Chapter Thirty-Nine



Ariya's P.O.V.



I am so unbelievably angry right now. I want to hurt someone; preferably that piece of pig scum and then Justin. He thinks he's a tough Marine, but he couldn't keep that guy away?! Excuse me if I don't believe him. If he really is as good a Marine as he makes out, then he could have kept the pig away easily.



I pace the room, trying to get rid of my anger. I know I can't hit anyone or anything, because I don't have enough energy. I'll start flagging far too quickly and I don't want anyone to see that.

As I march around the room, I can hear raised voices floating up the stairs. Justin must be arguing with that pig, because his is the first voice I hear.



"What were you thinking, Chris?! I told you not to do that!"



"You're really going to start with me, Justin?"



"Yes! That girl is under my care, in my house, and you just waltz in here like you can disregard whatever I tell you. I might not know her well, but I know her a darn sight better than you. I warned you she didn't like cops. I told you she wouldn't want to see you or speak to you but you wouldn't believe me. I told you she was dangerous and you completely ignored me. I'm not surprised she hit you, to be honest."



"You think I don't know what I'm doing, boy? She got a lucky shot in, that's all. I wasn't expecting her to go like that..."



Lucky shot? Is this guy for real? Ishould go down there and show him none of my hits are lucky. Everything is well calculated.



Justin sounds angry when he speaks next. "I'm not a child anymore, Chris. Don't treat me like one. I know this situation far better than you. That was no lucky shot. You were lucky that she didn't get anymore in. You should always expecther to go like that. I told you she's like no one you've ever met, but again, you didn't listen to me."



"I think you've bitten off more than you can chew with this one, J. You should let her come and stay with me. If I could handle you, then I'm sure I'll be just fine dealing with Miss Flynn."



"No. Just no, Chris. She's staying here. She doesn't need the same tactics I did. It won't work. I've tried it. She's too tough. I'm going to help her..."



Help me? Seriously? I can't believe they're talking about me like this. I guess I should be used to this. I heard enough of it when I was in foster homes. I'd sit on the stairs listening to people talk about me all the time. How I was a lost cause; that I didn't fit into their family or their lifestyle. How no one could possibly want me or love me. One family even said they could understand why my own parents didn't love me or want to keep me. None of them knew anything about my history, but they felt the need to comment on stuff they had no information on.



I feel a sense of déjàvu, listening to the two talk in the room below me. On one hand, I should be sort of pleased that Justin is fighting in my corner; not giving in to that pig. But then again I don't think he should be talking about me at all. He should just chuck that guy out of the house and never let him back. Heck, he should let me at the guy if he ever steps on the property again.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by the cop asking Justin what has made me so angry. I shake my head to clear it enough to pay close attention to Justin's response. The reply will decide if I should hate him even more.



There is silence for a few seconds, like Justin is stunned by the question, before he clears his throat and speaks.



"That's none of your business, Chris. You should know better than to ask me something like that. That's a complete betrayal of confidence...."



Huh, now that I wasn't expecting. I was thinking Justin would give Chris something to appease him, but he hasn't revealed a single thing. I'm good at reading people and I didn't expect that. Either my skills are weakening or Justin has changed his tactics. Well, if he can change the way he's doing things, then maybe I can too. Right now, I'll do pretty much anything to get out of this place quickly. If that means sucking up to Justin and pretending to be his friend, then so be it. I'm setting myself a deadline to be out of this place within eight weeks. I can do this. I can pretend to be his friend, right? I mean, how hard can it be?



The cop pretty much leaves after Justin shuts him down and it's a long while before Justin appears in my doorway. I'm laying on the bed, just staring at the ceiling. I feel him standing there before I see him, so I say, "If you're going to yell at me, can we at least get it over with quickly? I'm super busy here..."



What happened to trying to be his friend? I just can't stop the smart remarks from tumbling out of my mouth.



I sigh, "Look, I know you don't approve of me hitting him but I'm not going to apologize for it. I hate cops and I will hurt him if he ever comes near me again. That's a promise."



Justin looks like he's got whiplash from the quick turn of conversation. He looks confused as he asks, "What is going on? Why aren't you foaming at the mouth or yelling profanities at me?"



I shrug, "You warned him. He didn't listen. I bet you want to hit him right now as well, right?"



"No, I might be annoyed with him, but I don't want to hit him."



"Shoot him?"



I see him smirk as he shakes his head.



"Blow him up?"



"No."



He's almost smiling, but his smile fades when I ask, "Stab him?"



Ok, so maybe that was a step too far. I have experience in the stabbing department and he's looking at me like he's remembering that night on the cattle drive. That was a stupid thing for me to confess and I regret that moment of weakness.



He steps further into the room and closes the door over. "If you want to talk about it, Ariya, just say. Don't make a joke out of something that serious. I know it has effected you more than you're letting on, but I know you don't want to admit that. I don't want to make you talk, but I do want you to know I'm hear to listen whenever you need me to. Whatever you say to me is strictly between the two of us. I take things like that very seriously and I would never betray that confidence."



I admit truthfully, (although I don't know why), "You make it sound like I should regret it, but I don't. Not for a second."



I can't tell if he's shocked by my words and I don't really know why I gave him that piece of information. I'll chalk it up to not feeling like myself and this new process of trying to 'befriend' him. Don't you have to give useless pieces of information to pretend to be someone's friend? No, seriously, I'm asking for your advice because I've never actually had a friend. Don't feel sorry for me, I like it that way; although it's currently proving to be a bit of an issue with pretending to make a friend.



Justin snaps me out of my thoughts, "Why don't you regret it?"



I scoff, "You got a memory like a sieve? I told you he was a horrible man. Don't make me have to tell you again."



I notice the hard tone and sharp edge my voice has taken on. Yet again, my award winning father has caused me to lose control. That's what he does. Even to this day. He makes me so angry that I want to kill him all over again. Obviously, that's not possible but I really wish it was. Maybe if I was more clever, then I could pioneer research into bringing people back from the dead, just so I can kill him again. Unfortunately I was not blessed with brains, so that would be a useless task to pursue.



"I haven't forgotten what you said. I know you told me he was a horrible man, but you didn't give me any reasons to base this on. How can I know it's not just teen angst or whatever...?"



I feel my mouth fall open in shock. What. The. Fudge? Is this guy for real? I told him it was nothing to do with 'normal' teenage issues with their parents. I told him he beat my mom for allegedly having an affair, but...



Justin's voice breaks my trail of thought, "I know you said he accused your mom of having an affair, but that could be considered a crime of passion. He lost his temper because he was so upset by this fact..."



I eye him closely, checking to see if he actually believes the words that have just left his mouth. His expression is guarded, like he's figured out what I'm trying to do. I can't be sure if he's playing devil's advocate or if he really is siding with my father. I'm not willing to take the risk. As far as I'm concerned, men are all the same. Heck, people are all the same. My mom betrayed me and I was just a child who was trying to help her; how much more lengths will people go to to betray an adult? I, for one, am not willing to find out. I can and will take care of myself.



I decide that becoming Justin's 'friend' is not worth the way this conversation is heading, so I say, "Well, that was a beautiful conversation. Let's not do it again though, huh?"



I go back to staring at the ceiling, hoping he'll get the hint and go. He watches me for a long time, before he sighs and then leaves the room. Is leaving this place really worth betraying myself? That's what I'll be doing if I talk to Justin. I've spent years building up my walls and making sure no one gets through them. Am I really willing to risk them breaking open just to get back to New York? CanI just hold my temper and pretend that I'm 'reformed'?



I know myself well enough to know that holding my temper is not something I'm particularly good at. Especially if someone like Todd the Turd is around. Or that pig scum. I also know myself well enough to realize I pretty much have let down myself already; even if it's only a little bit. I told Justin about my parents. That's something I've never revealed to anyone; not even D. That is already a betrayal of myself.



I groan and hate myself and this whole mess I've got into. If I hadn't hit that guy, then I wouldn't be here. Actually, if he hadn't of groped me then I wouldn't be in this mess. Again, ladies and gentlemen, just another form of proof that men are scumbags.





I venture out of my room the next day, but I try to keep a low profile. Not at all because I'm embarrassed or ashamed, but because I haven't got my strength back completely yet. While I can still take Todd the Turd on, I would have a harder time taking on Mike and Justin. I don't want anyone to see that weakness, so I attempt to stay out of everyone's way. I'm pretty sure Justin takes this as a sign that I'm starting to feel bad for my actions. I assure you, I'm not. I don't regret escaping, tying those robbers up, or hitting anyone. I regret talking to Justin, but that's something I'm going to have to learn to live with. Yet another thing to add to the long list.



I visit Splash while he's grazing in the pen. I lean against the fence and call his name. When he notices me, he walks over and rests his head on the fence. I scratch his face and he snorts on me.



I exclaim, "Dude! I told you about sharing your snot with me. That's so not cool."



I hear someone approach, so I spin round to face them and I'm met with Justin walking towards me.



"He likes you. I don't know why, but he does. He doesn't just accept people easily. He's very selective."



I don't respond to that. I don't want him to think I'm particularly interested. Although, I probably should say something to go along with the whole 'friend' thing. I can't bring myself to reply, so I keep my mouth shut.



Justin takes the lead and continues, "A bit like someone else I know. What's going on with you, Ariya? You've been acting odd since Chris turned up."



I fake a confused look, but he calls me on it.



"I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. That look doesn't convince me. So?"



I sigh, and I realize this is the perfect time to put my plan into action. I can give him something to help my cause and maybe make this whole stupid thing work.



I let out a long, slow breath and I say, "I'm trying, ok?"



"Trying?"



I bite back my frustration. Is he actually going to make me say it out loud? I count to five, and open my mouth, but a smart remark bursts out before I can stop it, "Now who is faking confusion?"



He looks surprised by my response, "No faking it, here..."



I smirk, "That's what she said..."



He chuckles but then turns serious, "What are you trying, Ariya?"



How am I supposed to put this? I don't want to tell him I'm trying to be his friend, because that would be lying. I also won't say I'm trying to not beat people up, because that would most definitely be a lie, plus I really don't want to stop beating people up. I have no idea what to say, so I shrug.



"You've got to give me more than a shrug. I truly have no idea what you're talking about. You're trying to handle the horses better? Trying to control your anger? Trying to get help?"



"I'm trying to get out of here..."



No, that's not what I'm supposed to say! He's going to know I'm faking my niceness.



I quickly cover my tracks, "By trying it your way... "



He looks suspicious, and draws out, "Really?"



I honestly say, "Look, I want to go home. You're the one that is stopping that, so if I have to follow your rules to get home, then I will try. I can't promise I'll never lay a hand on anyone again, but I'm trying."



None of that is a lie. I am going to have some serious sessions with the bathroom wall in the next few weeks, but if it gets me home, then that's all that matters.



"What changed your mind?"



"I want to go home. And I don't want to be tied up again..."



That actually is true. I still want to kill him for that, but I need to bide my time for that to happen. I need to get my strength back, get back into training and then catch him completely unaware. I have no intention of changing my plan, I just need to be realistic about the time scale of said plan.



"I don't want to have to tie you up again. I didn't want to do that in the first place, but you left me no choice. I can't have you beating people up all the time. I can't be sure you're not going to do some permanent damage..."



Ok, so I haven't completely reformed my character just yet, because I burst out, "Pssh, I have more control than you think. I know just how far to go before doing permanent damage. I'm not that stupid."



"There's the Ariya I know. I don't think you're stupid at all. But I can't trust that you won't completely lose control. You might think you're in control, but I'm not willing to take that risk. Look, I don't want you to change. I actually like who you are. I simply want you to be able to control your anger and not fly off the handle all the time. I need to be sure you're not going to reoffend if I let you go home. Your record when you leave here not only reflects on you, but also on me. We need to teach you to be a bit tactful as well. Your honesty policy is great, but there are times when you need to keep your opinion to yourself..."



I frown, "I disagree. People should know the truth. So many problems are caused by people lying or omitting to tell the truth. Get everything out in the open and let things sort themselves out."



"Not everyone can deal with that way. Besides, sometimes the way you say things is far too harsh. We'll work on that."



I'm done with this conversation now. I'm not a friendly person; I know this. Having this much mushy talk in one sitting is far too much for me, so I start to walk away. As I'm leaving, Justin calls me.



"I'm glad you've decided to work with me. I never liked being harsh and I never wanted to do that to you."



Yeah, I don't believe that. I don't suddenly think he's a good guy or anything. I still believe the same things about him, except now I'm pretending my thinking has changed. I have to play the game and act like everything is changing. However, I can't pretend I'm changing that quickly, so I say, "Whatever. I still don't like any of you."



He chuckles, "That will change. You can't hate me forever."



Really? Does he really believe that? Does he really think he's such an amazing person that everyone can't help but like him? Cocky, much? I don't respond to his ridiculous statement. Instead I walk into the barn to start cleaning out some stalls.







I spend the next few days keeping out of everyone's way. I want to be sure I'm strong enough to deal with a fight should the need arise. I train most nights in the bathroom, but make sure I don't overdo it. I need to be strong and fit, but I also need to be sensible.



It's a week after my 'big talk' with Justin when Mike corners me in one of the stalls.



He asks, "So, you really did a number on those guys in the back barn. How the heck did you manage that? There were three of them and one of you."



I scoff, "You really think that makes a difference? It's not the size or quantity that matter; it's what you do with them that count. I thought you would know that, soldier boy. Surely you've been around the block a few times..."



I shoot him a wink and then he gets that I've just thrown in an innuendo. He doesn't know I'm playing the 'Innuendo Game', if his scowl is anything to go by.



He nearly grinds out, "You're definitely not my type."



"What? Too independent for you? Or maybe too strong for you? Maybe I'm just not afraid to stand up to you or fight back..."



He is so angry and he very nearly loses his mind in anger. I know I'm being nasty about Louise, but I can't seem to stop myself. I don't know how to be any other way. I thrive on getting a reaction out of people, and this is no exception. The remarks just fall out of my mouth, almost without my brain realizing what is actually happening.



Mike almost shouts, "Enough!"



I chuckle, "Dude, the vein on your forehead is popping out. You angry or something?"



"I will not sit here and listen to you talk trash about Louise..."



"Er, you're standing?"



I say it so matter of factly, but like he doesn't even know he's standing. Like I'm pointing out the fact that he's being dumb or something.



He lets out an extremely long breath, "You know what? You're not even worth it. You're not going to change. You can't change. You think you're special and better off without anyone, but you're not. That makes you the weak and stupid one. All I wanted was to ask you what really happened with those poachers, but you can't even give an answer about that. Why does everything have to be so cryptic and a secret with you?"



I laugh again and a smart remark flies out again, "Wow, you really are so deceived. For the record, I was playing the innuendo game. You're so not my type."



He scoffs, "I don't even think you have a type. What kind of guy would spend time with you, unless they were paid to..."



Oh dear, he insinuated that I'm a hooker. That's never a good idea. I bite back my anger, tighten my grip on the shovel I'm holding, and concentrate on not smacking him around the head with that shovel.



"You'll never know what you're missing out on. I'm good; like really good."



Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Justin's frame leaning against the doorway, so I smirk and continue, "I'd absolutely blow your mind, but too bad you'll never be able to experience that. I would ruin it for everyone else you'll ever be with and even by my standards, that's too harsh for Louise. Your loss though..."



I throw some manure into the wheelbarrow, signifying that I'm done with him. He huffs and leaves me to clean up by myself. I fully expect Justin to appear and comment on the recent incident.



I'm not disappointed when he says, "That wasn't very nice, was it?"



I scoff, "You think I'm nice?"



"I thought you were trying? If that's trying then we really have got problems."



"It's a work in progress. You expect me to change so quickly?"



"You could have toned it down a bit. In fact, it seemed like you played it up when you saw me standing there."



He noticed that? Oops. I do believe I see a slight tinge of pink flush his cheeks and I start laughing.



"You imagining what I was talking about?"



"What?! No!"



Oh, he so was. I can use this to my advantage, I'm sure. I just have to figure out how.



"Sure. Keep telling yourself that, Army boy..."



"I'm a Marine. And you really need to learn to read me a bit better."



I smirk, "If you say so."





I'm definitely not reading him wrong. He's got a bit of a thing for me. Maybe it's the mystery; maybe it's my fighter's physique; maybe it's the fact that I'm not afraid to fight him, physically or verbally. Whatever it is, it's what is keeping him seeing the 'good' in me. Now, you and I both know there isn't any of that left in me, but the poor guy obviously believes there is. Hey, I'm not ashamed to say I will use this to my advantage. I'm going to play this for all it's worth. I just have to figure out how to do that without seeming too suspicious. Oh, the possibilities for fun with this are endless. Maybe my last few weeks here won't be as boring as I thought. I'm still sticking to my plan of seven more weeks, but at least they'll be entertaining.