. She stares at her hands and fiddles with the hem of the shirt she is wearing.

I stop the wheelchair and face the nursing staff, before saying, “Hey guys. Dani just wants me to let you know she thanks you all for taking care of her. She also wants to apologize for her horrible behavior if anyone was on the receiving end of it. I want to thank you all as well. You have been amazing and I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to take care of my girl when I wasn't around. I appreciate you all putting up with my annoying phone calls checking in all the time. You'll never know just how much I needed to hear your voices assuring me everything was as I left it. I bet you're all glad to see the back of us...”

Nurse Sally loudly says, “Not a chance. Seeing your face has brightened most of my mornings. Dani? You've got a good one there, make sure you hold on to him.”

Dani's eyes widen and then she flushes red before mumbling, “Yes ma'am.”

I chuckle at the words and the exchange and then say, “As much as we're going to miss you all, I can't wait to leave this place. Thanks again guys.”

The ride to my parents' house is silent. Ash is riding with my mom and it's just Dani and I in my car. I don't push her to speak though. I know this must be daunting for her so I leave her to her thoughts.





Dani

As if leaving the hospital wasn't enough for me to deal with, Dr. Stone suggesting therapy has just frazzled my mind. The thought of sharing my personal memories is enough to turn me sick. I can't even share them with Eli so how am I supposed to share them with a complete stranger?

That little voice in my head is back. 'Maybe you can't tell Eli because you're too close to him. You're worried about how he's going to see you. It doesn't really matter what a total stranger thinks about you. Although, how can you expect Eli to love someone he doesn't even know? Is that fair of you to expect that?'

I whisper, “I don't expect him to even like me. I keep trying to tell him not to...”

Eli's voice snaps me into reality, “Huh? Did you say something?”

“Sorry, just thinking out loud.”

I look out of the window and see we're on Connie and Don's street. Eli parks on the drive and turns towards me. I do something completely out of character for me, although these things are becoming more normal, and I reach for Eli's hand.

I hold it tightly and Eli whispers, “You ready for this?”

“Not really, but there's no turning back, right? It's got to be better than hospital.”

“Very true. The food is way better...”

He chuckles and I shoot him a smile, “Definitely better food.”

“Let me grab the wheelchair and I'll help you out.”

Connie and Ash pull up just as we're getting to the front door. Before we even can make a move to get the door, it swings open and Don is standing behind it with a huge smile on his face. “Welcome back, Dani. It's good to see you. You need a hand, son?”

“No sir, I got this.”

As we step in the door, Connie says, “Eli, let's go into the living room, I'm sure Dani doesn't want to go straight back to another bed.”

“Baby?”

I take a deep breath, “Living room is ok.”

He lifts me on the couch in the living room and he sits next to me. He whispers, “You ok?”

“Yes sir. It feels weird.”

“I'm sure it does. You'll settle in soon enough.”

Connie breaks our conversation, “Ash, would you help me in the kitchen? I made lunch for everyone. Are you all hungry?”

The guys predictably say yes and then all eyes turn to me. “Er, a little hungry ma'am. Thank you.”

“None of that ma'am business, dear. I'll fix something right up for everyone. Ash, you can help me.”

I almost chuckle at how quickly Ash stands up and follows Connie into the kitchen. He seems to take orders well from the Ramirez family. Although, I wouldn't want to disobey Connie. She looks like she could be a scary lady if you cross her. I can't imagine how Eli must have felt growing up. No wonder he's such a good man.

Eli nudges me, causing me to jump, and he whispers, “What's that beautiful smile for?”

I quietly tell him what I'm thinking about Ash and his mom and he chuckles. “You have no idea what she was like. Trust me, she's mellowed a lot as we've got older. Do you need anything?”

“No sir, I'm fine. Thanks though.”

“No worries. Just ask if you want anything.”

As we eat, Connie and Don talk about work and they ask Ash and Eli what's happening at the precinct.

Ash asks, “Are you coming back, Dani?”

I shrug noncommittally and honestly admit, “I haven't really thought about it, sir.”

“We've missed you, a lot. The guys are desperate to see you again.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You're part of the family. We notice when you're not there. The Cap's noticed the most, well, except for LT here.”

Eli looks at Ash and quickly says, “Shut up, Scott.”

Eli looks so caught and comical right now and a little chuckle erupts from my mouth. It's only tiny, but everyone's heads snap to me. I quickly drop my head and apologize, not wanting anyone to think I'm being rude and laughing at them.

Eli speaks in Russian, “Baby? Don't be scared. You think you're in trouble?”

“I laughed at you. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it in a bad way, I promise...”

“Dani, stop apologizing. I don't care if you laugh at me. As long as you're laughing, I don't care what you're laughing at. I want you to be happy and if Ash making fun of me makes you laugh, then go ahead. I know neither of you mean it in a bad way. I'm comfortable enough in myself not to take it to heart...”

I nod, not sure if I totally confident in that. Before I know what I'm doing, the words slip out and I whisper, “How are you so perfect?”

At first, he looks shocked at my words, but he quickly recovers. “I'm far from perfect, sweetheart. I must just know what you need to hear right now. Please don't apologize for laughing, Dani. For the record, it's a beautiful sound and I wouldn't mind hearing it some more.”

When I look up again, the other three adults around the table are watching Eli and I in deep thought. Our exchange in Russian hasn't gone unnoticed, despite our attempts to keep it quiet. Don breaks the silence by saying, “I never thought one of my children would learn Russian. You'd earn a lot of money in the Army now, son.”

“Maybe, but I'm not going back to that. I'm happy where I am, thanks.”

He shoots me a wink and I swear I hear Connie coo at us. I try not to think about it. I'm trying my hardest not to think too much, otherwise I'll get lost in my thoughts and it'll ruin everything. I'm trying to do what my poppa told me to do. I'm trying to make my life different. I just need to figure out exactly how to do that.

I hear my poppa's voice whisper, “You need to tell him everything, Dani. Don't be so afraid. He's not going to leave you, I promise. Just tell him the truth. No more lies, remember?”

It's as loud and clear as if he was sitting right next to me; more so than any other time before. At the risk of sounding crazy, I whisper to Eli, “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

I shake my head, “Nothing. I thought I heard something. Never mind.”

“You sure you're ok?”

“Yes sir. I think I might need to lie down soon.”

“Sure thing. I'll go make sure the room is set. You going to be ok if I leave you here for a minute?”

I nod softly, trying to be brave. He stands and then bends down to place a soft kiss on my forehead, as he whispers, “It's ok, baby. I'll be back in a minute. No one is going to hurt you.”

I nod again and fidget with my fingers that are placed in my lap.

Later that evening, when it's time for bed, Eli emerges from the en-suite bathroom wearing sweat pants and an A-shirt. I can see the tattoos on his upper arms, something I haven't really paid close attention to before. I know they're there, but I just haven't looked closely at them. I'm already in bed, wearing Eli's old sweat pants and Army t-shirt.

He smirks at me and boldly says, “That shirt looks better on you than me...”

I snort, I actually snort at that comment, and I quickly mumble, “Doubt it.”

He chuckles, “I can't make out if that's a negative comment against yourself or a positive comment about me...”

I refrain from commenting, not really knowing myself. It's probably a bit of both to be honest. Eli must do that mind reading thing because he says, “ It's probably a bit of both, but I'm going to take it as a positive about me. Otherwise I'd have to find a way to stop those negative thoughts...”

At first I think he's annoyed with me, but then he winks at me and shoots me a dazzling smile. That smile makes my stomach do a weird flip flop type thing and I find myself sending him a small smile back.

“Do you want me to sleep on the chair or the bed? Whatever you want, I'm cool with.”

“The bed...? I don't want to dream, Eli...”

“I know, baby, but I don't know if we can stop that right now. I can promise you that I'll be right here if or when you do dream. I'll always be right here. And maybe it'll make the dreams have a good ending, like before.”

“I hope so. I don't know if I can take this much longer, sir.”

He slowly climbs into the bed and I sit up a little so he can slip his arm behind me. I don't miss his smile as he does this, but I choose not to think about it too much. If I do, I'll second guess myself and end up being more nervous than I already am. I'm trying, and to do that I need to try to stop thinking about every little thing. For now, I have to just trust that he means well and he has my best interests at heart. Surely he can't hurt me any worse than I already have been. If I managed to get through 10 years in that awful place and fight a severe addiction, then I must be able to handle whatever he can throw at me, right?

Eli tentatively drops a kiss on the top of my head and he says, “You're stronger than you think, Dani. Don't ever think you're not strong enough or brave enough to handle what life throws at you. You have to be the bravest person I know.”

Now, normally I would deny this point, but I don't want to face a 'punishment' for negative thoughts. Twice he's mentioned finding a way to stop me from voicing those kinds of thoughts, so I really don't want to push for a third time. Maybe I don't think he'll beat me or anything, but somehow not knowing what he could do is worse. I've dealt with beatings before, I know how to get through those, but I'm not sure how to get through anything else he could think of.

“Eli? Will I get my gun back?”

“Yes. Once the case is completely closed, then your gun should be released. Dani? We need to talk about the case... I'm sure you don't want to, but I need to tell you things and I don't want anyone else to do it. I've kept the detectives away so far, but if I don't talk to you soon, then they're going to make an appearance. I didn't want to do it on your first night back, but...”

“It's ok, Eli. I understand. As long as you're here I'll be ok.”

I here his breath hitch slightly, like I've taken him off guard, and it takes him a minute to speak again.

“Babkin is dead...”

I jump up and nearly exclaim, “What?!”

I scold myself for shouting and I slap my hands over my mouth before dropping my head.

Eli's finger slips under my chin and lifts my head, so he can look me in the eye. “To be honest, that's a better reaction than I was prepared for.”

I'm not sure how to take this news. I should be happy. He can't get to me anymore. That's two men gone that hurt me. I don't want to hope for the rest to follow, but I can't help but let the thought flit through my mind. I quickly trample it down as reality sets in. There's no way all of the men can be found and killed. That's thousands of people. People who will have no record of being in that place. They can't be found. But Babkin was one of, if not, the worst and now he's gone.

I whisper, “You're sure?”

“Yes, we're sure. DNA, dental records and physical appearance all match.”

“What happened?”

I need to know how he died. I don't know why, but I do. I know I shouldn't torture myself with these details; I should just accept the fact that he's dead and can't hurt me anymore, but I can't. I need to know.

“We think the Bratva thought he was a snitch. It happened a couple of days after the other guys were arrested and held without bail. We assume they thought Babkin had sold them out and that's why they killed him.”

“How did he die?”

“You sure you want to know the details? I'll give them to you if you're sure, but you need to be certain.”

“I'm sure.”

I can't look at him. I'm staring at my hands, as I pick at the comforter. I'm overly aware of Eli's leg against mine and the fact that his arm is resting very close to my hip, but I make no attempt to move. I don't know if I could, even if I tried.

“He was beaten badly and his tongue was cut out. The medical examiner said he bled out because of the tongue injury. He had pictures stapled to his chest of him leaving Greggson's precinct.”

“His tongue was cut out? Cut or ripped?”

“I think the ME said cut, but I don't know that much detail. Does it make a difference?”

I take a deep breath and think about how best to answer. “Yes sir, it makes a difference... Back home, my poppa and I heard things about the Bratva. Things that were used to ensure people didn't cross them or inform on them or anything. One of those things was when a person was believed to betray them, they would rip their tongue from their mouth, to ensure the message was spread to everyone. It was a sign that they wouldn't tolerate their own soldiers betraying them...”

I don't know how I got all of that out so clinically. I should be fighting back memories, but I'm not. All I can think about is Eli's leg against mine, and not necessarily in a frightened way either.

“So, if Babkin's tongue was ripped out of him, then it's their way of saying he betrayed them? That's as good as an admission that he was part of the Bratva, right?”

“Yes sir.”

He lets out a long breath and I can almost hear the wheels turning in his head.

“We need to see if Interpol have any similar MO's that can link this to the Bratva. So far, they haven't been caught for this kind of thing, that we know of. If we can link them to this, then we can get warrants and we can really start things moving. I need to speak to the Captains tomorrow.”

I muse out loud, “You think you can get them?”

“I'm sure going to try. I promise I will do everything in my power to catch these guys. Even if I have to go out there and shoot them myself. I will make sure I've done everything possible to make this right for you.”

I am grateful for his determination to make this right, so I whisper, “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. As long as you feel safer, that's all the thanks I need and want. You want to sleep or can we talk about the case?”

“It's ok. Go ahead.”

“We've charged the other guys and they're being held for now. The judge wouldn't grant them bail until the DNA was back. We just got the results today, so the judge will review the cases on Monday. I don't think he'll allow bail, seeing as Babkin has been killed. We'll see what happens on Monday though.”

“Eli, what happens if it goes to court? I can't do that... I just can't...”

“Shhh, I know, Dani. I have been thinking about this for a while. There is only one way that I can think of that means you don't have to testify. But I don't think you're going to like it...”

No, I'm probably not going to like it, but I think testifying will be way worse so I'm willing to hear him out. I just have to keep reminding myself that he has my best interests at heart.

“What is it, sir?”

“Only a doctor or therapist can deem you unfit to testify. Because you've been discharged and your health won't stop you from testifying, that only leaves a therapist. I know talking about everything is something you have never wanted to do, but after what Dr. Stone said, maybe you could meet with his daughter and see what she says. You don't have to tell her anything, just see what types of therapy she's offering. What do you think?”

“If it means I don't have to testify, then I don't have much choice...”

“You always have a choice. We could leave before the court hearing. Disappear and not return until it's all over. I'd do that with you, if that's what you really want. I don't want you to think that I'm making you do anything, because I'm really not trying to do that. I want what's best for you and I want you to decide what you want to do...”

“I've never been good at making decisions.”

“You want some time to think about it?”

I nod and then ask, “What do you think I should do?”

“I don't want to influence your decision. If I tell you, then I have a feeling you'll just go with that to keep the peace...”

“I'd like your opinion, Eli. If I'm really not happy with that opinion, I will tell you. It might not be right away, but I will let you know.”

“You promise?”

I know which way I'm leaning. I know that I want to run away, but I don't want to make Eli leave his family. I also don't want to leave everything I already know. I'd have to learn a new way of life all over again, as well as new surroundings. I'll have to find a new job because we won't be able to survive without work. This will mean I'd have to go through interviews and I'll have to explain my behavior all over again. Everything will be frightening and there will be no form of drugs allowed, especially if Eli is with me. He won't let me relapse.

“I promise.”

“Ok. I think you should give this Sam a try. Just hear her out. If you really don't like what she has to say, then we'll figure something else out. For now, I think you should just see what she's offering.”

I nod, “And you'd go with me? If I decided to go, that is.”

“Of course. I'll do whatever you need me to.”

“Ok.”

“Ok?”

“I'll think about it.”

“That's all I'm asking. You want to go to sleep now?”

“Yes sir.”

He lays back again and says, “Come here then...”



I lay down next to him as he wraps his arm around me and pulls me close. I rest my head on his chest and listen to his heart beat as I drift off to sleep.