So I’m back to school :P life sucks.

Sorry, let me restart positively. Hello! How are y’all?? So glad I can update for you guys – you have no idea what the feedback you’ve been giving me means to me, I mean, every time I log in I see new votes and comments and I just start tearing up. You guys are amazing. And now that you’re all completely convinced that I’m insane, here’s chapter umm eleven I believe (don’t judge me; I’m currently writing chapter 13 I think so I get confused). Also, I may not update again until I finish like I dunno the next chapter or so meaning I’ll be on chapter 15 but you won’t…well that wasn’t confusing. Now I’m lost. But whatever, basically I may not update for a week or two, although I have been writing loads lately, completely irresponsible cuz I have exams next week, but whatever. Theorems of triangles only get you so far in life anyway.

Gracias! <3 vb123321

Chapter Eleven



♥ Astrid ♥



Finding a motel in Detroit was, predictably, easier than finding one in Ann Arbor, although admittedly they were less nice. We crashed somewhere in the outskirts of the city, slept clear to the following morning, and woke to find the world covered in a foot of snow. As I was born and raised in Michigan, I knew that this occurrence was something that would either happen once all winter or again in March, and so I resigned myself to the fact that the airport would likely be closed for the day. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go as it was.



Joel, of course, wanted to go and play in the snow, but as he didn’t have boots or snow pants or even hat and gloves, that was out of the question. We spent a miserable morning in the motel room until Josh broke down and drove the kid to a nearby Wal-Mart and bought him a pair of gloves and a hat. He also stopped at an ATM for some cash – “to satisfy you, Astrid” – and bought a few other items he thought we needed.



While Joel messed around in the snow banks of a park, Josh joining in with an occasional snowball now and then, I sat on a bench and watched them. Wondered what it would be like if we had stayed in Michigan, not become what we were but just friends goofing off in the thrill of a snowy afternoon. That kind of thinking generally got one nowhere, and so I resorted to staring at the messages Pierre had sent me the day before.



I know you don’t want to talk to me, but there’s something I need to tell you.



Astrid? This is important. It’s about that guy you know, Jay.



I had managed to forget that Pierre knew about Jay. What did he have to say to me that had anything to do with Jay? If this had anything to do with Alan Young and his target on Jay…or was Pierre’s mysterious agency – if it did exist – involved as well? I didn’t see how I could answer these questions when I didn’t even know from where they were coming. I was realizing for the first time how little I actually knew about Pierre, not to mention Jay. And yet I couldn’t bring myself to text him back.



That sort of thinking didn’t get one anywhere either, and so I tried to put it out of my mind over the next few days as we loitered around Detroit. Joel seemed happy enough, bouncing everywhere as we toured random places and slept the mornings away in the motel room, but I knew Josh was restless. I saw it in his eyes as we looked at a work of art in the Detroit Institute of Arts, saw how they moved with some frustration to me as I avoided his gaze. He wanted to be doing something, for that was how his mind worked, and I didn’t know how to admit to him that I had no idea what to do next.



And then, on the following Thursday, the fifteenth of December, something happened that made up my mind completely, although it left it even more confused than before. We had spent yet another day wandering around the city, and as we staggered back into the motel room, Josh looked so antsy that I thought he might do something stupid, like jump out the window. The manager of the motel was getting suspicious of the three teenaged kids that had stayed for nearly a week already, and I could tell our story was beginning to fall apart.



Joel threw himself on the bed, plugging in his earphones and humming at the ceiling as Josh sent him irritated looks while he paced the room. I received a fair share of them as well, because I was being so incompetent, but I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I merely sank down into an armchair and rubbed my eyes wearily.



It was then that my phone rang.



Both Josh and I jerked to attention, looking around wildly for the source of the noise. I rarely had my phone off of vibrate or silent, so it took me a moment to plunge my hand into my pocket and bring it out into the open. The sound of the ringing filled the room as I stared at the screen, my brain whirling. I didn’t recognize the number, but the chances of someone calling a wrong number on this Delta-issued phone were so slim that my suspicions were roused instantly.



“Who is it?” Josh asked, his voice suddenly loud, and I shrugged. “You going to pick up? I can time you if you think they’re trying to find your location, tell you when to hang up…”



I debated for a few seconds, Joel sliding out one of his earphones to look over at me curiously, and then swiped answer in a quick decision. “Hello?” I said warily, and after a long pause, a familiar voice drifted through my ear.



“Hello, beautiful.”



My breath left my lungs; the knuckles gripping the phone whitened as their hold tightened. Standing, I gave Josh a sharp look that I was positive he understood, because he gestured immediately for the bathroom, which I disappeared into. Clutching the side of the sink, I stared at my reflection as my brain fought with my frozen vocal cords for a long moment.



“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t hang up,” I choked out finally.



“That wouldn’t be very smart of you.” His voice was silky as ever; I could almost see him leaning against a wall, smiling slightly as he talked to me. “I wouldn’t call you if it wasn’t important, Astrid; I like my health the way it is.”



“Then what?” My voice was sharp.



“I’m in London.” His was abrupt, and I was taken aback at how rapidly he got to the point; messing around was sort of his style. “Feel free to turn on your tracker if you want, but I’m telling you the truth. I’m in London, and I think you should join me here. Things are about to get…interesting.”



“London?” I repeated, watching the confusion swirl on my face in the mirror. All I could think about was the kid in the other room, the blue-eyed brother with lemon-colored hair, and how much trouble I’d be in if I let anything slip at that moment… “What are you talking about?”



“Can’t you hear, beautiful? I’m asking you to join me.”



I turned away from the mirror, sitting on the edge of the sink as I stared straight ahead, working through this. “Why?”



“Let’s just say…I have something that may interest you.”



“Stop,” I snapped, my stomach churning at the thought of what I had that would interest him. “You know I don’t buy the crap. Why can’t you tell me clearly for once what you want from me?”



He sounded serious, something I hadn’t been expecting. “This isn’t about me…this is about you. And Delta. Or can you tell me that my pal Alan hasn’t been up to something fishy? Ahh,” as I inhaled sharply, “word gets around, even in terrorist groups.” He sounded derisive, his voice cutting. “Don’t even say anything, Astrid; just think about what I told you in September.”



“You mean right before you let Cloying kill Charlie?” I spat, my voice trembling like my grip on the phone.



A long pause. “Yes. Right before that.” His voice changed very slightly for a short moment. “Remember what I said about Delta; remember what I said about Cloying and G7…” His tone held a warning note. “Feeling the same as me yet? Feeling there’s always something Young isn’t telling you? I heard your little boyfriend went back to his agency.”



He knew about Pierre? My brain was struggling to keep up with his rapid changes of subject. “Well,” I managed after a moment, trying to control my breathing, “you do get around.”



A soft laugh in my ear. “Weren’t expecting his departure, were you? Just another thing someone failed to tell you…. Well, I must go, so think about what I’ve said and what can be found here in London. I’ll give you a small hint – your ex might have something to do with it.”



“What do you know about Pierre?” My voice shook so violently that I was surprised the words came out clearly.



“Come to London – find out. Besides,” that feathery laugh again, the vision of his blue eyes flitting across my mind, “don’t you want another stab at Cloying? He’s here.”



“What?” After all Delta had gone through looking for Cloying, he was just going to throw that out there? I couldn’t tell what he was playing at. “Explain!”



But he was gone.



My hand fell away from my ear, hanging loosely at my side. I sat there on the edge of the sink for several minutes as my brain tried to catch up with my heart and my heart with the pounding of my blood through my veins. Jay certainly knew exactly what it took to blow me clear out of the water – play every word the right way and get Astrid’s mind twisted into a complicated knot.



It was a little while before I remembered Joel and Josh were in the other room, and eventually I stumbled out of the bathroom and forced a casual look on my face as both of them gave me wary looks. “Just catching up with someone,” I said flippantly, but the look on Josh’s face told me he wasn’t convinced. Joel bought it easily enough, shrugging and lying back on the bed once more as I fought for air by the bathroom door.



“Josh–” I said presently, and his eyes flicked over to my face. “Can I talk–”



My phone rang again.



I nearly dropped it as all eyes moved to it again. This time a name appeared with the number, one that was no more welcome than the previous. Once again I met Josh’s eyes for a long moment before sliding answer again, this time leaning against the bathroom door and holding Josh’s gaze as I answered.



“What do you want?”



“Why that tone?” Alan Young sounded faintly surprised. I winced; I had forgotten that he technically hadn’t done anything wrong yet. As a matter of fact, he had just granted Josh and I a holiday out of concern for our wellbeing. I was playing the wrong card, and so I took the petulance out of my voice as I spoke again.



“Sorry – thought you were someone else.”



“Another caller, perhaps?” As shrewd as ever. “Someone calling you back after a heated conversation?”



Joel had sat up again, taking out his earphones to watch me intently, and Josh’s eyebrows were lifted from across the room. Trying to control the feelings that were threatening to flow onto my face, I kept my voice as light as his. “I don’t know. I’m having a bad day. Did you want to talk to me about something? Please make it quick; I’m in the middle of a family thing.”



“Are you?” Young’s voice was pleasant. “Or are you standing in a motel room with Steiner and a certain…Joel Nicholson?”



I was silent for a long moment, watching Josh’s eyes frown at me. “All right,” I said slowly. “What are you getting at? Don’t you have something to tell me as well?”



Young’s tone went from cordial to icy in a split second. “Miss von Shauff, you have stepped way out of line. Joel Nicholson is no concern of yours–”



“Oh really?” I couldn’t help the anger that rose inside of me. “You want to explain to me why you blew up the Nicholsons’ house?” Joel’s eyes widened; I plowed on. “You want to tell me what your master plan is concerning him, why I thought he was dead all this time?”



“You’ve been talking to his brother, I see.” Young paused. “Is he in the room – Joel, I mean?” And when I affirmed this, “I’ll keep this brief. Think about how easily Jay Nicholson deceived you and all of us – think about how easy it would be for this to be another of his lies – and leave Joel out of this. You have nothing to do with him; the Nicholsons in general have nothing to do with you.”



“No, I think they have everything to do with me,” I hissed, my hand shaking all over again. Joel looked scared, his big blue eyes moving from Josh’s face to mine, and I wished I could walk out of the room, but my feet wouldn’t move. “You’re the one that’s been hiding things since almost three years ago – how come you never told me the whole story?”



That made him stop, for just a moment, and then he said coldly, “Like I said, they are no concern of yours. You didn’t need to know the whole story.” I swore, but he continued: “I’m giving you one chance, Miss von Shauff, one chance to step away from all of this. Bring Joel Nicholson back to his house in Pinckney by tomorrow, come straight back to Delta, and we’ll forget the whole thing. Leave the Nicholsons to those who can control them.”



“Control?” I repeated, almost trembling. “What the hell do you mean?”



“One chance, Miss von Shauff.” He was adamant. “If you try anything or do anything other than what I just told you, you are directly disobeying orders and I’ll make both you and Steiner AWOL. And I mean that in the highest level case; I assume you understand the consequences of this action.”



I understood it all too clearly. All bank accounts wiped, fake and real passports watched at every border starting in North America and moving on to Europe if necessary, all the precautions taken up by a spy agency that could have been breached. Exactly what they put Jay through three years ago, what he had managed to hide from for weeks and weeks.



And then they blew up his house.



“We’ll bring Joel back to Pinckney,” I breathed into the phone, heart beat pounding in my ears. “And we’ll be back at Delta by Saturday at the latest.”



“Friday night.” Young wasn’t taking any chances. “And then you’re both AWOL. And if I find out you’ve done anything differently between then and now, it will be likewise.”



For the second time in less than ten minutes, I heard the click of someone hanging up in my ear, and for the second time I let my hand fall limply to my side as I raised my head to stare weakly at Josh. “We’re in deep crap,” I said, quite calmly considering the mental and emotional state I was in.



Josh glanced over at Joel, who was kneeling now on the bed with that familiar bewildered expression on his face. “Is it about the kid?”



I nodded, biting my lip, and Joel frowned. “Who was that? And who was the first caller?”



“Our director,” I replied, ignoring his second question. “Josh…” Switching to German even though I felt guilty leaving Joel out of it, I rapidly filled Josh in, watching his eyes alternate between narrowing in anger and widening in shock. He was silent for a solid minute after I finished, looking worried and exhausted and furious at the same time.



“What’s going on?” burst in Joel, looking frustrated. “I wish you would stop doing that!”



“We have to tell him,” said Josh, meeting my eyes and agreeing nonverbally with what I was thinking. “Basically, Joel, our director is setting an AWOL against us – and that’s a huge problem, believe me – because we found you. You’re supposed to be dead, sorry.” And as he looked scared and confused, “So, if we don’t bring you back to Pinckney, our director will be pissed. That’s about it.”



“But we’re not planning on doing that,” I broke in, “because we think he’s up to something. He was the one that blew up your house, after all.”



Joel nodded, digesting this, his eyes fixated on my face with intensity. “So why did you tell him you were bringing me back to Pinckney?”



“We’re not,” said Josh and I in unison, him having read my mind, and then I added, “If I had told him to get out of my face, he would’ve set off the AWOL straight off the bat. This way, hopefully, we’re gaining a little more time, although I would be willing to bet he’s already put it out. Most likely,” this in a side to Josh, “we’ll have to switch phones out for some prepaid ones. He probably tracked us by them, no?”



Josh shrugged. “Maybe yes, maybe no. Either way…we’ll find out.”



“So where are we going?” asked Joel, still looking between us with wide blue eyes. “If we’re not going back to Pinckney?”



I slid my phone back into my pocket, tossed my ponytail over my shoulder, and picked up Jay’s jacket from where I had thrown it onto the foot of one of the beds. “Pack up, kid; come morning, we’re headed for London.”







Any doubts I had about flying to London were squashed by the phone call Josh received that night. Joel was in the shower, the noise of the water drowning out everything, and so when Josh showed me his flashing screen – Wulf – I gestured for him to put it on speakerphone. We crashed on the bed, the phone lying in front of us, as Josh answered.



“Wulf?”



“Steiner?” came the familiar voice. “Where are you?”



“Um…” Josh glanced at me. “Michigan, remember?”



Wulf paused and then said, “Look, I know Young just called you – don’t ask how – and I have some things to tell you before you make a mistake.”



“A mistake?” I couldn’t help bursting in. “What, like bringing the kid back to Pinckney so he can be mugged by men with guns? Care to explain that one to us?”



Josh elbowed me in the side, rather unjustly I thought, and Wulf let out a small sigh of frustration. “I forgot you’d be listening,” he said ungraciously. “Well, I’ll try to keep this simple. The text I sent you last Saturday, kid – I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that for a while.”



“Yeah.” Josh was frowning. “How did you know about those men that came after us?”



“Because…” Wulf’s voice was heavy. “They were Delta men.”



“What?” There was fair amount of shock in both our voices, considering we had been discussing this angle for the past week. We still hadn’t been able to accept Delta would really do something like that.



“I know, I know…” Wulf was still speaking. “It’s crazy, and I don’t agree with it. I tried to talk to Young about it, but he’s not listening to anyone right now. He’s wrapped up in, well, something else.” He sounded strained. “I can’t tell you everything, I’m sorry.”



I made a noise of frustration before I could help myself and received another elbow in the side from Josh, who said loudly, “Thanks anyway, Wulf. So can you explain about those people after us? Why are they after us?”



“They’re not after you so much as the Nicholson kid, what’s-his-face–”



“Joel,” I cut in, biting my lip. “We thought as much. And they’re after him because of Jay, I take it?”



Wulf hesitated. “I’m not supposed to be saying any of this – you have no idea what a risk I’m taking calling you at all when Young’s threatening to put that AWOL on you.”



“We appreciate it,” said Josh hurriedly. “We weren’t planning on bringing Joel back to Pinckney, anyway, though if you could keep that quiet, that would be great.” He glanced quickly at me and then said daringly, “We’re thinking about London, actually.”



“London?” Wulf’s voice was thoughtful. “That’s a very, very interesting choice…are you sure – well, never mind. If you need any help while you’re there, don’t hesitate to ask. I have many – well – references in London.”



Josh cocked one eyebrow, and we exchanged a look. I figured it would be useless to ask what he was talking about, and evidently Josh did as well, for he kept quiet. “But it is about Jay?” I persisted. “Sorry, but I need to know.”



“Right.” Wulf was a hair away from sarcasm. “Because you’re his little girlfriend, aren’t you? Yeah, I know all about that ancient history, hon. Quite the extensive file Young has on you two, did you know?”



Josh’s eyes popped, glancing at me worriedly. I covered my mouth with one hand, biting back the retort I had coming. My stomach balked; I felt like I was going to throw up. “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I hissed through my teeth, as they were gritted together. “Get to the point.”



“Do you really think you were picked out of a hat to go to France, when Jay Nicholson was there as well? Young knows what he’s doing.”



“I realize that, thank you,” I replied frigidly. “And Joel?”



“I’m not sure about this, but I believe he’s planning to use Joel to bring Jay back, to flush him out. If Jay knew he was alive–”



“Oh boy.” I closed my eyes, swallowing the bile rising in my throat. “I know. He’d go crazy. And that’s exactly what Young wants.” Silence fell for a long moment as I digested this, finally forced to face the theory we’d come up with days before. “All right, so he’s after Joel now, too. Doesn’t that make him sort of desperate? Why does he even care about Jay still?”



“Because of Cloying,” answered Wulf. “You think this is still about him killing those agents? Although I’m sure that’s part of it. Delta doesn’t really stick by the ‘forgive and forget’ thing, do they.”



“Yeah,” I said softly, the wrong thing entirely, but then the shower turned off and Josh glanced with apprehension at the bathroom door.



“We have to go, Wulf. Thanks for telling us this – we do appreciate it,” here he glanced at me; I forced myself to make a noise of agreement, “and if you could keep us informed somehow…that would be great.”



“I can try.” Wulf sounded dubious. “It’ll be difficult; Young’s watching everyone like a hawk. But if I can get on the team he sets after you… I’ll see what I can do.”



“Thanks,” said Josh, and then he hung up. Rolling to his side, he stared at me for a long moment, my shock and disappointment reflected in his blue-green eyes, and then he shook his head. “I guess we better buy those tickets. I’ll see if I can get some cheap,” and he flashed the Delta credit card in my face again with a slight smirk. “Aren’t you glad I got this?”







The chaos the next morning was nothing more than the usual scramble to the airport, swinging backpacks and duffel bags and making sure we had everything. Once there, we left the car in the parking lot, not overly concerned about it as it was Delta’s in the first place. We had managed to rustle up an old fake passport of Jay’s for Joel – they looked so alike that the picture was perfect – and Joel passed through securities just fine, maybe clutching the passport a little more protectively than he needed to.



Josh and I, with our firearms, had a little more difficulty, but it turned out that Young hadn’t put out the AWOL yet, because it took one quiet conference with the head of security for him to waive the security checks and let us through. I was amazed that Young had trusted us enough and hadn’t done what he threatened, but any gift was fine by me, and I was grateful to get quietly on the plane without a problem.



Joel had never had to use a passport before, as he had never traveled outside of the States or Canada, and so there was the usual excitement of a first-timer. And, of course, Joel’s excitement levels were generally double the usual, and so we spent the time before the flight putting up with him bouncing up at every announcement and asking questions about everything from the seats to the weather in London to whether Delta would send airline hijackers after us.



When we finally boarded, I sat next to him with Josh across the aisle, forcing him to settle down as we took off. Once we were in the air, I used my sweatshirt as a pillow and closed my eyes for a powernap. Joel quickly discovered that I was not in a mood to have a conversation and promptly plugged himself into his iPod, turning on some movie. Josh appeared to be doing the same as I, and so I relinquished the pressure of caution that weighed heavily on my mind and crashed for a few hours.



I awoke later to general kerfuffle, something I was quite used to, and was forced to tug Joel back into his seat as he began to rise to leave the plane. Apparently I had slept several hours longer than planned, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Instead, I quieted the restless Joel and gathered our bags from above us; I always traveled carry-on, for obvious reasons. Josh left the plane without looking back at us, as we had discussed earlier. Maybe we were being paranoid, but as it was growing late in the afternoon Eastern Standard Time, I knew the AWOL could well be in circulation.



It was eight o’clock at night by London time, and so I found myself disorientated by both the time change and the effects of the powernap I had taken; if someone had asked me what year we were in, I might not have been able to tell them. However, my senses snapped back to full as we reached security. Joel passed through without a problem, although the guard did look a little doubtful that he was sixteen, but when I stepped up to the checkpoint, there was a lull.



I had given my firearms to Josh, figuring that it was more probable that he would appear as an agent, whereas I was lugging a youthful-looking kid along with me. So I should have been able to walk past just fine, but the man stalled, looking from my passport picture to my face to his computer screen with a little more hesitancy than I appreciated. My stomach jumped nervously as I tried to look coolly puzzled at the time it was taking.



Surprisingly, it was Joel who saved me. “Maggie, hurry up,” he urged, even remembering to use my fake name. “Mom’s been waiting for fifteen minutes already; she’s going to be so mad at us.”



“Sorry.” I pulled an exasperated look. “You know how long security takes.”



The guard glanced back at Joel, frowning, and then checked me once more, finally ushering me through with an apologetic murmur. Breathing an inward sigh of relief, I forced myself to walk normally, catching Joel’s arm as he made a move to dart forward and pretending to point out something overhead.



“Blend in till we find Josh,” I muttered, but it wasn’t very hard for him. He was naturally curious, spinning in every direction to take every aspect of the London airport in as we stepped into the night air. I held his arm to make sure he didn’t wander off, looking around for Josh and praying we would find him soon.



“Astrid.” He appeared so suddenly at my shoulder that I couldn’t help jumping. “Come on; I found a taxi.”



“A taxi?” I repeated nervously, a fear of unknown drivers that came from years of experience with them surfacing. “Are you sure?”



“It’s not like we have a car yet,” he pointed out, shuffling the gaping Joel towards a bright yellow taxi. “Don’t worry, Astrid, it’ll be fine. How was customs?”



I grimaced, holding the door open for Joel and then sliding in after him. “They suspected something,” I said in a low voice to Josh as he paused outside. “Held me for a bit longer than usual. What about you?”



He slipped in next to me, slamming the door and rattling off some address I didn’t recognize to the driver. Then to me in a voice only I could hear, “Not a problem. Good thing you gave the goods to me then, eh? I can’t imagine why they suspected you and not me, especially since you had the kid with you.” We both glanced at Joel, who was goggling at something out the window. “Did anyone follow you out, any guards or something? Any furtive-looking phone calls?”



I shook my head no.



“Then don’t worry about it.” His voice was light but I could see in his eyes that he was worrying about it. “Or at least worry about it later, all right? We gotta somewhere safe first.”



“Where are we going?”



“Somewhere Wulf told me about.” Josh’s eyes flickered to the window, scanning the streets. “A safe house, one I’ve never heard about,” he added quietly as I frowned. “I don’t think it’s a Delta house…I saw that look. Wulf has sources other than Delta, you know. I think we can trust him.”



“We’d better be able to,” I replied grimly, rubbing my forehead wearily. “If anyone finds this safe house, you’re ditching all contact with him; I don’t care what you say. He seems to be Young’s right-hand man, anyway – how do you know he’s with us?”



“But he’s not.” Josh actually looked surprised. “Don’t you ever listen to him? He never knows exactly what’s going on, just manages to catch snippets from what he hears them talking about. You can trust him, Astrid, I promise.”



“Whatever you say.” I wished I was as certain as him.



The cabbie let us off a few blocks away from where Josh claimed the safe house was, for safety measures, and we began walking towards it, Joel stumbling from exhaustion. My doubts faded a bit when I saw the house, because it looked like a grungy flat and nothing like most of the houses Delta usually used. Then again, nothing about this whole affair had fallen under the “usual” category, but I was so tired and the boys so obviously were too that I didn’t argue as we pushed open the door and stepped inside.



It was a nice enough place, with two bedrooms and a working bathroom and kitchen and even a couch in the living room area. It was enough for what we needed, anyway: a place to live for the next however many weeks. We pulled sleeping bags from a closet and spread them out on the three beds, and Joel immediately crashed onto one of the twin set in one of the bedrooms. I dropped my things in the other room, taking off my jacket and leaving it on the bed as I looked around the place that would be home for now.



After a while, I padded into the living area, where Josh was investigating the many aspects of our flat. “Up to your approval?” he asked, stopping in the doorway to look at me.



I shrugged, leaning against the wall. “I’ll answer that if no one finds us here.”



“Joel’s fast asleep,” said Josh, gesturing towards the bedroom. “Poor kid’s wiped out from the flight. Completely understandable.” He hesitated. “Are you sure we should have taken him to London?”



Throwing up my hands powerlessly, I said, “I’m not really sure of anything anymore. I think he’ll be okay – he’s already been through enough to be pretty resilient to these things. Even before he knew about us…” I paused, not wanting to bring up the bombing. “And the Nicholsons used to fly to California twice a year, right? So he’s used to flights.”



“That’s not exactly what I meant.” Josh sighed. “Whatever. I guess we’ll just have to see for that, too. He’ll be okay.” He stretched his arms above his heads, yawning. “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to bed. See you in the morning, Astrid.” Walking back to his bedroom, he stopped suddenly in the door, gesturing for me with one hand.



Warily I came to his side, looking inside the dimly-lit room. Joel was on the bed to the right, his blonde hair splashed across the dark color of his pillowcase. Not seeing what Josh was, I stepped further into the room so that Joel’s profile was turned in my direction – and then I stopped dead as Josh had.



He was crying.



I could tell he was asleep and that made it almost worse, that he felt this way so badly that he cried in his sleep, the tears streaking his face. His hands were bunched tightly on the edge of the sleeping bag, hair falling over his eyes as he tossed in the bed, as restless asleep as he was when awake. The tears were already stopped, a long sigh escaping from his mouth as his head finally lay still on the pillow and his breathing became even again.



“He’s missing his family,” murmured Josh, and when I met his eyes, I couldn’t help feeling taken aback at the compassion in them. “We shouldn’t have done this, Astrid.”



“No,” I whispered, my eyes back on Joel’s face. “Maybe we’re doing the right thing. I can tell him about Jay – eventually. Maybe this is helping him, um, accept his parents’ death. Isn’t it better than him moping around Michigan?”



“I hope you’re right.” Josh was silent a moment, watching the kid, and then he looked back at me. In the dull light, as I looked into his eyes, I saw that his face was unnaturally serious, his eyes piercing into my mind. “Back there – when we were in Pinckney –” He stopped, but what he said was on my mind.



“I know.” I ran a hand over my face, his eyes not moving from mine. “I wish we had visited them after all.”