Chapter 56: The Black Butterfly



Fanmade cover by Re_I_amAimer from Twitter

My feet brought me to the balcony of the castle; the place where I had my confrontation with the Skull. It was far more silent out there compared to the vivacity of the dining hall. This castle was full of hope as if it had finally gained its strength after sleeping peacefully for a long time. And as much as I wanted to share its liveliness and valor, it still felt like I don't belong in the Borgian Castle. Even my heart didn't feel like celebrating at all. All it wanted was to be left alone in its own misery for anything that touches it would only result into bringing more pain.

Pain. I never thought I would feel more hurt than I had ever had. The agony was so deep I had probably shed all of my tears inside me that nothing would fall from my eyes anymore. No tears, no whimpers of pain, no words. There was only silence around me as I watched the sparkling lights from the distant lands. I felt so small, almost nothing that I didn't want to feel anymore. Anyone could say that it was an act of defeat, a sign of weakness, a submission. And I would say, I was only being human.

The cold wind blew against my face and I closed my eyes wishing that it would carry away the emptiness I was feeling. It was ironic that there was a void inside of me and yet, there was this certain heaviness that was weighing me down. Maybe it was feeling everything and feeling nothing at the same time. It was how a heart would react after being suffocated for a long time. It would just collapse, locking itself in a coffin, and burying it down in a pile of different emotions it wanted to escape from.

I looked down at the wide castle grounds. I wasn't able to admire the view when I first came here but now that I had the balcony for myself, there was absolutely nothing that could stop me from marvelling its beauty. So, pulling my shoes off my feet, I decided to climb the banister and sat on it facing the East Land. The cold breeze kissed my skin, teasing me dangerously and as I looked down on the ground below me, I couldn't help but smile at its invitation. The moment was urging me to fly, convincing me that I would be free once I take the leap. And I would be lying if I wouldn't admit that there was a part of me that was calling to it. A promise of seeing my father and being the innocent young girl again was hanging in the air. And it was so enticing that it was difficult for me to resist, like a forbidden fruit daring for me to take a bite.

I didn't know what had gotten into me but as I stared down on the fine castle ground, I started to feel light; like the things that bothered me were lifted off my chest. My worries appeared to lessen and a peculiar smile was beginning to stretch on my face. I felt like I wasn't myself anymore; like I was being enchanted to not care at all.

But the serenity of the surrounding was ruined when I sensed someone watching me. I turned around and I saw the Skull, he was staring at my form cautiously, calculating the situation around us. He looked different this time, though. He was pale and nervous, and it wasn't really like him to be like that. There was absolutely nothing that could bring fear to someone like him. After all, he was a lord, the Skull, and a king.

"W-Would you mind sharing the view there? I want to sit with you." He was stuttering and I frowned looking at him.

"But I don't want to be near you," I said calmly. What was this lightheadedness I was feeling?

"Then I'll just take a step closer to you. Is that alright?" he asked. His voice was gentle and he was definitely asking for permission. I was starting to wonder if it was really the Skull I was talking with; if it was only a dream for there was no way the Skull would sound unsure like this.

"Just two steps. I'm feeling like a butterfly like now. You know what they do when you come too close to them, right? They fly." I answered.

If it was possible, the Skull became paler. He was trying to control the emotion that was threatening to burst in him. Was it anger? Hatred? Worry? He took two steps closer to me just like what we agreed. He still couldn't reach me and I thought it was good enough. There was only one thing I was sure at that moment. He didn't like the calmness and tranquility in my voice. He hated my blank stares. He despised the freedom I was feeling by then. But why? Was I not tortured enough? Just how many punishments do I have to endure just to be free? He was being so accommodating, I thought. It felt like he would answer any questions that I would throw at him. Maybe it was the right time for a proper conversation.

"Do you hate me, Threy Weston?" I started.

"No," he answered a little bit quickly.

"Do you hate me, the Skull?"

"No."

"Do you hate me, Remus Borgia XI?"

"Never."

He was trying to hide his impatience. And the more I was talking with him, the farther I feel from the ground. If I was a pirate ship, he was the anchor that kept me from sailing away into the ocean. But a pirate ship was supposed to wander freely. I was supposed to be free. Should I cut the rope that connected me to him and let go?

A singe tear escaped from my eyes upon imagining us not seeing each other again. That's when I felt the pain that was leaking from the depth of my heart, like a viscous liquid spilling from an already filled-container, making me feel little by little. "You must have hated me for a long time. No, you must have seen me as a fool who wants gold when you know that I've already taken everything you had in the past. There's nothing left in you and I was stupid enough not to even know that."

He didn't answer; he just listened. He probably thought that letting me pour my heart out without arguing was the right thing to do. And it somehow opened a portal from inside of me that served as a way for my concealed thoughts to be voiced out.

"You should have told me, Threy," I continued. "I should have known from the start. For if I had at least a knowledge about all of this then I would have had the shame to even ask for your heart."

It was the uncontrollable tears that broke my calm demeanour. It was the pain that made me want to fly away. I just had to release everything that was weighing me down so that I could spread my wings widely and embrace my freedom.

"You know it's never like that to me, Primrose." His voice was almost a whisper, like he had just taken a blow from my words.

But I decided to continue and not let him interfere what I had just started. I might not have the courage to say these things next time, or I might not have a next time to say all of these at all. "Is that the reason why you'd rather sail the sea than to stay in the West Land? You probably couldn't stand us, seeing the people who killed your family mercilessly for the sake of power. Now I understand why you look for Janeia, the mermaid in the Pirate City, than to open your heart to the selfish, little fire of the East Land."

I watched him clenched his fist as he listened more to what I was saying. I could sense that he was trying to control his temper. "Janeia, despite of not being a pure-blood, is still a Borgia. She's the only person that had the Borgian blood except from me. That's why I had to find her." He was giving me answers now. Why was it so easy for him to open up to me? Was it because there were only two of us in the balcony at that moment?

I frowned at him in pain and confusion. "But she's your cousin, why is she acting like she has any claim on you?" He didn't answer right away so I continued, "She kissed you. How could you let her kiss you while looking at me in the eyes? You are so cold, do you know that? You are a deadly frostbite that even I had burnt myself from the ice of your heart."

"I was furious. It was deeply infuriating to know that my friend and brother kissed you. And when you started ignoring my presence and enjoyed the first mate's company instead, things drove me mad. It was insane and I apologize for everything. Just let me get near you." He looked frustrated by the way he was harshly brushing his unruly hair with his tensed fingers. "Please, Primrose." He sounded desperate. I wondered why he was acting like this when we were just having a conversation.

I chuckled darkly, realizing what had just happened. "So it was all to get back at me?" I looked at him straight in the eyes and asked, "Are you jealous of the men I've kissed before?"

His face became a shade of deep red, probably from anger and embarrassment. "Yes! I'm fucking jealous! I want to strangle Boris' neck and squeeze the life out of that jerk. I want to go back to the West Castle and pay Chester a night visit where he won't be able to wake up in the morning after that. You're making me consider of doing things that would ruin our plan – the plan we build with sophistication for years. And now, seeing you here; watching you like this is just –" He stopped for a moment and composed himself. "Just please, Primrose. Let me touch you now."

"If you're really feeling all of this, then why are you still with Janeia?"

He was pensive for a few seconds, battling the conflict that was running in his head. I turned my head again towards the dark distance not expecting for him to answer my questions about the mermaid. But I heard his voice again and this time, I felt that he took a step closer to me. I shot my head back at him, halting him from getting nearer to me. "The Borgian Kingdom was never perfect. The seven swords that supported it were equally ranked in the system. And back then, a hunger for power would leave the kingdom in chaos. In order to prevent it, the Borgia decided to keep the power within our blood. The king is supposed to marry another Borgia, a relative who's not directly a family but came from a good upbringing; not allowing him to share the power to another bloodline and ruin the balance between the swords. They called it the 'Silver Eyes Rule', where the heir to the kingdom tends to only have silver eyes."

He was explaining it patiently, expecting for me to understand the old system. But I failed to find the fairness in it as I laughed at him sardonically. "The old system is as fucked up as what we have right now." I commented. "You're too fucked up. Don't you think that that evil mermaid's blood would be too powerful enough that she will only give you a school of fish with topaz eyes? That will give more chaos to the kingdom, isn't it?" I mocked him.

If he ever was insulted, he showed it by just gritting his teeth. "By that time, I thought that the only way to bring back the kingdom was to find her."

"And you still do, right?" I cut him off. "That's why she's now right here in the castle and still clinging into your arm." Jealousy was clearly evident in my voice. "Go, marry her after this war. I don't care at all. I just wanted to fly –"

"Stop it! Primrose!" he interrupted angrily, gone was the composure and control in his demeanour.

And that was exactly the sign I was waiting for. I wanted him to lose control around me. I didn't want him to treat me like a fragile, little thing. I wanted to feel him because honestly, I didn't know who he was anymore.

"That's right, Threy! The Skull? Remus Borgia? Whoever you are! Shout at me! Show me your anger! I will even understand it if you hurt me. Cut me and have my blood in your hands! After all, this is the blood that killed your bloodline." I was yelling and the wind seemed to answer me by blowing against my hair. The Skull attempted to get near me again but I stopped him with a warning stare. If the ghosts of the castle were watching, they would probably think that I had gone insane. But somehow, it felt right. Painful, but just right. "I can stand the beatings, the humiliation, and even your anger. But what I couldn't handle was the fact that you're still treating me like a damn, old friend after what we did to you." I gasped for air and raised my head towards the sky. My mind was beginning to become a mess again, not knowing where I had started and where I should end. "You still saved me even though it was I who killed you. I'm sorry, Threy. Please show me your anger. Please show me how you hate me so badly."

More tears streaked across my cheeks and the lightheadedness was starting to fade, giving me dizziness when I looked down below the balcony. The wind was getting stronger, like a warning from an incoming storm. If I wouldn't do it right, the flight I was planning to do would turn into a disaster unless I found a way to dance with the wind. It seemed that I wouldn't be able to hear the things I wanted to hear from him. He wouldn't say the words I was begging for him to say. I needed to fly immediately or this bliss I was feeling would fade soon until I lost the chance to sail away.

"The wind is calling me now, love," I whispered softly as I glanced at him. I have to fly now. "You'll let me go, right?" I asked.

I saw the panic crossed his face but he immediately recovered and watched me cautiously. He looked determined now as his muscles tensed. He was preparing to make his move; he was going to take a risk. I looked at him sadly, knowing that there was absolutely no way for him to become faster than the wind. I was a tea cup on a tight rope; one brash move and I would fall crashing to the floor.

"But don't you want to hear the things I want to say? Isn't it unfair that you're the only one who was does all the talking?" He sounded too desperate this time. It also brought me into thinking if I should stay and listen to him. That's when I decided to give him a chance. But as I tried to move from where I was sitting, the wind howled threateningly and before I knew, I was already toppling down from the balcony.

However, the moment my body left the banister, strong arms encircled my waist and pulled me back to safety. The sudden movement sent us flying to the hard floor of the balcony where he willingly received all the impact of our fall, like it was what he was planning to do all this time. I could almost feel the loud beating of our hearts, synchronizing as he held me tightly against his chest. We were slumped on the ground, trying to calm our nerves and that was when things became clear to me. It was like waking up from a nightmare, the wine that clouded my mind was already gone with the wind. I looked at him, horrified. If he didn't grab me, my body would've ended up lying on the castle ground: cold, broken and dead.

"You saved me... again." I whispered as fresh tears flow from my eyes. I was a combination of relief and guilt as what I did dawned in me. I was foolish. I couldn't believe that I became too weak and pathetic that a single invitation from death in exchange of peace would allure me into taking my own life.

He didn't respond. He just sat us up with me on his lap, held me tightly in his arms, and softly kissed my forehead. He was so gentle and he was holding me protectively that I couldn't help but melt against his touch.

"It was never like that to me. You're never like them to me," he whispered softly on my hair and wiped my tears with his other hand. He stared straight into my eyes and continued, "You're right. There was nothing left to me so I had nothing to give to you. I was no one when you fell in love with me so I had to leave and build the real me. I want to show you who I really am and what I really have and see if despite of everything, you'll still see the person you fell in love with."

He sighed as he caressed my cheeks gently. "You were so young and innocent by then that it dreaded me to know that you would be corrupted by the system once you grow old. Because power and authority are the things that would poison your blood, and those are exactly what your family had. I was afraid that the evil Crimson bloodline will wake and change you. And that's when I decided to leave and gather the power I lost. I promised myself to become powerful that I could claim back what's mine and change the system."

"Y – You're going to change the system?" I mumbled, unable to believe what I had just heard.

"At first, I just wanted to bring back the lost kingdom. But being with you gave me new insight of things. Seeing you after years of planning was like an epiphany that gives me a different view in everything. You made me realize that evil doesn't really come from the blood but from the people's discontentment and hunger for power. And that's why I'm going to break the system and create a new one where the voices of the citizens would rule the land." His eyes were showing emotions and it made me feel like looking at the universe this time; a scientist who had finally come into an understanding, a discovery of something that was hidden for a long time. "I will always come back for you. It might be too late now but I came back."

My heart was beating loudly in my chest, but this time I had a smile on my face. I looked in his eyes and realized that the storm had calmed in his orbs. It was like seeing hope again, a real hope this time, with great possibilities. And I knew that at that moment, I've finally made a decision.

Maybe it was the wine or the emotional fatigue, that made me want to close my eyes and sleep in his arms. And after a short debate with myself, I decided that the comfort and assurance his presence gave me was enough to take the risk.

"I'm still mad at you, though," I muttered sleepily.

In which he chuckled softly and replied, "You have all the right to be."

I didn't know what happened for the rest of the night. I just woke up feeling energized after a peaceful, dreamless sleep on the soft mattress in a huge, unfamiliar room. I started to panic but when I rushed to the window and saw the pirates and some people in golden armours training together, I was washed in relief realizing that I was still in the Borgian Castle.

After a few minutes of studying the unfamiliar room which was definitely the grandest, and the largest chamber I've ever been, Cecilia, who seemed to always know when I would be awake, sauntered in the room casually, bringing a couple dress. This time, I picked the laced, golden yellow which sleeves covered my arms down to my elbows. It was warm and comfortable, a good choice for the chilly morning, and elegant at the same time.

"I believe this is a different room from the other night."

Cecilia looked at me, amused at my confusion. She seemed to be in a good mood for there was a hint of playfulness in her expression. "It is the chamber of all the kings and queen of the Borgian Kingdom. It is where the Skull sleeps in the castle now."

I couldn't hide the blush that immediately formed on my cheeks upon realizing that I just slept on the Skull's bed, embraced by his familiar scent. I wanted to scold myself for drinking too much wine that resulted into making foolish mistakes. But what bothered me more was whether I slept in the chamber alone or not.

"Ugh. Why do I always end up in the wrong room whenever I get drunk?" I whispered frustratingly to myself but Cecilia seemed to hear it as a teasing smile was plastered on her face.

"Maybe, it's not the wrong room after all. Give heart some liquid courage and it will know what it really wants. Maybe, your heart chooses the right one."

I frowned and followed her as she step out of the room. "What do you mean by that?" I asked, perplexed.

She just dismissed me with her hand and said, "Oh, I just think that today will be a bright one. Come, they're all waiting for breakfast."

The dining hall was serene in the morning with only the Skull, Lord Boris, Captain Rowaen, Captain Drakon, and other important personalities on the long table exchanging discourses with each other. Ofcourse, the mermaid was also there and she seemed to be in a sour mood in her seat beside Captain Rowaen. The dining hall was re-organized to provide a comfortable place for them without having too many tables and chairs from last night. Their conversation was suddenly muted the moment Cecilia and I entered the room, just like what happened in the dinner the other night. However, this time I received welcoming smiles and Cecilia ushered me silently to the bountiful table. And that's when I noticed that the seat next to the Skull was vacant and they were all expecting for me to take it. I looked at them suspiciously, before sitting on the plush chair. It felt comfortable; like the seat was definitely mine.

"You're the brightest thing I've ever seen today, my angel," Captain Rowaen greeted and winked at me.

"Captain Rowaen, it's good to see you coping well after the fall of the Pirate City," I replied casually.

His smile faltered and then he shrugged his shoulders. "Well, seeing the Mainland and the castles had been a dream of me since I was a child. Seeing you right now is like me seeing a princess. I've learned to give up something to achieve another thing."

"Always have the smooth tongue to lure women, are we?" Lord Boris pointed out.

"I can't help it. I like this woman ever since I saw her in the Pirate City."

The Skull cleared his throat and they both received deadly glares from him. It was Captain Drakon who broke the tension and said, "Don't mind these lads, young one. Help yourself with the food on table. The sophistication in the way they dressed and served these good-looking dishes makes me feel embarrassed about the meals we served you in the Obsidian."

I joined his laughter. "Dinner with the pirates will always be the best for me no matter what kind of food is on the table," I answered genuinely.

We all helped ourselves with the food. We were in the middle of catching up when Lord Boris spoke suddenly and asked, "So, have you ever made your decision already, little fire?"

They all looked at me, like they, too were waiting for my answer. The dining hall became silent and I could feel the pressure it was giving me. I had to make a decision right now. Well, I had already made one last night, I just had to voice it out.

I was about to speak when Janeia scoffed and laughed sarcastically. "I hope she does. For it will be really a shame if after last night, she still doesn't know her place in this castle – which is absolutely none."

I breathed deeply, deciding to ignore her remarks instead. I knew who she is in the rising Borgian Kingdom and how important her role will be in the triumph of the plan. But after going through my darkest night and somehow conquering it with the help of the Skull, I realized that there was more to me than being all the titles they gave me. And having a Crimson blood in my veins would not stop me from being who I want to be.

"Contrary to what the mermaid says, I absolutely know where my place is because I know who I am. I am Primrose Crimson of the East Land. And during my journey in the pirate world, I am the Jonah of the Obsidian. I've learned about the evil history of my bloodline and I refuse give it importance and hinder me in making the right decision."

"And that decision would be?" Lord Boris asked, eager to hear what I was about to say.

I looked at all of them in the eyes, and then stopped when I met the Skull's. We stared at each other for quite a long moment that I could already sense the confusion of the fellows around us. We've created a small world in the dining hall where only the two of us exist and without a doubt, I stated, "I will side with the people. I will stay with you."

He nodded as if the conversation was only shared between us. To my surprise, he suddenly leaned towards me and sealed the decision I made with a gentle kiss. I returned it softly and when we finally separated, I could feel the smirk of the gentlemen on the table.

"You'll not regret it," he promised as he stroked my heating cheeks with his fingers. "You will always be my blushing tomato," he added, reminding me of the hilarious title he personally gave me that I almost forgot when I mention all the ones that I had.

Author's Note:

To you who is going through the darkest days, I hope you remember that you're not alone and that there's someone out there who sees you as an angel, or little fire, or even a blushing tomato. Grab the tiniest hope you see in life and hold on to it. Don't let go. Everything's going to be fine. ;)

- Siel Alstreim