A/N: NOT EDITED and this is a repost because I don't know what going on, but since the new interface sometimes it chops the chapters near the end so there's this gap... so I copied and pasted from Word once again.

if you're using the new interface and still having trouble with missing and jumpy chapters, I recommend using the Wattpad App to read because I checked and the mistakes don't seem to carry over onto that..

Enjoy,

roxann.

Chapter 49 - Russell POV

Fatherhood was something I had prepared myself for numerous times in my life, each time never making to actually ever holding my newborn child in my arms. Only having in-utero photos to cherish, but never a healthy, newborn with unexpected charm, personality and wide eyes. I lifted my son from his crib, placing him in the carrier, in front of my chest, "Shh... my little night owl," I bounced him a bit, stepping from the room and heading for a cup of coffee.



Softly walking down the stairs, I could hear the faint heartbeats of those in the house, the sound of the breeze cutting through the trees, the hum of the fridge and just about - well literally - everything else. Slipping into the kitchen I wasn't surprised to find my father already making each of us a cup, "You know... I think Rusty is the most like you - well like you were when you were a child," he says before I even really made it a foot inside.



"Taking him out for a walk?"



"Yeah," I murmured talking the cup he pushed towards me, heading for the door, "Mind the company?"



"Nah, you can come along," I said truthfully. It had become something I did around midnight since we had gotten McKenna back. Out of Rusty, Catalina, and Livvy, Rusty, would wake up fussy around the same time each night. With three the same age, I took whatever opportunities I could to bond with them one on one. Warm bottle for Rusty and coffee in his hands, Dad and I left the house, walking along the path, quietly sipping our warm beverages, despite not needing them in this heat.



I sighed, smiling down at Rusty, his eyes wide as he moved his head around from side to side, taking in everything into his curious little mind.



It reminded me of Angel.



Although lately, everything reminded me of her, I'd been a wolf for nearly two weeks now, McKenna as well. It was a bit strange and overwhelming, hearing my wolf Cirus was one of the biggest adjustments I had to make of all. His input on everything was staggering as well as the need to be around Angel, something I had felt without Cirus but now the need was exponentially greater.



The island and our overall proximity reminded me greatly of the time we spent in Germany alone, her getting accustomed to me, learning things she hadn't before. When we first arrived and things settled I noted that Angel was back, but also more than before. It was hard to put my finger on it at first, but now I see that she was building a personality outside of that battered, starving girl chained outside that Declan and I had found on our hike.



"Our mother and I have been so caught up helping those children here... how have you been?"



I snorted as we strolled down the beach. How was I? After nearly three hours of excruciating pain, worse than any of the tattoos' that covered my body, worse than being hit with a bat repeatedly. All things worse than that, considering it hurt when one bone was broken, having all of them done in the span of three hours? Torture.



"I mean... you're so busy with your children... and Angel?" he says unsure, after learning from McKenna just how she now felt about Jack, he knew I was bound to be experiencing that all encompassing need and fear multiplied as well.



But the thing was, the way I saw Angel had changed but I was beginning to think that she no longer wanted me the way I now wanted her. The way I probably felt at first but pushed aside because a relationship or the viewing Angel in a romantic fashion wasn't socially acceptable.



Not when her mind was horrifically scarred and childlike.



"You gonna give your old man an answer?" Dad teased next to me, and Rusty jumped and grunted against my chest, "There you go," I shot back, "Answer given." I smiled in the dark, my enhanced night vision - his silent smile noticeable.



"Things are... I - I didn't know love like this dad..." I struggle to put my feelings into words that make sense of the chaos in my mind, "I mean... I don't - I don't think - or have never - felt love like this, its greater, the feeling as a man to protect his children, but also the added worry I feel from that beast side now to protect them... Angel too." And with that I feel like I've exposed some deep dark secret that can only be revealed at night in the darkness - hidden.



Dad remains silent, giving me time to air my burdens, something I place in my mind, something I hope that when the day comes my children can do for me, come to me.



"I think I've always been in love with her," whispered secret comes out, "I told you guys that, I did. We were alone out there in the middle of nowhere and Declan kept his distance and even when Catalena joined us, she gave Angel and I space. But her trust was so enduring, she was at my mercy dad and still she was just so open with me, I feel like I loved her without even knowing I had loved her any other way than caregiver," the wind takes my words.



"Feels odd to you still?" Dad asks after a moment of silence, his voice no louder than my own, I shake my head, before realizing he probably can't see it as well I can in the slight darkness.



Still I think of the words, I think of the way I witness Angel caring for our children, and what I have come to know is, "She loves our children, shows them in her way, but... I saw her giving Livvy a bath, and she was humming this tune I'd play for her on the guitar. When we first found her, she didn't know how to even wash herself, she had a fear of being alone that remained for months..."



I try to explain this memory and the present without sounding dirty or making that time back then sordid, something I should be ashamed of, "I would sit in the room while she bathed, just letting my presence calm her, but I would hum or tinker away on my guitar, and I heard her - she told Livvy 'daddy used to play that song when I took bathes...' and - and-" words now escaping me.



"You realized that you loved her even back when she was broken..." dad murmured into the night, saying the words I was having trouble saying, thinking of her that way and the war it has inside me.



"You're worried about what kind of man that makes you?" he said the words releasing me from their pressure.



Stopping dad turned about in front of me, his eyes serious and focused on mine, "You're a better man than many... months alone with her and you cared for her like a parent. Your mother and I... it's remarkable to watch her, see her do things for the babies that we know that she's probably picked up from you. I'm not sure you're aware of how the abusive cycle begins..." he pauses looking down at Rusty, placing one of his large hands on his head and Rusty ever so curious tries to see just whom is now touching him.



"It's only your pawpaw," I murmured, watching my dads face light up at the title and it still hadn't gotten old.



Making a few gurgling noises Rusty quieted down and dad continued, "We all know just how Angel was treated before you found her Russell, but... you wouldn't know that by how she treated Cody when you brought her home and now you wouldn't know it from how she is with her own children. It - it unfortunately doesn't always end the way it is now..."



I know what he means, of course I do.



Victims that turn into abusers.



Something Angel hadn't become.



Instead she was the type of mama that rocked her babies gently, cooed while they breastfed, laid about lounging with them, humming, kissing them and murmuring, whispering her love for them.



Angel had more patience than anyone I'd seen... she woke with a smile when others may wake frowning. Exhaustion may have shown on her face, but never in her hands, movements or words... or smile.



"You're falling in love with her all over again," said nodding head as we began walking...



Sighing I just took his words in. I didn't fall for women... not easily, but as of yet... I'd fell for Angel more than once. Oddly the mate bond was there but... I would've still fell for her again now in this stage of our life as well.



"Yes... I know there is no time to waste, I won't put off things for us saying we have all the time in the world...but - but," I didn't want to rush Angel. I didn't want to take attention from our children away. I felt consumed and overwhelmed by how I loved her but at the same time, I knew I couldn't be selfish.



"I'm just trying to be her friend... there - there won't be other women - no one can be what she is for me and while that may not be enough for some men... it's enough for me dad. I can't - she's growing into who she was meant to become... she's had so many obstacles you know? I just - I'm doing things and taking my cues from Angel now..." I said with a wistful tone, and half smile.



"I'm - I think we are in a good place now," I added taking the bottle he was handing me for Rusty as he became a bit fussy now.



"You know... I'm proud of you..." Dad whispered as we found a large boulder to rest against, a halo of light from above us giving us more light than before.



"You know... Angel... I mean Cassandra..." he chuckled, I blinked not understanding... I mean that was her name but as far as I knew she wanted us to call her Angel.



Noting the confusion on my face, dad just shook his head, "She loves you too... it'll only grow as her won progress is increased along time, but she asked us earlier to call her Cassie or Cassandra," my eyes widened, my heart hammered against my ribcage, I had spent the day with her... like snap shots I counted the number of times I had called her 'Angel' today when she clearly wanted to be addressed my the birth name she was given.



To my right dad threw his head back laughing, "What?" I growled, relax! Cirus snapped when Rusty jerked in my arms startled by my tone.



Dad didn't stop laughing though, and when it finally went into a chuckle he spoke, "I don't think she's going to tell you to spot calling her Angel, Russ," Dad said cryptically, "if that's what you're worrying about..." he added knowingly.



I wasn't taking the bait though, "Did she give you a reason why? I mean not that she needs a reason..." which was true... but it... I couldn't explain it, I guess I could see why she would want people to address her with her given name, now that she was behaving and becoming more adult like.



"Yes... she said that that's her name... Cassandra... but if we wanted we can call her Cassie," I nodded. "She wasn't angry or anything, she just told your mother and I, Thayer as well."



I could hear the pride in dad's tone, that she would even take that step and confront them about something she wanted and would prefer, "I wonder what changed her mind..." I said offhandedly curious. Should I begin calling her something different? Cassie or Cassandra? Take initiative and respect her decision, show support?



I would miss calling her Angel, but I would hate more that I made her feel as though what she wanted and decided didn't matter to me - I had done that for months already and I swore to myself that this wouldn't happen again.



I wouldn't let it. I'd hope not, Cirus chimed in.



Next to me dad sighed softly and normally - or well previously, I wouldn't have heard him, but I could now. Shaking my head it hit me that I was not being a very good son.



"How are you doing?" again it was necessary to ask despite living in the same house. Everyone had made them selves useful since we arrived, and with the triplets, I could go nearly two days seeing my parents.



But what I did note from observing my father is that he looked content, more than I had ever really seen him before.



"You know when I was younger... your age... I just knew that besides being a father and a husband I wanted to contribute to the world in some way. I mean I wanted to be useful and I thought that teaching would be the best way to soothe that ache and worry... but now, here?" he shook his head.



"I had forgotten how many that are suffering... I do cherish and love what I have... I might not be wealthy in financial terms but I'm damn rich with love and everything else."



I wasn't sure if we were heading to the good or the bad at this point, "You know I'm teaching the children here, and I taught back home but this is so much... it's different. When those students went home and I came home to our family that was it. Here... I'm interacting with my students... offering them more than just lessons."



I smiled, "So... not the vacation you thought you were getting?"



He barked a laughed, "No... but I'd be bored doing nothing anyhow, this is better." His sentiments followed by my son slurping away at his bottle.



The next day



Besides the obvious enhancements in my senses, there was one I hadn't quite expected, the abundance of energy that I had.



The sunlight broke into the room, dancing against the wall, stretching I sat up, ready for the day on less than five hours of sleep.



After a shower and shave, I dressed heading to get Livvy and Lena, my two girls, that I could already hear cooing in their cribs, "hi my little beauties," I looked down at them, hands in their mouths', drool on the side, and I'm rewarded with toothless smiles.



Picking up Livvy first I went to change her diaper, tickling her little tummy, "You've gotten so big..." I cooed at her, unlike human babies, at nearly four months Livvy resembled a baby more near nine months, hitting all her milestones a bit earlier than Rusty and Lena. Something Jack had said was because of her shifting already.



"Da - da - eh - da - da - ah - da," she cooed, her lips puckered, reaching behind her to grab at one of the baby powders, "no - no," I shook my head knowing she very well understood me. Her bottom lip shaking, before she could release any cries that matched her welled up eyes, I blew raspberries on her tummy.



"Hi Uncle Russ..." Cody said from the door, his eyes only for Livvy, "You think you can carry her down?" I said dressing her in a nice little cotton dress knowing that after some times Livvy would just shift to her wolf to play with him. Handing her to him, I watched at she cooed, slobbering all over him, winding her chubby hands around his neck.



"We get to eat and then we going to the beach today," he told her as he walked slowly out of the room. "Haa!" I gasped at Lena doing the same, before joining everyone down for breakfast; surprised that Angel wasn't already down here. Once the kids were in their high chairs I went about the kitchen helping Dana bring everything out, dying to ask her if Angel approached her as well about the name she preferred them using now.



Just as I was going to however, Angel appeared, white cotton dress and blonde hair flowing down her back, "Morning," she murmured going to the babies kissing each on their head, "Morning Cassie," Thayer said and I watched as Angel ducked her head, sighing, I fell in line, "How did you sleep Cassie?" I said the name sounding off coming from me, and while I'm sure I smiled, I'm fairly certain it looked much more like a grimace.



Her head snapped up, pale green eyes focused on mine, and her brows pushed together, a small frown on her lips. What I wouldn't do to be able to read her mind right now... she opened her mouth, only to close it again, shrugging and coming to help, carrying the toast to the table, then taking the pureed fruit for the babies to the table.



"You excited to go to the beach?" her still childlike voice cooed to Lena, a nudge from Dana brought me back to task, but my mind turned her reaction to me using her name over and over again, analyzing each line caused by her obvious frown. That overanalyzing continued until we were packing the beach toys, blankets, all other supplies, cooler and tent - down to the when we left walking to the beach a little after eleven.



As the road turned to sand, Livvy shifted in mom's arms whining to be set down, Cody following straight after her, the two running, tumbling over each other near the water, running back each time a wave curled up upon the sand. Howling happily as they played.



Setting up, once we were all changed and mom said she'd watch the kids, I jogged out, diving in the cool water, enjoying the chill and slight nipping of my body, "Bro," Thayer called when I came up, bobbing next to me he glanced behind him.



"What's with you?"



I blinked in confusion not understanding, "You've been like - like a man in a stray jacket - dazed since this morning..." had I?



Dipping down I took a moment under water, breaching the top, wiping the water from my face, "I don't know..." I looked back on shore, Angel in a stunningly one-piece swimsuit, Lena in her arms, rocking our daughter, a brilliant smile on her face.



Thayer just chuckled, "You've got it bad..."



I snorted not even going to deny just how 'bad' I've got it.



"Why'd you call her Cassie?" Thayer went with just being blunt in that moment, something that was normal, Yeah why? Cirus echoed in my mind, despite already knowing since he was... in my mind...



"I just - she smiled when you all did so I didn't want to be the one to go against what she wished..."



Going onto his back to float, he made a thick snorting sound deep in his chest, "Yeah... she asked us to call her that, when you do it, it's almost like you're giving her bad news," surely he was exaggerating.



Dipping under water I swam away from him, coming up filling my lungs, bobbing along noting Angel pointing out towards me, "Give her to mom and come for a swim!" I said knowing she loved the water.



Submerging myself I waited under, going up again to see her swimming out towards me, hovering a foot or so away, "Hi," I murmured hating the distance and brought myself closer to her, until I was wrapping my arms around her smaller frame, her legs immediately wrapping around my torso, her arms around my neck.



I sighed happily, my eyes dancing all along her face, noting all the changes since we've moved, the happiness in her eyes, the smile she wore endlessly, the weight she gained filling her out more, giving her the curves that she hadn't had before.



Her head cocked to the side, she brought her eyes to mine, searching for something, "You're calling me Cassie..." she murmured, I nodded, unsure.



"Why?" she asked while below the water her legs flexed around me, gripping me tighter, easing and settling me at once, "Because dad - I thought - Thayer and the rest were?"



She nodded, glancing behind me, "I told them too."



"I know," I smiled wanting to show support, hoping this time it seemed more genuine.



"But I don't want you to call me that name," her light green eyes serious and demanding, holding my full attention, her face just mere inches from mine.



"I like it when you call me Angel," again I could only nod as my mate transfixed me.



Our mate, Cirus growled.



My heart spasm in my chest, a twinge of nervousness and excitement rolled inside my belly, as her eyes became hooded, her legs gripped me tighter and one hand lifted to the side of my face, caressing my check softly.



At her pace. At her speed. Whatever she wants. Whenever she's ready. The mantra played again and again as her simple stroke submerged me into an ocean of desire and want. Instead of acting by instinct I leaned my forehead against hers, releasing a shuddering sigh.



"My Angel," I whispered, my eyes closed.



Grant POV



Butterflies, pure nervousness, longing and utter fear of the rejection I was sure that would come when I told Julia years back that I would never be able to father a child. Wanting to give her an out before she became disappointed because of what I lacked. It had only been a few dates, and she had spoken greatly about the love she had for children, but that night, when she mentioned her pure joy at the prospect of being a mother my heart sunk.



That would be the one thing I would never be able to give her. The deal breaker I had thought. Everything about her was right, even the minor flaws I saw, still so soon in our relationship only brought forth the incredible pure love I had for her even then. I swallowed, now, and then as well, before explaining honestly what happen, why I couldn't father any children, 'I just wanted to be honest... before either of us... before our feelings deepened,' the words had left a bitter taste in my mouth and an ache in my chest.



Closing my eyes, I shook my head in wonder, again now, and then, she called me for another date, my tone surely bewildered because I hadn't expected it, and so we continued. I lifted the camera from my neck, snapping a picture or two or three of my wife rocking in the nursery that was now completed, a serene smile on her face.



Eyes closed, hand on her belly.



I swallowed all the emotion I had right then, knowing and grateful that she was getting everything I had promised - love, devotion and support - and all the things I hadn't - a child.



"No more pictures," she murmured her eyes still closed, "I haven't changed since this morning," she opened one eye, a smile still in place.



I was just down at the hotel, coming inside I knew I'd find her inside this nursery; this was where she spent at least one hour a day.



"I just can't believe this is happening," again something I had heard so many times, but still the shock in her voice, the awe and gratitude thick.



All the things she asked for and the one thing she didn't. We would've been fine, had this never happened. We would've adopted. Because our love was what she cherished... but now... she had that still plus more.



While everyone, Chelsea, Oakley, Ben, Greta, Kieran... all of them gave us the pieces to make this room, they left everything for me to assemble, not wanting to take the experience away from me. Painting this room with Jack, Casey and Gabriel, making it what Julia would enjoy.



It wasn't going to be permanently home, but our child would be here for a good while, she - or he - since we couldn't quite tell yet, held a title before even leaving utero.



The Air Elemental. It was mind blowing, just how linked everything was here, how connected we all were before arriving as well. A part of me wondering if Norine had known? Was that why she took a special liking to my Julia? Chelsea had explained it to me, Julia was a carrier, she had the gene and while she didn't shift into any animal spirit, our child would. But what I hadn't counted on knowing was that Chelsea believed that I was Julia's mate. That instant connection Julia felt to me, the longing that developed over a short period of time. All little indicators of who she was truly and what I meant to her.



But I digress.



Oakley. If I was having a little girl, I wished she had even the tiniest bit of that girl's heart and attitude. I was never able to grasp how Pat didn't see the little gem she was, and now, looking at the furniture and supplies and the chair Julia sat on, all things I knew she hid her inner longing for, from everyone, Oakley... a child saw it.



And even though she didn't need to show us support or thanks for staying here with them, she did. The smile alone on my Julia's face was enough, but to know how Oakley wanted to show us her support blew my mind.



I knew I wasn't in Pat's shoes, but damn. It was different, so much so that I couldn't understand so many things from back home.



'Oakley just isn't giving Sarah and Amelia a chance Grant...'



'Sarah tries so hard to be there for Oakley and it's like... a wasted effort Grant... I just don't know what to do anymore...'



'You should see the hatred she has for that little girl... I'm trying to be there for the both of them, but they are complete opposites...'



'I just don't understand Oakley, I love her... but I don't understand her and it hurts to say that as a parent...'



'Has no respect for anyone but Ben and I...'



'An immature phase... once she gets a bit older... she'll see the beauty of having a mother...'



Comment after comment, after memory all just replaying in my mind, of Pat and the many conversations we had, each time his view and opinion all everyone had to go on really since he was the one in the house with Oakley.



Now? I lived with the girl... I'm not sure if he just didn't see her for who she was, or if she'd changed completely but I was waiting for the rude, immature little girl that behaved selfishly to make an appearance. Since November - nearly four months now - and I had yet to see the little girl he described to me.



There were some things that I saw, her shyness that led to her being a bit unsure around large groups, but she was never rude to Julia. Spent time with Ben, us, Chelsea... was training to use her gift... was studying when you told her too and reading at all times of the night. She cried quite a bit which I loathed but - "Hey what's got you so deep in thought?" Julia whispered standing and coming to me.



Sighing heavily, "Oakley and - and just how this thing with Kieran is playing out right now... I mean she's a walking zombie Julia... and he isn't doing that much better," I purged telling her what I could, but she lived with Oakley... she saw the dark circles underneath her eyes and the smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.



"Do you know what's bothering him?" she asked concern in her eyes for Oakley, and Kieran as well. I nodded, "I just... I have a session with him but I can't push him to allow contact with him..." I shrugged.



"I didn't think that he would even consider talking to me," I said as we walked out of the nursery and down the stairs, "I just... I wanted to check on him and he started talking..." I said with a bit of awe.



"You sound surprised? You're an excellent therapist," I smiled shyly at my wife, who I truly believed sometimes only saw the good things in me, and then still saw them better than they truly were.



"I hate that they're each suffering, but at the same time, I think it's honorable that Oakley is respecting his wishes and leaving him alone..." I said once we entered the kitchen, wrapping my arms around Julia, kissing the side of her head gently. Sighing as I prayed silently that this all worked itself out. And I believed it would... once Kieran learned that he wasn't the monster he saw himself as.



Entering the house, muddied and dragging Ben and Oakley nodded toward Julia and I, "How was the training?" I asked them both, a glass of water in my hands, Ben narrowed his eyes, lifted his hand, and the glass shook. Slowly the water lifted and as he bit his lip I saw that the clear liquid took shape but before he could full transform it into what I believe was a triangle it fell to the ground with a swoosh.



Chuckling, "Maybe next time it falls back into my glass?" Julia snorted behind me.



"Clean that up Grant, I don't want to have any accidents," the order quick and serious.



Reaching for the towel, I lifted a brow at Oakley, "I'm not sure mine is safe to use inside the house... it's still not shrinking down... unless you want me shock you for a long period of time until you wet yourself?" she said dryly.



With Julia chuckling behind me, I shook my head, leaning down to clean up the water, "I'm okay Oakley." Nodding she went up to her room, Ben and I looking after her.



"I'm having dinner at Kayla's tonight," he announced with a goofy smile on his face, "Oh," he bounced back down from the two steps he did take.



"Gabriel said the material for our boat is here!" the excitement in his voice, wonderful to hear.



"Then, soon, we'll start," I said nodding watching as he blew up the stairs to shower and change.



"So it's just Oakley, You and I tonight?" Julia murmured before continuing to tell me all about the knitting Greta and her were working on for the baby until I was preparing to leave to see Kieran and Oakley ran down the stairs.



Her face flushed and her skin clean once again, she jumped and swayed from foot to foot, "I uhm - I made this for - Kieran," she pushed out a record player towards me and held one hand back with a piece of paper, her eyes downcast. I waited.



"I wrote him this note... I know he can't read it but - can you - will you-" she stammered stopping, her shoulders hunched forward, "Can you read it for him?" she asked her eyes sad.



"Sure Oak," I nodded putting my hand out to take the paper.



"Thank you," she whispered as I turned and left the house, giving Julia a grim smile over my shoulder, knowing that she would try to offer Oakley some comfort.

______________

I get a good amount of people asking how/who makes my covers... so the answer is me lol and I use a bunch of different things... besides writing... I LOVE MUSIC AND ART (drawing, painting/ & digital work). To make my covers I use well I use different things like photoshop or microsoft imaging or different free apps for ipad OR android like instant blend (ipad) or blendcamera (android).

Who is Russell? Angel? Chelsea changed him and McKenna they were human, if you want more details and can't remember read chapters 15 and 16 and if you haven't read the stories before just read chapters 52 - 72 of Unconditional.

HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN ON THE ISLAND? They came in November and it's now FEB.

So vote (if you liked it)... Share with others... Comment (if you have something to say)

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