Chapter Fifteen

Ariya's P.O.V.

I jump awake and take a few minutes to get my bearings. I glance at the clock and it reads 5:30am. I scramble out of bed and race to the bathroom. Justin must be late in getting up because he hasn't appeared at my door yet. That's when the events of last night hit me. Oh no! He was in here. He knows. He saw it all. How could I have been so stupid?! How did I let myself fall asleep?! I really am a sad, pathetic, weakling. I should have let him teach me better, even if the cost of those lessons was too high.

Just as my thoughts are starting to consume me, my bedroom door opens and Justin appears. He's freshly showered, and the beads of water are running from his shaggy locks down his neck and into his shirt. The sight nearly distracts me, but that feeling of shame is still very real. I am so ashamed of myself for the events of last night, but I'm not going to be any weaker. I'm not going to let that show. I will look him square in the eye, with my back straight, and I will deny all knowledge of anything taking place. He may have seen my little outburst, but that doesn't mean I need to tell him about it. I don't need to discuss anything with him. That decision is made and I will not back down. I refuse to be weak.

“Morning. You were asleep and I didn't see any point in waking you while I showered. You ready to get breakfast?”

“Yeah.”

“We need to put the cuffs on before we go down...”

I smirk and he catches the innuendo straight away. He chuckles, “Seriously? I did kind of set myself up for that one, I guess.”

This guy is weird. He's hasn't said a word about last night and he's being all friendly now. Yesterday he wanted to rip me a new one and now he's all about being friendly? Yeah, something is definitely up. Maybe he has some sort of messed up ideas about what happened last night and now he's all pitying me or something. I don't need his pity. I need him to treat me like he has been; like everyone else treats me. Everyone hates me and that's the way I like it. I need that to make me feel normal.

As we sit down for breakfast, my stomach churns at the food but not in a good way. The thought of food right now actually doesn't sit well. I can't eat anything in case I puke it all up. Although, that might get me some time away from everyone and out of this stupid shackle. Is that really worth being sick for though? Probably not. I'm sure it's just my body's way of saying it doesn't know how to handle all the food it's been given since I've been here. I pour a black coffee and sit with the mug in my hand, as I watch everyone. Todd isn't here yet. It seems we're not the only ones running late. I'm not complaining. I'd rather not have him anywhere near me.

Justin whispers, “You're not eating?”

I shake my head, “Not hungry.”

“You didn't eat dinner last night either.”

“Thanks for the update on my nutritional diary. I'll make a note of that.”

“Stop being so sarcastic. You sure you're going to be able to complete all your work on an empty stomach?”

“No doubt about it. Geez, stop being so smothering.”

“I have Italian grandparents; they're feeders.”

“Because I really needed that vital insight into your personal life. Just so you know for next time, I don't care. Stop trying to be my friend. I don't need friends. I just need you to leave me alone.”

I see him bite back a response. I know he's angry, he just doesn't want to show it. I want him to lay into me. I want it to become a slinging match. That's what I'm familiar with; that's what I love. I love playing this game and being better at it than everyone else. I expect some kind of reprimand or something, but he surprises me by saying, “What you want and what you need are 2 very different things. I'm going to help you see that.”

There's no harshness in his tone. In fact, it's almost light and friendly. Now that, I wasn't expecting and I'm a little bit stumped for a second. I regain my composure and reply, “Good luck with that, yeah? You should also talk to that brick wall at some point. You might get a better response.”

He chuckles, “You'll see.”

Todd sits at the table and I inwardly groan. My distaste must show, because I hear Justin mumble, “Behave.”

I make the gesture that I'm zipping my mouth shut and smirk at him.

I know Todd is going to say something before he even opens his mouth. His body language changes and his sits up straighter. Then he speaks, “So, did you have a good night, Ariya?”

The next sequence of events happens so fast, it's pretty much a blur. I can tell you that Justin reached under the table and grabbed my knee, muttering something about ignoring. As soon as I feel his hand on my knee, I explode. The next bit is clouded by the red haze of anger and when I'm coming out of the haze, I'm pinned against the work top, with Mike and Justin holding me down. The table is shoved across the room and there's food everywhere. I'm sure the events will come back to me at some point, but for now, that's all I've got.

I'm thrashing around, trying to get the 2 guys off me, when I hear Justin's voice in my ear.

“Ariya, stop! Just calm down! We're not going to hurt you, but you need to get back under control...”

I spit out, “I told you not to touch me, you filthy piece of scum!”

He sighs. He actually sighs. Under the circumstances, a sigh is not what you'd expect. I'm a ticking time bomb, thrashing around, trying to get loose. If I do happen to get loose, I will rip the face off the person that first steps into my path. Right now, I'd love for that to be Justin. I'm a very real threat, and what does he do? He sighs! I'm obviously letting myself down here. He mustn't see me as a danger. I guess I'll have to work on that.

He whispers so only I can hear him, “I apologize. I didn't think it would be a big deal. Now, if I let you go, are you going to get yourself under control?”

“I need to get out of here...”

“You're not leaving.”

“I actually want to rip your face off right now, so leaving might be the better option.”

“I apologized for touching you. I didn't think it was that big a deal. You need to get a hold of yourself. Fight through that haze of anger you're feeling. You need to get it under control...”

“I am in control. And I still want to hurt you.”

“Well, then you'll stay here until you've calmed down... Go ahead and start in the barn guys. I'll wait here with Miss Flynn until she's calmed down.”

Mike's voice has a hint of concern as he asks, “You sure you're going to be ok in here?”

“Yep. I'm a lot bigger than Miss Flynn, and she can't get the upper hand from this position. We'll be fine.”

I hear everyone leave and the silence is tangible. I must have seriously flipped a switch, because I can actually feel everyone's shock and maybe fear as well. Well, not Justin's fear. He doesn't seem frightened of me, but he should be. He doesn't know what I'm capable of. Even if he is some highly trained Marine, that doesn't mean I can't and won't hurt him. He might think I'm broken and a good person deep down, but I'm not. I'm as rotten as they come and I have done things that he would hate. If he only knew, he wouldn't have me in his house. As much as I want to leave this place and go back to New York, I value my privacy even more. At the cost of having to stay here longer, I will keep my past to myself. Justin doesn't need to know why I went into the system. He doesn't need to know the stuff that's in my sealed record; no one does. It was sealed for a reason.

Justin is still leaning on me, pressed against my back, as I'm bent over the counter. If I wasn't so furious, I would surely come up with some sarcastic remark about this current situation. But I am furious and I really really want to hurt someone right now. I told him about my no touching policy and he still does it! What was the point in him making me reveal that piece of information if he was just going to ignore it anyway?!

“Ariya, just calm down and then I'll let you go. We need to talk about these explosions...”

“What's the point?! You made me tell you about the no touching rule and you just ignored it! What's the point in me telling you anything if you're just going to disregard it anyway?!”

Yep, I'm beyond furious. There are a few occasions when I get so angry that I just spill out things. I regret it later, but it's like I can't help it. Like my brain is so clouded by anger that it can't filter and stop truths from slipping out.

“I apologized for that, Ariya. I honestly didn't think it would be that big a deal...”

“Yeah? Well, it is. Don't freaking touch me you filthy piece of scum.”

“It really is that big a deal to you, isn't it? What happened to you to make you hate being touched so much, huh?”

“That's none of your business!”

I need to get my filter back, so I try to fight through the haze of anger before I reveal anything else or before he actually notices I didn't say nothing happened.

Too late. Justin has already picked up on it and he says, “So something did happen. You need to know that no one here is going to hurt you, least of all me. I'm trying to protect you, from yourself as well as others.”

“I don't need your protection. I just need you to leave me alone. I'm quite capable of taking care of myself.”

“That might be true in some respect, but you're on a self destructing spiral and someone needs to intervene. Fortunately for you, I'm here to help with that...”

“You know what? Just shut up! I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help. And I certainly don't need your spiel. I'm not a fool and I'm not going to fall for those lines. Just stop!”

I manage to take him off guard and I shove him off me before heading to the other side of the room. I've got one foot on the stairs when Justin appears by my side.

“You can't just walk away, Ariya...”

“You can't just touch me, but you did...”

He sighs, “I can't keep apologizing for the same thing. You need to deal with this. Where are you going?”

“To 'deal' with this. I need to hit something and you obviously don't want it to be a person, so just let me get on with it myself.”

I storm passed him and go up to my room, where I take out my make shift boxing gloves. I'm not going to use his gym. I don't want anything from that man. I don't want anything from anyone, except to be left alone. I'm sick and tired of all of this mushy trying to be my friend rubbish. I'd rather be back on the streets to be honest. If it wasn't for the fact that I gave Justin my word, I'd have run by now. It is seriously making me reconsider my policy on not lying. If that honesty policy wasn't so ingrained into me, then I probably would have been half way back to New York by now.



I use the wall to try to release my anger. I can't even begin to explain how furious I am right now. I can hardly think straight due to the anger that is flowing through my veins. I need to get it out of my system before I do something we're all going to regret.