So I almost didn't post today... I had a DR. appointment and I've been so anxious about it that I didn't sleep and I worried myself sick. My thoughts were focused on the appt but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, I still have to wait on the results but I'm just keeping my thoughts positive (or trying to do so.)
Anyways, I'm going to go work on Scratch.... have a nice weekend everyone.
Roxann
A/N: NOT EDITED.
Chapter 52 – Kieran POV
I sat with my back straight, tense waiting for Grant to show up for our… our session? I wasn’t really sure what to call them, but without fail every other day, sometimes two days in a row Grant would come to my room. At first I couldn’t seem to understand why he would continue to come back, and then Chelsea came to me, sharing her history with me. Shattering everything.
Too much, all of it too much, because Grant had started to make me question my position, with very little effort, and few words, he had turned my belief upside down. And Chelsea? Her story backed me into a corner, made me stop hiding, ripped me apart.
Standing abruptly I walk over to my desk, deciding to pass the time until Grant arrives with carving, letting myself get lost in my latest piece. Making sure my door is locked; I pull the pieces from under my bed, and beginning working on the front part of the chest I’m making for Grants’ baby. We didn’t use money here on the island, and there wasn’t much else I was good at, except this. Carving, wood working. With all the tools that Chelsea and Gabriel had gotten me, at first it was a bit much, since I had made the frames with a basic knife. Then, I couldn’t read the instruction manuals that came with the different tools.
Along the list of things I couldn’t understand, that seemed so out of my normal, was the help that I was being given, the material things Chelsea and Gabriel had bought me. I suspected that they had the money for such things, but that wasn’t what baffled me at all. It was the faith – or the caring that they had for me, giving me something and not wanting anything back in return. At first I had been afraid that using the tools would lead to some type of trap, a deal that I would go into without even knowing it. A trick.
That wasn’t the case.
‘I think that Chelsea and Gabriel just want you to have something to do, something that takes your mind from your past…’ Grant had told me but I wasn’t too sure. With my indecision, Grant like he took it upon himself to mess up my room took to opening the boxes of new tools. Luckily he was around when I realized that they all came with instructions. There was a bit of shame when I realized that I was once again falling short, and Grant was here to witness my lacking. Instead of pointing out my shortcomings, Grant just continued on, reading the instructions out loud as though it was for him, and not entirely for my benefit. Or maybe it was just how that family was, Oakley liked to read out loud too… she was very good at it too, she changed her voice to match certain people…
To further confuse me, the next day Chelsea came to my room, with a device, laptop just like the one she brought in when she had me choose which tools I wanted.
‘Since we don’t have someone on the island to teach you how to do this – I figured you’d be able to use this?’ she placed the laptop on my desk.
‘You have Internet on this computer, but don’t let this computer leave your room, or let anyone on it Kieran,’ she said in a strict serious voice, leaving again. It was all particularly strange to me, but instead of using my new tools with a trial and error tactic I now had video examples.
The first two things I made, one a jewelry type box and a beaded bracelet for Oakley, I gave to Grant to give to her. I wanted Oakley to be safe, but I just missed her so much. But most importantly I wanted to thank her.
She was the one person that had tried to give me a chance, came looking for me on my mountain… it had taken some time but I was thankful that I wasn’t on the mountain, in my cave alone. Then why stay alone in your room? Nyx griped.
Ignoring Nyx, I continued working on my project for Grant, when a knock finally sounded at my door, I knew it wasn’t Grant, the knock was different that his, softer. Opening and standing back, my sister, Tera is on the other side, ringing her hands in front of her, shuffling from foot to foot.
I’m sure my face reflected my surprise. In the last month, no one – including my family – apart from Chelsea, Gabriel, Nona and Grant had really approached me.
Unsure I waited silently until Tera said something, her heart racing, she seemed so uncomfortable it made me wonder just what she wanted. I mean why come to my door and not say anything? For a minute I thought possibly something was wrong with Oakley, however one sniff and I couldn’t really place her scent near Tera so that let me relax.
Squaring her shoulders. Her eyes wide, “Are you staying away from Oakley because you don’t want to be around me?” I blinked a few times, processing her words.
Cocking my head to the side, I listened to her heart racing, the anxiousness rolling off of her in waves. “No.” she sighs heavily, her shoulders deflate and she looks away, her eyes flicking from behind me to meet my eyes, widening, her mouth dropped open.
“You – you had one just like that!” she points to the chest behind me.
Again she leaves me speechless, “Can I?” she points indicating she wants to enter my room.
Standing to the side I let her in.
“You’re making this?” she asks me in awe, her eyes wide. “Do – did you remember you had one?” the next question out before I even answered the first.
“I had one of these?”
Nodding her head furiously, “Yeah, in your room in front of a twin bed. I remember it… you only had Legos and racecars in it…” Her hands stretch to touch it before she pulls back immediately, “can I?” asking permission to touch, I just shrug.
“So cool.”
I stood in the same place, not sure what to say, while I couldn’t remember life before the facility, her observation right now, was proof that Tera could recall life before I was age six. Only two years younger than me, she would have been four when I was taken.
My eyes widened, and I looked away, staring down at my feet when something hit me off balance just as Chelsea’s story had. It was as though my mind was awakened to a truth that I just hadn’t seen before. ‘I’ve had my eye on you for a long time,’ white coat whispered in my ear.
“Kieran? Are – are you okay?” Tera asked coming to stand in front of me. Pulling my face together I looked up, nodding. “Yes but I need to clean up,” I replied.
“Oh – oh – okay, I’m going,” she stammered, exiting my room quickly, thankfully. Unfortunately I wouldn’t get time to think or process what I just realized because Tera was only replaced with Ben.
Unlike Tera I couldn’t sense nervousness on Ben, his stature was stiff but no uneasiness.
“I came to talk to you,” he said taking a step forward, I moved to the side to let him in. “About what?” I was fairly certain that it was going to be about Oakley.
I was wrong.
“I just wanted to say first that I didn’t tell Oakley I was coming here, or anyone. I just – I’m not sure, I just – I think – you were hurt.” The nerves he hadn’t shown physically were expelled verbally.
I only blinked, surely by now everyone knew that I had been hurt, but there was something about the way Ben said the word, ‘hurt.’
“Not just hit though… right?”
He asked with a hint of sadness.
“Uncle Grant said that I shouldn’t share what I know with anyone, but I mean you act just like my mate Kayla… she doesn’t like to be touched,” his blue eyes started to darken.
“She was born in a basement and bad men came and hurt her a lot…” his bottom lip shaking, and my own heart was caught in my throat.
“She’s afraid of a lot of things… I think she may be scared that I would hurt her; even though I would never, ever do that. And even though she doesn’t like being touched, and she’s jumpy, she still spends time with me…” now his eyes are on me.
“Oakley would never hurt you, but you’re hurting her.”
“I haven’t been around her,” I replied confused.
“You’re hurting her by staying away from her,” he said slowly, his voice squeaked a bit, his brows pushed together with a mop of blonde hair covering his forehead. I’m not sure what my face said; “You don’t even realize that you’re hurting her by staying away? Do you? I know you sent her a gift…”
I didn’t want to hurt Oakley. Staying away from her was my way of keeping her safe.
The silence dragged for a few minutes, and Ben went to my sofa, sitting, watching me, until he looked away. “I won’t tell Oakley you were hurt,” he murmurs, “Uncle Grant told me about Kayla and her siblings so I would know not to do certain things, to not make Kayla feel uncomfortable,” his blue eyes focused on the corner of my bed. Swallowing, I didn’t know how to respond to him. To his correct assumption that I was in fact hurt the way he was guessing.
“You had Uncle Grant give her that gift… maybe you can have him tell Oakley the other stuff if you don’t want to tell her yourself… that could be easier.”
I held my breath, inhaled shakily.
“It wasn’t your fault you know,” he said looking up at me now, complete confidence in his words, “Whatever they did to you, it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault, it’s not Kayla’s fault either…” that last part I know wasn’t about me. His bottom lip shook, and his balance seemed unsure when he got to his feet.
“Oakley would understand,” he said not giving me a moment to speak, not that I could find the words. Once he leaves my room I sink down to my bed shakily, he didn’t look at me any differently.
He knows… he’s guessed… but Ben didn’t – he still wanted me to be around Oakley. I just didn’t – this was all confusing to me. Just one more thing because Chelsea, Grant and now Ben, they all had their own ideas, and no matter what they had, none of them wanted me to stay away from Oakley.
I couldn’t move, when Grant finally knocked on the door, I quickly shoved the pieces I was working on, under my bed, before I opened and went to sit on my bed distracted.
“How are you today?”
His normal starter off question, my stomach an uneasy mess, “I was taken,” I blurted out, and Grant stopped for a moment before he just sat on the sofa Ben just sat on.
“You were,” he agrees.
“No… I mean I was taken… I didn’t go with them, my – Carla and Tony didn’t send me to them… they took me.”
.
.
.
Grant POV
Knowing I had to soon go meet Kieran for our daily gathering, I sat with Chris just shedding my worries on him before I made my way to Chelsea’s for the sessions with Kieran. I wouldn’t exactly call them sessions, because it wasn’t very typical. I wasn’t going to push Kieran to open up to me, I knew better. He had to grow to trust me before he let me in. Instead sometimes over the past month, I had reading lessons.
“You okay?” Chris – Kayla’s father – questioned.
I snorted, what a fucking loaded ass question. “You know… I’m doing all this blindly, I mean I don’t regret being here for Oakley and Ben, helping the others, but – but this is utterly terrifying,” I rambled on. Julia was always willing to listen, and normally I would turn to her with my concerns and fears, but I don’t think in her state that was the wise things to do now.
I had spoken to Chris before, knowing that one morning he woke up a man about to be married to a woman he only sort of cared for, and the next minute he found out that he had children as old as nine years old. Over night he had to change his life, which he did with no regrets. “I’m bringing a child into this world, and it’s going to be in this world, in a world where things – monsters like this exist. I’m not naive to say I didn’t know it, but… to this extent,” trying to express my current thoughts seemed harder now.
“How-” Chris stiffened; a low hiss released silences me.
“Ben is coming,” he says warning me. Nodding I just stand, making my way down the porch steps, and sure enough when I walk through the wooded opening, there was Ben entering the clearing to cross and head over to Kayla’s. “Having dinner here?” I asked him, putting on brave face.
“Yeah,” he said blushing, his blue eyes avoiding mine. Shaking my head I stood to the side letting him pass and going on my way.
.
.
.
I knew bits and pieces about Kieran’s life. I could tell by the way he moved around his room when I was in the room that he had been hurt. Keeping the distance between us, shifting when I moved and he seemed to be hyper aware everything.
He had pushed Oakley away, telling her that he wasn’t worth her time and in a way, despite the fact that Oakley and he were suffering, I was impressed that he hadn’t just become codependent on Oakley. And Oakley… she had accepted his desire to be left alone and continued to make progress of her own.
From my perspective, I knew what Kieran had done. Afraid that she would leave or disappear on him, he pushed her away before she could hurt him, or abandon him. Which is why I made it a point to show up regularly at his door, even if he would send me away, or was sleeping when I stopped by. I still made that effort. Kieran needed to know that he was worth it. Nona, Chelsea, Gabriel, they all wanted the best for him, but while they would support him, he needed the professional help that they weren’t qualified to give him. Eventually, now that he was spending more time up close to the people here on the island, I knew it would only be a matter of time, until Kieran hit a wall.
Until something just clicked inside that head of his, after years of brainwashing, mental, physical and emotional abuse and neglect. He would need someone. For him, for myself and for Oakley I wanted to be that person. If he were okay with that, I would be there.
With Kieran I had to start from scratch, first with giving him the correct and true facts. He wasn’t punished, Kieran was abused and before we could even work on that abuse, he had to be the one to see that no matter what he did, good or bad, his actions did not warrant such severe and heinous ‘punishment.’
Keeping my face open, relaxed I let him take the lead in this conversation because Kieran was slow to warm up too. However today, before I had even sat on the sofa he had blurted out that he was ‘taken,’ and the devastation on his face, securely and confirmed for me that words that he had been saying, were finally clicking.
“Yes you were taken,” I nodded.
With wide grayish blue watery eyes he shakes his head slowly from side to side, “No, I was taken. They didn’t give me away,” he repeats and it’s so sad, that he thinks I don’t already know this.
My own heart aches for Kieran right now, “They never sent me away – Carla and Tony – I mean.” Again I nod. I want him to give me his thoughts, his words. I won’t push. I don’t think I need too.
“It – it was never about me not listening or being bad,” he whispers looking away from me. “I hadn’t changed, I didn’t – I ran away the day after I was-” he doesn’t voice his abuse. He isn’t there yet.
“I didn’t escape because I wanted to be free, I just didn’t want to hurt anyone. Mack could – he could remember what I had said about my – about Carla and Tony.”
“It was very brave of you to escape and take them with you.”
Sniffling he doesn’t respond.
“I didn’t think that we should run to Carla and Tony, they didn’t come get me.”
“So you thought they didn’t want you?”
He nods slowly.
“But – but they r-ran…” his head snaps up, his eyes meeting mine. “They didn’t send me back…” he says in a sob.
“I was bad and they didn’t send me back,” he stands and wraps his arms around his self, “we went on the run, trying to hide from the people who took me the first time.”
“Because they wanted to protect you, keep you safe, because they never wanted you to be taken Kieran.”
He tilts his head back, eyes on the ceiling, his entire body shaking.
“They never knew where I was,” he whispers.
“I wasn’t taken because I was bad… I was taken because I didn’t listen. Even if I had been bad, they would have kept me,” I hate the question in his voice, but I don’t push, I wait until he becomes so shaky that he steps back and when his calves hit the bed he sinks down to it.
He swallows and I remain silent, taking my cues from Kieran, “He took me,” the words monotone. Eerily different compared to everything else he’s said. “It – it wasn’t because I went outside, he was going to take me anyways, he had been watching me,” nothing in his eyes, old and haunted. Tiredness and anguish of an old man, in the eyes of a young man… I rest back, this isn't - I don't believe that this was random. Kierans words right now, they don't hint at a random pickup.
"Who was watching you Kieran?" I question him, as he seems to be in locking down in apathy.
___________________
© 2015 new_season All Rights Reserved