Chapter Twenty-Nine

Justin's P.O.V.



She's finally succumbed to sleep. It's now.... 6pm. We've been sitting in here for 6 hours, mostly in silence. I've figured out a few things since we've been in here though. Nothing that she's told me, just things I have observed. She doesn't want to sleep with me in the room. I think she doesn't feel safe enough to do that. I don't know how she survived on the streets then. If she doesn't feel safe to sleep with other people around, then she must never sleep.

So, when she goes through the team rosters, she's trying to keep herself awake. I have to admit, that's quite a skill. To remember all those names. I watch Ariya closely as she sleeps. Her eyes are moving quickly behind her eyelids, suggesting she's dreaming. She starts fighting against her restraints. I'm pretty sure she's fighting against someone and maybe there's some panic there as well. I wonder what she's dreaming. I know she's a fighter, so maybe she's reliving one of her fights. I know I have remembered things from my time in combat in my sleep. I wouldn't be surprised if that is what's happening.

I continue to watch her carefully and it's probably about 40 minutes before her head snaps up and she tries to get free from her shackles. I almost feel bad for putting her through this. She can't get her hands free and she seems to panic for a moment before recognition flashes across her face. She growls again. It's almost primal and that sound reveals more than any words could right now.

I don't want to bring too much attention to the fact that I saw her dreaming, so I simply say, “Hey, you ok?”

She pulls at her restraints and says, “Having a ball, can't you tell?”

“I was actually being genuine, but if you're going to be like that then I won't bother asking.”

“Good.”

We're thrown into silence again, so I try to see if I can get some answers out of her.

“Do you always dream like that?”

She says nothing and gives nothing away, so I'm not sure what the answer to that one is. I wait another hour, but she's not giving in, so I stand up and say, “Well, I can see you've decided to make this even more difficult, so I'll leave you to your thoughts. I'll be back to check on you in the morning. The barn is all locked up, so you won't be able to escape. Just in case you get any funny ideas.”

She doesn't even acknowledge me as I slip out of the barn. I wait outside the door to see if she does or says anything, but she just sits there. If it were me, the first thing I'd do is try to find a way out. Maybe she's lulling me into a false sense of security so I let my guard down. Maybe she's thinking of a plan before she actually tries anything. Or maybe she's just resigned herself to the way things are and she's saving her energy to throw up her defenses. Ariya Flynn is unlike anyone I've ever met, so it's not easy to guess what she's thinking. As much trouble as she is, she makes life interesting and I do really like her spark. The more I see of her, the more I liken her to a firecracker. Maybe not the love song version Josh Turner talks about in his song, but definitely like a stick of dynamite.

The guys are just sitting down to dinner when I walk into the house. Lou smiles at me and says, “I made you a plate.”

“Thanks Lou. Was everything ok today?”

“Yes sir. We got through all the jobs you set for us.”

“Good. Mike, how's the young stock?”

This leads us to a conversation about the young horses. He also tells me someone had cut down part of our fence, like they were either using it to cut through or testing to see if we'd notice.

“Todd and I repaired it, but we'll have to ride up there again to check it.”

“One of us will have to ride up there every day to keep an eye on it. There may be poachers around...”

Todd pipes up, “We should just let Ariya deal with them. She'll scare off anyone...”

“Behave Todd. Just because she isn't here, doesn't mean you can talk bad about her.”

He chuckles, “She'd probably take that as a compliment.”

She probably would, but that's not the point. His comment leads me to ask, “How are your ribs?”

He dips his head, “Sore, like really sore. It didn't hurt this much the last time she got me.”

“That's because she meant to hurt you more. She went for something that would take longer to heal. You really stepped over the line there, man. I'm not saying she was right to react the way she did, because she wasn't. Still, you should have kept your mouth shut.”

“I know that now. She just makes me so angry with her attitude and the way she thinks she's better than everyone...”

Mike frowns, “I don't get that impression really. There are times when she thinks that, but on the whole I don't think she gives off that impression. She's smug when she's fighting or talking about fighting, but that's because she knows how good she is. I mean, she is a super fighter. You guys haven't even seen the half of it, honestly. I just think she has her own set of rules to live by and no one really knows what they are, but she gets angry with anyone who doesn't follow them...”

Lou speaks up. She seems to have got a little braver since Ariya arrived, I have been noticing this more.

“That's silly. How can she expect people to follow her rules if they don't know them? That makes no sense.”

I just shrug, not willing to give anything away. I know that Ariya probably doesn't mix with people long enough for them to form friendships, which is why her social skills are pretty useless. I mean, she has no idea how to make conversation without offending people with too much honesty. Most people learn quite quickly that you can't just say everything that comes to your mind. Nope, not Ariya. She will tell you exactly what she thinks of you, even if you get offended. Sometimes the honesty is refreshing, but there are times when she needs to keep stuff to herself.

Mike and I clean up after dinner and he asks, “How did it go today?”

I let out a deep breath.

“That bad, huh?”

“She's tough, I'll give her that.”

“You're only just realizing this now?”

In spite of the situation, I chuckle. “No, I knew it before, but it's becoming more obvious day by day.”

“So your talking idea didn't play out the way you wanted it to?”

“Not even close. She doesn't give in. She just keeps fighting. Well, we'll see how long that lasts.”

“You're going to keep her out there until she talks?”

“Yep.”

“Wow. You sure you've thought that through?”

“Yep. She's tough; she can take it. You going soft on me, Mike?”

“No, not at all. But she's not one of your recruits. She's a civilian, man. You can't go too far.”

“She's a criminal, Mike, don't get caught up in the moment and forget that. She'll do you some serious damage. Besides, I'll only go as far as she makes me. I've already told her it's down to her. I made it perfectly clear that she controls how bad it gets. You'll be ok running things while I deal with her in the morning?”

“Sure. Just write up the jobs you want us to do. You heading to bed now?”

“Yeah. I want to go back out there about 3am or so.”

He chuckles, “Dude, that's a bit evil. She'll probably be asleep still.”

I just smirk but don't say anything. I know she probably won't be, but he doesn't need to know that.



I'm awake just after 2am. I didn't sleep very well. I tossed and turned, wondering what Ariya was up to and if she was ok. I had to fight the urge to go and check on her. I wouldn't be surprised if she found a way to escape, or at least had a good try at it.

I grab a cup of coffee and a bottle of water for Ariya before making my way out to the barn. I pause at the doors to see if I can hear anything. There's no noise and I wonder if maybe she is actually asleep. I wait a few minutes and then I hear the chair creak, so I know she's awake. That's when I go into the barn.

“You want some water?”

She doesn't reply. Man, she is seriously stubborn.

“Ariya, just have some water. Stop being so stubborn.”

“I don't want any. Besides, are you even going to let me pee?”

It's now that I notice her wrists. She's been fighting against the zip ties so much that her wrists are bleeding.

“You been trying to escape that badly?”

She seems puzzled by my comment and then she follows my gaze. A dark and shocked look crosses her features before she masks it. Maybe she didn't notice it before I pointed it out, which means she actually wasn't trying to escape.

“What's going on, Ariya? You can't keep this up.”

“Just go away.”

She doesn't growl at me or even sound particularly angry. She sounds more bored of this whole thing; like she's fed up with me.

“I'm afraid I can't do that. I know you think I'm being horrible and cruel. I know you think I'm just being nosey, but I assure you, I'm not. I am honestly trying to help you. I know you don't believe that, but I will continue to tell you the same thing. This anger you have is eating you up. You are falling apart at the seams. You can't keep your cool like you could when you first arrived. That's what we call, devolving. That's only going to get worse the longer you leave it. If you don't talk it out or get help, then you're just going to lash out even more. I know you don't like being out of control of anything, especially yourself, but that's what's going to happen. I don't know how many times you want me to say this, but my message isn't going to change. I should clean up your wrists.”

She grinds out, “Don't. Just don't. Don't touch me. Don't act like you care. Just leave me alone.”

“Nope. I'm not going to do that. And I'm not acting like I care. I actually do care. I know what it feels like to have that anger consume you. I also know that you can't get through it on your own. It took me a long time to realize that myself, so I'm passing on what I learned to you; whether you want me to or not. We can, and will, stay here until you decide to talk it out. Then, I'll think about letting you fight. But you need to talk it out first.”

She scoffs at that and I think she's going to just leave it at that. I'm surprised that she speaks instead. Although, I'm not necessarily surprised by what she says.

“I don't need to talk anything out. You don't need to know my business. I don't know you; you don't know me. I don't trust you and you want me to talk to you? You really are out of your mind or high or something.”

I let out a deep sigh. I am truly saddened by the way she acts. No person should feel like they have to behave such a way. I think, deep down, she's not a bad person. She just needs some help to see that she doesn't need to act like this. I decide to take a softer approach, so I drop my shoulders, lower my head and make my tone softer.

“Ariya, just listen to me, please. Will you just look at what's been happening and how you've changed since you got here? Can you honestly tell me you have been in full control the last few weeks? I know you won't lie, so I'm not going to make you say it out loud, but at least admit it to yourself. You are going to hurt yourself and someone else if you don't sort this out. You can't keep living like this. You can't better your life if you don't deal with this...”

I see a spark of anger in her eyes as she seethes, “Live a better life?! Are you kidding me?! I thought you said I wasn't broken! That's you weren't trying to fix me! You're just the same as everyone else! You're all liars and you all betray! Why should I tell you anything?!”

Well, that escalated quickly. I don't think she realizes how much she reveals when she's angry. It doesn't happen very often, that she's so angry she doesn't know what she's saying, but there have been a few times she's slipped up. She normally controls her anger well, so it can't be used against her. Not this time. There is fire in her eyes and she obviously feels like I'm going to disappoint her in some way.

“I don't know who lied to you or who betrayed you, or who even made you feel that way, but I do know that's not me. I'm not like all the others as you put it. I am different. If I wasn't, I would never have taken you in here. I made the decision to help you. After everyone else turned you away, I chose to have you here. Even if I never received a penny from the government, I still would have taken you in. You're not here to serve out a sentence, Ariya. If it was solely for that purpose, I'd have told the District Attorney to shove it up her butt and made them put you in prison. I didn't do that, and you know why? Because I want to help. I don't think you're broken. I don't think you need to be fixed, but I do think you need help. You need to learn to work through the problems and anger instead of bottling it up and then beating someone up. What happens when you're too old to throw someone a beat down? What do you do then? Huh?”

She mutters, “I won't live to be that old.”

“How do you know that? You don't know when your time is done on this earth...”

“What's the point? I'm going back to my life after this, so why even bother?”

“I bother, because if I can give you a better chance at survival, if I can even make one day easier for you to get through, then all of this will have been worth it...”

“Do you even know what you're talking about? You think that by softening me up and making me talk about my feelings will give me a better chance of survival? You think that trying to stop me from fighting will make my life easier? You couldn't be more wrong. You're actually going to get me killed.”

The barn falls silent and she's stunned by what she just said. I can see in her eyes that she didn't mean to reveal that piece of information. She's never confirmed or denied my suspicions that she's homeless, but she's pretty much given me the confirmation now.

“How am I going to get you killed?”

“You think that backing down and walking away is going to help me? You think that letting people walk all over me is going to end well for me? If I start doing that, then I'm done. It's a dog eat dog world out there and I've seen people killed for something as simple as prime sleeping location. Don't try to change me, unless you want me to die.”

Her words shock me. I know they shouldn't, but they do. People actually kill others over sleeping locations? That's insane.

“Have you...?”

She cuts me off, “Killed someone for something like that? No, don't be ridiculous. Give me a bit of credit. I'm in control more than you think.”

“Sorry, but you can't blame me for asking. People really do that?”

She doesn't answer. It looks like she's regretting saying what she did.

“I don't want to put you in any danger, Ariya, but I also don't want to see you go to prison for killing someone. Let's take the situation with your dad out of the equation for now. If you lose control and kill someone now, you will be severely punished. There's no way to escape that. You won't be going to juvenile detention or into care, you'll be doing life in jail. That's assuming there's not a death penalty wherever you commit the crime. Don't look at me like that, I'm being real here.”

“I'm not going to kill anyone...”

I growl out of frustration. This girl is infuriating sometimes. “You can't possibly know that! Once that red haze truly takes over, there's no telling what you will do. You might not even know what you're doing or remember it, but that doesn't stop the possibility of it happening...”

She looks surprised as she whispers, “You know about the red haze?”

“More than you can imagine.”

She chuckles, “I thought it was just me, like I was imagining it...”

“Definitely not. It's a real thing, trust me.”

She stiffens at the end of my sentence, like trusting me is the last thing she wants to do.

She grinds out, “I don't trust anyone.”

“It's a figure of speech. Chill out. I'm not asking you to trust me completely, however, I am asking for a little bit of help from you here.”

She scoffs, “I'm done. This is such a waste of time.”

“It's not a waste of time, Ariya. You need to talk about why you're so angry all the time. It can't just be because you killed your father.”

If looks could kill, I'm sure I'd be six foot under right now. She certainly has a glare on her, that's for sure. I can see her shut down right in front of my eyes. Her features are cold and hard and there's a darkness in her eyes that wasn't there before. The green has changed to an almost black/green color. We sit in silence for a few hours, but I know I'm getting nothing more out of her. Honestly? I'm surprised she even gave me the little she did today. I didn't think we'd make any progress at all. I thought she'd be far too angry with me to even acknowledge my presence.

So, she really is homeless. That's pretty sad, to be honest. Maybe it's her choice, maybe she feels like she has no other options, or maybe she can't handle what people consider a 'normal' life. She definitely can't handle being in a group situation, that's for sure. As we've seen by her recent outbursts. I think people make her angry and then she just wants to hurt them. Either that, or they don't live up to her set of rules and then she's disappointed by that fact. That could be what she means about people lying and betraying her. Although, I think it has a deeper meaning than that.

She's falling asleep again. She's been reciting those team rosters for about 10 minutes now, but it's not working. She must be really tired if she can't fight sleep anymore.

As she sleeps, I watch her. Not in a creepy way, I assure you. I'm doing everything I can to try and figure out this person in front of me. She's so complex and so confusing. She can be so nice to Splash, and sometimes she's ok with me, then all of a sudden she switches and she's so angry. I can't figure out what sets her off so quickly. I know Todd's comments set her off, but I've done and said nothing like that to her. I've only offered my help, which shouldn't make her so furious, even if she doesn't think she needs my help.

When she first goes to sleep, she looks peaceful, like it's the only time her body is actually relaxed. I suppose in a way that is true. She's always on edge, waiting for a fight or expecting something to happen. In a way, it's similar to having time in combat. You get so used to living at a threat level above normal that you don't know how to function without that. That's one of the hardest things about coming back home. I remember standing in the bank in Nashville one time, probably about 6 weeks after my return, and assessing the threat level. I remember watching everyone like they were possible enemies and looking for my team, but then panicking when I realized they weren't there. That was a scary moment, and not just for me either.

I should use the time Ariya is asleep to clean her wrists. At least if she wakes up she can't hit me. I carefully run a damp cloth over her wrists as I try not to wake her. No such luck. Her head snaps up and she growls, “Don't touch me.”

Her voice is icy and full of venom, but I think I hear some fear in there as well. I can't be right, because she doesn't seem the type to be scared of things.

“I'm just cleaning your cuts.”

“Don't. I don't want you to touch me.”

I don't back away from her, instead I brush the cloth over her right wrist again. I'm not quite sure what happens next, but my legs are swept out from underneath me and I hit the floor, hard. She must have kicked my feet out from underneath me. I couldn't risk getting kicked in the face, which is why I didn't tie her legs up.

“What the...?! What is your problem?!”

“I told you not to touch me. I warned you.”

“I'm trying to be nice. I'm just cleaning the cuts, man.”

“I don't want you to clean them. If I wanted them cleaned I'd have let you do it. Just leave them alone.”

As I stand, I ask, “Why are you so stubborn? Why don't you want me to clean them so much? You like the pain? You want them to get infected?”

“I don't want you to touch me. I told you that.”

There's something else hidden in what she says, or what she doesn't say as a matter of fact.

“You want the pain, don't you? You use the pain, don't you?”

She still doesn't answer, but I know there's truth in my questions.

“What do you use the pain for? To remind you what it feels like? To keep you in reality? To distract you from your current situation?”

“I like pain.”

I think she's taunting me. I don't actually believe she likes pain.

“Is that where you learned to sew cuts up like you do? From making yourself feel pain? Did you cut yourself to practice?”

“Nope, I took some awesome sewing classes at school. You know, just to make sure I make a good housewife and all...”

She's lying. She's not very good at it, probably because she doesn't do it very often if at all.

“Did you give yourself those scars as well?”

I watch her fight a number of emotions on her face. I see pain flash in her eyes before panic and then anger. She's fighting a memory as well. I'm close enough still that I can see her eyes clearly. I literally see her bite her tongue before she says, “Yep.”

“You're lying.”

“Prove it.”

“Ariya, you can't hide the fact you're lying. You're rubbish at it. Either it's because you're not practiced at it or you don't lie because you can't actually do it convincingly.”

She chuckles and I catch the innuendo she's referring to.

“Seriously? You're playing the innuendo game right now?”

“I got to amuse myself somehow. You're boring me. And I'm not lying.”

“Well, you're certainly not being truthful. A half truth is still a lie. What happened Ariya? I know there's no way you could have given yourself the scars on your back.”



She looks me square in the eye, but says nothing. I don't know if the silence is worse than a growl or any form of a reaction. The silence isn't giving anything away so I can't read into it. We sit in silence for another hour before I stand up and say, “Well, if you're going to be difficult, then I'll just leave you to it. I'll be back in the morning.”