A/N:

It's been a while

I apologise immensely for those who have been extremely patient...i just started a new job and it's really full on at the moment and it will take a while for me to get into the swing of things.

I can't promise regular updates but I will update at least once a month until maybe Easter holidays

That being said, I am looking at updating both Hollow Moon and Only Sky in the next month along with Vivid...depending on how everything pans out.

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Chapter Thirty-Two: Tiger Pillow

My eyes felt like I had rubbed them with sandpaper as I open them from a drugged sleep, looking around a dim room. I could barely move a muscle as it felt like I was trying to lift an elephant off my chest. I lift my chin to stare into the eyes of Lady leaning her giant head on me, staring back at me while I was sleeping...again. Is this a habit?

'Dreamer sleeps, watching is fascinating. Heartbeat...' her emotions take on a form that wasn't recognisable and she wasn't able to fully describe it. She then shifts onto a memory of a small bird singing high in a tree.

'Song?'

She stares at me a bit more intently, ' 'Song' '

'Music'.

' 'Music' ...heartbeat...'song' 'music'...soothing.' She seemed happy with the words. Closing her eyes she inhales deeply, 'Broke promise. Sun above the line for sunrise. But Dreamer is back.'

'Sorry...there were things...' I could barely remember anything after that. I only remember getting out of the car and fell into Hanna's clutches as she forces me back onto one of these table-things and then I blacked-out.

I go to push on Lady's head to let me up again, only for my body the scream at me in burning pain that I freeze in place for a moment. My body was covered in bandages. Again. I still had the bite and bullet wounds in my left side...and now to add to the collection was a black goo encrusted bandage where Zoe's Queen had scratched me. And it burned. Burned like I was flaying it with salt jammed into the flesh. I stare at it for a minute, the stains were faint but they still seeped through like puss. I was almost afraid to touch it but I still reach for it. This was probably the only reminder of 'Zoe' left in existence. Even if it was a bunch of festering scratches. I remember she had also gotten me on the check but I wasn't in reach of a mirror to be able to see if it's the same. But it didn't burn the way my shoulder did.

Exhaling through my nose, I move to sit up in the bed as I get my bearings. I see that I'm back in that room they shoved me in with everything on lockdown, a red light on the touchpad beside the door slowly pulsing as a constant reminder that I'm stuck in here. Lady has positioned herself on the floor with her head still resting on the bed now that I had moved her off my chest.

How long are they going to keep me locked up in here this time? I look to the window, completely blocked by the dark grey blind pulled tightly over it. I was alone with my thoughts. And they were dark and crushing. I wanted out. I want to run away from the memories surrounding me, choking me. The physical pain pulsed as a shadow compared to reliving the moments of killing Zoe and the nameless boy. The tortured helpless look on my brother's face as I failed to grasp his outstretched hand, the fear prominent on Anne's blurred face as she was taken away...Markus in pain right until the end...Why? Just...why? What have I done? Why am I still here?

'Dreamer...sad...not like.' Lady moves her head to nudge me in the shoulder, her eyes big and expecting like a puppy. I reach out to stroke her fur. It was soft like velvet and strangely relaxing to feel it running between my fingers.

'I feel so...' I sniff, turning my head away to hide the sudden build-up of emotion and tears. All I do these days is cry. Cry and hate myself over and over. A numb memory flashed in front of me as I remember clutching tightly onto X, smearing snot all over him...and the uncomfortable emotions attached to it. I could even feel my cheeks slightly heat at the thought. Was I so devoid of warmth and affection that I needed to latch onto the closest living body like a brat? And what I felt-

The door slides open to reveal a shadow stepping in...and a feeling of foreboding rises from my stomach as I notice its Hanna cheerily bouncing in.

"Morning sunshine, the monitors indicated you were awake, so I came to check. I would have left you in the clinic but thought it better to remove you from anything clinical and crowded. Lady was also very convincing," she grins at Lady who just stares back.

'Dreamer sleeps, taking others pain. Bad. Not wanted. Sleeps for them.' Lady's tail flicks, almost annoyed.

'What?' I frown, looking over at Lady.

'Dreamer needs to learn to stay away from bad things. Dreamer should dream his own dreams.'

With that she dismisses me with a turn of her head, like I had no say against her.

Hanna comes for me with a little torch, flashing it in my face and blinding me as she pulls and pushes on my eyelids.

"Would you cut that out?" I growl, swatting her hands away.

"Everything seems ok. But your fever is still climbing...how's the pain?"

"Like a flipping joy ride through candy-land."

"Hah, very good. I'll see about upping the dose."

Do whatever. I swallow down some spit, feeling like I was choking on knives.

"Hanna..." I start, I wanted to know what was going on.

"Hmm?"

"What-"

"Is Kae awake?" Mist's head pops in from the open doorway, accompanied by a sullen Mike and grumpy-pants. I guess Mist is talking to him again.

"Yep," Hanna pops the 'p' before sitting half on the bed beside my arm to look at the bandages, "It looks like the discharge is slowing now...let me have a look ok?" As soon as her fingers unwrap the soiled cloth, no matter how careful she was, my body stiffened and I hiss as the wound meets the open air. It was a new level of 'fucking Jesus Christ, why the fuck are you doing that!?' stinging. My reflexes made me jolt and move from her reach.

"So the mighty 'Queen Killer' isn't so immune to them after all," Mike's sarcasm felt like a slap in the face.

"I never said I was immune. I said that I don't know," my voice actually shakes as I glare at him and Rain, unable to supress any of my emotions in time. They weren't there. They didn't know how much that girl suffered till the very end. What I had done...

The guilt was overwhelming-

Lady's ears flatten as she bares her fangs at all of them, 'Get out.' I hid the little satisfaction I felt when I saw the shock and fear flicker across Mike's face.

Hanna backs away, her hands up in surrender, whispering out of the side of her mouth, "Run along you three." Before backing up to the door and sealing it shut with her still inside. "It's ok little Lady. I don't want to hurt him." She steps forward again, "I'll be done as quickly as I can."

I reach out with my good arm, 'Stop.'

Lady stops baring her fangs but her eyes follow Hanna as she approached the bed again. I stoke Lady's fur to take my mind off Hanna pulling out a test tube and a Q-tip, "I think the wound will close over pretty soon...but I'm not sure how fast it may heal."

I was pulling on Lady's fur, clenching it in my fist as the pain is excruciating and I felt my breath dwindle in my chest. I couldn't stop myself from looking at my arm. The gashes were thich with black goo and the flesh surrounding it was an angry red inflames and crusted with a mixture of puss and more of the black goo and blood. But it was the surrounding skin that had me almost horrified; pale and covered in crisscrossing black veins like a Hexer. Fuck. I turn my head away regretting that I just looked.

"Don't hold your breath," Hanna quickly puts the Q-tip into the tube and sealed it up before putting it into her pocket. "It isn't spreading and hasn't had any detrimental effects on your body so far," my arm feeling like you just slowly burned each skin layer off with a laser begs to differ, "...I think it's trying to expel the poison from the wound rather than take it through your system. It seems to affect neurological pathways, making you more susceptible to the 'song' the Queen produces and your body is avoiding that. OK, breathe slowly out for me."

I did as I was told, my arm throbbing like someone was knocking it with a mallet every fucking second.

"Now take a deep breath ...good and out again...good. Keeping going and focus on your breathing," she goes over to a sliding door and take out a first-aid kit, sitting on the bed again and began fiddling with the box and cleaned and redressed the wound.

"You are a wonder, Kae. If it weren't you, you'd be turning into an Alpha Hexer and quite possibly the second Queen."

"Second Queen?" I barely managed with the first.

Hanna nods, "The primary Alpha is an almost perfect transformation and are normally the first or second turned. The Queen was having a hard time picking between you and X. It wanted X as its second but was fascinated by you. When the hive is large enough, the primary Alpha has been shown to expand the nest further by establishing a second colony and becoming another Queen and I can make the assumption that if the original Queen is terminated that the first Alpha takes on that role."

I dared myself for the next sentence to fall out of my mouth, "...Is X ok?"

She slightly smiles, "X is fine. Like you, he does have some resistance to a Queen."

I was actually relieved and I think she noticed the change in my face but didn't say anything, instead she just finishes with my arm and pulls back. "All finished. Right, I'm going to go do my rounds and put this into testing...just in case," she pulls up the test-tube...the black goo stark against the once white cotton. "When I come back I'll have more painkillers."

"Is that ok?' I motion towards the test-tube. I mean I might be ok but what if it was poison to everyone else?

"It should be as long as it's in this. You aren't resonating the song so it's really a poison that paralyses and turns you compliant when it's by itself like this. Your body isn't turning into a Hexer, Kae, so it lacks the element for it to affect others in that way. Don't stress yourself about this. Let me worry for you, you have several days of sleeping to catch up on and I'm quite sure my brother has more in store for you when he hears you're already awake. Mike will make sure of that."

As if by magic, a holographic screen lights up on the desk near the door.

"See what I mean?" she grins as she walks over to it and presses a button, "What?"

"Bring him in to my office," Siem's voice sounded static and irritated.

Yay for me. Mike and Rain has probably said something along the lines of me setting Lady on them to eat them or something.

"No." Hanna simply snaps. "He's done enough. If you wish to speak with him, you can damn well move your ass from your perch and come and see him yourself."

"...This is important. I need to speak with him in private." His voice clicks off and the screen disappears.

Hanna clicks her tongue in annoyance and looks over at me, "I can tell him to shove it up his ass if you want me to."

I shake my head and pull down the sheets and move to the side my bed, gaining a dizzy headache smacking me in the temples. "I want to go." I want to know what's happened since I've been out. I want to know what they have done with Zoe. I want to know if he'll keep his end of the bargain. I want my family back and I damn well want Zoe to be treated right.