Jenna watched uneasily as her husband came back out of the bathroom. He didn’t look angry and hurt anymore, but any warmth he had been showing before was gone. His face was blank and emotionless as he unpacked two prayer rugs from his bag, and she regretted upsetting him. She had slept more peacefully with her hand in his than she had in years. Whenever any traces of a nightmare would try to overcome her, it was as if he acted as a shield, as a defense, pushing them away.

She had lived the past eleven years having terrible dreams every night ever since she had witnessed him dying. It had been a horrible thing for anyone to witness, but especially a child. Even now she could recall every detail as if it had happened yesterday. Her parents had made her see a shrink when the dreams began to take over every moment of her life, though she never did disclose what had happened that night. Eventually even the cops had given up asking her questions, declaring her mentally unstable and thus discrediting any statements from her. The minute she had turned eighteen she had pulled herself out of therapy. She never spoke of her problems, and it was just a waste of money. She had gotten into a terrible fight with her parents over that, but legally they couldn’t make her go.

“I’ll wait for you to make Wudu. I’ll just pray my Sunnah.” He said quietly, and she nodded, the guilt gnawing at her stomach. She had accused him of not praying, and she didn’t even pray Sunnah all the time…

As she started towards the bathroom, she turned around, and watched him for a few moments. His beard was still a bit shiny from the water, and he stood on one of the prayer rugs his arms folded over his chest, and his eyes staring at the ground. He was very handsome, she wouldn’t deny it. He had brown hair, blue eyes, a neat beard, a nose that looked like it had been broken a few times in the past, but it only seemed to add to his beauty Jenna couldn’t help thinking, plump red lips, and sparkling white teeth that showed fully whenever he smiled. Which so far he had only done a handful of times. He was very tall, a lot taller than her five four frame, and he was very muscular. She felt dainty and petite next to him, though she also felt scared and intimidated.

Once she realized that she had been watching him for almost a minute, and he would soon be done with his Sunnah, she quickly closed the door, and when she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she winced and looked away. She had hurt him for no other reason other than she didn’t want to be married to him. He hadn’t forced her to sleep with him, he hadn’t even kissed her yet. He hadn’t used any rough words with her, in fact he had been nothing but gentle, especially when she had been crying. She was the one who had freaked out when he had touched her, and then sought out his touch to fall asleep!

She had to adjust her attitude if they were going to make it through this marriage. No he wasn’t her first choice, he hadn’t even been someone she had considered. But he was who she had married, and she would have to deal.

Ugh but she didn’t want to! She didn’t want to try to be happy with him! To her, he symbolized her freedom being taken away. Granted she should have laid most of the blame at Muhsin’s feet.

That idiot.

But Muhsin wasn’t here right now, Hudayfah was, and she was still so angry.

“Jenna are you ready? We only have twenty minutes left to pray.” He called, and she hurriedly washed her feet before coming out.

“Sorry let me just get my scarf.” As she moved to her suitcase, she was aware of his eyes on her, but as she turned around, pinning her prayer scarf into place, he was no longer looking her way, but facing the Qiblah, waiting for her to get behind him. She lined up her feet with her prayer rug, and she gave a smile as she realized they had matching ones, hers was pink and his was blue. They were beautifully decorated with Masjid Nabawi in Madinah, and she wouldn’t have been surprised to learn it was woven with real gold thread. They had not spoken of it yet, but she had no doubt that her new husband was rich.

Very rich.

Her Maher had been well into the millions, a number that had caused her to stare at her father in shock when he asked her if she accepted it. And if that was just the money he was giving her as a wedding gift, she couldn’t even comprehend how much he really had.

“Allahu Akbar.” He said beginning the prayer, and she followed. As he began to recite, she was surprised to hear he had a beautiful voice. It was rich and melodious, and his pronunciation was perfect. It almost sounded as if he was a student of the Quran.

Another reason to feel guilty for judging him.

He led them through Fajr prayer, and once they had said salaam, she rose to take off her scarf and fold her rug, but he remained seated, doing Tasbeeh on his fingers. She watched him carefully as he finished and raised his hands in Du’aa. Once he had finished, he rose, bringing his rug with him, and she offered him a shy smile. He didn’t return it, but his gaze also didn’t seem as cold as it had been before prayer. It seemed to have calmed him down.

“I liked praying with you.” She said quietly. His eyebrows rose in surprise, and it took him a few seconds before he answered.

“Me too.”

He placed his rug on his suitcase, before reaching over and putting hers on top of his. He looked as if he was about to get back in bed but he hesitated, running a hand over his beard.

“I had originally ordered a limo to take us to the airport, but Sami insists on driving. He said he didn’t get to spend any time with us yesterday, and he wants to be the one who drops us off.” He said, and she felt her stomach sink.

“Does he know?” she asked quietly, and the room fell quiet.

“No. I can tell him we will just see him when we get back if you’d like.” He said, and she shook her head.

“Its okay. I can pretend everything is normal.” She tried to sound confident, but she really didn’t mean it. Hudayfah’s older brother Sami was a nice guy, but he didn’t know why they had to get married which meant they had to play the happy newlyweds in front of him.

His eyes flashed at her answer, but he didn’t say anything.

“Why don’t you get some sleep, ill wake you up when it’s time to get ready.”

“Aren’t you going back to sleep?” she asked as she climbed into the bed, half hoping and have dreading he would say yes.

“No. I suddenly don’t feel very well.”

She watched him go into the adjoined living room, her heart sinking.

She had hurt him again, the second time in the past hour.

***

Jenna gazed in awe around the first class of the airplane. It was unlike anything she had ever seen. Even first class in movies looked nothing like this. They were sitting in almost a lounge, cut off from the other passengers by a curtain, their chairs converted into reclining beds, there was a mini table in between them, and they had a flat screen on the wall opposite them. The flight attendant had already came twice to check on them and they hadn’t even started flying yet! Her husband was obviously a very important person, and she couldn’t help but admire him as he was still young, only twenty six. But she also couldn’t help but wonder at the source of his wealth. She didn’t know much about his family, but from what she had learned, he hadn’t inherited his money, it was all him. As she glanced uneasily around them again, she couldn’t help but wonder if his way of getting his money was Halal or not.

There you go judging him again.

“Why didn’t we use your plane?” she asked, and he glanced at her for a moment before turning back to the file he was reading. He hadn’t said much to her since he had woken her up to get ready to leave. Things had been stilled and awkward until Sami had shown up and he had suddenly changed, teasing her, laughing, and complimenting her. But he hadn’t tried to touch her again, and for that Jenna was grateful, for she wasn’t sure if she would have been able to keep her composure.

His brother had been really nice, and Jenna had liked him a lot. He seemed to find nothing odd with their relationship, so she guessed they had done well in their pretending. Much to her chagrin, the second Sami had disappeared out of their view, Hudayfah had returned to his formal self. He had said all of two words to her since they had boarded the plane fifteen minutes ago, and if she had to spend the entire flight to Egypt in silence, she would go crazy. Yes she still wasn’t fond of him, but she also didn’t want to be stuck alone with her thoughts.

“It’s safer to fly with others around. Plus my pilot is on vacation.” He said, not even looking at her as he answered. Her eyes widened in surprise. She hadn’t known that he had a plane, it had just been a guess.

And safer from whom!?

Before she could ask what he meant, the pilot began to greet the passengers, letting them know the estimation time of when they would land in New York, where they would then take a connecting flight to Egypt, and soon the stewardess came back again.

“Can I get you anything Mr. Sulayman? A drink? Snacks? A blanket?” she asked and as her eyes flickered over Hudayfah approvingly, Jenna felt a small pang of jealousy. Was this woman checking out her husband right in front of her?!

But Hudayfah didn’t even look at her.

“I am fine. Perhaps you should attend to my wife.” He said stressing the last word, and she turned to Jenna a bit sheepishly.

“Of course. Mrs. Sulayman?” she asked, and Jenna couldn’t stop herself from glaring at her. True she hadn’t wanted to marry him, but he still was her husband!

“Can I get a blanket and a raspberry iced tea?”

“Right away.”

As she closed the curtain, Hudayfah turned a page and looked up at her.

“I didn’t take you for the jealous type.”

“I wasn’t jealous!” she protested, and he grinned at her before starting to read again. She turned grumpily away from him, not sure if she was annoyed because he was teasing her, because he had guessed spot on, or because her heart had flipped over at his smile.