Chapter Eighty-Four



Eli

Dani has been home a week now and she's been a bit more closed off. She seems to be battling something in her mind, so I'm trying to give her some space to process. We have someone at Interpol checking to see if the same MO has been used to link Babkin's murder to the Bratva. Obviously, something like that is going to take some time, so Flynn is reviewing Dani's attack case before she approaches Avilov, Goraya and Zhabin with deals. Dani hasn't mentioned therapy or the case, so I'm just waiting for her to talk to me about it.

It's Saturday evening and my mom is grocery shopping while my pops and I are training together. I left Dani in the living room, reading. She assured me she'd be fine with her books, and she's trying to learn Chinese, seeing as she never got around to it in the hospital.

My pops and I have just finished hand to hand combat, when I hear the front door open and shut. I think it's my mom, but when I hear Dani's frightened voice shout my name, I'm at the bottom of the stairs before I can even process the thought.

I know it can't be Ash, because Dani wouldn't react that way, even if she wasn't comfortable. As I enter the living room, I see Tyler standing near her, red faced and angry.

He spins round to face me and he seethes, “It's her fault, isn't it?! Why is she staying at mom and dad's house?”

Despite the anger that is surging through me right now, my voice is calm and cold as I say, “Dude, you need to stop right there... Don't you dare talk about Dani that way. She's a person, not some object you can just talk about like that. None of this is her fault.”

“How is it not?! You get mixed up with this girl and then Artur dies... it can't be a coincidence, can it? Come on, Eli, give me some credit. What did she do?”

“She did nothing wrong. Are you in on it as well?”

I see Dani's eyes widen and I hear the breath catch in her throat and I silently throw her an apology for saying those words. I need to see Tyler's reaction to them to gauge how much he knows. The confusion on his face shows he's not involved and I know that expression isn't lying.

“What are you talking about?!”

“Dude, just get away from her.”

“Artur wasn't involved in anything... He was a good DA...”

I scoff at that. Through my anger I manage to hear Dani's quiet voice pleading with me, “Please Eli, don't.... Please...”

I clamp my mouth shut, not willing to give Ty any information.

“What, Eli? What doesn't she want you to tell me? You're going to just let her tell you what to do?!”

My voice shocks even me when I bellow out, “ENOUGH!”

Dani's gasp doesn't go unnoticed by me, but I'm fuming with Tyler right now. I grab him by the collar of his shirt and drag him away from Dani.

“Don't you ever talk about her like that again. I will take you outside and give you a beat down if you so much as look at her the wrong way. That is my girlfriend you are talking about and I expect you to treat her with the respect she deserves. If you can't do that, then stay away. You have no idea what you are talking about on this one Tyler. Babkin wasn't who you think he was and if you don't believe me, then speak to ADA Flynn. Get out of this house and don't come back until you're ready to apologize to Dani...”

My tone and demeanor leave no room for questions or arguments, so Tyler makes the wise choice of walking away. I will hit him if he doesn't take the smart option, and he knows this. As soon as he walks away, I take a few deep and calming breaths before turning to Dani. She's crying and I can tell she's frightened. I hear her whispering, “It's my fault. It's all my fault. This shouldn't have happened... It's my fault...”

I approach her carefully and I whisper, “Dani? Baby? It's me. It's Eli. It's ok, baby. I'm not going to let anything happen to you...”

She's still muttering to herself. “He's dead and he's still hurting me... Why can't it just stop...? When will he stop hurting me...?”

I reach for her hand, but she snaps it away quickly. That stings a little. She's been more comfortable and affectionate with me since she broke the awful withdrawal symptoms, so I'm not as accustomed to that cold shoulder as I used to be.

“Dani? It's Eli. I'm right here, baby. I am so sorry for that. Tyler was being a jerk and I really am sorry he acted that way. It's not your fault, baby. None of this is your fault. I promise you didn't do anything wrong. Tyler's angry and upset and he took that out on you and me. It wasn't right of him to do that and I will tell him so. It's not your fault, baby...”

“Eli?”

“Yes baby, it's me...”

She does something that shocks me. She throws her arms around me and holds me tight, like she's going to be dragged into the deepest, darkest pit if she doesn't hold on to me. With one hand I hold her close and with the other I rub my fingers through her hair and massage her head, just trying to comfort her and calm her down.

I don't know how ling we sit here, but Dani's breathing deepens and lets me know she's fallen asleep. Just as I'm thinking about moving her to the bed so she's more comfortable, I hear my pop's clear his throat behind me.

“Everything ok, son? I heard you and Tyler shouting. I thought it was best to let you deal with it, instead of giving Dani an extra person to worry about...”

I sigh and recount the events that unfolded a little while ago in this room.

My dad isn't too pleased with Tyler himself. “I'll call him. I specifically told him not to turn up unannounced. The boy thinks he's a bit bigger than what he actually is. This is still my house and I expect him to follow my rules regarding it.”

“He upset and angry. From what I can gather, he's worked with Babkin for a long time. They studied together. To think that the guy was betraying everything his job stands for, isn't something that Tyler is going to accept easily. I will talk to him, but he needs to hear the information from Flynn before he can hear anything from me. I'll give him some time and then I'll sort it out. Dani is my priority at the moment.”

My pops nods and asks, “How has she been?”

“Much better, actually. That increased dose of Modecate has worked better and she's been different since the other drugs have fully left her system. I just hope this doesn't set her back. I'm going to put her in the bed, so she's more comfortable.”

He nods again and I carefully carry Dani to the bedroom. I place her on the bed, and just as I'm about to take a step back, she says, “No! Don't leave me! Please....?”

How can I say no to her? I'm never going to be able to turn her down, am I?

“Ok, baby. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.”

If she needs me to stay with her, then that's what I'll do. She needs to know I'm not leaving in the long term and if that means staying right with her in these kinds of things, then that's what I'm going to do. Besides, sharing a bed with her, having Dani curled up against my side is definitely not a bad thing.





Dani

It's dark. Bad things always happen in the dark. Why is that? Is it because the bad people think they won't be seen in the pitch black? I don't know if not seeing these people is better or worse. Right now, both options seem pretty grim. The harsh sound of the lock sliding open snaps me out of my thoughts. I'm trying to prepare myself for whatever disgusting thing I'll be faced with, but it's difficult to prepare yourself for the unknown. I've been here long enough to know that pretty much anything goes. There's only two rules, they're not allowed to scar my face and they're not allowed to break me beyond repair. As long as I'm 'fit for purpose' (the words I overheard), then they can do whatever they want.

I don't see how these people can find that attractive. In my limited experience in the free world after my parents died, I always assumed men looked for beauty in a woman. Maybe I'm mistaken and I don't know what beauty is. Maybe beauty is a broken and scarred body. Maybe beauty is fear and being out of your mind on drugs. I always thought my momma was beautiful. She was elegant and graceful and she seemed to float instead of walk. That's why my poppa used to call her Babochka; his butterfly. I miss them so bad it actually breaks through my drug haze and hurts. The emotional pain becomes a physical pain.

I realize I've been lost in my thoughts, when a cold hand flies across my face, snapping me back to reality. I make the mistake of looking at the person and I see those devil eyes. This is the man that I fear the most. He's the one who sold off my innocence. I don't see him very often, but when I do it's rarely a good sign. He mumbles something about sampling the goods before sending me on a holiday and then he's all over me before I can even process the words properly.

Eventually, he pushes himself up off the cot I'm laying on and then he drags me up and pulls me against him. He growls, “I wish I could have you for myself, but they tell me you're too much of a money maker. You're our most popular girl. Everyone is always asking for you. They say you're just too beautiful to resist and you keep pulling them in for more. I can see what they say is true. No one can compare to you...”

He drags me out of the door and the panic settles in. I'm completely naked as he pulls me through the dark corridors. I try to plant my feet on the ground. I don't want to go. In my mind I'm begging him to let me go. I'm silently cursing and screaming, because the fear of the unknown is far greater than staying here. For once in my miserable existence, I don't want to leave this place. I want to stay in what I've become accustomed to. My mind is screaming and fighting against this devil man, but the words just won't break free. The drugs stop most words from escaping and what the drugs don't stop, my fear does.

I almost let out a sigh of relief when I'm not taken out of the building. I'm just taken to another room, except this one is nicer. There's a shower and a proper toilet in here. Are they going to let me stay in here from now on? The devil man's words float to the front of my mind. They're sending me on a holiday. Is this my holiday? I actually feel like someone has punched me in the gut when I'm met with the evil face of Artur.

The devil man speaks, “You've got a week, Artur. Remember the two rules. Don't break them, otherwise you'll have the top men on you quicker than you can blink. Be good Tatyana...”

My mind is begging, 'Come back! Please! Don't leave me here with him! Please?!'

But the words never leave my mouth. Instead Artur chuckles and says, “Don't look so scared, Tatyana. This is a luxury for you. You have a real toilet and a shower. Go get cleaned up before I introduce you to my friend...”

The tone of his voice doesn't bode well and I quickly do as I'm told. One, I'm not going to pass up on a chance to clean myself properly, and two, I know very bad things happen when I don't do what this man tells me. There's only a thin curtain around the tub, blocking me from the outside room. There's no bathroom door, so I can't lock myself away and I was naked when I entered the room, so it's not like I have anything more to hide. I hate myself for thinking that way, but that's the cold, hard truth. Another truth is that I'm never getting out of here. I'll be stuck in this pit until the day I die. I whisper, “Please let that be today. Please let this be the last time. Let him kill me...”

I stand under the shower for another minute or so before the curtain is pulled back and I'm met with two pairs of eyes. I quickly look down at the floor and Artur says, “Tatyana, this is my friend, Osip. Why don't we give him a nice greeting...”

They step into the shower and all I can think is, 'Please make it stop! I want to die! Please kill me! Make it stop!'

The begging in my mind continues, but never leaves the confines of my head. I know better than to argue or even speak unless I'm told to. The torture these two men put me through is enough to make your blood run cold. As they fall asleep for a break in the tormenting, my begging to die continues until I fall into a pain filled slumber.



I'm startled awake when I hear Eli's voice. “Dani? Wake up... It's a dream, Dani. Baby? Can you hear me?”

I jump up and scoot as far away from him as I can. I run my hands all over me, searching for the blood and the pain, but I don't find it. I release a shaky breath and rub my hands across my face. I can feel my hands trembling.

“Are you ok? You haven't had one like that in a while...”

“I wanted to die...”

“I know. I heard you. You were talking in your sleep...”

I know a horrified look must cross my features and I risk asking, “What else did I say?”

“You were begging for it to stop and you wanted to die... Do you want to talk about it?”

Do I want to talk about it? Obviously, keeping it locked up in my mind isn't working. And maybe giving him one nightmare will let me know if he's repulsed by me. Giving him one memory might just let me know whether or not I can trust him to not leave if he hears any more.

So I take a deep breath and start rambling, “The devil man said I was having a holiday, but it wasn't a holiday... It was just another room in the same place... There was a shower and a real toilet...”

“You didn't have a toilet?”

I frown, like the concept of not having a toilet is pretty normal. “No sir, just a bucket they cleared out daily...”

I hear him take a deep breath, but I can't look at him. He must sense this, because he quietly says, “You can lean back on me if you want to. I won't move. I'll stay right here, but I want you to know you're not alone in this. I don't want you to get lost in those memories just because you're telling me them...”

I rest my back against his side, with my casted leg laying flat on the bed and my right leg on top of it. I try to curl myself into a ball, and just have his side against my back, so I know he's there. I don't know if I do this because I want the comfort, to make him feel better, or to ensure he doesn't get angry with me for not doing it. Somehow I don't think he'll get angry, but that's not a risk I'm willing to take after the years of being told what to do.

I slowly begin to repeat the nightmare. Somewhere in the middle, I start to turn frantic and when I get to the end of the nightmare, I'm a mess.

“I just wanted it to stop... I couldn't say anything, but it wouldn't stop... They made me do things... They hurt me.... I just wanted to die.... Oh! What have I done.....?!”

I feel like my heart is breaking. Just recounting some of those awful things is enough to send me over the edge. I know I did those things; I know they did those things to me. But saying them out loud just confirms it all and makes it that much more real. Now Eli knows a tiny part of what happened and I'm absolutely petrified that he'll think I'm a disgusting whore. Let's be honest, that's exactly what I am. I'm a vile Bratva whore, just like Babkin said I was. I'll never be anything different, because I'll never be able to escape them. I'm even branded by them and they'll know I'm theirs.

I feel Eli wince and his voice is clear and determined when he says, “No, you're not. You're not a Bratva whore. You're not vile or disgusting and you never were theirs. They held you captive, but you never belonged to them. That would suggest you chose to be there. I know you didn't make that choice, so you never belonged to them and you never will. I know you're plagued with the memories and it feels like they own you, but they don't. You are not disgusting and I really want you to believe that so desperately. Is that what your fear is? That I'm going to think you're dirty? Because if that's the case, then tell me how to make you know I don't think that. I will never think that. I don't know how to prove it to you any other way...”



I don't move, but my breath hitches at the sincerity of his words. What is wrong with me? I can sense he's being honest, so why can't I just believe him? What is stopping me from just giving in to him? I don't want to be vulnerable, I know that much, but I'm already vulnerable. I already depend on this man to get through each day, so it can't just be that. I'm scared that he's going to have the power to hurt me way worse than anyone every could. Whatever the reason, I know it's my past that is stopping me from just letting this man in completely. My past is holding back my future and I'm not sure how to change that.