Hola! So yeah fast upload, kinda, but I’m on break whoop! Happy Easter everyone!! I love Easter, best time of year, though I wish it were warmer right now :/ sucks running in 30 degree weather. But yeah! Hope everyone’s having a good break, and if you’re not on break, have fun in school :P haha just kidding. I mean do have fun but ya know. And have fun with this chapter…I dunno if it went where I wanted it to…see me comment at the end. Me lol what am I, a pirate? Anyway bye and please fan/vote/comment loads!!

Gracias! :D <3 vb123321

Chapter Nineteen



♥ Astrid ♥



You would probably say we were stupid for walking around downtown when we had three espionage agencies after our blood, and you wouldn’t be wrong, but we managed to be more discreet than you might think.



Though it had stopped snowing, it was still relatively chilly: A nearby billboard showed three degrees, which confused Joel to no end before we patiently explained that it was Celsius, not Fahrenheit. The wind nipped at our ears and faces as soon as we stepped outside, but the sweatshirts and jackets we wore kept the rest of us warm, as well as supplying hoods and bulkiness to create a quasi-disguise.



Because the place we were staying at was already inner-city, we left the car in the parking lot behind it and took to the streets on foot. I had pressed the issue of safety onto Joel for so long that he began to cover his ears whenever I opened my mouth, saying loudly that he knew and I didn’t have to tell him again. Still, as we walked out of the hotel, I told them that I thought we should walk around in pairs, as it would be both the buddy system and less conspicuous than four teens ambling around.



“If we have agents after us,” I said knowledgably, “we don’t want to make ourselves known. We have to be as safe as possible.”



Josh raised his eyes to the sky. “Astrid, I don’t know if you realize this, but seeing as we just agreed to go after Cloying, we kinda just forfeited the whole safety thing. This isn’t a fiesta, you know; I don’t think those guys care if we’re dead or alive.”



There was a pause, and then Charlie said dryly, “Always on the sunny side, that’s Josh.”



Joel let out a long, gusty sigh. “Since you’re so intent on killing yourself,” he grumbled, “why don’t you just sit around that hotel thing until December? It would be much less stressful.”



“December?” I repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Do you know something we don’t?”



“It’s officially 2012 now,” he said with an emphatic eye roll. “Everyone knows the Mayans predicted the end of the world to be December 2012.”



We all just looked at him. I held back a laugh at the bewildered look that crossed Charlie’s face; he really didn’t understand the kid at all. Josh raised his hands and turned away, muttering something like, “Lord have mercy,” and then in a louder voice, “So are we going to get a move on or what?”



“Right.” I forced myself to concentrate. “Okay, so I still think we should partner up, so how about me and Charlie, and Josh and Joel?”



The look Josh sent me could have had me pushing up the daisies. “Are you legit?”



“What?” said Joel with a wounded look.



I gave him a patronizing smile, pushing him towards Josh with a glare at the latter. “You guys will make a great team. Just scout around, check out some restaurant if you want, I don’t know. What are we even supposed to be looking for, Josh?”



“Wasn’t this your fantastic idea?” He sighed, clapping Joel on the shoulder. “All right, buddy, you’re with me. I have no idea what we’re looking for, either – Astrid, can you remember where that place was that you found Charlie at? You said you managed to escape it.”



Bad grammar aside, the question proved to be difficult to answer. I had promised Jay that I wouldn’t let anyone know his part in the whole thing, but with everything that had happened thereafter, I had forgotten to completely think through my little escapade plot. I managed to look sheepish and say something about how I had been really tired and confused, and the streets were crazy over there, anyway.



Josh gave me a weird look but said nothing, just looked at Charlie, who shook his head.



“I didn’t even know what time of day it was,” he said in a neutral tone. “I haven’t the slightest idea where it could be.”



“Well then.” Josh shook his head wearily. “Back to square one. I guess we’re just waltzing around pointlessly, then.”



“I’ve noticed,” said Joel with a thoughtful frown, “that dangerous things seem to happen to you guys right when you need them to. So I figure if we just walk around here, something’s bound to happen.”



We all laughed, but Joel had no idea how accurate he was.



After arranging a meeting time and place, Joel and Josh moved away from the hotel first, walking casually, Joel chatting excitedly about something clearly irrelevant, because Josh was shaking his head again. I glanced at Charlie and caught him smiling at their retreating backs, feeling a small thrill of pleasure at this familiar gesture. I grinned at him as he looked over at me, and something almost like hesitation flicked in his eyes before he returned it.



“C’mon, then,” he said, beginning to cross the street, so that we were going in a different direction from Josh and Joel, and I followed him as we jogged across to avoid cars. We fell into a leisurely walk as we reached the other side, passersby hurrying past us with shopping bags or backpacks. No one gave us so much as a second glance, assuming something innocent about us, and I didn’t mind the feeling of blending in.



Charlie was clearly jumpy, his casual hands-in-pockets stance fooling only the people passing by. His eyes gave him away as they darted around circumspectly, the muscle in his jaw jumping, and his hair flopped into his face so that it was difficult for me to tell exactly what he was thinking.



“Calm down,” I told him in a low voice. “You’re making me nervous.”



He exhaled slowly, relaxing his tensed muscles. “Sorry. I just got this feeling…”



“It’s fine, Charlie. No one’s around.”



“That’s why I don’t like it,” he said darkly, shaking his head so that his hair moved out of his eyes. “I have a bad feeling about this, Astrid.”



I suddenly felt like I did as well, but that was definitely just his words playing with my mind. Between him and Young, my mind was going to unravel by the following morning. “Just calm down. We’ll be fine.”



Charlie shook his head with a little frown but remained silent, eyes still flickering around until I could stand it no longer and begged him to stop. He looked a little apologetic, and I could see him try to force himself to relax as we passed a café. I didn’t miss the tiny flick his eyes made to the glass of the shop, looking to see if anyone was following us, but I ignored it, trying to act casual.



“What agency do you think that guy was from?” I asked, just to start a conversation.



He glanced at me, shrugging. “Who knows? It could be anyone.”



I considered for a moment. “Well, if you think about it, it’s most likely Pierre’s agency or Delta. I think we can rule out Cloying, because he hasn’t been after us at all.” And as Charlie frowned, I pointed out, “Pierre’s agency has been after us a couple times, and Delta a few times, but if we can trust Wulf, then we know that it was never Cloying.”



“If we can trust Wulf,” repeated Charlie grimly.



“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about, too.”



Charlie shrugged. “It makes sense. Cloying’s still busy running from Delta, and probably from Pierre’s agency as well. Why would he waste time with us?” Even as he said it, he looked sick, and I knew the bravado behind his words was false, though I didn’t know why. I felt a sudden urge to put my arms around him.



All at once I felt sick of the whole thing, sick of Young and his threats and the helplessness I felt and the pointlessness of the entire situation. Josh was right; we weren’t doing anything, we couldn’t do anything. We didn’t have a chance of getting at the Red list, or finding Cloying, or getting out of this mess. How was I supposed to carry out Young’s orders when I knew that I physically wouldn’t be able to? But if I didn’t – what would happen to all of us? To Charlie?



And as I opened my mouth to say something to him, he froze, for just a split second, and then he had turned and was walking across the street, more rapidly now. “Stay here,” he ordered me, his face inscrutable. “I just need to check something out, okay?”



I wasn’t exactly someone that followed orders easily, but his reaction surprised me enough that I stood in front of the café for a good thirty seconds. It was enough time for him to cross the street and stroll nonchalantly into the alleyway that was next to it. To anyone that would happen to pass by, it looked normal enough, but I could see even from across the street that his hand was tightly clenching his gun.



My feet moved then, hurrying across the street with the accompaniment of several irritated horns beeping, and I darted into the alley as inconspicuously as I could, my heart pounding loudly. I had my own hand wrapped around my gun, air exiting my lungs as I took in the scene before me.



Charlie was standing with his feet apart and his gun pointed sturdily in front of him, his eyes burning as he focused completely on the person who was facing him. Jay’s blue eyes contrasted his, cool as a glass of water as he pointed his own gun calmly right back at Charlie, though they flicked to me as I entered the alley.



“Nice of you to join us, beautiful.”



“What’s going on?” I demanded, my heartbeat racing as I moved to Charlie’s side. It looked like Jay was alone, but I scanned the surrounding area anyway: Anyone intelligent enough to make a copy of the Red list would probably think to bring backup. Unless he was here for a different reason. I tried to get between Charlie and Jay, but the former pushed me away roughly. The look on his face was black.



“Get out of it, Astrid,” he growled. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”



“You wouldn’t hurt her,” said Jay in an almost amiable tone, “and you know I wouldn’t, either, so I don’t really understand that statement.”



“What are you doing here?” snapped Charlie, thrusting his gun forward a little more. Jay held his ground, not answering, and I tugged at Charlie’s left arm. He shook me off, not taking his eyes off Jay as he waited for an answer.



“Going to kill me, Charlie?”



Jay’s voice was quiet and void of any emotion, just a slight curve of his eyebrow adding to the question. Charlie didn’t reply, his eyes hard, and for a moment I was scared, scared that he would do it, that he would pull the trigger. The dislike on his face was evident as he stared at Jay, his hands shaking a little on the barrel of his gun as they continued to watch each other warily.



“Charlie –” I tried, my voice trembling.



But then he said suddenly, “No.”



And as we looked at him, he lowered his gun and placed it back into his jacket pocket, shoving his hands back into the pockets of his jeans. Jay’s brow furrowed briefly as he studied him, his eyes narrowing as he said cautiously, “No? Why not?”



Charlie hooked a thumb in my direction, his voice quite calm. “Her. Do you think she would ever forgive me if I killed you? You mean too much to her; she needs you. I couldn’t kill you. She’d hate me.”



Silence fell on the alley as Jay looked at him steadily for a long moment. I could barely breathe, my mind turning upside-down as I glanced between the two of them, struggling to understand what was going on. After that long moment passed, something like satisfaction crossed over Jay’s face and he smiled slightly.



“Funny,” he said slowly, “that’s the way I feel about you.”



And then, to my amazement, he tucked away his gun as well, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at Charlie with something close to respect in his eyes. A thin smile was playing across Charlie’s lips as well, and I was more bewildered than ever as the moment of antagonism passed. Some line had just been erased – or maybe drawn – and the tension in the air lessened as Jay spoke again.



“So what are you two doing here, then?”



I couldn’t find words, staring at him. Young’s orders were circling in my mind, blanking out everything else, and for a moment all I was conscious of was the weight of the gun in my pocket and Jay’s relaxed stature and the amount of time it would take for me to whip it out and fire it at him. A small frown passed over his face, as if he had somehow guessed what I was thinking, and for a moment his hand moved to his gun again, but then I managed to say,



“I think we asked you first.”



Charlie was looking at me as well, sensing the change in my attitude. He knew me better than almost anyone else, and it was taking all my skill to keep my emotions to myself, although I was pretty sure he had some idea.



Jay shrugged. “I dunno. Taking a walk. Where’s Josh?” he asked unexpectedly.



“Around,” said Charlie vaguely. “Answer the question.”



“I did.” Jay’s eyes were moving over Charlie’s head, narrowing as he peered out at the street, and then something changed in his expression. “Is that him?”



Wary of some trick, I glanced in back of me at the street, and then swore inwardly. Josh and Joel were standing outside the café, seated at one of the tables that were grouped around the windows, and as I saw them, I felt a flash of panic heavier than I had ever felt before. Charlie was a bit quicker at putting the pieces together than I was, stepping to the side to physically block Jay as he moved towards the street.



“Jay –”



My voice shook; the look on his face was like death. His eyes were burning now, his breath coming raggedly as he shoved Charlie savagely out of the way, sending him sprawling against the alley wall. I darted forward, placing myself in front of him, hoping against hope that he wouldn’t do the same to me, and, panting, I tried to plead with him.



“Give me a moment to talk to you, please, I’ll tell you everything –”



I had heard the expression “fire in his eyes” before, but I had never experienced it with such clarity as I did right then. Jay didn’t push me out of his way, but he grabbed my shoulders, shaking me violently.



“Is that who I think it is? Tell me!”



When I didn’t respond – I couldn’t, the words were constricted in my throat – he slammed me into the wall so hard that the air was knocked out of my lungs, his eyes a millimeter from my own as he repeated his question. I couldn’t breathe, my heart beating so fast that black dots danced in front of my eyes, fear as I had never known pounding in my veins.



“Let go of her.” Charlie’s voice was low and deadly, his gun in his hand again and pointed at Jay as he appeared at my side. “There’re ways to shoot someone without killing him.”



Jay was breathing hard, his eyes wild with anger and confusion, and he ignored Charlie, shaking me again until I managed to gasp out, “Don’t go out there, Jay, don’t let him see you – he doesn’t know you’re alive.”



“But how the hell is he alive?”



With a slight start, I realized Jay was close to tears, his eyes wide and glistening and his voice shuddering so madly so that his words were garbled. His entire body was quivering, poised to sprint into the street towards his brother, and I grasped his arms tightly, holding him steady.



“Delta lied to you. He survived the bombing, and they took him back to Michigan, let him live with your aunt and uncle. We found him about three weeks ago.”



He stared at me, the blacks of his eyes dilating, and it was clear that my words were slow to filter through his mind. I could almost see his brain trying to work as his mouth opened and closed, words finally coming out: “Why didn’t you tell me?”



“He doesn’t know you’re alive. I figured he might go crazy if he knew.”



“Astrid.” His hands were like vices on my shoulders, causing physical pain as they tightened. “Why didn’t you tell me?”



I took a deep breath, praying that he wouldn’t kill me. “I thought you might go crazy.”



Jay released me with a loud curse, turning away from me, and I lunged forward to grab his arm as he looked to the street again, saying breathlessly, “You can’t, Jay, you really can’t. He has no idea –”



He didn’t even look at me, his blue eyes fixated on his brother, who was laughing at something Josh was telling him. When he spoke, his voice was like ice. “I can’t? You think you can just tell me that?” He looked at me then, his eyes hard. “It’s been two years since I’ve seen him, Astrid. I thought he was dead, and now I know he’s alive. And you’re saying I can’t see him?”



I couldn’t think of anything to say. His eyes were like tidal pools, sucking me in so that I couldn’t breathe, and yet I had to hold back, thinking of Joel and Young and – a glint of silver on his neck that his sweatshirt didn’t cover up. The chain holding that key, the key that held the Red list. What was it Young had said? – our ticket out of here. How was it that all I wanted to do was take him in my arms and hold him and yet my thoughts revolved around Young’s words?



Then Charlie stepped forward, his voice calm as he said, “Jay, you need to listen to her.”



Now Jay was focused on him, black anger scrawled across his face. “Don’t you tell me what to do! You owe this to me!”



Charlie’s grey eyes were slits. “I don’t owe you anything.”



“Oh no? Who got you out of that place with Finn? Who stopped him from doing things to you all those times? Haven’t forgotten all that, have you?”



Jay was too emotionally hyped to think straight, his words spilling out of his mouth at rapid-fire pace, his eyes wide and desperate-looking. Charlie was staring at him, his own eyes widening. I began to realize what Jay was saying; he was telling him exactly what he had told me not to. Charlie had no idea what had happened the night I had found him, had no idea what Jay had done for him, and the confusion in his eyes as he looked at me tore at my heart.



When I didn’t answer, he looked back at Jay, his eyes darkening into stone. I saw a flash of hatred in his eyes, and in that moment I realized how much the idea of being in debt to Jay nagged at him. His fingers curled into fists, but his voice was calm as he said, “I don’t owe you anything. You got me in there in the first place.” And when Jay didn’t reply, he went on: “You can talk to Joel.”



I started in surprise, opening my mouth to protest, but Charlie was still speaking.



“But not here. Let us go to him first, prepare him a little, ‘cause he’ll have a heart attack if you just jump out at him. We can meet up somewhere in a few minutes.”



Jay’s brow was furrowed as he considered it. “How do I know I can trust you?”



“You don’t,” said Charlie simply. “But it’s not like it would be difficult for you to find us again. You seem to be pretty skilled at it.” As he said it, he glanced at me, and I didn’t appreciate the look in his eyes. “But to make things easier, we’ll meet you right back here, in this alley, in under half an hour. We said we’d meet up with Josh and Joel soon, so we can get them to come over here. You’ve got my word on that.”



“Your word?” said Jay gradually, his eyes narrowing, and Charlie nodded firmly, holding out one hand with a piercing look.



“Deal?”



And as I held my breath and watched, Jay slowly reached out his own hand and grasped Charlie’s, shaking it briefly before releasing it. Something changed in the atmosphere, something I couldn’t understand, but then Charlie turned to look at me, saying, “Come on, then. Let’s go get the kid.”



I glanced back at Jay, thoughts tumbling wildly through possibilities of grabbing the Red list and getting out of there. His blue eyes met mine, so clear that I felt he was looking right through me, and even as I hesitated, his hand drifted up to his neck in a defensive movement. He knew exactly what I was thinking.



Exhaling inwardly, I called to Charlie, “I’ll stay here. So Jay knows you’ll come back.”



Charlie spun around, a protest already on his lips, but Jay got there first.



“It’s fine, Astrid.” There was no pleasantry in his voice. “I think I can trust you guys.”



“We need to talk,” I said quietly, and he met my eyes again for a long moment before shrugging. I looked over at Charlie pleadingly. He was frowning, but paradoxically, when Jay nodded reassuringly at him, he agreed and walked out of the alley. Bewildered at this turn of events, I leaned back against the brick wall, avoiding Jay’s eyes.



He wasn’t having any of that; he came to stand right in front of me, crossing his arms over his chest again as he looked down at me. “So? You want to explain about Joel?”



“Maybe it’s better if he does,” I said carefully. “I just know the basics.”



“Which are?” His voice was frosty.



I took a deep breath. “When the house blew up, he somehow survived, and Delta came in and took him out without you finding out. I’m not sure how, but he ended up with your aunt and uncle in Michigan. They told him the rest of his family was dead in a gas explosion, and he was living there for two years. Then we came across him – completely by accident,” I added, as his eyebrows jumped, “and we told him about Delta and everything.”



“He hadn’t known.” He was expressionless, only the turmoil in his eyes giving him away. “I never told him.” He hesitated. “And he doesn’t know I’m alive?”



I shook my head wordlessly, and he exhaled loudly, wiping one hand over his mouth. I stood there helplessly as he began to pace, staring out across the street at the café, where Charlie had approached Josh and Joel. Jay watched them with a hungry look in his eyes, the muscle in his jaw jumping as he tore his eyes away to look over at me.



“What’s he like? Is he okay?”



I wasn’t sure how to answer that but found myself telling him exactly how we had found him and his aunt and uncle and everything that had happened afterwards with him. Jay held my gaze the entire time, the look in his eyes showing just how angry he was at me, and when I told him how Joel had cried that one night, I thought he was going to hit me. But as I began to run out of words, the anger faded from his eyes and he put his face in his hands wearily.



“You have no idea –”



“Maybe I do,” I said softly, looking at him. “I thought Charlie was dead for three months.”



Jay lowered his hands to look at me, and I found I couldn’t meet his eyes. “Joel’s my brother. And I thought he was dead for two years. Because of me.”



I couldn’t think of anything to say, and he resumed his restless pacing, running his hands through his golden hair. My heart hurt as I looked at him, but I couldn’t decide if it was guilt or something else, something that was nagging at me.



“Did you really help Charlie?” I asked abruptly, my eyes focused to the left of his shoulder as he stopped pacing to turn in my direction. Jay was quiet, watching me, and then he sighed.



“I know he hates feeling like he owes me, and I don’t want to make it seem like he does, because he doesn’t.” He paused for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice held that low and angry tone I was becoming quite familiar with. “If it had been anyone but Finn, I might not have interfered, but I hate him. He – what he does – it makes me want to kill him.”



I pushed at the ground with the toe of my boot. “Charlie’s still scared of him. He won’t say anything, but I can just – tell.”



Jay passed a hand over his face. “Completely understandable. I wish I could’ve gotten rid of Finn, but Cloying wasn’t too happy with me after you guys left the manor. And now he’s even more pissed.” He laughed bitterly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “He knows I had something to do with letting Charlie go. Don’t know why he hasn’t shot me yet.”



Something struck me. “At the manor – when I was in the cell and I got – it was you who gave me that knife.”



His face was blank, neither denying nor confirming, but I didn’t have to ask. Pressing a hand to my mouth, I swallowed hard, still trying not to look up at him. “Is he going to kill you? For letting Charlie and me go?”



A philosophical shrug. “Eventually. It’s inevitable. Part of being in a criminal group like that; you can’t stick around forever.”



My chest hurt at the indifference in his voice, guilt flooding through me as I realized what this meant. “So it’s my fault that he’s going to kill you. Why did you do it?”



I could feel his eyes piercing me but still couldn’t look at him. “I don’t know why,” he said after a moment, and then he sighed again, looking to his left. “Okay, I do. Finn is – he’s a –” He was struggling to come up with something bad enough. “And Charlie – I mean, I’ve known him for ages, and he’s your friend and everything. It didn’t feel right to just – you know?”



I glanced up into his face; he wasn’t looking at me. On it I saw all the words and emotions he was keeping in check, the conscience deep inside of him that was fighting to remain a part of him, and suddenly I reached out and took his hand. He looked over at me, surprise blinking in his eyes, and I said desperately, “Get out of it, Jay. Just leave Cloying and get out of London, and then you can find us –”



He smiled sadly, pushing a strand of hair away from my face. “It’s a nice thought, beautiful, but you know that can’t happen. I should’ve known it two years ago, when I got involved in this whole mess. Well –” He fingered the chain around his neck. “Maybe three years ago.”



“But he’ll kill you!”



Jay laughed, taking my other hand and pulling me into his arms. “Oh, Astrid. Sometimes you’re still the naïve little ten-year-old, aren’t you?” He rested his forehead against mine so that I was looking right into his blue eyes. They were swelling with a deep emotion; I was swimming in them, trying not to drown.



“How about you, then? Don’t tell me Young’s just going to let you all stroll back to the States when you feel like it.”



I bit my lip, looking away again, and gently he lifted my chin with one hand, forcing me to look him in the eye. Apparently my face said it all, because he said quietly, “See? It’s not possible for you; it’s not possible for me. What are you going to do? Ask me to run away with you? Where would we go?” Something flashed in his eyes. “And now there’s Joel, too.”



“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “For not telling you.”



He didn’t say it was all right, didn’t try to comfort me, but I didn’t care: I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to take me in his arms and hold me tight and never let go, but there were so many fragile bridges between us, and I didn’t want to risk the fire of emotion.



“You gave me Charlie.” Wonder rang in my voice as another memory floated back hazily. “In the manor – when Cloying was going to shoot him – you did something to save him. I thought it was just on Cloying’s orders – maybe he wanted Charlie alive for something –”



“No.” And suddenly his face was very still. “No, Cloying meant to kill him. He wasn’t pleased that I interfered, but I made something up about using him for information so that he thought it had been a good idea in the end…” An odd shudder passed over his features. “There were times I thought maybe it hadn’t been such a good thing to save him, that maybe it would’ve been better if he’d just…”



My hands were freezing in his. Charlie’s screams echoed in my ears, those eyes that were so full of despair swimming in front of me, his fear a sour taste on my tongue. But at the same time I could feel my heart swelling and so I whispered, “You did the right thing. If he had died…”



Jay cupped the side of my face in one hand, that sad smile on his lips. “You thought I was going to let Cloying kill him? I would never be able to live with myself if I did that – I knew it would kill you, too. I didn’t miss your reaction when you saw him again for the first time.”



I thought he was going to kiss me, but he made no move to lean in, his eyes fixed on mine with a serious emotion I couldn’t read. My mind swirled in confusion at his words, trying to make sense of what he was saying, and he seemed to grasp this as he arched one eyebrow, looking almost amused.



“You really have no idea, do you?”



And as I looked at him, he shook his head, gently releasing me and stepping away. I stood against the bricks, feeling bewildered and wanting to ask something but not knowing what, but then there was a movement at the entrance of the alley. We both spun around to see Charlie walking in again, Josh and Joel behind him.



One look at Charlie’s face told me that he had seen almost everything, and suddenly I felt guilty all over again, unable to understand why. I didn’t look at him as he pulled a confused- looking Joel in front of him, saying something to him quietly.



It was like all the air had been pushed out of Jay’s lungs. He swayed before me, his eyes wide and staring at his brother as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing now that Joel was only a few feet in front of him. Joel’s face was white, his blue eyes huge, and slowly he stumbled forward, his mouth forming one stuttering word: “Jay?”



“Hey, little buddy,” said Jay with a dazed look, and then the younger brother dashed forward, throwing his arms around Jay’s waist and hugging him tightly, babbling something over and over. Jay was in shock, grabbing Joel’s shoulders and embracing him. While Joel couldn’t stop saying something about how much he had missed him, Jay was without words, a massive shudder going through his body as he shut his eyes.



And then I witnessed something I had never seen in my life – tears were falling fast and thick out of Jay’s eyes, sliding down his face as he leaned his forehead against his little brother’s head. Joel looked up at him, asking him a concerned question, digging a Kleenex out of his pocket to offer it to him, but still Jay couldn’t speak, his words choking in his throat as he tried to grin at Joel.



“Dang, but you’ve grown,” he managed at last, ruffling Joel’s hair and staring at his face as if he thought he would disappear. “Finally hit your growth spurt?”



“Not done yet, I hope.” Joel was grinning more widely than I had ever seen him do. “I need to get as tall as the center on my basketball team.”



“He’s varsity,” put in Josh, who was standing off to the side with his hands stuck in his pockets and a smile on his face. “You should see him play.”



It struck me that Josh hadn’t seen Jay in three years, as he hadn’t actually seen him on the assignment. What with all we had told him, he had a right to hate Jay for everything, but a look of compassion glinted in his eyes that I had never seen before as Jay met his gaze. Jay was again at a loss, finally managing to say, “Thank you. For taking care of him.”



Josh shrugged, uncomfortable with thanks as always. “He’s a good kid.”



“Where’ve you been?” demanded Joel, looking up at his big brother. “And why did their director dude tell me you were dead?”



Jay opened his mouth and then closed it again, glancing at me, the look on his face pleading with me. I couldn’t think of any way to tell Joel exactly what was going on, because the whole thing was too complicated for me to comprehend. Once again, it was Charlie who came to the rescue as he said quietly, “Jay got messed up in something a few years back, and Delta’s suspected him ever since. So he went rogue, like we did.”



It was a nice touch, comparing him to us in an effort to make him look more innocent than he was, and though the guilt was evident in Jay’s eyes, there was gratitude as well as he glanced at Charlie.



“I’m sorry I couldn’t –”



Jay stopped abruptly, stiffening as he whipped around. Some sixth sense had warned him of the approach of three men with guns in their hands, the same sense that had made Josh grab Joel and disappear from the alley. Charlie had his gun in his hand in an instant, gesturing for me to come stand next to him as I pulled my own out. I ignored him, watching Jay as he spoke to the men in that Portuguese dialect I had trouble understanding.



The three men didn’t look like they were listening to Jay, walking forward until they were face-to-face with him. Two of the guns were pointed at Charlie and me as we held our own in their direction, and Jay glanced tensely back at us, saying, “Can you put the guns away? It makes them nervous.”



“It makes them nervous?” I echoed incredulously, but lowered my gun. The guy in front of me didn’t move his, instead stepping forward suddenly to take a swing at my face. Charlie lunged at him, but I was quicker, ducking his blow and grabbing his gun arm. I twisted it over his head, bringing up one knee into his stomach. As he doubled over, he brought up his other hand and sliced it at my middle, a glint of silver flashing in the sunlight, and I jumped aside, releasing his arm as I dodged the blade.



He raised his gun to shoot me, but Charlie darted in front of me, his own gun held steadily at a point between the man’s eyes, his voice low: “Sealguémse move, eu vou matar esse homem.” I only caught a few words, but it was enough of a threat to make the man in front of us freeze, and his two buddies kept still as well, though the guns didn’t disappear.



Slowly I moved to Charlie’s right, one of the other men’s guns following me as I stopped just behind Jay. He face was taut as he said, “Get out of here. I’ll keep them back.”



I looked up at him, shaking my head. “They’ll kill you.”



“No, they won’t.” Jay glanced at the men behind him, saying something to them that I couldn’t understand, but it made Charlie stiffen noticeably. When I glanced at him, I saw his face had paled. The men had lowered their guns, frowning uncertainly, and I looked at Jay for an explanation. He ignored the question in my eyes, saying, “I can hold them here, it’s not an issue. You and Charlie need to leave. Find Josh and Joel and” – he swallowed – “don’t try and come back for me. Tell Joel I’m sorry.”



“But what –”



“Just go, Astrid!” His voice was a snap as he physically pushed me away from him, appealing to Charlie: “You know you need to get her out of here – you need to get out of here. You understand me?”



Charlie’s face was white, but he nodded, grabbing my arms as I tried to fight him. “He’s right, Astrid,” he said, looking at Jay with an expression I didn’t understand. “These men aren’t here for us,” but the way he said it made it seem like someone else soon would be. “We need to get back to Josh and Joel; now move!”



“Jay –” I tried, and he looked back at me, his eyes begging me to leave, and Charlie tugged my arm, pulling me away.



“Charlie,” called Jay as we began to leave the alley, and Charlie looked back at him warily. Jay’s face was unreadable as he said, “I know you’ll take care of her, but watch out for Joel, too. Please.”



Something like a smile flitted across Charlie’s mouth as he said, “Of course,” and then he turned away, leading me out of the alley.



********Hey it’s me again, sorry for interrupting your reading…would y’all mind terribly if you dwelled on this thought for a moment and commented? What do you guys think is going through Jay’s mind right now, like with Joel and the Red list and Astrid and everything? Like what is he feeling? I’m curious to see if what my wacky mind is trying to get across was successful. Okay, thank you so much!! Have a great day! xx Monica (vb123321 if you haven’t figured out my name)