Chapter 30: Under the Moon





"He was so heartless! How could he be so heartless?" I said when my tears subsided and all that was left on me were my swollen eyes and a pink nose. Owain, who seemed to be a little bit uncomfortable, stayed with me at the corner of the deck. He probably wasn't used to someone spilling her emotions in front of him.



"He's telling me not to let the Pirate World change me but why would he let it change him? I don't know him anymore. He's like a complete stranger with the face of someone I love." I managed to wipe the tears that were threatening to fall again and continued, "He said he would protect me. He even bragged about being the Skull so no one could harm me. But look at what he's doing right now. He wants me to do something so evil and I have to refuse it. I must never let that happen."



Owain shifted on where he stood uneasily. Whether he regretted staying with me and listening to my troubles, it didn't matter. I just wanted to voice out this pain rotting inside me.



"Uh, I don't think I am the right person you should talk with about this. Wait here and I'll call Erasmus."



He was about to leave when I grabbed his leg and stopped him. I looked up with sadness in my eyes and said, "Is it really that hard to stay with me? You didn't have to talk or sympathize with me on my situation. I just want someone who can listen."



He stared at me intently. He seemed to be swayed by the way I looked at him and hold on to his leg. Seriously? Why did no one want to be on my side? I thought he would just pull his leg from my grip and leave me in my own misery. But to my astonishment, he joined me on sitting on the floor and waited for the things I was going to say. This certain act surprised me and caught me off-guard. It was then my turn to become uncomfortable.



"Well, if you're busy then –"



"But I don't need you to pity me," I said.



"But you are pitiful. You're saying that you hate the Skull for treating you like garbage in the sea. You hate how the person you knew years ago turned out to be. You hate his decisions and his visions of things. You probably hate everything about him right now. But look at you; you seem to have no capacity of leaving him after all. How pitiful!"



I wanted to defend what I was feeling but I couldn't find the right words to redeem myself. My mouth was left agape and I stared at him like he just put a large mirror in front of me to see my own reflection. He was right. And I hated him, too, because he was right.



"Because I love him," I silently uttered. And it wasn't to defend myself.



He sighed exasperatedly, probably frustrated of my stupidity. "Loving him means getting hurt over and over again," he said.



I was aware of that. If only it was that easy to love and not love someone. "Have you ever fallen in love?" I asked.



He seemed to be surprised at my question. He didn't answer right away so I continued speaking, "Because you'll only understand how I'm feeling right now once you fall in love."



He frowned and stood up. "I will not let such stupidity corrupt my system. Just go to your cabin and sleep. Maybe, it will make you see things clearly," he said and walked away.



He was sensitive when I asked him about falling in love. But I stood up, too, and walked to my room. I was really upset and maybe an hour of sleep would help me get through these emotions. I stripped out of the uncomfortable dress and changed into the baggy clothes of Erasmus. I hoped they would send back my clothes because I only had few. The one-hour sleep I had planned became few more hours and when I woke up, it was already twilight. I didn't want to go out of my cabin but the low rumble in my stomach demanded me to grab something to eat. I walked out of my cabin and saw that there were only a few pirates left in the Obsidian. They were probably in the hall of the great vessel drinking and watching the entertainment Pirate City would offer. They were maybe waiting for the mermaid to sing for them.



I saw Alon cleaning in the dining hall of the Obsidian. I sat on one of the chairs and Roger immediately jumped on my lap. I smiled as I touched its grey, furry head. Maybe we formed an invisible bond between us because of the incident on the deck. I had heard that he wasn't really nice to most of the pirates but at that moment, he was really treating me well.



Alon approached us and placed a plate of bread and a shrimp dish on my table. I looked around the room and realized that it was only me having dinner.



"Where's everyone? Are they going to have a late dinner?" I asked.



But Alon didn't answer and instead, he continued his cleaning. I looked at him puzzled. I realized that I hadn't heard his voice during my stay in the Obsidian. Didn't he know how to talk or his aloofness scaled to the extremity? I shrugged my shoulders and started eating. I glanced again at Alon and said, "The food is delicious. I will always prefer your cooking than those dishes in the Pirate City."



He looked back at me and I thought I saw a slight smile on his face before going back to what he was doing. Well, at least he wasn't totally ignoring me. When I was done with my dinner, I thanked him and walked to the hall towards the deck. I was welcomed again by the sight of a glowing Pirate City in the night. Anyone who watched it would probably be encouraged to go near it. It seemed to be a place for pirates where they could have fun and that involved drinking until you couldn't stand anymore, punching a stranger's face and listening to the music of sirens. The pirates seemed to have a different taste when it comes to socializing.



I leaned on the railing and breathed deeply. I smelled the salty air of the sea and felt the coolness of the wind. The Pirate City was a gem on the sand and who wouldn't want to pick it up and keep it in their pocket. Maybe that was the reason why the Skull had sailed the vastness of the sea to find the mermaid. Maybe he saw her as a gem amidst the sand and I was only a tiny grain among the pebbles – he could just throw me away.



"Falling will not kill you. Staying is."



I glanced back at the owner of the voice and saw Captain Drakon standing few steps behind me. He was wearing a clean and formal coat that would demand respect from anyone who would see the captain. I smiled and turned to face him.



"I couldn't believe that it would be more dangerous being out of the water than drowning in it," I said.



A kind smile curved on his face. I knew that he would prefer to be with Imara right now but instead of staying with her, he sailed the ocean to keep their family alive. He would do anything to protect the Obsidian because it was their boat to sail the ocean of life.



"There are also monsters below us, I hope you don't try to jump." He walked towards me and leaned on the railing as well.



"I will not jump. If killing myself is the only answer, then I would have done that already because I had a lot of chances to jump and die. But I know that it isn't and there's more to what's going in my life right now. I just have to trust what I believe," I answered.



"That is a good choice. A good but a difficult one," he said.



"What am I going to do with a heart that has been broken for many times to be healed?" I asked absentmindedly.



"I guess you can't do anything about it. You can only feel it, and silently wish that everything will be over soon," the captain answered.



We were silent for a second, thinking of the decisions I had made and what had gone wrong. Did I choose the right path? Were there really roses in this garden of thorns?



"Would you like to accompany me to the grand vessel? Erasmus is going to play his ukulele on stage. That was why he was busy practicing these past few days."



I was surprised to know that the young boy could play a musical instrument. I had heard him singing with the pirates and he sure had a beautiful voice. I wanted to see him play and cheer for him. I was having doubts about going to the grand vessel again. What if Captain Rowaen took offense at my attitude this morning and decided to avenge his pride? There were men who would go berserk when their ego was hurt. It wasn't impossible that he was one of them considering of how huge he saw himself.



"Wow! I didn't know that he could play as well. I had a teacher who taught me music when I was young and I also like playing the ukulele. It's just that, I don't know if going there is a right choice," I replied.



"My son is young and talented and it pains me that he needed to learn the violence of the pirate world early instead of playing music and enjoying his youth. I want you to see how he glows when he's playing his music. But I understand if you can't go because of your situation –"



"I'll go with you."



A wide smile crossed his face, probably happy that he convinced me, and offered his arm for me to take. I took it without second thoughts and let him usher me to the rope ladder and then to the canoe. I knew that this might end up wrong and I would get hurt again but I also believed that watching a friend do something he was passionate about would never disappoint me. Erasmus had always been good to me and supporting him was a thing that I could do to appreaciate him.



When we reached the grand vessel, the ladies of the Pirate City welcomed Captain Drakon and escorted us to one of the tables in front where the captains of different pirate ships and their officers were seated. I felt eyes followed me as I sat beside Captain Drakon and Owain. They were probably wondering why the captain would let a Jonah join him on the table. I gave Owain a small, grateful smile for staying with me when I was breaking down in the morning. He returned it with his usual glare and crossed his arms like everything bored him. I had gotten used to his harsh attitude that I wasn't affected by it at all. I couldn't help but turn my head around looking for a particular person. It was hard not doing it when all this time, I was thinking of him. I didn't have to look for long because I finally saw him on the table with Captain Rowaen. I blushed as I realized that he was already watching me and he just caught me looking for him. I lowered my head to hide my embarrassment. But wait! I was mad at him. Why would I still feel like a sick girl who was caught off-guard by her crush? Ugh!



The performers on the stage were playing a drama about a pirate and his adventures. I wasn't able to get the whole storyline because I didn't watch it from the beginning but based on the expressions and enthusiasm of the crowd, it seemed to be a good story. In just a few minutes of waiting, food and drinks were served on our table. I hated that they think all people would prefer ale than any kinds of drinks. I had to ask for a glass of water every time I eat.



Loud cheers and applauses echoed around the huge hall when the play ended followed by a smooth and soft hymn of a song. I had an idea of who was going to perform next. The pirates' eyes focused on the stage as they waited for the mermaid to come out and sing. A few seconds later, Janeia appeared on the stage singing the first line of a song. I couldn't help but be conscious of my appearance. Compared to the shining, gold dress she was wearing, mine seemed to be just a rug. She was a diamond and I was just one grain of sand. I felt so small in front of her. However, she didn't seem to see me because her eyes were fixed on the table of Captain Rowaen and the Skull. She was singing the song softly that I couldn't help but think that she was seducing the pirates through her music. I decided to focus on the food in front of me and tried forgetting the woman singing on the stage. I didn't want to entertain such evil thoughts in my head. I was drinking the ale that was served on me when she finished her song. The glass of water came too late and I was already thirsty. I knew it was risky but I need something to drink to swallow the food and the bitterness I was feeling. Apparently, the ale made me feel a little bit confident and less caring about the difference between us. Maybe a little bit of this evil drink was what I needed at the moment.



I watched her as she stepped down from the stage and joined Captain Rowaen's table. I didn't like it that she was sitting with the Skull and was whispering something to his ear. I wished I could just stand and march away from here. But Erasmus appeared on the stage with his ukulele. He looked so clean and young and his eyes sparkled as he saw us on the table with his father. He seemed to be really happy. He started playing the ukulele and the song he was playing was familiar – it just had a lively tune on it. The pirate song was a sad one but he made it sound joyful that the pirates listening to him started clapping their hands in rhythm. That was a cool rendition of a sad song. His music erased the pain it brought to the hearts and replaced it with joy. Even some pirates started dancing.



"You fell in love with the sea,

And the sea took you away,

Our love was deep –

And no waves could crash it,

But the sea took you away."



And the song ended with the crowd cheering loudly and shouting how great the kid was. Captain Drakon stood up and clapped his hands yelling at everyone that it was his son. I couldn't help but smile at them. He must be really proud of his son. The crowd calmed down when Erasmus started speaking.



"I am really grateful that you appreciate my music. I would like to thank the prettiest, the loveliest and the bravest woman I have met in my entire sailing life," and then he looked at my direction. My heart started hammering against my chest. What was he going to do now?



"Primrose, I heard you humming this pirate song so sadly and right then, I wished that you could just sing happily. Because a great music doesn't have to be so painful, it just needs to encourage you to appreciate life, feel what is real, and see the good things. I saw the notebook my mother gave you and I knew you have this song in your heart that you want to let out. I hope you sing that one because we're always listening," he said followed by the crowd calling my name.



If I only knew that Erasmus would embarrass me publicly, I would have punched the kid and pushed him out of the ship. I knew it was not lady-like but how could he set me on fire in front of these pirates? And now the eagerness on their faces made me think that they would not let me out of this hall unless I go to the stage.



"Hell, yeah! You told me that you knew how to play the ukulele, right? Go up on the stage and don't disappoint my son," Captain Drakon said which was hardly an encouragement and sounded more like a threat. Everyone was shouting my name repetitively and it was giving me intense pressure. I looked at the Skull across the table and got disappointed when I saw the mermaid all over him while looking at us laughing. Was she making fun of me?



Sighing deeply, I got to my feet and walked up the stage. Erasmus, who was smiling innocently, handed me his ukulele and I received it with a glare in my eyes.



"You're going to pay for it, little one!" I whispered which he responded by saying 'sorry' sheepishly and went to Captain Drakon's table.



Now that I was alone on the stage with the spotlight on me, I looked at the crowd and wondered what they were thinking as they waited for me to sing. What were they seeing on the woman standing on the stage with her ukulele? Could they see a Jonah of the Obsidian or a lady from the mainland? Could they see a thing that was less valuable to men or a creature they needed for their sexual desires? What was a woman to them? Whether I run cowardly or stay on the stage and sing, it would be up to me on how they see a woman. Maybe I could help them decide.



I started playing the ukulele with their silence as the background. I wrote a song when I was on the mainland because of the nostalgic longing for a person I loved who left without a word. But the lyrics were not yet finished and that was what I was trying to write on the notebook Imara gave me together with the other thoughts in my head. I had to remind myself that it was just a song I had to sing – there was nothing to be afraid of. And so, I started to sing:



"Under the moon, I'll tell you a story,

About how we met when we were young,

When all the things we did were just for fun,

And laughter and tears meant nothing to us."



The crowd became even more silent and when I glanced at the table of the Skull, I saw him pushed the mermaid away as he watched and listened to me intently. Yes. You need to listen because I wrote this song for you.



Under the moon, I'll tell you my secrets,

My fear of the sea and being alone,

The times I thought I wasn't good enough,

And my self-doubts when nothing's going right."



I remembered the times when we visited the West Land. I was annoyed at him and his brother but as we got older, I became friends with Threy Weston. It was a friendship that started to bloom in my heart until it formed a dangerous thing called love. It was like a wildflower – it was so beautiful and yet, poisonous.



"Because there's magic in the moonlight,

I am captivated, enchanted by your grey eyes,

In this moment, I'd rather be with you,

Because right now I'm gonna tell you,

I'm gonna tell you,"



I saw the moon and the stars in my mind when we were at the bird's nest of the Obsidian. It was indeed magical, and I wished that we could just stay like that. However, he had his way of ruining beautiful things. Why did he have to ruin beautiful things?



"Under the moon, I'll tell you a story,

About how I fell for you so hard and deep,

The sweet kiss that lingered on my lips,

The taste of it I would never forget."



He was my first kiss. And I knew that what happened on the night when I woke up on his bed was not just a dream. For when he kissed me again that time, it still felt like the first and I knew the magic of his lips was the thing I had always wanted to taste.



"Under the moon, the sea is so calm,

No storm, no waves, there's only you and I,

And this time, there's nothing I'm wishing for,

But feel the warmth of your arms,"



And I silently wished that he would just run to me and cage me in his arms. I want to feel his heartbeat against his sinewy chest. I just wanted to be close to his heart.



"Because there's magic in the moonlight,

I am captivated, enchanted by your grey eyes,

In this moment, I'd rather be with you,

Because right now I'm gonna tell you,

I'm gonna tell you, I love you."



That was supposed to be the end of the song and I knew that I had to stop now or things would go wrong. But instead of stopping and going out of the stage, I continued playing and stared straight at him on his table. Some pirates started following my eyes and they landed on him curiously. Love was a delicious fruit I had tasted and got addicted to it that I had forgotten the poison on its seed. And I had to tell him now:



"Under the moon, I'll tell you a story,

About how you broke my heart, it hurt so badly,

How I died every second and every heartbeat,

And how I wished for it to end in every breathe,

Under the moon, I'll tell you my regrets,

About how I wished I had never met you,

How I wished I didn't go after you,

I should have known that pain was our only end,

I wish I could forget you, I wish I could hate you."



Tears started welling in my eyes and I knew that crying would fail my voice. It would be a great embarrassment to break down in front of these pirates. But right at that moment, I didn't care. This was the music in my heart right now that they demanded to hear. So I would let them hear me. I would let them listen to my silent screams in every word I sing. I saw the Skull stood from where he was sitting. There was this pained expression on his face and he was trying to stop himself from running to me. No, don't come near me. Listen to me and bear with it.



"Because there's magic in the moonlight,

I am captivated, enchanted by your grey eyes,

In this moment, I'd rather be with you,

Because right now I'm gonna tell you,

I'm gonna tell you, I love you,

But you hurt me, and made me hate you."



And that was when I stopped playing and singing. That was when I dropped to my knees with my hands on my face. That was when I cried so loud that the pirates who watched me weren't able to speak or do anything. That was when I broke down so badly. That was when I let everything go. And it felt so damn good. Painful but good.