Chapter 14





Darkness gave away to burning light.

Squeezing her eyes shut against the sudden onslaught, Julia tried to squint but the heat was immense and her body didn’t seem to know which way to face; the light was coming from everywhere.

“Jules?”

Spinning around, Julia tried to find where the sound was coming from but she could barely see anything.

“Jules!” The voice grew irritated but Julia could now only see the tips of her boots. They weren’t anything remarkable, sand in colour, and seeming to blend with the ground.

“Jules, for Pete’s sake!” The voice was growing closer and Julia felt her heart begin to race.

Who was it? What did he want with her?

Forcing her eyelids open, Julia found herself enveloped in a haze of light as her eyes painfully adjusted.

“Jules!” the voice was right on top of her, scaring Julia into spinning around.

As she did so, the light gave way to a shadow being cast over her face and Julia could finally see.

It was a massive relief that was quickly eclipsed with confusion and fear.

Julia wasn’t in her barracks any longer. In fact, Julia looked around her, she wasn’t in her own country any more.

The floor was the colour of sand, matching her boots. She took a hesitant step forward into the shadows and found that the floor crunched beneath her boots like sand as well.

What was this place?

“Jules, do you ever listen?” The voice snapped Julia back and she looked up to see a man walking towards her.

Julia began to panic; with sand dust in his hair, thick arms and a face scrunched up in annoyance Julia wanted to take a few steps back out of self-preservation.

But before she could open her mouth to speak, she heard her very own voice coming from behind her.

“I try my best not to.”

“What the-?”Julia turned away abruptly when the man blanked her completely and walked straight past her.

Following his path, Julia looked up and found herself staring into a mirror.

The hair on her arms rose up, her blood ran cold and her breathing pitched when she saw her very self sat atop a crate and cleaning her weapon.

But as she recovered slightly and looked closer Julia found that she wasn’t looking at herself truly. This had to be what she looked like a few years ago when she was deployment.

Her blonde hair had been twisted back into a sleek bun, her pale skin had been replaced with a soft tan and she looked fearsome.

Her body was muscular and intimidating as she cleaned the M16A4 Rifle in her grasp.

“He said you weren’t very ladylike,” Richards laughed as he took a seat beside her.

Julia watched as her other self, not knowing what to call her, snapped her head up and glared at the man, “Who the hell said that?”

Richards looked torn about what to say whilst his lips twitched in humour.

Julia was confused when a new voice sounded behind them, a voice that caused a shiver to run down her spine.

“I did,” Marc informed them, his voice a mixture of authority and impending doom.

Julia watched as Jules rose to her feet as Marc grew closer, their eyes unable to tear themselves off each other.

“Would you like to see how much ladylike I can be?” Jules arched an eyebrow, her lips twitching as she tried to keep from smiling.

Julia’s eyebrows drew together in concentration; this felt wrong. It felt as if she was watching a movie about her life because she could not remember this.

Julia wanted to remember, she wanted to know but now Jules seemed like someone else entirely.

Julia wasn’t confident like she was. Julia wouldn’t talk like that. Everything about the two of them screamed opposites and yet they shared the same face.

“We’re going on patrol in two hours. Report to the command tent in one hour for our orders,” Marc ordered the both of them.

Julia watched Jules and Marc lock eyes one last time before he left, marching back across the base to his tent.

Julia watched his leave and she wanted to follow; she knew Marc. She did not know this Jules and yet Julia found herself staying.

But as Julia turned and looked at her other self, she found herself watching a moment of weakness in Jules.

Her eyes became unguarded as they watched the retreating figure of Marc and Julia, for the first time, saw something she recognised in Jules.

Maybe they weren’t so unlike after all.

Lifting her head, Julia looked around before she found her eyes being drawn towards the large sun . . .



. . . light blinded her eyes as Julia found her arms and legs begin to stretch out, her eyes squinting shut against the onslaught.

Remembering she had fallen asleep on the bench with the few hours she had to herself, Julia straightened herself up and found a shadow being cast across her person.

Blinking open her eyes, Julia found a figure looming large in front of her.

“Sergeant.” The figure spoke with authority and Julia leapt to her feet, standing to attention.

“Sir.” Julia’s back hardened into a rod, her muscles tensing as she mentally kicked herself; she should have returned to her barracks but she had been so tired and . . .

“At ease, Sergeant,” Commander Berrick gave a small nod of his head and Julia felt her muscles relax slightly.

“I have some news for you Sergeant,” The commander’s face was unreadable, the ultimate bluff that made Julia’s heart beat faster.

Was it Marc? Was he injured?

Julia found her breathing tremble as she feared the worst.

“You’ve been cleared for deployment,” The commander’s words felt like a rush of relief but just as quickly as it had come it was gone again and replaced with a mixture of emotions.

Most of them Julia didn’t know how to pronounce let alone how to feel them.

“You and your section will be flying out to Afghanistan tomorrow evening at 1900. You have this evening to say your goodbyes to your family. Good luck, Sergeant.” The Commander held out his hand to her.

“Thank you, sir,” Julia took his hand, his fingers gripping hers like a vice.

When he didn’t let go immediately, Julia looked up at his face in confusion and found his eyes fiercely burning into hers.

“There is still time, Sergeant,” Commander kept his hand in hers, “I can remove your name from the board and you can return home this evening.”

“Sir?” Julia frowned, what was he saying?

“Why are you going back?” The Commander frowned, “You were clear of that place. I know many a men that have died out there.”

Julia looked down, “Permission to speak freely, sir?” Julia swallowed.

Commander Berrick slipped his hand from her, “Granted.”

“Would you give the same speech to the men who signed up for a second tour or just the women?” Julia knew it was a risk to ask but she felt like she needed to.

Out of all the people here, Julia had been the only faced with questions about her actions.

The Commander’s face tightened as he straightened his back and Julia knew she had offended him.

“You do not need to prove anything about who you are,” The Commander advised her.

“Forgive me sir,” Julia swallowed, “But how can I know who I am, if I don’t know who I was.”

A few moments of silence passed between the pair of them.

“Come back safely,” The Commander spoke out of a momentarily lapse in judgment before he turned around and left, leaving Julia just standing there.

Collapsing back onto the bench, Julia’s breathing grew heavy.

This was it, Julia pushed the dream out of her mind, she was really going back to Afghanistan.



* * *



After the shock had worn off, Julia was secretly excited.

She was scared about what might happen, of course, but if she spent every second worrying about what might, or what could, happen then she’d go stark raving mad.

Instead, Julia decided to focus on what she knew would happen. She knew that she had succeeded in what she wanted to do, she knew that she was one step closer to finding out who she truly was and she was one step, literally, closer to Marc.

They hadn’t spoken since she left for the base and she felt alone without him.

Her family didn’t understand, or they didn’t want to, and she was surrounded by people who all knew the place they were going to.

Julia would feel like a fish out of water, she knew that, but she wanted to get over there. She wanted to feel worthy of the dog tags that hung around her neck.

Walking through the building after calling her parents, the corridors were empty as most people were at dinner, allowing Julia a few moments by herself.

But when she turned the corner, there was the one person Julia didn’t want to see, leaning against the wall.

She appeared to be waiting for her.

“Oh, great,” Julia muttered under her breath as she kept her head high and just walked straight past her.

But it didn’t work.

“So it’s true then,” Amy fell into step behind her, “They’re letting ‘The Freaks’ back into the field.”

“The Freaks?” Julia frowned at Amy over her shoulder, “That’s what you call them?”

“That’s what we call all of you,” Amy corrected Julia, placing her directly in the group.

Julia shook her head, “You really need to find yourself a hobby.”

“Tell me,” Amy fell into step beside Julia, annoying her further, “When you sleep with a guy, do you wake up the next morning and freak out because you can’t remember who he is?” Amy laughed.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Julia quickly spun on her heel and pushed Amy back into the wall, resting her forearm across her throat, “What is your problem?”

Amy struggled for a moment but Julia easily pinned her back down and Amy conceded.

Julia stared into Amy’s eyes.

“What the hell are you doing, freak!?” Amy spat when Julia’s face grew too close to hers.

Julia pulled back, “You’re afraid.”

“What?” Amy snapped, “I-”

Julia just stared at her and Amy released a deep breath.

“Okay, yes, if you want to know, I’m afraid.”

“Of what?” Julia snapped. Why would she take that out on them?

“I’m afraid that we’ll all deploy out on patrol together in Afghanistan and when it comes to it, you’ll forget to pull the trigger.”

Julia dropped Amy and took a step back.

But Amy didn’t stop shouting, “I’m afraid that one of your buddies wheelchair will fail and we’ll die trying to rescue him because he needed to play hero!”

“We’re here learning to be marines, we don’t need to turn the corner and see men with missing arms and legs. We don’t need to be reminded of that every day!”

Julia grew angry, “Grow up.”

“What?” Amy scoffed.

“You’re right,” Julia nodded, “You’re here to learn to be a marine so be one,” Julia snapped.

Amy went silent.

“Marines look after their own, injured or not and, if seeing a man with a missing leg makes you scared, then maybe you shouldn’t be here.” Julia took a deep breath.

After a few moments of silence, Julia just turned and walked away. Amy didn’t follow.