"How is she doing?"

"The stress that has accumulated over the years is worrisome. Her physical health worries me a bit. She seems to have high blood pressure, which may just be due to her stress. Her mental stress? Well, I cannot diagnose that fully as I'm not a psychologist. Judging from what happened, she needs one. I've already looked at some psychologists...I do think that the things she's been through, what all of you boys have been through, is enough to cripple anyone's mind."

There's silence before a question is asked hesitantly, "Do you know any psychologists?"

"I've asked some to come already. There's a lot of psychologists though. She's resting, but when she wakes up we can bring someone to take a look at her, or take a look at all of you children."

"We aren't children anymore, Andrea. The three of us are fine. Father has trained us since we were little."

"I know, Leo. Yet, that's exactly why I am worried. You boys should not have been raised in such a way. Thank God you three turned out alright enough. Still, I worry for all of you Ricca children as unfortunate events continue to slam into you all. Plus, nothing will ever stop me from babying you. Speaking of which, go take a shower and clean up. Tell your brothers to do so too. I need to check Jacob's condition once again."

"How's he doing?"

"Stabilized. Now, shoo!"

I hear a footsteps, one pair leaving and the other pair approaching. I close my eyes and pretend to continue sleeping as I think about the conversation I just heard. I certainly feel fine, a little sore, but fine nevertheless. I don't think there is anything wrong with me mentally.

Well, that isn't the full truth. I still have difficulty sleeping as I wake up randomly in cold sweat. It started a couple months ago. I think my latest record is probably three hours.

It's great. Sarcasm noted.

I've been hiding the dark circles with makeup quite nicely. Then, I've been drinking a lot of coffee, which is not as odd as I usually drink coffee 24/7. There's no use worrying anybody by saying what's happening. I'm sure it's a little case of insomnia.

Let's not forget the fact that Dr. Andrea went out of the way to get me psychologists. I don't need one. I'm fine as it is. In fact, her cat of betrayal hurts me.

"You're not faking anybody, missy." Dr. Andrea says as she stops at my bed.

"Hi, Miss Andrea. You caught me yet again." I fail to crack a smile. Her happy personality makes it hard or me to be mad at her, but she certainly lost some of my trust.

"Now, how much did you hear?" Her face pulls into a slight frown, which doesn't stay long as her lips twitches into a grin. She hugs me tightly. "Thank god you didn't come in here riddled in bullets again. That was terrifying, and it did a good number on my heart. i'm get old!"

"Oh shush. You're still young and beautiful. How many times do I need to remind you?" I chuckle. "You're also strong. You're crushing me."

"Oops sorry dear." Andrea giggles cutely. "Now, let me check you really quick." She examines me as I sit there.

"Seems good, but i want you to rest up some more." She instructs me before leaving behind white curtains next to me.

Of course, I get out of the bed right as she leaves. I do it slowly enough just to make sure I have enough balance. The last time I climbed out of a hospital bed too quickly, I fell right on my ass immediately. That wasn't the best experience ever.

I sigh and steady myself as my feet touch the cold floor tiles. I laugh softly as I realize my favorite minion slippers are placed near the bed. Thank you very much.

There's a curtain surrounding my area. There's a lot of curtains separating each patient for privacy and confidentiality. I peek through my curtain and make sure nobody is around.

"Where are you going?" A voice pops out of nowhere, scaring the crap out of me. I swear I did not see anybody.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I exclaim in surprise, holding onto a nearby desk to steady myself. God damn. Why do people always like scaring me? It's not goddamn funny. Is anyone laughing?

"Whoa, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Pearl steps back cautiously with Sky. My eyes glance at the two huge baskets in each of their hands. They both are extravagantly filled with bright ribbons, candies, and other food. One has Jacob written on a sign, the other has my name written on it.

"I've heard that a million times. It's a stupid saying." I roll my eyes.

"Oh, my bad then. Damn." Sky bristles at my comment.

"We were just here to drop off your baskets. We weren't quite sure what Jacob wanted so we filled it with random candy and food. Sky and I got you your favorites though. Are you sure you're in the condition to be moving around?" Pearl looks at me worriedly.

"Thanks for the basket, but I'm perfectly fine. You guys don't have to worry about me. I'm perfectly fine."

"Yes, you are perfectly fine. I got it." Sky squints his eyes at me with a clipped tone. His knuckles tighten dangerously around the basket. Somebody still has anger issues.

"What." I shoot him a look, daring him to say something.

"You're being very..unShay-like." Pearl's mouth draws into a straight line. She places my basket by my bedside.

"I'm behaving the same as usual. I don't know what your problem is."

"Well, we aren't going to stay long anyways..." Pearl steps closer to Sky, touching him gently on his arm. I don't miss the small gesture. I bite my lip to refrain from saying another biting remark. The words are just pushing its way out of my mouth; I don't know why I'm saying this.

I groan in shame. "Gosh, I'm sorry. I'm just irritated and I'm taking it out on you two."

"It's fine. You've been through a lot." Pearl hugs me gently, giving me a forgiving smile.

"Yeah," Sky pats my head awkwardly. With a nudge to the side from Pearl, Sky hugs me to the side.

"We should be going, but let us know if you need to talk. I'm open 24/7 to sit down and talk with you, you know, about what happened." Pearl pats my shoulder affectionately with a serious tone.

"Nothing big really happened. It's fine." I get slightly uncomfortable but try to reassure her.

"Yeah, but I"m just letting you know, okay?" Pearl's voice hitches in a worrisome manner.

I almost have to usher them out of the place to get them to stop pointing their worrying eyes in my face.

I view the basket, seeing what they put in there. I'm not in the mood for food. I grab the set of clothes and change into them quickly. It feels good to be wearing my leggings and sweatshirt.

On my way out of the infirmary, I don't spot a single person. The halls usually aren't empty, so I wonder where everyone is. I hear a collection of voices in the direction of the kitchen. I hesitate before heading in the direction.

There's a gathering of people all over the kitchen and dining table. Some chatter amicably, some chatter in serious, hushed tones. As soon I step foot inside, I feel like the atmosphere silences as everyone turns around and gazes at me.

Immediately, I feel like ants are crawling all over the skin. My palms get sweaty as the eyes stare before someone says, "Vivi!" I look over to the voice as Dante waving at me.

Just as quick as the atmosphere silenced, it restarts once more.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Dante swings his arm around my shoulder.

"I'm fine, for the last time." I sigh as people continue to ask my how I am. I'm completely fine. There's nothing wrong.

"You sure?" Dante asks once more.

"For the last fucking time, I am fine!" I almost raise my voice. Everyone is talking loud enough so they don't notice my outburst. I put my hand around my mouth and gasp in surprise. I don't know why I keep yelling, but everyone is just being irritating.

"Well then..." Dante pauses as he searches for words to say. "Have you eaten? Gloria just cooked up some nice steaks.. I know how much you love her steaks." He offers.

"No thanks," I refuse. I am in no mood to eat.

"What? When does anyone refuse her steaks?"

"I've eaten." I lie between my teeth.

"Fine...so do you want to talk about what happened last week?" He agrees doubtfully before asking suspiciously.

"Last week?" I'm confused.

"It's been a week since you went to sleep? Didn't anyone tell you?" Dante asks.

"Why did you all of you hide this from me?" I grow angry.

"Wait, we didn't hide. I think we just didn't mention it. It's just a week, not a whole month." Dante tries to calm me down. I shrug off his hands and turn away.

"Wait, V!"

I walk out. It seems that many secrets still remain in the family. I'm once again left out. Why am I always the last one to know about everything?

"Oh there you are!" Dr. Andrea comes rushing down the halls as soon as she spots me. "now, you need to go back and rest."

"I've been resting for a week already." I respond.

"Please sweetie." Dr. Andrea frowns sadly. I slightly falter. She takes the opportunity to drag me back to the infirmary. I knew she was strong, but not this strong.

"What the-" I dig my heels into the floor as I see a random stranger inside.

"Ah, Dr. Yuen, I didn't expect you to come here so early." Dr. Andrea is caught off guard, but then remembers to introduce herself to him.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. I assume this is Vivianna Ricca?" Dr. Yuen turns toward me. He's a head taller than me, in his mid-fifties, and has a gentle smile.

"I go by Shay." I scrutinize at him. Is he the dude who's going to be psychiatrist?

"Dr. Yuen is an accomplished psychologist who will be focusing on your mental health assessment and treatment. We are doing it to each of your brothers too. Also, I've known him for a while; he's a good friend of mine." Dr. Andrea explains straightforwardly. I'm almost surprised she didn't lie to me.

"Why do I need to get evaluated?" I protest, folding my arms in emphasis.

"It must be done Shay. It'll be quick. I swear." Dr. Andrea guides me over to a side office with chairs. "i'll be around as you talk to Dr. Yuen."

"Wait-" I begin to say before she can leave. I'm not going to be in a room with a stranger. Hell no.

"Miss Ricca, or Shay, please take a seat." Dr. Yuen directs me. His gentle eyes lower my defense slightly. He seems nice enough.

"What's that?" I point to the clipboard and files he pulls out of his briefcase.

"It's assessment papers, among other things. You don't need to worry."

"Are those my files?" My curiosity is piqued as I wonder where he got the files and what it says on there.

"Let's begin." Dr. Yuen nods.

We begin with a casual atmosphere, talking about ordinary topics. It's small talk, but I know it's just a method he uses to calm the patient.

I'm not surprised when the questions grow serious and deep. My immediate response is to close myself off.

"Shay, I know I must earn your trust, but please take it to mind that I am only here to help you." Dr. Yuen says with a tone of understanding. His calm and steady voice is beginning to annoy him. How can someone be so calm and patient?

I start deflecting and avoiding some of questions, answering questions with questions. Neither of us is stupid so we both are aware what we are both doing. I don't care.

Again, the questions continue.

Again, sarcasm is my best response. I can't fully help it. It just rolls off my tongue.

"Shay, I know what you are doing. You are using your words as a way to defend yourself. I know your hiding." Dr. Yuen pretty much calls me out.

"I just don't see the point in being here. I'm fine. People keep thinking there is something wrong with me when there isn't!" I grow frustrated.

"And why do you think that?" Dr. Yuen questions.

"I-" I almost fall into his trap. Eh what the hell, I'll give him a snippet...

"Well..."

*****

Knock! Knock!

"Excuse me," Dr. Andrea pops her head in. "I must grab Shay. Sorry for the interruption."

"Oh, it's fine. We were closing up anyways." Dr. Yuen waves away her intrusion.

"Thank you for session," I stand up and shake Dr. Yuen's hand. "Goodbye." I know there is supposed to be doctor-patient confidentiality contract so I'm not too worried he will spill my deepest secrets. Then again, I did not spill my deepest and darkest secrets.

I head downstairs for the training room. Training has never failed to help relieve stress. I feel anger is coursing through my veins. Perhaps someone will be there to spar with me.

Walking down the stairs, I can already hear multiple people inside. The window shows that Dante is sparring with someone already. I enter quietly and sit on the side as I watch their sparring. Dante punches and blocks rapidly against his opponent, dodging with his lightning reflexes. I admire how incredible his physique is, probably at the level of some kind of a trained champion. It makes me wonder what or who he could have become if he didn't live this life, if we didn't live this life. Could he have become some kind of MMA World Champion, a fitness trainer, or something completely opposite?

"V!" Dante wipes the sweat off his body with his towel and crumples it into a ball. He proceeds to throw it directly in my face. If I wasn't alerted by his voice, the ball of sweat would have smacked me right in the face. Disgusting.

"Ew, that is not necessary." I wrinkle my nose in distaste just thinking about all that sweat he has accumulated from training. The towel bowl lands behind me with a heavier thunk than I would want. Gross.

"It's just a joke. Chill." Dante chuckles.

"Are you here to train? You want to train with me?" Dante stretches his muscles a bit and offers.

"You're going to train even more?" I as, incredulously. He was going at the spar match like a fighting machine and now he wants to train more?

"Why not? I have time to kill."

I slightly cringe at the word, but choose to move on and forget about it.

"I'm fine. I want some alone time." I turn down his offer.

"Are you sure? I'm down for some knife throwing. Wa-chaaaa, shingggggg, shingggggg, shinggggg!" He makes some weird sound effects. I look at him in bewilderment before asking, "What are you doing?"

"Knife throwing noises!" He proceeds to pretend he is throwing knives; of course, he has the additional sound effects.

"Those aren't what it sounds like, not even close." I roll my eyes and move past him. I go to the side and take out a case. Opening the lid, I glance at the Kit Rae Black Cobra 3 pc throwing knife set. I hold the knives in my palm and test the knives. After a few minutes, I put the knives back in its place and turn back around.

"You're not going to throw?" Dante raises an eyebrow at me. He has another clean towel this time wrapped around his neck and continue dabbing his face with it.

"No, I'm not really in the mood right now. I might just head back to my room or something."

"Aww c'mon, don't be like that. You love throwing knives. Here," He walks past me and opens the knife set. He takes them out and tests the weight in his palms. Before starting, he grabs our "spy target board" and places it a distance away. Yes, we have those stereotypical boards where it has the silhouettes of people on it. There are large and small targets on it.

"Dante, you barely throw knives. Don't you want to practice on a bigger target first?" I suggest as I worry that he'll cut himself. He might actually cut himself because he's clumsy sometimes.

"No, I'm fine. Just watch your big bro. You want to bet something too?" His eyes light up as he thinks of something probably devious.

"No thank you. I'm fine." I give him a small smile but refuse.

"Party pooper." He grumbles before lifting one knife to throw. I hold my breath as he starts to throw it. Then, he lets go.

...

..

It hits the target, though it's a few inches off from the center.

"Not too shabby." Dante eyes the landing position of the knife. "I can do better. Watch me do this trick." The growing smirk on him does not seem like this is going to go well. I hope he's not going to do anything stupid.

Dante throw his two knives in the air. The knives circle upwards before coming down, blade pointing at Dante's head. Dante catches the knives after he does one twirl in a circle.

"Fuck!" Dante drops one knife in his left hand. There is a harsh clatter of metal against the floor as a knife slams into it.

I look down at blade which now has blood on the blade. Dante is clutching his left hand tightly as some blood is dripping from it.

My breathing hitches as my eyes follow each blood droplet to the ground. I can feel my heart race loudly in my chest. My limbs are frozen as I feel an overwhelming fear for some reason in my stomach. i need to get out of here. I can't seem to breath completely anymore. I try to open and close my clammy hands.

Dante glances at me. His mouths form into words, but I can't really hear anything over the loudness of my racing heart. He comes up to me and shakes me on my shoulders.

"Vivianna, Viv. Vivi. You're worrying me." Dante holds onto my shoulders and stares closely in my eyes.

"Shay!" Dante almost shouts.

I snap out of it, though I continue to feel the remnants of the intense fear. There were flashes of unpleasant memories and experiences when I saw the blood. I can still see it.

"Are you okay?"

"I think I'm good for now." I give him a half-truth, half-lie. He doesn't seem convinced.

"Please don't tell anyone about what just happened." I plead to Dante, giving him my big puppy dog eyes. "Please."

"I...I can't. This is important. It's major. You just had a panic attack. I've seen enough of them to recognize it. This is not something we can hide." Dante holds me closely to his chest.

"Please. Dante, you can't tell anyone!" I start tearing up from all the emotions I'm feeling right now.

"We need to talk to Dr. Andrea, or that Dr. Yuen?" Dante sighs once more.

"I-I-..." There so many thoughts in my mind right now, I can't fully talk. "Fine. I think you're right." That's my final conclusion.

"V, I've been watching you closely. Leo, Tony, Sky, and I have noticed that even though you try to act normally, you're avoiding certain things. You're avoiding what happened, of anything related to it. It's the little stuff. You've barely slept, and yes we have noticed the shit ton of caffeine you've been drinking. You're always on guard for danger, which could be good in our case, but you never let your guard down. That's too much for you. You're starting to get snappy and using sarcasm too much. Sometimes you scare me with how emotional detached you are, but then you get all emotional again...." Dante sits me down next to the couches and tells me it slowly, "I think I know where these symptoms are pointing to..."

"How do you know?" I grimace as I want to be anywhere but here.

"Because I too have been there. I'm not as invincible as you think. I too have suffered from the same disorder. There's nothing to be ashamed of. We are all here for you." He holds my hand and squeezes it. I look down, not able to meet his eyes.

"Disorder..." The word is bitter on my tongue. I don't like the sound of it. It makes me sound weak, sound like there's something wrong with me. Riccas are a lot of thing, but they are never weak.

"Post-traumatic stress disorder, also known as PTSD." Dante states straight to the point.

"I do not." I automatically disagree.

"C'mon, we have a lot more to discuss, but first, let's go back to Dr. Yuen. This time, you are going to answer his questions fully and truthfully."

"-How'd you.." I wonder how he knew what i did since my session with Dr. Yuen should have been completely confidential.

"-I told you. I went through this. You aren't alone, sis. You have me. I will help you." Dante hugs me tightly.

After a long period of silence, I let the tears roll down and say, "thanks."

__________

A/N

Not much action, almost no action whatsoever. That's the thing, Shay has experienced so much that she can't NOT HAVE BEEN AFFECTED.

It was hard to write this as realistically as I could, so I'm sorry if I butchered it.

I decided that I want ideally 40 chapters for this book. Hopefully, that's what i get.

There may or may not be a Ch 41...maybe an epilogue :)

Thank you for being patient!

Critiques are welcome

Comments :)

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I love you all<3

@inevitxble thank you for the cover :)