Chapter Seventeen

Ariya's P.O.V.



It's been another month in this abysmal place. I've stayed away from everyone as much as possible and I haven't been talking to anyone; not even Justin. I can see the frustration in Justin's eyes, but I won't back down. I will do whatever I possibly can to ensure he doesn't break my rules again. I'm not giving him any reason to touch me or anything. Biting down on my anger is one of the most difficult things I've had to do in a very long time. I swear Todd is deliberately trying to get me to bite and I don't know how much longer I can ignore it. I'm trying so hard not to rip him apart, but I'm getting close to the danger zone on my anger thermostat and even hitting the bathroom wall all night is not helping. I just need to hit someone and then I can resume a normal service.

I'm still being cuffed to Justin whenever I'm not working. I get out of the cuffs in the night, but he either doesn't notice until the morning, or he just lets me get on with it. I've kept my word and I haven't run, so he doesn't really have any reason to not trust me in the night. Somehow, I don't think he sleeps through my whole middle of the night exercise regime.

I've hardly been eating, because I really don't want to owe this man anything. I have noticed my weight loss though, and although I know it's not healthy, I can't bring myself to swallow my pride and eat properly. I'm proud and stubborn and I don't like to show any form of weakness. Giving in to the hunger is weak. I never relied on food when I was on the streets and a few months in this place is not going to change that. As soon as I get out of here, I'm only going to go back to my old life, so I don't want to get too comfortable in this kind of life. I don't belong here. I figured that out a long time ago, when all the families kept sending me back. Apparently they couldn't deal with my many 'issues'. I was told I couldn't cope with a normal life and that I would never be able to fit in to a conventional lifestyle. It's a good job I can actually live with that prospect, isn't it? Although, I'm not sure the shrinks and carers are supposed to actually tell a child that. Isn't that kind of setting them up to fail before they've even tried?

I'm so lost in my thoughts, that I don't notice the plate that's put in front of me. It's only when I feel a tug on my cuff that I notice everyone is looking at me. I smirk, but say nothing. Obviously, their comments are not important enough for me to listen to.

Justin speaks, “Did you even hear what I just said?”

“Nope. I tune out trash.”

He takes a deep breath and I can see him biting back a response. I'm disappointed when he doesn't take the bait. I was actually looking forward to a slinging match.

“Just eat the food, Ariya. You're wasting away there.”

I take a bite out of the toast and smirk as I say, “Done.”

It's Mike that takes the bait and he almost growls, “Just eat the freakin' food, Ariya. Can't you see J is worried about you?!”

I chuckle, “Can't you see I don't believe you? Nor do I care.”

I love getting reactions out of people and Mike seems to have had just about enough of me. Stupidly, he can't help but carry on and fuel my little game.

“He's trying to help you, so stop throwing it back in his face! He's given you enough space to sort your stuff out and you're still acting like a spoiled brat. I don't care how special you think you are, that doesn't give you free rein to treat everyone else like dirt! Justin took you in when no one else would, so at least give him a little bit of respect...!”

Ok, so the little (or huge) red monster that lives in me has just reared it's ugly head.

“Er, I think you'll find Justin took me in coz the New York Correctional Services didn't know what else to do with me. Plus, the huge sum of money he is receiving is a major bonus. Don't be deceived into thinking it was out of some kindness. If you think that, then you really are a fool.”

Justin stops this conversation from going any further, “Stop. Both of you. This is not achieving anything. I appreciate your gesture, Mike, but Ariya will not change her mind on this. There's no point even trying. If you're not going to eat, Miss Flynn, then we can start with the horses.”

I stand and wait for him to do the same. He doesn't speak to me as we head to the barn, where he takes the cuffs off and leaves me to start cleaning all of the stalls. I'm not bothered about his lack of conversation, in fact, I actually kind of like it. I don't like people trying to get to know me or 'fix' me. I'm not broken, so I don't need to be fixed.

I'm on the last stall when Justin appears in the doorway. He acts like he's going to speak, but then he just stops and stares at me. He takes a deep breath and eventually says, “I know you don't or won't believe me, but I really am trying to help you. I know that you've been wronged by authority figures for probably most of your life, but I assure you I'm not like everyone else. I believe that those in authority should treat people with respect and actually try to help and guide. I don't believe we should tear people down or hurt them, especially not for our own means. I don't know what happened to make you have so little trust in people, but I'm asking for just a little help here. I know you don't trust me, that you don't trust anyone. I'm not asking you to just throw caution to the wind and believe everything I say. What I'm asking, is for you to just try to listen to what I'm saying. Don't have your preconceived ideas and shut everything else out straight away. Just try. That's all I'm asking.”

He's gone before I can even respond, not that I would say anything to that. He's not my friend. I don't have any friends, but I don't mind that. I think Justin believes that he wants to help me, but he'll just end up treating me like everyone else does. There's no point in setting yourself up for that kind of treatment. I'm the smart one. I see that betrayal before it happens and I don't get myself into that kind of situation. I learned a long time ago that people use you and destroy you. I'm not allowing that to happen again.

After lunch, Justin actually allows me to get on Splash again. He's trying to teach me how to ride and he tells me he's quite pleased with the progress I'm making on the horse. Todd is sitting on the fence and I can hear him muttering derogative remarks every time I ride past him.

Justin says, “That's good, right there. Keep his head in that position and just kick him on a little. You need to increase his forward movement slightly, but keep his head there so he doesn't use that energy to run out the front door...”

At that moment, I pass Todd just as he makes another comment. I'm sure he deliberately says it loud enough for me to hear. “You should be used to that. Men running out the front door after they've finished with your front door...”

I literally do some ninja style move and vault off the horse, grab Todd by his legs and drag him into the round pen. I start beating on him before anyone can even process the thought. Boy am I livid! That red haze is strong as I give this boy the beat down of his life.

As I'm punching the living daylights out of Todd, I shout, “What did you say?! Go on, repeat it! Let everyone else hear what you just said! I dare you to repeat it you cowardly piece of scum!”

I don't know how long I'm left to hit Todd before I feel someone dragging me away, but I do know I get a lot of good hits in.

I hear Justin shout, “Ariya, you're gonna kill him! Stop!”

The weight of his words hit me and I let him drag me away, although I'm nowhere near calmed down. I'm shoving Justin's hands off me, but I'm not going back to Todd for another round. He's on the floor, I think maybe knocked out. Louise is standing over him. I guess the commotion brought her and Mike out of the barn. Mike is standing between Justin, myself and Todd. Like he's expecting me to go again. I won't. Todd has clearly had enough and I think I have sufficiently got my message across.

Justin is shocked and angry as he growls, “What the heck was that?!”

I don't answer his question. Instead I say, “I need to get out of here...”

Before him or Mike can stop me, I jog out of the round pen and through one of the back fields. I keep running, until my lungs are burning. I have no idea how far I've run or even if I'm still on Justin's property, but I don't care. I couldn't stay there any longer. I will go back, but I just have to get away for a little while.

I slow down my pace and I find a tree to take the rest of my anger out on. After my hands are cut up and bleeding, I sit at the base of the tree trying to catch my breath. I fully lost control back there; I know this, but what he said was completely uncalled for and disgusting. He doesn't know me. He doesn't know my life so how dare he insinuate that I'm a slut! It's at this point that I see Justin's pack of dogs heading for me. That must mean he's not far behind them. Great.

I'll accept a new or even longer punishment. I'll accept that I lost the plot for a second, but I won't apologize for putting that turd in his place. I'll stand by my decision to beat him up.

Justin looks concerned but extremely angry when he finally stands at my feet. I don't jump up. I don't speak, I just stare at my hands. They're shaking out of rage and probably pain as well. Although, I'm not feeling much pain right now.

“Explain.”

I sigh. I have to give him something, so I ask, “Did he tell you what he said?”

“No. He's a bit dazed and very tight lipped on the whole matter. Although, he keeps spouting off that he's going to take you down...”

I scoff, “Yeah, right. Ok.”

“I'm not stupid, Ariya. I know his silence on the matter means he's not completely innocent. What happened?”

“He's been asking for it for a while...”

“That may be so, and you have done an amazing job of keeping it together, but you really can't go knocking people out. Give me your side of events...”

So, I go out on a limb and tell him about the disgusting remarks while I was riding. He raises his eyebrows at the comments, which shows me he actually didn't know about the remarks.

“While the comments aren't right, that's not really a reason to give him the beating you did. What else did he say?”

So, I tell him the final comment that caused my blood to boil and the rage to take over. I'm caught unaware when Justin seems to explode himself, “He said what?! He's lucky I didn't hear him or I'd be ripping into him as well. Although, not in the same way you did. I can't condone what you did, Ariya. You completely flipped out on him. I thought you were going to kill him...”

I'm quick to answer, “I wasn't...”

He cuts me off, “You might know that, but I don't. You might have enough faith in your ability to control your temper, but I don't know that you're going to be able to do that. From what I've seen, you haven't really given me any reason to think you can stop yourself from going over the edge. You need to help me out here, Ariya. I'm trying to help you, but you're not making it easy.”

Despite the situation, I chuckle at that.

“What? You think this is funny? I don't find this a laughing matter...”

“I'm anything but easy...”

I think I hear him mutter, “Don't I know it...” but I'm not certain about that.

“What do you suggest I do with the pair of you? Coz you're both in the wrong here...”

“I'm not going to speculate about his punishment. Of course I'm going to be biased on a harsh punishment for him...”

“Well, at least you're freely admitting that.”

“I told you, I don't lie.”

“So you keep reminding me. So, what do I do about you then?”

I shrug. No one has ever given me the option. They've always told me how they're going to punish me.

“Lock me up?”

“Nope. That'll be giving you what you want, you see. That's not exactly a punishment, is it? How about we come to an agreement?”

“That depends.”

“Well, let's try to start a mutual respect for each other. I'll let you have the cuffs off and have a training session with you every single night, if you'll have at least one proper conversation with me per day. How does that sound?”

“Sounds like you're fishing for information. I'm not agreeing to that.”

Those stakes are far too high.

“Ok, how about 2 questions a day. I get to ask you 2 questions and you get no cuffs and a training session each night. That sounds more than fair to me.”

“Of course it does. And what if I don't agree to this?”

He raises his eyebrows at me, “I don't really think you're in a position to negotiate. I think I'm letting you off pretty easy really. I should be chewing you out for what you just did...”

“Go on then.”

“I don't think that's going to work. You're tough. You can and would take a beating. You like physical work. You don't even mind shoveling all the manure, so none of those punishments will work. I've got more than enough fire wood for the next 2 winters, and locking you up will only give you what you want; solitude. You escape the cuffs whenever you want to escape a situation, so what else am I supposed to do? The only thing I know you don't like is socializing and people being nice to you.”

I laugh, “That's your plan? To be nice to me? Yeah, good luck with that. It won't last.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Erm, because it never does. When I've got on your very last nerve and you want to beat me up for not keeping my mouth shut, then I'll remind you of this moment.”

“So, the terms?”

“And what if I don't want to answer your questions?”

“Obviously, I can't make you answer, but if you skip out on my questions, then I'll skip a training session and you'll have to have the cuffs back on. Think you can agree now?”

I can deal with that. If I don't want to answer his dumb questions, then I'll just wait til he's asleep to slip the cuffs and train in the bathroom or something. I can do this. Maybe his questions will be simple.

“Ok.”

“Really?”

“You sound surprised.”

“I am. I didn't think you'd go for it. Let's go get your hands cleaned up. You're something else, Miss Flynn. I thought you'd gone for a little while there. I actually thought you'd done a runner.”

“I told you I wouldn't run.”

“Yeah, when you were calm and level headed. You were so far from calm and level headed when you ran. I thought I was going to have to call the cops.”

“I won't run. Even if I disappear for a little while, I'll come back. I keep my word, Justin.”

“You'll understand if I can't just assume that to be correct. I was worried. You were off Splash and on Todd before I could even blink. You freaked the poor horse out. I thought you were going to kill Todd...”

“Stop saying that.”

“I can't just brush that off, Ariya. You were completely wild. You need to get that under control before you do something you really regret. There's no going back once you kill someone...”

“Stop. Just stop. Stop talking...”

“What? I'm being honest with you. You want me to lie about the dangers of your temper?”

“I just want you to stop talking. Stop acting like you know me and where my life is heading. Just stop.”

“So the honesty policy only works for you? When someone turns it on you, then you don't like it?”

“I think you just talk too much. I don't want to know you and I don't want you to know me. That's why I want you to stop. Stop trying to be my friend.”



He says nothing, but I know he's tossing things up in his mind. I can almost see the wheels moving in his brain. Thankfully, we walk back to the ranch in silence.