Chapter Twenty-Two



Justin's P.O.V.

So, I'm right about her being homeless, but not the circumstances surrounding it. She left before they could toss her out. She's probably been on the streets since she was a teenager. That would explain how comfortable she feels outdoors and why she's so tough. This girl is a puzzle, that's for sure. I wonder how she went into care? That part of her record is sealed, so I can't gain any information about it. Well, I could have some people dig around, but I don't think Ariya would appreciate that. She likes to keep her life private, so me digging into her past would not go down well.

I follow her back to the campsite and she dumps the water over by Louise before sitting on a log far away from everyone. She's annoyed with me, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I sit near her and say, “I apologize if you thought I was prying too much. I'm only trying to help.”

“No you're not. You're just trying to figure me out. You don't like not knowing everything, so you're doing your best to find out who I am.”

“You're partially correct. I do like knowing everything. I like to have all the information so I can make a well informed plan of action. What you're wrong about is me not wanting to help you. I actually do want to help. I don't want to send you back to the city knowing you're just going to reoffend. I want to give you the best possible chance of changing your life.”

She scoffs at that, so I say, “You might not believe it, but I am different.”

“Why did you leave the Marines?”

I nearly get whiplash from the change of topic. This is a turn of events. She's actually asking me something.

“I went on leave because my dad got sick. Then my CO approached me about trialing this program. They thought I was a good match because of my reputation leading my men and having a completely clean record. Having this place obviously helped the decision, I'm sure.”

She nods but doesn't say anything. I think she's trying to figure out if I'm telling the truth. I haven't lied to her and I won't. I think she'll be able to spot a lie a mile off. I did notice her tense when I mentioned my dad. Parents are a touchy subject for her, probably because she was in care. They could have abandoned her or died maybe. It's clear she doesn't want to talk about them. I'm just about to try to continue our conversation when Lou shouts that dinner is ready. Instead, I just say, “You need to eat, Ariya. Come on.”

After dinner, we're all sitting around the fire talking. Well, everyone except Ariya is talking. She's detached from the conversation like usual.

Mike asks, “Ariya? Do you get paid to fight? I mean, you're a good fighter so I'm guessing you're a professional or something.”

I watch her carefully for a response. She narrows her eyes slightly, like she's trying to find a hidden agenda behind the question. I have wondered this myself. She could earn a lot of money fighting the way she does. If that's the case, then why is she homeless? She doesn't look like she has a drug habit or anything, so what would be draining all her money?

Her answer is cold and emotionless, “That's none of your business.”

“Come on. I'm just asking. No hidden agenda or anything. You could earn a lot of money fighting that well. You can take on Justin, that's saying something.”

“Now you want to be my friend? Er, I don't think so. I don't need friends.”

Todd mutters, “Probably coz no one wants to be your friend. No one likes you.”

I can see this turning into an all out war, with Ariya against the two guys. While I'm sure she could handle herself, I don't want to be in the middle of that.

“Enough. If Ariya doesn't want to answer, that's fine. All of you need to stop ruining the quiet moments.”

Todd takes the hint and he asks, “Justin, what's it like being in the Marines?”

“Hard work. The training is extensive and you spend a lot of time on the water.”

“Have you been on any missions?”

“Yeah. I've seen quite a bit of combat. Most of it isn't allowed to be discussed though.”

“What? Really? That's a bit boring.”

“Part of the job, I'm afraid.”

“Have you killed anyone though?”

I hear Ariya mutter something under her breath. I'm sure she says, “You have got to be kidding me.”

I watch her closely as I answer, “Why do you want to know, Todd?”

“Just curious. I've never really been around someone in the armed forces before.”

“You've been here with Mike and I for 6 months, why ask now?”

“I haven't really thought about it or had the chance to just sit and talk about it. We're always rushing off to the barn or bed or some other job. I just want to know a little bit what it's like. I mean, I appreciate the work you guys do and everything, but I don't really know much about it. So, have you guys had to kill anyone? I think it would be pretty hard to do that.”

Ariya stands up and says, “I'll leave you to your little bonding session. I don't want to be involved in that weird mushy trash.”

She walks away and I watch her head towards the horses. She's probably going to sit with Splash. I'm quite surprised at the small form of bond they have. Splash is quite particular about the people he likes. He must see or sense something about Ariya that we can't.

I talk to Todd about being part of a team, defending your country and the sense of pride you feel when a mission is completed successfully, especially when everyone makes it back safely. I tell him about seeing countries and sights you would never see without the armed forces and the training and experience that helps you in your everyday life. I try to stress that taking a life is a last resort and something you don't want to have to ever do. That memory stays with you forever, even if it's what they call a 'clean kill'.

He's listening intently, but while I'm talking, I'm thinking about Ariya and something seems to click into place. I finish my sentence and then I say, “I better check she hasn't run off. If she's gone now, we won't easily be able to look til daylight.”

They all nod and I take off in the direction Ariya headed. I find a pile of clothes by the river bank, so I tuck myself out of the way to keep her moment private. I hear her wading in the water, but I also hear her cursing not so quietly. She's riled up about something, but she's not giving anything away. Maybe now isn't a good time to discuss my theory. I watch her get out of the water and I shrink even further into the bushes. She's in her underwear but I can't bring myself to look away. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm mesmerized by this young lady. I know I usually call her a girl, but the woman before me is anything but a girl.

I can just about see faint scaring on her back and legs and I almost gasp from the shock. I would never have guessed Ariya would allow someone to do such a thing to her. Maybe her preconceived ideas aren't the only ones that are wrong. Maybe this is the reason she doesn't like people touching her or being behind her. No wonder she doesn't want to talk about her past. It seems like it could be quite dark.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by Ariya's voice. “You can stop perving on me now, you piece of scum.”

I'm slightly tongue tied. “No... I... you're wrong. I wasn't... I came here to see if you were ok...”

“So staring at me was part of that?”

“No, I wasn't... Ok, so I did do a little bit of staring, but not like you think. I didn't want to interrupt your moment.”

“Yeah, because you're such a good guy, huh? You think if I report your staring, they'll still keep your clean record? Although, they won't believe someone like me, so what's the point? I may as well keep my mouth shut yet again.”

“Yet again? What happened the last time you kept your mouth shut?”

She's dressed now and I venture out of hiding. I can see anger in her eyes, but also some sadness. She's hurting and I don't know why. I want to help her, but I don't want to get shot down yet again. I also don't want her to think I'm just prying for my own interest's sake.

She sits down on a log and I approach carefully.

I whisper, “Ariya? Do you want to talk to me?”

“No.”

Her word is definite, but her tone doesn't seem so sure. Something has happened to this girl in the last few days. Probably since she attacked Todd in the round pen. It's like she's fighting with herself. Fighting with the need to release this anger and with the need to protect herself. She probably doesn't know what to do right now. I'm sure she's never had anyone really listen to her, not without an ulterior motive or judging her in some way.

“I promise you I won't judge. Not much can be worse than what I've seen or done.”

She scoffs, “I'm not so sure about that.”

“You want to talk about anything? I don't care what, but I know you need to vent or something right now. I also know your body is too tired and hasn't had enough food to have a training session. I have no doubt you'd fight if you felt threatened, but it's not the same. You want to talk about those scars?”

I try to make my tone and my question as gentle and calm as I can. I don't want her to think I'm forcing the issue.

“No.”

Again, her word and tone are opposing each other.

“I know you don't really trust me, but I also know you don't think I'm as bad as all that. You know I'm different, but you don't want to admit it, isn't it? I know you've been betrayed by people before, I can see that from a hundred miles away, but you're doing yourself more damage by not opening up to at least one person. Think of it this way, once you leave here, you'll never have to see me again. You won't even have to think about what happened here. You can go home and forget this place even exists. Surely, that's the perfect situation to be in right now. Everything you say stays right here and doesn't go any further.”

“How do I know you're telling the truth?”

“Because I don't lie either. I've never once told you a lie and I don't intend to. It's the same way I know more than I've let on, but I haven't mentioned anything because I'm waiting for you to talk about it.”

We're silent for a few minutes and then I whisper, “You killed someone, didn't you?”

She stiffens, but says nothing. She doesn't ask how I know. It's the same way she knows I've killed people. That's why she left the conversation earlier. To her, it's plain to see that I've killed people so she doesn't understand why Todd had to ask. I don't know why I didn't see it before in Ariya's eyes, but she's got so many issues going on that it was masked until tonight. In a way, I'm thankful Todd asked about my time in service. It has led us to this moment right now.

Ariya's breath is shaky when she eventually whispers, “How do you know?”

“The same way you know I have. Although, you've done a good job of keeping it hidden until tonight. If you hadn't walked away, then I might not have cottoned on tonight. It's haunting, isn't it?”

Her anger flares up again, “You have no idea what you're talking about! Stop pretending you know me! Stop pretending you're like me! We're not the same! We're nothing alike, so stop comparing us!”

“We're more alike than you realize. You didn't want to take that life and neither did I. We've both got memories we'd rather forget. The only difference is, I don't take it out on everyone around me. I've learned to deal with my anger. Something I'm trying to teach you. It's not for my benefit. What have I got to gain once you leave? I'm helping you so you can have a better life; so you don't consume yourself with all this anger; so you don't end up wasting your life in a jail cell.”

“Isn't that where I belong?”

“No, I don't think so. I think you're scared and hurt. I think you're angry about what you did and what life has thrown at you and you don't know how to change that. I'm here to help you change that. You just have to open up a little bit.”

“You think I'm just going to fall for that? Yeah, those lines won't work with me.”

“They're not lines, Ariya. I don't know how else to prove this to you. I see myself in you. I see the anger that's boiling up and ready to explode at any moment...”

“You're not like me...”

Somehow I think she means that as a degrading of herself. Like she thinks I'm better than her. This is good though, because although she's angry and she's raising her voice, she hasn't tried to hit me and we're actually communicating.

“You're telling me we're nothing alike? I had to kill children, Ariya. Kids that were pointing guns at my men. Kids that were about to throw grenades at our camp. You're telling me it gets worse than that?”

I see fire in her eyes and I don't think she even knows what she's doing right now. I hear her take a shaky breath before she says, “I killed my own father...”

I'm shocked into silence. Ok, I wasn't expecting that and that is pretty grim. I can't imagine killing a friend or relative. That's actually really awful. I scramble to get my thoughts together before Ariya takes that as a bad sign. Too late. The look of shock and fear on her face tells me that she didn't mean to reveal that and my pause has allowed that realization to dawn on her. She jumps up, ready to run.

As she takes a few steps, I'm right behind her and I grab her wrist, even at the risk of her hitting me. I'm not disappointed and I'm also kind of relieved to see her usual reaction. She snatches her arm away and swings for me. I let her hit me, thinking that she needs to release some of those emotions she's stocked up over however many years. She's probably been battling with this from a young age and I'm sure she's never told anyone else about it.

She gets in a few hits but she slows down when she notices I'm not fighting back. She goes to run again, but I gently grab her wrist and whisper, “Don't run. Just sit here. You don't have to say anything. Just stop running, even if it's just for tonight.”

It's almost like the energy is zapped out of her instantly. Like she needed to hear someone telling her it's ok to not run away for once. She slumps on the log, wrapping her arms around her knees. She's trying to make herself small and insignificant. There is no way on this earth that Ariya Flynn could ever be insignificant. She's a force to be reckoned with and everyone who has met her will remember her.

We're silent for the longest time and then I whisper, “I'm sorry. I'm sorry you went through that and I'm sorry you've had to deal with the repercussions for those actions.”

She actually chuckles at that, but there's no humor in it. It's bitter and sad.

“What you actually mean is, you're sorry I lost my temper and didn't have control of my anger. You mean you're sorry you didn't get to me before it all happened to warn me of the dangers of my anger.”

“Is that what happened? You lost your temper?”

Her voice is quiet and small when she speaks, “No.”

I believe her. I don't think she's trying to cover it up or make herself look better. In fact, I think she'd do quite the opposite.

“Then how can I be sorry for something that didn't happen? You must have felt you needed to do it, so I'm sorry for that. I know what toll it takes on you, taking a life. I know how it can eat you up if you don't get help. No one has ever really tried to help, have they?”

“I don't want their help.”

“Their help? So, do you want my help then?”

“No. I deserve my life. I deserve what I have.”

“You want to tell me what really happened? Maybe we can decide if you really should think that...”