Howdy :D pleased to say that there’s only 28 days left of school, including weekends (one of which is a 4-day one!!). Unhappy to say that tomorrow makes two weeks til finals….which I won’t be studying for cuz I’m trying to finish Omega. You’re welcome. So yeah! Enjoy this chapter, pleeeeeeaaseee comment!! It honestly means so much to me when you comment, even more than like when you vote. I wanna know what you guys think, if you hate me for doing something or what you think the characters are thinking or even just telling me it’s a pile of crap. Anything and everything is acceptable. But on the other hand, thank you so much for all the support you have given me!! I love you guys :) in really uncreepy philios-type love (sorry, we’re reading Romeo and Juliet in school :P). all right babbling. See ya! Or not I guess lol.

Muchisimas gracias!!! <3 vb123321

Chapter Twenty-Four



♦ Charlie ♦



My head was pounding, overwhelmed by the fire in the wound in my thigh and the oppression of the darkness surrounding me. My breath came short and fast no matter how hard I tried to control it. I tried to tell myself that it was fine, that Astrid was right there next to me and we had escaped Cloying’s men for the time being. But still the black pressed in around me, illuminated only by the small spark of light from Josh’s phone, and that was no comfort. For what was a tiny bit of hope when the darkness could swallow it in an instant?



The pain of the bullet wound and the instability of my mind made time slip by in uneven sequences. Somehow we left the room. I barely registered Josh supporting me as I walked dully out into the bright, fresh air of the empty shop again. My face was wet and sticky with sweat, my hair plastered to it no matter how many times I tried to shove it away. Astrid was looking at me with wide, scared eyes, giving me that wild animal look again. I couldn’t find any way to reassure her.



The spiral of smoke in the distance was very distracting; I found my eyes drawn to it as I leaned against a window, my hands living sticky red prints on the glass. Wiping them on my uninjured leg, I glanced behind me to see Astrid still watching me with that unreadable expression that made my chest hurt. Josh was checking his gun, saying something to Joel in a low, tense voice as he, too, glanced in my direction.



Gritting my teeth, I decided to begin the conversation. “So what do we do now?”



Josh sighed, sliding his gun into his jacket pocket and leaning against the wall. “Well, I have no idea. We were so close to getting the Red list –”



Astrid put her head in her hands, sinking down into a crouch on the floor. I looked at her, waiting for her to say something, but she remained silent. Biting my lip, I threw Josh a querying look; he shrugged. After a moment she raised her head again with a blank expression, something flickering in her eyes, clearly not telling us something.



“So.” Josh filled the awkward silence, as usual. “Anyone got any ideas?”



“I can find Jay again,” said Astrid, her voice dull. “I know he’s still going to be around here somewhere. You guys can go find shelter somewhere, out of the way of Cloying’s agents, and I’ll get the Red list.”



“That’s not happening.” My tone was sharper than I intended it to be.



Astrid looked over at me, her eyes sparking. “I have to do this.” She was unusually vehement, and I realized that her eyes weren’t on fire but glistening like the rain. “I have to find him, okay?”



I understood, even though it made my heart ache, and so I nodded, saying calmly, “I’m coming with you.”



“No!”



“You don’t have a choice with this one,” I said grimly, crossing my arms over my chest and looking her square in the eye.



She rose to her feet, glaring at me as she petitioned Josh. “Don’t let him do this, Josh; he’s not thinking rationally.”



Josh looked uncomfortable. “Astrid’s right, Charlie…you’re wounded.”



“I don’t care.” I could be as stubborn as Astrid when I wanted to be. “It doesn’t even hurt too badly anymore, now that it’s been bandaged and everything. I’m not letting you go alone.”



“Josh can go with me!” Astrid’s voice was higher than usual, pleading with me. “Listen to yourself, Charlie. You’re exhausted and sick and shot, you can’t do this –”



“I’m coming with you,” I said loudly, ignoring her. “Josh can take Joel to a police station or something – no, listen to me,” as they all made noises that suggested they thought I was out of my mind. “Don’t you think we’re in deep enough right now? Josh can call Young, tell him that we have the Red list, and maybe by the time he gets here we actually will. He can pull us out.”



A long silence ensued. Josh looked wary, his blue-green eyes flicking between Astrid and me as she frowned at me. Joel’s eyes were huge, but he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut as he waited for the events to play out. Something was working through Astrid’s brain, displayed in her eyes as her mouth opened and closed a few times.



“That makes sense,” said Josh slowly after a moment. “I was kinda thinking it was time to…throw in the towel.”



“We’re just going to give up?” Astrid’s voice was almost shrill with disbelief. “We’ve been avoiding Young for weeks now, and we’re so close, and now we’re just going to give up?”



“It’s too dangerous for the kid now,” I said, ignoring Joel’s squawk of indignation. “You saw those G7 agents; they’re not messing around. And Pierre’s agency is after Joel, too. I figure Delta would be the safest bet for him, don’t you think?”



Astrid looked back at Joel, indecisive, her voice getting weaker as she said, “We can find somewhere to stake out until we get the Red list…”



“But why not just go to the police station?” Josh cut in. “I think Charlie’s right. Even if we have an AWOL on us – you said you basically have the Red list anyway. What could Young possibly do?”



Knowing Young, most likely loads of things. Astrid seemed to be thinking the same, her eyes furious. “Josh, it’s an AWOL. That basically means we’re criminals to the U.S. They’re not going to let us just come waltzing back when we feel like it.”



“But you said if we had the Red list, Young would let us.”



Astrid looked close to tears as she fought with something deep inside herself. I held her eyes, willing her to say it, wondering what it could possibly be. We were all watching her, Joel’s huge blue eyes, Josh’s serious ones, mine fixed on her face as she closed her own. Her hands were clenched into fists, pressed against her sides as at last she spoke.



“We don’t only need the Red list.”



I exchanged a frown with Josh. “What’s that supposed to mean?”



She bit her lip, struggling with herself a moment before saying in a whisper, “I have to kill him.”



Dead silence filled the room as we all stared at her. My mind was swirling with disbelief, logic fighting emotion, but the look on her face, the tears squeezing out of her eyes, said it all. I looked at her, standing there like a lost child, her eyes bleak, and I wanted to put my arms around her and take her away from this whole mess. But I couldn’t move, my feet glued to the floor as her words filtered through my mind.



Josh’s voice was quiet. “Did Young order you to?”



She looked over at him with a tiny nod, and he let out a long breath of air, meeting my eyes over her head. I felt that I should say something to make her feel better or to make the situation lighter than it was, but I couldn’t think of anything except the black anger that was rising inside of me. Astrid caught a glimpse of my face, giving me an almost frightened look, but though I struggled to suppress my feelings, she couldn’t help but see them.



“I’m sorry,” she said brokenly, and though she addressed the room, I knew she was talking to me. “I should’ve told you sooner. Maybe we could have worked something out.”



“You can’t really kill him!”



Joel’s face was white, his hands clenched into fists. He was glaring at Astrid, his eyes so scared and wild that Josh put a hand on his shoulder to reassure him. Astrid had a gentle look on her face as she met his eyes, though I could tell she was about to cry. She opened her mouth to convince him that everything was all right, that this mess would soon be over, but she couldn’t find the words either, her lips pressing into a thin, trembling line. Her dark, dark eyes looked over at me, glistening and shining like bright stars.



“She’s not going to kill him,” I said to Joel, my voice so constricted that the words barely escaped my mouth. “She can’t.”



“Charlie –”



Those dark eyes were huge, but I couldn’t look at her. My stomach was churning as I began to realize exactly what she was saying, the pain in my leg intensifying even though just a moment ago it had subsided. I turned away from her, leaning my forehead against the window and closing my eyes, willing myself not to throw up. I felt sick, dread and anger and hopelessness creating a toxic potion inside of me. The cool glass of the window was comforting against my steamy skin, and I ignored the voices behind me, closing my ears to the words.



The tiny photo in my pocket seemed to burn through my jeans, singeing my skin. The faces of my mother and sister were imprinted into my mind, and now they swam before my eyes like a mirage. So the Red list wasn’t enough to bring them back, then. Young wanted Jay as well. And I was kidding myself if I thought that any of us would ever be able to kill him.



“Astrid,” Josh was saying, “can I talk to you a second? Alone?”



I didn’t move away from the window as I heard her murmur a response. A second later, the storage room door opened and closed again, separating their voices from the room, and Joel and I were left alone. It was more for his necessity than mine that I turned to look at him, taking in his lost-puppy expression, even his hair wilting as his eyes pleaded with me.



“She’s not going to kill him,” I said again, a little more kindly this time as I fought to keep the bitterness down.



“How do you know?” he demanded instantly, petulant in his confusion.



I rested my back against the wall, pressing the bandage around my leg to see if the blood flow had ceased. “She wouldn’t be able to. She couldn’t pull the trigger.”



“But even if was to save you –”



Shaking my head, I didn’t wait for him to finish. “She doesn’t care about me that much, buddy. It’s just that she and Jay are so close. She could never kill him. I don’t think any of us could,” I added as an afterthought, and then realized that it was true.



“I thought you hated him.” His voice was very quiet, his eyes seeming to look into my very soul. I found I couldn’t meet his gaze, studying the ceiling thoughtfully as I considered how to answer that.



“I don’t,” I said simply after a moment, and he frowned.



“But –”



Again, I didn’t let him finish his statement. “Anymore. I didn’t take Honors English like you, Joel, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know my classics. One always has to listen to the words of Atticus Finch.”



The kid looked confused, a strand of blonde hair falling over his eyes as he tried to puzzle that one out. Grinning, I let him struggle a moment before continuing. “‘You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.’ Page thirty-nine.”



Joel looked astonished. “How did you know that?”



“Astrid’s obsessed with that book,” I explained, smiling. “Something about all the incredible morals and good characters and stuff. So I had to read it an awful lot to understand what she was talking about.” In a gentler voice, I said, “I just stood on the Radley porch – just applied it to how I felt about Jay. Atticus was right. It’s really amazing what happens when you give it a try.”



His eyes focused on my face as he thought through my words, a little frown on his face. I toed the ground with my sneaker, my eyes flicking to the storage room door as voices rose behind it. After a moment, Joel said, “So you wouldn’t kill him? Even though it means you can’t go home?”



A lump rose in my throat as their faces filled my mind again. It hurt my chest to do it, but I nodded, my voice tight. “No. No, I wouldn’t kill him.”



The storage room door swung open again as Joel opened his mouth to say something, shutting him up effectively as Josh and Astrid emerged. I couldn’t meet her eyes, looking instead at Josh as closed the door and leaned against it, taking a deep breath.



“All right, we’ve reached a decision.” He glanced at me, displeasure obvious in his eyes, but said, “Joel will go to the police station while Astrid gets the Red list. Young will just have to believe that Jay is dead; I don’t know how we were supposed to prove that anyway.” He looked at Astrid, shrugging. “You can say he died in the fire or something.” Astrid winced, and he made an apologetic gesture.



Joel looked upset. “So I’ll never see him again?”



Astrid put an arm around him, but he shrugged it off. Real hurt registered briefly on her face as she said quietly, “We don’t know that.”



“So who’s going with Joel?” I asked, to fill the silence as Joel’s eyes looked at me hopelessly.



“You,” said Astrid with some strength, and as I glared at her, “We’ve been through this! You’re shot, Charlie –”



“Which is why I shouldn’t go,” I said forcefully. “A bullet wound attracts loads more attention than two teenagers. They’ll ask too many questions that we can’t answer. I’m coming with you, Astrid.”



We exchanged furious looks for a moment as Josh muttered, “Told you so.”



Astrid couldn’t come up with anything to change my mind, and so once the reluctant-looking Josh had promised that he would take Joel to the station, she reloaded her gun and pushed open the door of the shop. Stepping out into the street, she made a big show of ignoring me as I followed her, though her air of concern was too obvious as I made an even bigger show of attempting not to limp. The bullet wound pulsed as I walked next to her, but I disregarded it.



“So where is he?” I asked, tightening my grip on the gun as we slipped into an alleyway and hugged the walls. A slight wind was blowing, stinging my cheeks with its icy touch; I blew on my hands to keep them warm. It wouldn’t do to have frozen fingers, as that made trigger-pulling a little difficult.



“Probably still around Cloying’s building,” she said tensely, giving me another big-eyed glance over her shoulder. “Are you sure about this?”



“If you ask me that one more time, I’ll punch you,” I replied, taking a careful scrutiny of the street as we came to a corner. She frowned but said nothing, grabbing my arm suddenly and pulling me back into the shadows as I began to move into the street. I raised an eyebrow at her, but she shook her head, pointing wordlessly across the road to something I hadn’t seen: The silhouette of a man, a rifle cradled in his arms.



“They’ve spread out,” she said in my ear, her eyes roving the area. “Let’s go around.”



We backtracked to another street, dashing up it and down another. I followed her blindly, having no clue as to how she knew where she was going, although I suspected that she was going on pure instinct. As long as it didn’t get us killed, I was fine with it, and so I just made sure to keep both eyes open as we drew even closer to Cloying’s building. Smoke still filled the sky near it, which made me think that it was still on fire.



“The fire’s probably spreading,” I said and saw in her tense nod that she had already thought of that.



“We just won’t get too close to it –”



She shut up suddenly as she rounded a corner, and as I followed her, I saw why: A man stood in the street, back turned to us with a gun held at his side. I grabbed Astrid’s shoulder, ready to sneak away before he saw us, but then I registered the golden hair and familiar stance and the sweatshirt he had been wearing earlier –



“Jay,” said Astrid, her voice whipped upwards by the wind.



He whirled around, his gun arm snapping up and pointing in our direction. His face was a blur of anger and desperation, and I stepped in front of Astrid, gun at the ready but not quite pointing at him, not wanting to provoke him. Recognition flared in his eyes but still he didn’t lower his gun, his voice deep and harsh.



“What the hell are you doing here? I told you to get away!”



Astrid stepped around me, tucking her gun in her pocket carelessly, her eyes fixed on his face as she slowly put her hands in the air. Still Jay didn’t lower his gun, his blue eyes narrowing and darting around the street. I remained tense at her side, even though my leg was begging me to sit down, watching him as he opened and closed his mouth a few times.



“If this is about the Red list –” He raised one hand to his neck, grasping the silver chain that dangled there, and with one decisive move he ripped it over his head. Holding out one hand, he offered it in her direction, his gun still at chest-height. “Take it.”



She looked at it, tears in the corner of her eyes again as she touched the handle of her gun in her pocket. I put a hand on her arm, reading her mind, and when she turned to look at me, her eyes were like deep, dark abysses, screaming what do I do? I only wished I could tell her.



“Well?” Jay’s voice was shaking; it was as if he knew what she had to do. “Take it! I don’t want it!”



“Oh Jay,” she said helplessly, her eyes swimming.



He shook the chain, the key rattling at the end of it. “It’s your ticket home.”



“It’s not enough.” Her voice was so low that I could barely hear it, but Jay went very still, something like despair coming into his eyes before she even finished speaking. She took a deep, quavering breath, her heart breaking in her eyes as she said, “I have orders to kill you.”



He was like a statue, both arms still extended as he stared at her, his face as blank as if it had been carved out of stone. And then he said, his voice like a sleepwalker’s, “That’s funny. See, Cloying told me there’s only one way I can regain his trust...I have orders to kill you.”



Astrid looked like she had been stabbed in the stomach, all the air escaping from her lungs in one long whoosh. Impulsively I stepped in front of her, bringing my gun up to my chest, but Jay laughed, the hollow sound reverberating through the alley. Finally he lowered his gun, dropping it on the ground, and then he threw the silver chain at Astrid’s feet. It landed with a tiny clink, the key just resting against the toe of her boot.



“Well?” Jay was resigned, the spark of life gone from his eyes. “What are you waiting for? Someone’s bound to kill me sooner or later anyway.”



“I can’t,” she whispered, her hands trembling as she hugged herself protectively, the wind blowing her hair upward. She looked lost, gazing pleadingly at Jay as he stared at the gun at his feet, and it took all my restraint to stop myself from putting my arms around her. I stepped away from her slowly, recognizing that this wasn’t my trick to win, and my foot clinked against the chain on the ground.



“Why don’t we just say you died in the fire?” she said suddenly, gripping the sleeves of her jacket tightly. “Young won’t know the difference. And then Charlie can go back to the States, and Josh and Joel, and you can just –”



But he was shaking his head. “We’ve been through this, Astrid; you know that’s not possible. Besides,” a bitter smile twisted over his mouth, “don’t you want to go home, too?”



She looked back at me, dark eyes luminous in her pale face, and I saw that she was silently crying, tears coursing down her cheeks. Unable to say anything, I stood there with one hand on my gun and the other jammed tiredly in my pocket, just looking at her.



“Take the Red list,” Jay said quietly, his blue eyes flicking over to me. “Take it and get out of here, then. Maybe Young will believe that I’m dead. Or maybe he’ll just be happy with the Red list.”



He couldn’t even pretend that he believed that for a second, his eyes giving him away as he looked back at her face. Astrid reached out one hand, her lips parting as if she was trying to say something but it wouldn’t come out. He had a pained look on his face as he extended his hand as well, his eyes bleak. I felt my heart pounding in my chest, pounding so hard that I thought it would fall out, and all at once I wanted to sink to the ground and stay there. Astrid brushed his fingertips, tears still flowing down her cheeks, but Jay’s eyes flickered inexplicably to me, his mouth opening –



But no sound came out. His face froze, eyes widening slightly in surprise as he looked down at his chest. Red dotted his sweatshirt, a small dark clump right in the center of his chest, and for a moment none of us moved, our eyes riveted to it. And then another splash of red appeared, and he staggered backwards, his knees buckling beneath him as he raised his hands to his chest. Dimly I heard Astrid’s scream, but I was already shoving her to the ground, twisting around to scan the sky behind us.



A man was on a roof fifty meters away, just his head silhouetted against the grey sky, the top of his rifle sticking out over the gutter. My finger was squeezing the trigger before I even registered his presence, several rounds bursting out from the barrel as the shots ricocheted off the walls and roof of the building. I didn’t release my finger from the trigger until I was rewarded with the sight of the sharpshooter toppling off the roof.



Adrenaline spiked up all the way, heart pounding louder than I ever, I rolled to my knees, gritting my teeth as pain shot through my thigh again. Astrid was bending over Jay, who was sprawled across the ground, her body shaking violently as she repeated his name, her voice rising to a scream. Pushing myself to my feet, I went to his side.



Astrid had collapsed on the ground, holding his head in her lap, pleading with him, “Talk to me, talk to me!” He was still conscious, his eyes wide as he gasped for breath, red spreading across his chest with every rise and fall. Astrid’s breathing was almost as rocky as his as she fought back sobs, her hair falling into her face as she pressed her hands against his chest in a futile effort to stem the blood.



I crouched next to her, not daring to touch her. Jay raised one hand weakly to tug hers off his chest, and she clutched it tightly. His smile was ragged as he whispered, “Don’t. There’s nothing you can do now.”



“We can get you to a hospital,” she said wildly, the unshed sobs like a machete to her words. “You’re going to be fine, I promise, you’re going to be fine –”



He put a finger over her mouth. “Didn’t I tell you this was going to happen?” His voice was already fading, blood specks at the corner of his mouth. “There was nothing you could do to stop it. Now you can go home.”



Her voice broke. “But not without you.”



Jay smiled at her, running his hand down her face, and then he was looking back at me, his blue eyes already glassy. “Charlie –”



I shook my head. “Don’t try and talk. You’ll only hurt yourself.” Glancing around wildly for shelter, I said, “Astrid’s right; we should get you to a doctor. And we need to get into a safer position –”



“No.” His jaw set determinedly, a raspy breath escaping his lungs as he coughed, more blood bubbling at his mouth. “They’ve done what they came for. They don’t want you two, they want me.” He paused, struggling for air. “I have to tell you – I’m sorry. For leaving you with him and getting you there in the first place and,” he glanced at Astrid with a pained look, “everything.”



“It’s okay,” I said softly, but he shook his head too fiercely, the movement causing him to cough violently. Astrid gripped his hands even more tightly, opening her mouth to say something, but he ignored her, going on resolutely.



“No, it’s not okay. I’m sorry – I know I can’t ask you to say it’s fine – but I am. I just want you to know that.”



“Jay.” I held his gaze as he struggled to breathe. “I get it. And I’m still saying it’s okay.”



He looked confused. “So you –”



I nodded, and he smiled crookedly, his teeth red from the blood congealing in his mouth that his lungs had coughed up.



“Thanks, Charlie,” he rasped, and then he craned his neck painfully to look at Astrid, who had tears pouring thick and fast down her face. She brought his hand up to her trembling lips, but he tugged it down again, smiling in a bittersweet way. “Think about what you’re going to do now,” he whispered, every word clearly a struggle. “It should be easy enough.”



“You’re not leaving.” Terror made her fierce, her eyes flashing as she clenched his hands so tightly that he winced. “Stay with me, Jay.”



“You know I can’t do that.” He kept his eyes fixed on her face, his voice drifting away as his breathing slowed. “You’re living a lie, Astrid. You never really loved me.” And as she let out a sob, he said softly, “What does a fourteen-year-old know, really? Look inside yourself, Astrid; you’ll see what I mean.”



He looked over at me one last time, the question in his eyes, and I felt a lump forming in my throat, formed by confusion and guilt and gratitude. I couldn’t speak, but I thought he understood, because one corner of his mouth lifted slightly again. “Keep her safe,” he whispered, voice wavering. “And Joel.”



“Of course.” I held his gaze as steadily as I could as his eyes rose back to Astrid’s face.



“Don’t forget me,” he breathed, the wind almost stealing his words, and then the blue eyes went still, his head falling limply into her lap.



For a moment, everything was very, very still. Only the wind whistled through the shutters of the empty, ramshackle shops along the street, making a lonely keening noise as it ruffled Astrid’s hair and Jay’s, sending one last breath of life through him. I could hear my heart beating, mingling with Astrid’s and yet missing that third thump, louder than thunder in my ears as the world seemed to close in.



When Astrid spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. “Jay. Jay, talk to me. Damn it, Jay, talk to me!” It rose to a scream, piercing the air like a knife as she begged him over and over: “Jay, talk to me, talk to me! Stay with me!” Suddenly she was sobbing, holding his hands as she leaned over his chest, her body wracking as her dark hair splashed over her face, blood coating her arms from the pool on his chest.



Putting an arm around her shoulders, I struggled to think of what to do. I was shaking too, my mind numb with disbelief, but I forced myself to grab hold of one bit of logic and cling to it. It was still too dangerous, I told myself, my brain fighting to remain in control as the black fury rose inside of me again. I took her by the shoulders, trying to pull her away, but she resisted.



“We have to get out of the open,” I said to her, trying to keep my voice calm, but I couldn’t stop the shaking. “It’s not safe here.”



“Go away!” she screamed, her face twisted with grief. She released his hands to lash out at me, pushing my chest as I tried to take her hands. “Leave me alone!”



She wasn’t hurting me physically, but every blow was like a stab to the heart. Gripping her forearms, I dragged her to her feet, the muscles in my leg protesting as she fought me, punching and pounding with her hands, tears rolling down her face. She was nearly delirious, pushing me and screaming things I had never before heard her say. I was nearly crying myself, begging her to listen to me as I tried to pull her off the street.



“Just leave me alone!” she sobbed, pushing me off of her, but I persisted, at last succeeding in moving her close to one of the buildings, under an awning.



“We need to get out of here!” I shouted at her above the noise she was making, over and over. And suddenly she broke down completely, falling against my chest and sobbing into my shirt, the fight gone from her eyes. Staggering from the sudden change, I half-collapsed in the open doorway of the building, leaning against the side of the doorframe and holding her in my arms. My leg buckled, unable to support her weight, and I slid to the floor, my back against the hard wood.



Astrid sank to my side, her legs seeming to give out beneath her as well as she sat at my left and buried her face in my sleeve. I wrapped both arms around her as best I could, holding her tightly and pressing my face into her hair as I struggled to remain in control. My breathing came thick and fast, the lump in my throat growing as I breathed in her familiar scent. Her body shook as she sobbed into my sweatshirt.



Why? I thought savagely, clenching my jaw as I hugged her closer to me, but there was no answer. Only the wind continued to whistle through the empty street, gently lifting golden strands of hair from Jay’s still face.