Chapter 22





The blood wouldn’t come off.

Rubbing frantically at the palms of her hands, Julia’s heart began to beat faster as she stared at her stained skin.

Flashes of past memories began to litter her mind in no specific order.

An IED explosion near the border, killing two of her friends. A parade in a street back home. A gunfire battle outside of a school. Helping a medic cauterise the shredded limb of a man who stepped on a mine, his blood gushing across her uniform.

The images wouldn’t leave her alone as they began to flood through her brain.

It was as if the latest explosion had opened a flood gate and they had all come pouring through, unadulterated and without that shininess to them which told Julia she was imagining it.

Pressing the bottom of her palms firmly against her eyes, she rubbed the memories away before she opened her eyes again, shaking her head slightly when bright shapes formed in her vision.

Blinking the blurriness away, Julia continued to walk behind the others as they circled back on themselves, her fingers still rubbing at the dried blood on her skin.

Julia did not know why it was so important. Her uniform was torn, covered in a layer of dust with blood everywhere, and not all of it was hers.

Blood stained the bandage on her arm, it drenched her uniform and it covered her flesh.

So why was she so worried about her hands for? She couldn’t answer that question but as she looked at the pattern of dried blood on her palm, she paused.

Lifting her palm closer to her face, Julia had to shake her head a few times because she was certain that she had seen the face of the insurgent she stabbed to death.

“Reynolds?” Marc called back to her, snapping her out of her reverie.

Dropping her hand back to her side, Julia looked up and caught sight of how much distance they had covered without her.

Hurrying to catch up, Julia could see the question in Marc’s eyes.

He wanted to know what was going on with her but Julia did not know whether or not she should tell him.

How did she tell him that she was beginning to remember?

How could she tell him that the woman, who he was just coming to accept was gone, may be returning afterall?

Julia frowned, was that how she felt about it? That she was only temporary and now the other girl was coming back?

That she was being taken over, as if someone was stealing her body and voice?

Because she shouldn’t; Jules was the real Julia, wasn’t she?

She had been here first, that’s what her child-self told her. Jules had been here first, which meant she got dib’s on her body, wasn’t that how it worked?

But in all the memories that Julia had of ‘Jules’, of this other woman, she found herself hating her.

Julia let out a small scoff as she realised what that meant. She hated herself.

Now that was a dilemma.

Looking back down at her hands, she began to pick at the blood that pooled in her nails when she spotted Kazeem step up beside her.

Julia lifted her head and looked into his eyes, afraid to see the way they had narrowed at her in anger.

He was looking at her like she was the enemy.

Julia cast a glance back towards the group but no one was paying attention to them. Marc and Twitch were carrying Ray’s still unconscious body while Carlos lugged the RPG.

Kazeem and Julia had been left to guard them but this high up the mountain, and a good few hours in front of the insurgents, they had nothing to worry about but the freezing night air.

Julia licked her dry lips, trying to appear calm, “Kazeem.”

She had hoped it would break the awful silence but it only seemed to make it grow thicker as his eyes soaked up the blood on her hands.

The blood of one of his countrymen.

In those next few seconds Julia found her heart beat begin to speed up, her mind concocting all types of idiotic ideas about Kazeem and his allegiance.

Still following the others, Kazeem unclipped the water canteen from his bag and handed it to her.

Julia shook her head, “You keep it. We don’t want to waste any.”

Kazeem only pushed the metal container into her hands, not caring for what she said.

She looked at him, angry at the way he shoved the item upon her.

“If you are right about the trucks,” Kazeem hissed, “Then we shall be back at base in a few hours’ time.”

If she was right, Julia thought.

Not wishing to create further waves between them, Julia opened the canteen and poured a few drops into her palms, washing the blood off.

Kazeem watched every second of it, his eyes boring into her flesh, judging her.

Julia handed him the container back, thanking him.

“Thank you?” Kazeem took offense, “I offer you water to wash off the blood of my kinsmen and you say ‘thank you’ as if it was dirt you were washing off?”

“I only meant-”

“-You think out here we are uncivilised?” Kazeem spat, “Because not all of our children go to school? Because our wives choose to keep their dignity and remain faithful?”

“No,” Julia stated reverently, “I didn’t mean-”

“-You come to my country and tell us how to live our lives,” Kazeem spat.

Jules grew aggravated at his assumptions, “Then why fight with us? Why not go and fight for the jihadists, if you believe in their cause so much?”

“I told you,” Kazeem glowered, “My country was once beautiful. I care only about that.”

“We are not enemies, Kazeem,” Julia stated, frowning at why she said such a harmful comment only moments ago, “We want the same thing.”

Kazeem gave her a small patronising laugh, “Do we?”

Julia frowned.

“Oh, you come with your guns and your helicopters,” Kazeem’s voice grew softer, as if he was no longer making a point, just observing the facts, “But what will happen once you leave? The country shall return to how it was, and you will blame us for failing it.”

Julia looked away because he was right. They had to leave one day and then what would happen to everyone?

Kazeem did not say another word, seeing that his message had gotten through to her, and they walked on in silence.



*



They had been walking most of the night so that when Marc and Twitch set Ray down on the ground, the sun was rising over the horizon.

Julia was momentarily captured by the colours of orange and red that played in the sky before she stood over Ray.

He was still unconscious. It had been hours since the explosion.

Twitch shined a small light into his pupils before he hung his head in defeat, “We need to get him medevac’d ASAP if he’s going to stand a chance.”

Julia stared at Ray in turmoil, had she done this to him?

She had pushed him out of the way but what if she had pushed him into something far worse?

Did he hit his head? Julia searched her memories but all she could remember was the explosion, she had no idea where Ray went or what he hit.

Twitch got to his feet and clasped her hand with his, showing his sympathy. He knew she and Ray were close so he refrained from saying anything about his condition, afraid of upsetting her.

After a few moments Julia’s feelings were overwhelmed with determination.

Twitch said that they needed to get Ray out soon, well then that’s what Julia would do.

They had a dozen Afghans on their tail, and unfortunately they were not carrying an injured comrade.

“Where are the trucks?” Julia turned to Marcus, focusing on the task at hand.

“They’re just over that ridge,” Marcus nodded to the opposite side of a small incline before taking a drink from his canteen.

Julia stared in the general direction, “I’m going to scout ahead.”

She knew that they didn’t like the idea the moment it came out of her mouth.

“We’ll go together,” Marc told her, returning the cap onto his canteen and passing it to Twitch.

Jules narrowed her eyes at Marc, “I don’t need supervising.”

Marc shot her a warning look but simply repeated his early statement, “We’ll go together.”

Watching her closely, Marcus told Carlos to keep trying with the radio before he picked his rifle back off the ground.

Stepping past her, Marc narrowed his eyes in curiosity when Julia seemed to break out of whatever haze she had been under.

Why had she snapped at Marc? She couldn’t remember scouting before and wasn’t this what she wanted?

To be alone with Marc, to talk?

Julia wasn’t so sure when she followed him along the path and found that he wasn’t in so much of a talkative mood afterall.

It kind of put a damper of Julia’s plans to get some information out of him; information that could sway her decision on whether or not she told him about her memories coming back.

Julia decided if he wasn’t going to start a conversation then she should.

“Marc?”

“Hmm?” Came his distracted reply.

Staring at his back as they walked along the top of the ridge, careful not to step on any loose rocks, Julia found a lump forming in her throat, “Do you reckon Ray’s going to make it?”

Julia watched Marc pause for a moment, “We Marines are hard to kill.”

But his voice seemed strained, as if he didn’t want to speak on the subject.

Julia frowned, “But the explosion . . . what if I-” Julia clenched her eyes shut, “What if it was my fault?”

Marc looked over his shoulder at her, a deep frown adorning his brow, “We had an RPG shot at us. How is that your fault?”

“No,” Julia stopped and looked up at Marc, her eyes wide with the thought of her friend being hurt, “I mean, I pushed Ray. What if I pushed him too hard? What if I pushed him into a worst part of the explosion? What if-”

“-Julia? Julia!” Marc’s hands clamped around her shoulders, catching her eye, “‘What if’s’ aren’t going to help Ray,”

Julia nodded her head, he was right. He thought she was selfish, thinking about herself when she should be thinking about Ray?

“All we can do for him now is to get him out of this as fast and safely as possible. But I’m sure that it wasn’t your fault.” Marc gave her a platonic smile before he dropped his hands from her shoulders and turned back around, leaving Julia confused.

Marc had released her like someone would release a hot pan they had picked up accidentally. His smile had been neutral and he couldn’t seem to look at her.

Had she lost him?

They continued to walk on for a few minutes when Marc suddenly dropped to his knees, waving at her to get down.

Snapping back into mode, Julia dropped to the ground and approached with care.

Crouching beside him, Marc indicated to the trucks parked fifty feet below them in a small cluster.

“I spot two guys,” Marc whispered, his breath brushing her warm cheek.

“Three,” Julia swallowed, watching Marc from the corner of her eye, “There’s one asleep in the cab at the end.”

Marc smirked when he saw that she was right.

But Julia just turned and looked at Marc.

She knew this was not the right time, she knew that they were within firing range of the enemy, she knew that they were in the middle of a warzone but nothing could stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth right then.

“Do you not love me anymore?”

Marc blinked, his body freezing for a moment, before he turned and looked at her.

Julia tried to keep her emotion in check but his expression revealed no hint of his feelings and it was tearing her up inside.

“What?” Marc stared at her.

“I-” Julia stuttered, his intent gaze burning her flesh and making her jumble her words, “I- I know I’m not her- I know I’m not Jules any longer, and I know you were hoping that she would come back but . . but what if she doesn’t?”

Marc just continued to look at her, as if she was an alien from another planet and had just morphed in front of him.

Julia just kept babbling, too nervous to stop, “And I know that you waited for Jules, you didn’t wait years to find me still here but-”

“-Stop talking.” Marc pressed his hand against her mouth, keeping her from talking.

Julia nodded her head, letting him know that she wouldn’t speak, whilst her heart was racing inside her chest. Her eyes grew wide with anticipation.

“You- You’re talking as if you and ‘Jules’,” He spoke her old name with a small hiss, “Are two separate people.”

“Aren’t we?” Julia whispered when Marc removed his hand.

“No,” Marc shook his head, his eyes growing softer as he began to see the turmoil she was facing, “No, you’re the same. Yes, Jules may have been louder, more boisterous and more confident-”

Julia took a bit of an insult at Marc calling her self-conscious, but she didn’t stop him.

“-But you’re still the same person. You have the same shining blue eyes, the same love for waffles-”

Julia felt a bubble of laughter break forth from her lips. Marc shared her smile.

“-And the same warm heart that I fell in love with.”

Julia’s breath caught in her throat.

“So . . .” Julia licked her lips, “So, you still . . .”

“Do I still love you?” Marc reached up and ran the tips of his fingers across her muddy cheek.

Julia jerked her head, thanking him silently for saying what she couldn’t.

Marc laughed and Julia’s heart wrenched in fear.

“I never stopped loving you. Not for one minute,” Marc stared deep into her eyes.

Julia felt a small sigh of relief pass her lips.

“What about you?” Marc asked.

Julia looked up at him and frowned, “What do you mean?”

And in that moment it struck Julia that Marc had been in torment just as much as she had been.

Julia had forgotten a few years of her life but Marc had to live with the idea that the woman he loved may never love him again.

Julia couldn’t remember loving him so she imagined it wouldn’t have been too difficult for her to move on.

But Marcus would have been stuck with all the memories of those years they had together, knowing that an idiot piece of metal had taken her away from him.

Julia suddenly felt a wave of guilt and sadness crash into her. All of this time she had been selfish, only thinking of herself and not what Marc must have been feeling.

Julia raced to ease his pain.

“Oh Marc,” Julia lifted her hand and began to play with the collar of his uniform, needing to touch him somehow, “I don’t remember, and I don’t know how Jules-”

Julia closed her eyes, remembering what Marc had said because he was right. They were the same person and she couldn’t keep denying that.

“I don’t remember how I fell in love with you in the past, what you did or what I said, but I know that whatever it was, it’s happened again.”

Marc frowned, “What are you saying?”

Julia laughed, her eyes beginning to sting with tears of joy, “I’m saying I love you.”

Joy and relief erupted across Marc’s face as his hand slipped around the back of her neck, cupping her head softly as he pressed their lips together in a fierce kiss.

Julia gripped his uniform jacket tightly in her fists, her heart speeding in her chest, as she tried to sear the memory of his lips against hers in her mind forever.

How could she have forgotten this!?

But just as Julia was preparing to deepen the kiss, her confidence growing, their small moment was shattered by an intruding voice below them.

Breaking the kiss, Marc looked over the edge down at the Afghan individuals who were beginning to grow restless.

Julia followed his gaze and knew that it was time to get back to work.

“We should get the others,” Marc ran his hand across her cheek one last time before they broke physical contact and headed back for the others.

But whilst her body was performing all the rights moves and taking all the right steps, her mind was swimming with thoughts, feelings and images.

As her skin flustered beneath the rising sun, Julia tried to focus on the task at hand.