“Eve?”

“What?” I snapped, turning my head to see Jenna, my parents and Griffin standing behind them. My feet pounded against the treadmill as I continued running, breathing heavily as I stared at them with impatience. “I don’t have tim-,”

“You don’t have time for our concern; you don’t have time to talk to your friends and family?” Jenna demanded as Griff pushed forward and slammed the emergency stop on the treadmill.

I grabbed the towel and wiped down my face, ignoring Jenna’s outburst. The truth was that I hadn’t wanted to talk to anyone for the past week; so I hadn’t. It probably wasn’t the best way to deal with things but I never had been good with talking about my feelings.

“No you don’t walk away; not this time!” Jenna’s voice echoed angrily around the gym as I was pulled into Griffin’s arms. They carried me out of the gym kicking and screaming and up the stairs into Jenna’s office. Griff dumped me on one of her couches before Jenna locked the door and they all sat opposite me.

“You’ve been sour since you got here and it’s only gotten worse this past week; tell us what’s wrong.”

I rested my head on my hands as I stared at the floor. “I’m fine, just… tired.” I said with a shrug. So many words ran through my head as the outright lie passed my lips. I wasn’t fine; I was broken. Have you ever felt so broken, so bruised that you just feel… numb and dead? True pain wasn’t the torture I’d suffered, a broken bone or a gunshot; true pain was having to hold back the tears, the memories and emotions. True pain was smiling and laughing, hiding your true thoughts and feelings even though inside you’re screaming.

“You’re not fine though! You don’t think that we don’t notice the fact that you rarely sleep, you’re jumpy if someone surprises you, you’re always on the defensive, you have a compulsive need to exercise, and to top it all off you carry a knife and a gun everywhere you go!” Jenna yelled, standing and pointing a finger at me. “So stop feeding us the bullshit you give everyone else; you’re not ‘fine’!”

None of them understood what it was like to be so broken, so tormented that the only thing you could really do was push everyone away. Everything that had happened in my life; the bullying, the rejection, the pain, torture and torment had just broken me; I felt like I was drowning and there was no way out. I guess that the cysts and pregnancy had been the tip of the iceberg.

At her yelling the damn finally broke; so many months of locking it up, holding it in and pushing it back. Tears rolled down my face as I stared at the floor. There was total silence as I reached my hand up to wipe away the tears and shrugged. I wanted to say that I was fine but every single person in the room knew better.

“What happened Eve? You used to be so happy; what happened?”

I shook my head at dad’s question and took a deep breath. “I was never happy.” I looked up at them with misty eyes and shook my head with a sneer on my face. “I was never happy here. Did you ever wonder why I locked myself up in my room? Why I never spoke to anyone but you? Why I hated school? I was treated as less than trash, like dirt under their shoes; they bullied me for years and sometimes I honestly wanted to kill myself. You say that I’m lucky you found me as a child; well I’m not! You should’ve left me to die; it would have been a far kinder fate than to bring me into a pack full of werewolves that hated me for simply being human!” I shouted at my parents. Their eyes widened in shock as I exploded. “I hated everything here and leaving was the best thing I ever did; I shouldn’t have come back, I should have let you think I was dead.”

There was total silence as they all stared at me in shock until Ace spoke up. “Speaking of which, why were we told you were dead?” It was like my words sailed right over his head; he didn’t want to acknowledge what I’d said and instead focused on something else. He’d always done this; in a way I was very much like him.

I growled at him and he seemed surprised. “I was in a terrorist cell being tortured for a month; they thought I was dead from an attack on the base I was stationed at so they didn’t bother to send any help for their captain.” It was easier for me to feel anger than anything else so I tried to focus on that emotion. “In the end I got myself out of there and killed them all.” It had taught me a valuable lesson though; never rely on others. In life all you had was yourself because not many other people cared.

Griff butted in this time and I could see him thinking hard. “That’s why they wanted to kick you out; you said something about evaluations. Did they proclaim you mentally unfit for duty?”

My jaw clenched as I stared at my friend from across the table. “I was deprived of sleep for a month, beaten, electrocuted and choked. They held mock executions every few days; they made me dig my own grave for fuck suck Griff!” I yelled, running my hands through my hair. “You have no idea what it’s like to look at that hole in the ground, wondering if your dead body would soon be lying in it.” I shook my head and looked up at him. “I killed everyone in that house and I felt no regret.” When we were out there, we killed; but I had actively sought to kill the ones who had hurt me; every man, woman and child in that god forsaken place. They had been bad people but I had still murdered them in cold blood. “I’ve had night terrors for months and I hardly sleep; so tell me, do you really think that they were going to let me continue leading a ground of their best when I could snap at any moment? As far as they are concerned, I’m past help and I shouldn’t be in the military, let alone the SAS.”

“You were in the SAS?” Hansel asked, speaking up for the first time. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Because it’s a secret.” I snapped. “And it’ll remain that way.” I warned. “I’m done here; you got what you wanted.” They didn’t really care; all they wanted was answers and now they had them.

“No we didn’t.” Jenna said, standing quickly and grabbing my arm. “You’ve told us what happened but you are not ok. You need help Eve; sleep deprivation is one thing but night terrors are a whole new ball game.” I watched as she stared at me with pity and I shook my head. I was not some whack job they could stick on a therapists couch; I’d seen and done things they could only imagine, talking it out would not help. I honestly don’t know why I’d just exploded like that and looking at my parents and best friend, I knew that it had been a mistake.

I stood straighter and pulled my arm from her grasp, shaking my head. “I’m fine.” It seemed those two words was my guard against the world and anyone who tried to care; I hid my scars and damage behind those two words. I opened the door and slipped out.

-

I didn’t want to be around anyone else for the rest of the day so it was either go to my room or go for a walk; I chose the latter, but I had to grab my bag first. My room was only down the hall as they’d hauled my ass up to Jenna’s private office that was adjacent to her room.

A floorboard creaked beneath my foot as I walked to my door and when I went to twist the handle, I found that the door was already open. Slowly I took a step inside, my eyes taking in every detail as my training kicked in. I took another step and the door clicked shut behind me. I whirled around to see the very same male that’d been on my mind for a week.

I was frozen in shock as I looked into his eyes and he took that as an opportunity to push me against the nearest wall. We stared at each other for tense minutes until he growled down at me. “Would you mind removing your knife from my balls?” It was the longest sentence I’d hear him utter so I pushed him away from me and put the knife I’d grabbed down.

“Would you mind explaining why you’re in my room?” I asked sarcastically as I looked through the clothes scattered around my room, pulling out the gear I’d been using for my walks. “And then you would you please leave; you made it clear you didn’t want me.” In front of the whole pack no less, which then led to Lani getting exactly what she deserved; the only good part of this fucking nightmare.

I could feel him staring at me but I ignored him, intent on getting the things I’d need for hiking.

“I wanted to talk.”

I snorted and shook my head. “That’s funny, I was under the impression that you didn’t speak… and that you didn’t want me.”

I heard him grunt before he spoke again. “You carry another man’s bastard.” My hands rested protectively over my stomach as I stared at him. “I was angry and I would’ve killed the one who touched you if I hadn’t left.”

“I don’t even know you… it hurt though.”

“How do you think I feel? My mate is pregnant with another man’s child!” I schooled my features at his angry voice and I shook my head; he had every right to be angry but it wouldn’t change anything. I knew that I was in the wrong; I mean, how would I feel if the one person that was made for me already had a child? I’d feel robbed and cheated.

“Just get on with it and reject me then.” I said defeated. I was tired of everything going wrong and if he wasn’t going to stay, then I wasn’t going to fight; I just felt… completely beaten.

I heard a growl and I was knocked to the bed, pressed against it by his huge body. He kept most of his weight off me but our bodies were pressed against each other with absolutely no room. “I’m not rejecting you.” He growled, running a hand over my cheek. “But I will kill any man who touches you again.”

I glared at him and pushed him off me, standing as he sat on the bed in front of me. “No you won’t; all my friends are male and the father is my best friend.” I wanted him, but not at the cost of the men that’d stood by my side through thick and thin.

His eyes narrowed as he grasped my hips with a growl. “They won’t touch you.”

“Those guys out there are my family and I love them like my brothers so if you make me chose between you and them, then you’ll be disappointed. I want you but I love them like family.” I said. I wouldn’t let him do the usual possessive male routine I’d seen so many times; he’d walk over the top of me if I let him. “I’m not some weak bitch you can boss around; I’m my own person and I won’t be pushed around.”

He stared at me blankly for what felt like forever until he nodded. It seemed that our conversation was over and I felt like we hadn’t really gotten anywhere; save for the fact that he obviously had a problem with other men.

“I’m going for a walk, please leave so I can change.” He stood and exited my room, the only sign that he’d been here was his lingering scent. I changed and loaded up my usual gear before heading out the door.