Chapter Eighty-Six



Dani

We spend Sunday morning just sitting in the garden in the sunshine. Eli's parents have a beautiful garden and they work hard to keep it that way. Connie grows her own herbs and vegetables. She says it makes food taste so much better when you grow it yourself. We're eating breakfast on the decking out the back, and everyone is shocked when I speak about my parents without any prompting.

“My momma did the same. She even had chickens...”

Connie smiles at me, “Did she? I'd love to have chickens. The fresh eggs must have been lovely.”

“Oh, yes ma'am. My momma used to make the most beautiful egg dishes. She was so sad when she had to sell her chickens to come over here. She'd have brought them with her if she had a chance. She loved those chickens...”

I get lost in my memories. Mostly of my momma talking to the chickens as she fed them, and a more recent memory of when I saw them when I was in a coma.

Eli's hand slips around my shoulder, bringing me out of my daze and causing me to jump. He apologizes for scaring me, but explains that he didn't want me to get caught up in the memories too much. Breakfast continues with a few questions about Russia and my parents. Don asks about my poppa's profession, very interested in the fact he was a heart surgeon.

“He used to read his medical journals to me. He used to say they were boring, but I'd beg him to read them. I just loved listening to him and I also loved to learn about whatever he was reading. Eventually, I used to read them to him, soaking up all of the information.”

Don asks, “So, you remember everything you read to him? Word for word?”

I feel the blush rising on my cheeks as I say, “Yes sir.”

“That is just amazing. You are very special, Dani. I don't think there are any recorded cases of people with a completely photographic memory...”

“My poppa kept me a secret because he didn't want me to be used as a lab rat.”

I can't stop myself from thinking, 'I was just used for other experiments instead. Probably ones far worse than any doctor would have exposed me to...'

I hear Eli's voice whisper in Russian, “Don't go there, Dani. Stop thinking like that.”

I nod, but my cheeks flush a very deep shade of red, giving it away that he was exactly right in his assessment of my thought process.

After breakfast is finished and Eli clears the table, he excuses himself to make a phone call. Leaving me outside with his parents.

Connie asks, “What would you like for dinner, Dani?”

“Oh, I don't mind. I'll eat pretty much anything you make.”

She chuckles, “You're beginning to sound like the boys when I ask them the same question. How about lamb?”

“That would be good. Thank you.”

I was about to say 'ma'am', but I caught myself before I actually let it slip out.

Connie slips away to start preparing for dinner, leaving just Don and myself. He asks, “How are you feeling, Dani?”

“Ok, sir.”

“You sure? Is the Modecate helping with the anxiety?”

“Yes sir. Thank you. It's working better than before.”

“Good. Eli said Dr. Stone increased the dosage. That probably needed to happen from the beginning, but I didn't want to start too high or we would have had no where else to go.”

“I understand, sir. It's ok.”

Eli appears shortly after, Ash behind him.

Eli smirks as he says, “I found a stray on my way back...”

I gasp at his words, but Ash chuckles, not taking offense at all.

“Dude, you're just jealous because your mom loves me more... Green doesn't suit you, man.”

“You got some dirt in your eye or something? You sure you're not delusional? My mom loves me more; I'm her biological son, man. Stop trying to steal her affection. How's Momma K, anyways?”

“She's good. She wanted to come over for dinner today, but I told her she'd have to call you guys first. I wasn't sure what the protocol on that would be...”

Everyone turns to me and I am truly embarrassed. I really am imposing on their lives far too much. Don and Connie's own children have been told not to turn up without calling first. Ash's mom isn't allowed to come over for dinner because I am here. It's just selfish on my part, so I whisper, “Don't change your routine because of me, sir. If your momma wants to come over, it's ok. I don't want to impose. I'm the visitor here; I don't have a say in what happens here.”

Eli stares at me, like he's trying to read my expression. I do everything in my power to keep my face neutral, so he can't tell what I'm thinking. Ash asks, “Are you sure? If it's going to upset you, then I'll tell her not to come over...”

“No sir, it's ok. Don't change things just for me.”

He nods and calls his mom to tell her dinner is at 3pm and he'll pick her up at 2:30. Sarah turns up at 1:30 to go through my physio, which we do in the living room away from everyone. Thankfully, she doesn't need to touch me because I don't know how that would go at the moment. Yes, I'm a little more used to Eli's touch, but he is a completely different case. It has taken him a long time to build the trust up enough to do stuff like that. After Sarah leaves, I say, “Eli? I'm tired. Please could I take a nap?”

“Of course. You want me to stay with you?”

“It's ok, sir. I'll be ok.”

He eyes me suspiciously, but tucks me in and places a kiss on my forehead before quietly leaving the room.

I hear Eli slip into the room a little later, but I pretend to be asleep, not moving a muscle. I don't want to face anyone right now. I don't want to go to dinner. I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable and I don't want to feel awkward myself. I know that me being out there will upset the natural rapport these guys have. They'll feel like they can't be their usual selves and I really don't want that. I don't want to impose any more than I already am. It's not right of me to expect them to change their lives just because of me and my baggage.

I think Eli knows I'm not asleep, because he releases a long sigh, like he's contemplating whether or not to question me about it. He stands there for a few minutes, silent before taking a deep breath and leaving the room again. I hear him talking outside as he says, “She's still asleep. I don't want to wake her. Physio was quite tiring today.”

I hear Connie's reply, “Ok. I'll save her a plate for when she wakes up.”

I silently apologize for being so selfish, but I think it's the lesser of two evils. If I go out there I'm bound to embarrass them with my weird behavior. It's bound to cause Ash's mom to question things and I don't want to put any of them in that position. Ash and Eli won't want to answer her questions and they'll feel like they're lying to her or betraying me. Either way it's not fair to any of them. It's best to just stay away.

I must fall asleep again, because I'm startled awake when the bedroom door flies open. A scream involuntarily rips from my throat, because I'm frightened and I don't know what to expect. Eli rushes into the room and quickly assesses the situation. When he steps up to the side of the bed, I start to relax a little. Just knowing he is there, helps to calm my nerves a little.

When I take in my surroundings, I'm faced with a little dark haired, brown-eyed girl. My heart rate does a little skip, not really knowing how to react to this situation. Eli snaps my attention to him when he speaks in Russian. “Sorry, Dani. She was told not to come in here, but she's strong minded. I'm sorry.”

My voice is shaky as I ask, “Who is she?”

“My niece, Fiona. She's Maria's little girl.”

“Oh.”

That must mean Maria is here. Now I am extremely thankful that I faked sleep earlier.

“Maria and her husband, John, are here. I was going to warn you, but you were asleep when they arrived and I didn't want to wake you. I don't expect you to come out there or anything. If you're hungry, I can bring your dinner in here.”

“I need the bathroom, Eli.”

“Ok. One second.”

He turns to the little girl and says, “Fi, go find mommy.”

“Eli... Lady...”

“Yes, Fi. This is Dani.”

“Dani?”

“Yeah, my friend Dani. Go find your mom and I'll be out soon. Ok?”

She nods and scurries off, leaving me wondering what exactly just happened. Eli carries me into the joining bathroom and says nothing when he leaves me to use the bathroom. I don't know if he's angry at me or if he just doesn't know what to say. Either way, I'm not brave enough to make the first comment. I manage to use the toilet and hobble to the sink to wash my hands before I let Eli know I'm finished. He carries me back to the bed and lets me sit on the edge, before the door is thrown open and the little girl appears again. This time, she's wielding a sharpie.

I hear a woman's voice calling for the child and then she appears in the doorway. The woman looks very similar to Connie, so I guess she must be Eli's sister, Maria. I don't know who looks more shocked, her or myself.

She apologizes, “Oh, I'm sorry. Fiona said there was lady and she needed to write on her. I didn't think she was actually telling the truth. I thought she was playing a game. Sorry. Fi, come on, out of here...”

“Mama, I need to write...”

Maria's cheeks flush as she takes in my plaster cast. “I'm sorry. One of the boys at her day care had an arm cast and everyone drew on it. I think she's assuming you want the same. Sorry.”

I'm too shocked to say or do anything, and it's Eli's touch on my hand that snaps me back into the reality of the moment. His touch is gentle and caring. He's trying to calm me down and make sure I don't have a panic attack.

“Mama, I need to draw on her...”

I can almost see a foot stomp right there.

“Sorry, Eli. Fiona, you can't just draw on people. You have to ask permission before you do things like that...”

Fiona looks up at me innocently, as she asks, “May I draw?”

The child is clever, I'll give her that. She's probably nearly 4 now, if I remember correctly. I'm still too shocked to speak, not really believing any of this is happening, so I just nod numbly.

“See Mama, I'm allowed.”

“You don't have to let her do that...”

Eli speaks, “Dani. Her name is Dani.”

“Really Dani, don't just let her do that. You can say no...”

I take in a sharp breath, those words having far too much of any effect on me than they really should. I hear Eli mutter, “Just a figure of speech, baby. She doesn't mean anything by it. Deep breaths, just take deep breaths. Ok?”

I nod a little and Fiona leans over my dangling leg. She thinks for a little while before writing 'Fi' and drawing some squiggly lines or something. She's very pleased with her work if her smile is anything to go by and I can see Eli a tiny bit in her grin. As she steps back, I see Maria walk into the room more to take Fiona's hand. She smiles at Eli and I before she whispers in Spanish, “Ma wasn't lying when she said Dani was beautiful. Eli, she's stunning.”

Eli chuckles, probably because he knows I can understand, and then he replies, “I know. She's absolutely beautiful.”

Maria turns to me and says, “I'm sorry Fiona disturbed you, Dani.”

I manage to whisper, “It's ok.”

Maria leads Fiona out of the room, quietly shutting the door after her. Leaving Eli and I in complete silence. He lets out a deep breath and whispers, “Do you want to talk about dinner?”

I fake a confused look, but I'm sure Eli can see through that.

“I know you weren't asleep when I came in to get you for dinner. You want to talk about why you didn't want to go out there?”

I sigh and start picking at my nails, so Eli sits next to me and places his hands over mine. I shouldn't be scared, but I am. I'm scared he's angry; that he's going to be mad that I lied about being asleep and for skipping out on dinner. I'm worried he's going to tell me off for being selfish and stupid. I know I shouldn't be worried and scared, but I can't help it. I can feel myself trembling, so I know Eli can feel it too.

He whispers, “Baby? Look at me please?”

When I gather enough courage and manage to steel my features enough, I look up at Eli. The concern and gentleness in his eyes catches me off guard and I actually gasp because of it. I was expecting anger or annoyance or something along those lines, but not concern. Eli sits on the floor in front of me, looking up at me, and takes my hands in his.

“What's going on, Dani? Talk to me. Don't shut me out again.”

The pleading in his voice breaks my resolve and I tell him why I didn't want to go out there for dinner. I tell him that I don't feel worthy enough to be in their presence, that I'm a black spot, tainting his family's goodness.

When I'm finished speaking, Eli squeezes my hands and quietly speaks, probably so he doesn't scare me.

“You're not tainting us or anything of the sort. We consider you part of our family and we want you to realize that. I want you to feel like you're as much a part of this family as any other member. Ash and Momma K aren't blood related, but they're family to us. You don't have to have matching DNA to be considered family. You shouldn't worry about Ash and I being torn. We know our job and we know there's certain aspects of our lives that we can't share with anyone else. We came to terms with that a long time ago. We know you don't want anyone else to know your history, so it's not even going to be an issue. We won't talk about it to anyone in this family unless you specifically ask us to. You don't have to worry about these things, baby. I've got your back, always, and so does Ash. Please, focus on healing. I just want you to feel better and to be comfortable with us. Can you just try to do that?”

I nod slightly, feeling a little better for talking to him about this.

“So, do you want your dinner in here?”

“No thank you. I'm actually not hungry.”

“Sure? You've only eaten breakfast today.”

“I'm sure, sir. I'd like some water though, if that's ok?”

“Sure thing. You want to come out to the kitchen for it? I promise I won't let anything happen to you...”

He looks hopeful, and I feel guilty for being selfish and not wanting to leave this bedroom. I take a deep breath and swallow the bile I can feel rising from my stomach. I don't want to disappoint Eli yet again, but I am scared. I need to trust his words; that he won't let anything happen to me. He hasn't let me down before, so I should trust that he has no intention of starting now.

I take another deep breath and quietly say, “Ok, but don't leave me please...?”

I hate how pleading and weak I sound, but I can't help the fear that is creeping up my spine and branching off into my whole body.

“I have no intention of leaving you, sweetheart. Besides, I want to show you off to the rest of my family...”

He shoots me a wink and a dazzling smile, making my stomach do that weird flip flop thing again. I don't know what that feeling is, and I don't know what it means. It's not fear, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I wish my momma was here so I could ask her what this all means. I hear my poppa's voice whisper, “Speak to Connie. She's a mother; she'll help you.”

I let out an involuntary gasp as Eli slips his hands around me to lift me. He quickly removes his hands and takes a giant step back, apologizing. “I'm sorry, baby. I thought you knew what I was doing. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry.”

I manage to say, “Not you...”

“Not me?”

“No. My poppa. He's here.”

“Here? In this room?”

“His voice. I can't see him... I'm going to shut up because I actually sound crazy to myself right now...”

I'm rambling and when I look up, I see Eli smiling affectionately at me.

“You're not crazy. He's trying to guide you. But the rambling thing is cute. I'd like to hear more of that.”

I find myself trying to smile at him, although I'm sure it's more of a grimace really.

“You ready to go into the kitchen?”

“Is Ash still here?”

“Yes ma'am. Everyone is in the living room. I'll take you to the kitchen though, so you're not in the middle of it. Ok?”

I nod and then say, “Ok. I can do this. As long as you're here, I can do this.”

I feel Eli's lips against the top of my head as he speaks, “You can do this. Even if I wasn't here, you could do this. You're stronger than you think, but I'm here to make it easier for you. Don't doubt just how strong you actually are.”

Eli hums 'Gravity' as he carries me into the kitchen and sets me at the breakfast bar. He sets a glass of water in front of me and I ask, “Eli? Can I speak to Ash, please?”

“Sure. I'll go get him. I'll be back.”

I nod absentmindedly and play with the glass, watching the little droplets of water drip down the outside of the glass.





Eli

While I'm pleased Dani is making the effort to speak to Ash, I find myself wondering what she could want to talk to him about. I slip back into the living room and find Ash easily. He's standing next to where his mom is sitting, laughing at something someone has just said. He looks like he owns the room. Confidence is something Ash has never had a problem with. In fact, sometimes I think he has too much, but despite all of his joking around, he's not actually an obnoxious jerk. He mostly pretends like he is at work. I think Dani being around has helped to change that about him.

I stand next to him and whisper in his ear, “Dani's in the kitchen. She wants to speak to you...”

I notice the shock register in his eyes, but not on his face. Our training is so instilled into us that it's almost like it never switches off, even in our family life. I know it annoys my family, that I can always remain a neutral expression no matter what. Although, I did lose my cool slightly when Ty appeared here, accusing Dani of all sorts.

Ash nods and I say, “I don't know if she wants to speak to you on her own, so if she needs me, just let me know.”

“Will do. She ok?”

“Feeling a bit fragile right now. Just be careful with her, yeah?”

“Always.”



I join the conversation, but keep my eyes towards the kitchen door, checking to see if Ash needs me. My pops notices my wary stance and he raises his eyebrows at me, silently throwing a question my way. I subtly shake my head and send him a reassuring smile. Nothing is wrong, well, not any more than usual so I don't want him to worry. Fiona runs over to me and grabs my leg, asking to be thrown up in the air. I oblige and leave her in a fit of giggles at the feeling of flying through the air. Even as I continue to speak with my family, my focus never completely leaves that kitchen door, just in case my Dani needs me.