CASSANDRA

When I woke up, I felt weak. Empty. As though there was something that was missing.

I didn't move. I simply stared at the ceiling and had a moment of deja vú. This ceiling was not the colour of ivory, it was white, purely white and checkered. It made me nervous.

I began to grow aware of my senses. My fingers were cold and my arm was sore. My neck felt heavy and I was scared to move my head, subtly aware of a headache that threatened to resurface. I was, then, aware of a touch that didn't belong to the blankets. I shifted my head and found out what it was.

Jaxton laid his head at the edge of the bed, one hand draped over my leg. He was asleep, asleep with a frown on his face and a concerned furrow in his brow.

I instantly felt safe and adjusted my head back to the centre of the pillow.

And then, I began to cry.

***

My cries were in quiet sobs, shakes that I tried to hold inside me. I didn't want to wake Jaxton, nor did I need him to see me crying. He'd seen it once, embarrassingly, and he didn't need to see it twice.

I knew what I was crying about. The hollowness I felt came from Reflecta. I killed Reflecta with my own hands. I killed the bond we created with my own hands.

People always had an attachment to their own weapons. Like when Alsa got injured during our fight, her first thought when she woke up was her sword. Even though their weapon wasn't as intuitive as weapons like Reflecta.

Besides, there was this unknown dread I had. What about my Iridescent powers? It was always channelled through Reflecta. Then, I realised that, the powers of Iridescent never belonged to me for real. I was just granted the ability to use them. To borrow them from Reflecta. Now that Reflecta was gone...

"Cass."

I was so alarmed to see his face my sobs abruptly stopped. I inhaled sharply, then allowed a grin to blossom. "Nice sleep?"

Jaxton didn't smile, he was staring at my tear-stained face. He pulled the chair closer and sat down. He looked exhausted.

I tried to calm my breathing and my need to cry were temporarily placed to the side. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"Some hours..." He muttered. "You were crying. Does something hurt?"

"No."

He bowed his head. "I'm really sorry, Cass."

"Why are you apologising?"

"You did it to save me."

My lips thinned, my voice quiet. "It was the only thing I knew that would overcome a blood wielder's control."

He nodded. "I should've tried harder."

Tried harder? He said it like he didn't want me to hear it but I did, and I wasn't sure what he meant. Try harder at the time? It seemed impossible to overcome Lambert's wielding.

"Lambert, where is he? A-And Randall? "

He shook his head. "I woke up and they were gone."

"And... how did I survive?"

When he heard me say that he stifled a faint chuckle. "You have to thank Marty for that."

I let out a breath. The healing potion. I didn't expect to use it so early. Another tear slipped from the corner of my eyes, my expression was impassive, though, looking oddly mismatched.

Jaxton pulled out a tissue from the tissue box nearby and began dabbing my wet cheeks gently.

"The sword belonged to nana," I began to whisper and the tears kept streaming. Jaxton paused his dabbing. "And before nana, it belonged to her mother, and her mother, and so forth..."

Jaxton resumed his dabbing, wiping the tears from the edge of my ear carefully.

"So I'm a bit sentimental..." I breathed. "I'm not blaming you in any way, Jaxton. She was special to me, that's why I'm crying, but I don't regret doing it."

Jaxton drew away his hand from my face and watched me carefully. From his eyes, I knew he was guilty about everything that has happened.

"It saved your life. It was worth the bargain." I slanted a playful smirk. "How long before I can get the heck out of here?"

Jaxton couldn't help his smile. "Soon. Possibly tomorrow."

"Where's everyone else?"

"They've left. Vel stayed with me." Seeing my look, he added, "She's getting food. She'll be back soon."

Jaxton was right. I stayed at the centre for another night, with the company of Jaxton and Vel. Vel's purple eyes had a nice way of calming me, and she distracted me with everything that has happened at the station. And, while Jaxton went outside for a breath of fresh air, she secretly told me how Will had argued with Jaxton about what had happened.

I secretly reminded myself that I needed to talk through this with Jaxton later. Our account of what happened should relatively be the same, with some margin of error allowed to make it seem more natural. It would be simple — lies edged with the truth.

I also told Vel what happened with Ted.

"Jaxton said you might've found out too much and Ted had to do something. What did you find out?"

"Ted had been snooping," I didn't mention it was only my room. "Tracy caught him and told me he also searched mine. Ted was probably doing something dodgy but never thought Tracy — my rival — would tell me."

"Right!"

Then, I blabbered on about meeting Lambert and how he tried to use blood wielding on both of us.

"My God, Cassie, how did you get out of that?"

"Jaxton used Shadow Summoning."

"Whoa! I thought he had trouble with that?"

"Well, he did it. I don't know how well he did it but it was enough to scare Lambert off."

When Vel was still cheering about beating Lambert, I saw Jaxton hesitate at the door to our ward. I gave him a subtle nod and told him to take the story as it is.

We, then, returned back to camp the next day. I had largely recovered but I still felt a weakness in my grip.

Days moved on. I stayed in my dorm for at least another three days, missing out my lectures and work as I tried to recover. I also attended daily appointments to check on my blood condition and internal bleeding which turned out to be fine. I just needed to let my body rest.

As for Lambert, the only person I could tell was Professor Allistar. He listened carefully and told me he would take care of it. The school management wasn't notified of the details and Professor Allistar made the explanation flawless.

Ted was another "missing" personnel. They were searching for him — alive or dead. Allistar said it was better that Ted wasn't found. Ted was also listed on the blacklist of the school, saying he attempted to harm another student (me). Rumours began flying around the campus and I had to say... it really made me feel uncomfortable.

"Bet he was one of them. Those Masters of Iridescent."

"Do you think he has anything to do with our missing healer?"

"Or even Robin."

"Who's Robin?"

"Do you not know?!"

I tried my best to block it all out.

And, oddly, I had thought — and hoped — Jaxton would come and visit me. Except he didn't, I haven't seen him for days. I wanted to text Vel and ask what was Jaxton doing, but... we all know why I couldn't do that.

Then, that day — it was a humid day. It had drizzled in the morning, then with the weak sunlight, the air grew sticky and everything felt dense. My room had proved to be too suffocating to stay in so I went out for a walk.

As night fell, the humidity escaped the land. I remember I was reading my textbook and taking some notes — I had to adjust my grip often. My fingers that curled around my pen felt strange and weak, out of strength — when Jaxton knocked on my balcony door in muffled, quiet thumps.

My curtain wasn't pulled. My balcony door wasn't even fully closed. So I simply turned my head, acknowledged him with a playful nod of my head, happy to see him. He gave me a wary smile, inching the balcony door open and walking in slowly.

He had something behind his back and I wasn't sure what it was. All I knew was that he was being secretive about it for the moment being.

I tilted my head, questions filling my gaze. Instead, I blurted, "Long time no see."

When he heard that, I saw that amused spark in his eyes. "Missed me?"

"Not a chance."

He chuckled, his eyes wandering to my desk. "What are you doing?"

"Chemistry worksheet," I held it up, observed it like some sort of incomprehensible treasure map. "And reading the textbook to figure out my notes."

"Why are do you have books on Shadow Magic."

I stilled, turned my head only to see his green eyes landing on the library books I got out to learn more about Shadow Users. I bit my lower lip, unable to resist the blush that sprouted on my cheeks.

"Uh..."

He tilted his head, a twitch of his brow to encourage me on.

"Uh... you said... you said you had trouble with your powers and..." I shrugged, awkwardness flooding every inch of my body. "And I thought I'd do some research and... uh... help you. But, these are really basic books," I added, feeling even more embarrassed that he saw. "It won't help you much."

He stayed quiet, palm flat on the book covers, thumb caressing the spine. An unreadable expression.

"I should've tried harder," he mumbled and before I could ask further, he cut me off, "I... I have something for you."

I rounded my eyes and slowly stood up. "What is it? Food? Money?"

He barked a laugh and then shook his head. "Unbelievable, as usual."

"Come on, what is it?"

He brought out something. Something long, the length of what Reflecta used to be, wrapped in a light brown fabric. There was an ache of longing but I didn't reveal it because something told me to wait. He pulled away the leather tie from the centre, took away wrap. My eyes widened, tears pricking my eyes, I sucked in a sharp breath.

"Is... is this... is that...?"

"Yes," He nodded, a careful smile as he waited for my reaction. He turned the sword around, held it carefully with both hands. One at the hilt and one below the blade. "It's your sword."

I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. Then, I shuffled forward, held Reflecta in my hands. I felt no sensation and could seek out no bond, but I had thought... I had thought I would never see Reflecta again.

I placed it down on the table and caressed the silver blade with my fingers. There was no shimmer or spark that usually looked like Reflecta was winking at me, but I knew it was her. Dimly, almost invisible, I saw the cracks that used to be there, but it was an almost seamless fix. I didn't know how Jaxton did it.

"I went to pick up everything, while you were with Vel."

I stared at my blade, dumbstruck. I imagined Jaxton trying to find all the broken pieces in the woods. It seemed unbelievable to me that he could still remember where everything was and had put in the effort to retrieve it. While me, the owner of this blade, had long given up.

"I know it might not be the same," he added. "It won't work like it used to. Your powers... sorry, I wish — with my all my heart — that I could help but I don't know how-"

I had approached him and made him swallow his words back with a tight embrace. I whispered near his ear, "You have no idea how much this means to me."

I felt him tense, then, slowly, I sensed him moving. I found his palm against my back. It was tender and gentle. A touch that sent a pleasant tingle down my spine. He wrapped me closer to him, a comforting tightness. It felt safe. And it felt right to me.

We leaned back after a while, both trying to end the hug but found our bodies incapable of taking commands anymore. We were close, so close that our nose almost brushed past each other. Our breath, our warmth, our eyes...

"Cass," his voice had a slight quiver, "the truth is... I..."

His voice faded. I wasn't really listening anyway. My heart was crashing against my ribcage and I was acutely aware of the smallest of his movements. Because, suddenly, like the first drop of rain before the showers began, we were moving. His head leaning down and mine up to meet his lips.

Is this a heat of the moment? I thought quietly to myself. No. This is a choice.

It never happened, though.

My chin was tilted and my eyes blinked open at the sudden pause. I almost mistakenly thought it was already happening, our mouths were inches apart, but, he looked stricken.

"This is a mistake," he breathed, drawing himself away from me, letting go of my arms and took a step back.

My blush grew redder. It wasn't because of that almost-kiss, or his touch and hug, it was because I felt like a fool. Maybe all this time, it was just me. My thoughts toward him. My feelings toward him. Not the other way around. For once, I understood what Kristen felt.

Jaxton gave me a pained look. He desperately tried to smoothen out his emotions, but they crashed onto him like thunderous waves against rocky shores. He had to accept his efforts were in vain. Soon, he settled with looking away from me. Everywhere but me.

"I'm sorry..." His voice above a whisper. Then, louder, "I'm sorry."

I watched him. My heart was still thumping, my blood boiling. I didn't know what else I could do but stare and endure the sudden silence that settled upon us, weighing down the air in the room.

"I... I should go," he eventually said, turning to walk toward the balcony door.

I didn't know why I did what I did, then. It wasn't really my style. If someone wanted to walk away, I'd let them. I'd let them walk away because their heart was set on going. But as Jaxton crossed to the door, I dashed in front, blocking the balcony exit with my hands pressed on the door frame.

Jaxton abruptly halted, clenching his hilt, clenching his jaw. Now, I had his eyes on me.

"I'm only going to block you once, Jaxton," My voice came out steadier than I expected. "After we make things clear and you still want to leave... I won't stop you."

There was a secondary meaning in there. Leave, wasn't just about leaving my room, leave was about leaving me for good. Leaving everything that happened between us to... friendship. How a wonderful word can once in a while hurt like a stab in the heart.

He stared at me, then gave a nod.

"I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do," I continued. "Regardless of what I am going to say. Do you... do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Okay..." I exhaled a small breath, letting go of the frame and approached him slowly. He stayed still, eyes still focused on me. Eyes that were alert and passionate. Good. I needed all his attention.

"Besides lying about Vel's incident, I think I can say I've always been honest with you. You know more about me than I do about you. You know my deepest secrets. Right now, I want you to be honest with me. Even if the truth hurt, I'll take it. Can you promise that?"

His jaw clenched again, blinking slowly. "I promise."

I closed my eyes briefly, nodding. When I opened them, I spoke without hesitation. "I want to know how you feel about me. Do you have feelings for me?"

A pause, then, "I do."

I allowed my face to remain impassive. I needed him to keep talking. But inside, it felt like the first signs of Spring. Where you notice the weather growing warm, the night arriving late, and the trees were washed over in a lush green.

"Every time I see you, I have to resist the urge to tell you how I feel. Sometimes... I feel so nervous around you."

"What's stopping you?" What's stopping you from telling me?

"Robin." We both said at the same time.

"As long as Robin stays missing," he continued. "I won't stop searching for him. You know that."

"I know."

"I remember you told me that you don't want any part of my dangerous business. I get that. My life kinda sucks right now. I don't want to become another one of your overly dangerous adventures. When you're with me, I can't promise you safety."

"As long as we live on this earth, no one can promise one's safety. Not even to ourselves. It would be unfair to ask you-"

"But I want to," he said. "I want to make that promise."

"And all I need is to hear you say that."

"I thought... I thought actions were more valuable than words."

"Some people can't even say those words, let alone do them. And I trust you. I trust you as a man who will take what he says seriously." A smile had slipped onto my face without my awareness. "You were always there when I needed you. The question is... will you always be there? Do you want to be there?"

He said the next few words quickly. "I will always, always be there. I want to be there."

I smiled wider.

"Then, listen carefully. Your life might suck right now, but what kind of a person am I if I stayed with you at your best and left you at your worst? Meeting the right person has nothing to do with meeting at the right time."

He breathed out a half-gasp, half-chuckle, as though relieved to hear me say those words... or maybe even touched. The look in his eyes were a labyrinth of somethings I couldn't decipher, but I knew one thing for certain.

"I love you, Cass," he said.

I allowed myself the freedom to smile and grin all I want. "Who doesn't?"

I watched him laugh, shake away all his concerns and release the tension in his shoulders. He approached me in one stride, pulled me in with a hand on my arm and kissed me.

***

A/N

*author ugly sobs*

L