Epilogue





We didn't win the war. The battle at the Borgian Castle was just one of the many battles we needed to conquer. For as long as there's presence of poverty, corruption, and abuse of power, the war would continue to devastate the land. And each day, we would wake up in our bravest and stand in our strongest against it. For the sake of the lives we've lost in the past, we would never forget. We would always remember and learn from it so we wouldn't have to go through the same tragedy again.



Threy Weston, The Skull, or Remus Borgia IX was declared as the king to the throne and the ruler of the land. He was supported by the people and comrades who stayed by his side. He brought down the walls that divided us and united our visions and goals for the future as one. It took years to rebuild the Borgian Castle and restored it to its former beauty. The fortress' magnificence attracted more citizens to visit it. More books were written about the old Borgian Kingdom era and the battle of the lands made its mark in the history. The Borgian Castle opened its massive library to the young people who wanted to read books. It became a haven for those who want to learn and discover more. The kingdom welcomed those people who wished to return back home and gave support to the ones who chose to stay in the Forsaken Land. The Borgian King became true to his promises and changed the rotting system. He gave the power back to the people by letting us elect the leaders who would help the kingdom in governing and representing the lands. He listened to their voices and passed laws that would benefit the citizens. He wasn't blinded by the power and authority in his hands – I made sure of it as I remind him every day of what we were fighting for.



I, too, kept my promise to be the sun that would light his path. I was with him through his sleepless nights and tiring days. And as I walked through the decorated isle of the Borgian Castle, I realized that his darkness could be tamed by a good heart. He was my anchor in this stormy sea of life and I was his lighthouse that would never leave his sight.



Our wedding was magical; it was remembered as one of the most beautiful day in the Borgian Castle. The choir sang Under the Moon and made a more romantic rendition out of it while the pirates playfully sang the Obsidian Pirates' Song and made it sound more cheerful than its original sad melody. Threy kissed my lips for the first time as my husband and made the day perfect.



I still remember every second of it. I was in the balcony of our room watching the sunset on the west. I've had this beautiful view many times already and still, I never get tired of it. Maybe because I wasn't just watching the sunset with my own eyes; I was relieving the memories as its light showered different shades of beautiful colours on it. Some memories were bright that it brought smiles to lips while the others were dark that it almost caused me tears. Nevertheless, my heart embraced all of it. I was stronger and braver this time to accept the things I couldn't bring back and welcome the future with an open heart.



I felt a pair of strong arms snaked around my waist. I grinned knowing that I would always recognize his manly scent. He held me protectively like he always did assuring me that I was safe. His hold tightened; fingers started to trace towards the sensitive places of my body as I felt him nuzzled my neck.



"Our son might see us," I warned as I failed to hide the blush on my cheeks. My heart hammered faster against my chest knowing that he's the only man who had this effect on me.



However, my warning didn't stop him from placing a kiss on my neck and whispered, "Our little Remus is with Captain Rowaen. He seemed to be fascinated by the man's stories."



"We might have to deal with a Pirate King in the future," I chuckled as I imagined our child's innocent face listening intently about pirate tales.



I turned to face my husband. His silver grey eyes that used to harbour destructive storm were now filled with affection and benevolence. His wounds had healed and joined the hundred scars on his skin. His face had aged through the passing of a decade and yet, he still remained the gorgeous, brooding, and mysterious man I had fallen in love with. Time changed us but we were still the same people who managed to occupy a few pages in our history. I believed that what we've been through transformed us into better people of the present.



"Why did you choose the Borgian Kingdom?" I asked.



His brows furrowed at my sudden question. "What do you mean?"



"You had a chance to be a powerful ruler in the West Land. You could even be the most feared pirate in the sea and a captain of your own ship. You had those worlds in your hands and yet you still chose the ruined, old castle in the middle of the Mainland. Why?"



He shrugged his shoulders as if he had always known the answer all this time. "Because I know that in those worlds, our souls would never meet. I can't be with you in any of those worlds; not in a land of rulers fueled by their lust for power, and definitely not in the sea of pirates where blood and crimes are the currency. You don't belong in the dark places, Primrose. I had to create a world where your light won't be dimmed by evil and darkness. I had to bring you to a place where you can shine the brightest. And that's why we're here now in the Borgian Castle where you can shed your light to the people of the Borgian Kingdom."



I hadn't realized that tears had escaped my eyes until I felt it dampened my cheeks. The realization that I was the reason why he started the dangerous journey to bring back the Borgian Kingdom was overwhelming. More than a decade ago, I was just a naïve, stubborn lady of the East Land who was insane enough to wait for the man she loved. And now, as I stood in front of the imperfect man who had broken my heart for many times, I couldn't help but asked: "Is it worth it?"



Threy smiled reassuringly at me. "Absolutely worth it," he replied and claimed my lips.



We made love that night. And just like the first and many times we did it, the moment was unforgettable. The castle's balcony became our favourite spot as we placed thick blankets on it and let the moon witness our love. I didn't mind the caresses of the cold wind as I lay naked on his warm, sinewy chest with his arms wrapped around my waist. That night was perfect. And I silently wished for us to stay that way.



"I have to sail the Obsidian to the Borgian Island."



I leaned on my arms to look at him. I wasn't able to prepare my heart when he broke the spell. "That's too far from here," I muttered.



The Borgian Island was the first Island I had been to after being kidnapped by the pirates more than a decade ago. Apparently, the island was named after the first Borgian King and the truth about it had been buried and forgotten in the history until the castle's scholars unearthed it.



"People in that island need my help. Some of them are still adamant against trusting the citizens of the Mainland. I have to break the walls between us for if we don't reach out to them, they will continue to suffer from poverty and random attacks of rogue pirates," he explained gravely. Sometimes, I wondered if the Skull had really existed because whenever he talks about his people, all I could see were compassion and justice. I sighed and nodded, knowing that I had to let him go for a longer period this time.



"We would never win the war if the people we're supposed to protect would continue suffering in the end," I said.



He watched me intently; proud and grateful that I understood the things he had to for the land. I was his sun; I was supposed to guide his path and not hinder his progress.



"Our friendly pirates are coming with me. They had been longing to sail again and we think that it's about time. How about you, my love? Don't you wish to sail with me again? You know, I've always dreamed of making love with you in the crow's nest of the Obsidian."



I rolled my eyes at his intention admitting that I, too, would love to explore the crow's nest again with him. Maybe we could even stay cozy inside his cabin when we pass through a rough sea or sneak to the deck during the night when no one's watching. I would always choose to be with him because at some point in our adventure, he became my home.

I smiled ruefully and answered, "I'm staying here, Threy."

He was silent probably feeling the weight of the words I had said. I've waited five long years for him in the land before following after him to the sea. And after all the pain and tragedies we've been through, we thought that nothing could set as apart. But this time, I decided not to choose the man I love.

"Our child is still too young to be left without parents in the land or to sail the perilous sea for a long time. I'm not the young lady who fell crazily in love with you years ago anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love you - I will always do. It's just that this time, I'm already a wife and a mother. And I know that as a father to Remus, you'll understand if I choose to stay with our child. The Borgian Kingdom needs you; Remus needs a mother. It pains me not to be with you in this journey but one of us needs to stay."

He sighed deeply and caressed my face with his fingers. "What did I ever do to deserve a remarkable woman like you in my life?" he whispered placing a kiss on my lips.

I lied down again on his chest listening to the steady lullaby of his heartbeat. A tear fell from my eyes. I would miss this. Could I really live without this?



"I'm sorry if I have to leave you again. I want you to remember that I'm choosing you everyday. But for now, I need to keep this land a better place to live in for our son."



We talked about our plans for the future; of how we would serve our people while raising our little Remus. We reminisced the times when we were still sailing the sea and remembered those people we've met and lost in our journey. Indeed, it was an adventure to be remembered for a lifetime.



After a week of preparation, the Obsidian was once again ready for another voyage to the ocean. It was docked magnificently at the Sea Port City while its crews loaded it with food and supplies. It was a beautiful morning to say goodbye.

"Do you really have to go?" I asked, letting my heart feel a moment of weakness at that time.

His eyes were a combination of sadness and excitement. I knew that it also pained him to leave us in the land. He brushed away the tears that fell from my eyes with his fingers and caressed my face with his palm.



"Don't cry, my love. If you miss me, just shout your message to the sea and it will deliver it to me. After all, I am the feared Skull of the pirate sea."

But those words weren't enough to reassure me. I watched with a heavy heart as Remus wrapped his little arms around his father begging for him not to go. I almost joined them but Threy promised him more stories about the sea and our little child, being an innocent and curious one, believed his father.

"Look at me, Primrose," he said gently as he tipped my chin to face him.

This time, I didn't hide how vulnerable I was – how I could easily break in just a snap of a finger. And I knew that it was breaking him as his eyes mirrored my sadness and pain.



"I was just a pile of shattered pieces when you found me and yet, you embraced them all like every pieces of it was a whole. My heart will stay with you. I'll come back for you. I'll always love you," he promised.

"I love you. I will always think of you," I whispered back as he enveloped me in his arms.

When the promises had been said and our last kisses had been shared, the Obsidian unfurled its sails and threaded the sea with its magnificence. I could almost hear it whistling through the wind with anticipation. Captain Drakon, Captain Rowaen, Owain, and the former Obsidian pirates were on its deck waving their hands in farewell at us. Threy was behind the ship's helm, looking straight at me; reminding me that wherever he goes, I would always be his home. I convinced myself that it was just the Borgian Island; it wasn't as far as the Forsaken Land. It would only take weeks of being apart until we are in each other's arms again.

We stayed in the West Castle for the rest of the morning to meet the elected leaders who would help us in governing the West Land. Lady Amanda decided to give the castle to Threy when Lord Magnus killed himself because of guilt over killing his own son. After all, the lady still sees the Borgian King as her lost child. Lord Boris helped us with programs and solutions that would benefit the citizens. He had always been a great friend to us and an effective advisor to the Borgian Kingdom.

We were supposed to commence our journey back to the Borgian Castle when the sudden change of weather hindered us from travelling. Tarnus, being the General who vowed to protect the royal family, suggested that we stay the night at the West Castle. I, too, wasn't eager to go back as I watched the bad climate turned into an absolutely vicious storm. It was probably one of the strongest catastrophes the land ever had. It howled like a monster in the night causing Remus to hide inside his blanket, and threw daggers of lightning into the dark sky. I held my robe tightly around me watching the tempestuous sea through the window. No, I wasn't worried about how we would be travelling in the morning for my heart and mind were both in fear sailing and searching the dangerous ocean. I closed my eyes praying for the safety of the Obsidian and its crews. I didn't sleep that night for all I did was hold Remus in my arms while whispering Threy's name on my lips. Please be safe, Threy. I need you to be safe.

The morning came and the storm had passed but it left great damages to the entire land. My feet immediately brought me to the shore hoping that I could send a message to Threy by shouting to the sea because as naive as it could be, I believed him – I believed in every words he said that if he claimed I could contact him through a sea shell then I would gladly bring one to my ears and call his name. I held on to his every word like I was holding for my dear life.

The sand was cold on my feet as I ran towards the sea. I was just about to scream when my eyes caught something on the sand. It was a black sheet of cloth that had been swept by the waves to the shore. I picked it up and spread it to see what it was. And I wished I didn't. I wished I had just gone on screaming and didn't notice this thing. For if I didn't do that, hope would still be intact in my hand and I wouldn't discover that it was the Obsidian flag that was carried by the waves to the sand.

"No, this is not happening. He is safe. He'll come back for me. I just have to call out his name –"

Words died in my mouth when I raised my head to scan the sea. Fear and grief overcame me as I saw shards of broken woods and metals scattered around me.

"No, please, Threy! Answer me!"

I kept on screaming. It might be pointless. It could be futile. But I had done this during the battle at the Borgian Castle and I succeeded in making a change. I could do it again. This time, my voice could save him.

"Threy! Please come back to me!"

I didn't know how long I had been calling my husband's name. I didn't know how many times my heart broke every time that he didn't answer to may call. My eyes hadn't stop from crying and despite of my knees falling against the pebbles and sand, I didn't feel the discomfort and exhaustion. All I could feel was the punishing agony as I accused the sea of taking the man I loved away from me.

It was only then that I noticed my surrounding when I felt the familiar little arms hugged me from behind. I turned and saw Remus' innocent eyes staring at me. My heart ached as I saw his father in his silver grey eyes. It was as if reminding me that he never left my side. New waves of tears left me as I enveloped my son in my arms. I knew that I had to be strong for him. I promised Threy to take care of him.

Tarnus and Lord Boris were standing behind us; assessing and understanding the situation. They had been friends with Threy and the pirates. And they, too, was deeply saddened by the immense tragedy. They took the Obsidian flag and convinced me to go back to the West Castle.

"No. Threy is still here. I want to stay by the sea –"

But Tarnus held my shoulders steadily and with a pained expression he said, "The whole land is devastated by the storm. The Borgian Kingdom needs its queen. I probably don't know how miserable you feel right now but I understand - we do. And I promise that we will be here for you. But right now we need you to be strong because after all, you're not just a wife of the King - you are the Queen. Remus needs you. We all need you."

Remus seemed to sense my despair for he didn't let go of my hand as they helped me stood from the sand. My knees were scraped and bleeding but I didn't feel any pain from it. It was my heart that took all the blow as it continued to shatter inside my chest while I walked away from the sea. Right. They didn't know how miserable I feel right at that time because if they did, they would have set up a funeral to bury my agonizing and dying heart to the ground. I will wait for you. I will always wait for you.



I didn't lose hope. I've waged war against the sea by sending ships to find them. I would not give up that easily - not until I found his body. A week had passed before the vessels I sent made it back to the Borgian Castle. "Bodies were found, your highness."

"And the King?" I asked.

"Not one of them."

I remained stoic as I dismissed the captain who lead the search for the Obsidian and its crews. I stopped myself from crumbling to the ground when all I wanted to do was to run to my room and break down. That same day, we held a funeral for the people we lost. None of them were pirates; only the crew from the land who decided to join their voyage. We mourned as we bid our farewells to them at the Lake of Dreams.

"They're gone, Primrose," Erasmus said silently, standing with a crutch beside me. "You have to accept that."

"No, I will continue to look for him. They didn't find his body. They didn't even find your father and brother. We can't just give up on them," I refused firmly.

However, the peace and sadness in Erasmus' face made me doubt my own words. For the last few days, I had been exhausting our resources just so I could have my people continue searching for Threy. I was taking them away from their families at the time when we were struggling due to the aftermath of a calamity. I was being selfish. Maybe, I was losing my light and I had to remind myself about why we've come this far in the first place. The land needs the sun after the storm. It was the time when my people need me the most.

"But what about my husband? What if he was just waiting to be found?" I had managed to hold back the tears that threatened to escape my eyes. I shouldn't cry here; not in front of the people who need me to be strong.

Erasmus put his hand on my shoulder as if to comfort me in my silent struggle. "Have you ever had a pirate rest in this secluded, confined water?" He asked.

Now that he mentioned it, I realized that no dead pirates were brought to this sacred place. The former rulers believed that pirates were filthy sinners who don't deserve to rest with our loved ones. They've only caught a few and if the records from the West Castle were true, their dead bodies were thrown back into the sea. The pirates we lost during the battle at the Borgian Castle were burned to ashes by fire and were scattered in the ocean.

"Their souls will not rest in this place. Their bones won't be satisfied lying in the bottom of a lake. They belong to the ocean where they can sail without boundaries. They belong to a place where they had most of their adventures - just like what happened in the Pirate City."

I closed my eyes for a moment as I remembered the fall of the Pirate City.

"The sea is the pirates' graveyard. It is the thing we have to accept before boarding a ship. We believe that someday wherever we are, the sea would take us back. And just like what it always do, it would welcome us home."

The conversation I had with Erasmus made me come up to a decision. It was an action I had to do just so the things Threy and I fought for would not go to waste. I had to declare my husband's death.

The news about the demise of the Obsidian and the Borgian King circulated through the whole land. Those who had ulterior motives saw it as a chance to attack us. But with the help of Tarnus, Boris, Cecilia, Aiden, Erasmus and his mother, who opted to stay in the land, we were able to conquer them. During the day, I was occupied with helping people who were devastated by the storm. But at night, I stood sorrowfully in the balcony reminiscing of the times I could never bring back.

At first, they asked me about how I was doing. They convinced me that I was strong enough to handle this tragedy and somehow, I believed them - I became the strong woman they believed I was. They saw me as the relentless Queen of the Borgian Kingdom who never failed to guide her people to the right path. However, being a strong woman didn't mean that I would never have breakdowns. My weekly visit to the West Castle was clear evidence to that. I guessed enduring a wound that would never heal was part of being a queen.

King Remus Borgia X grew up gorgeous and adventurous just like his father. He was also a great leader. And when it was already his time to take the throne and lead the kingdom, he accepted it with his whole heart.

A few more decades had passed; time had granted us valuable changes in our lives. My red hair had more streaks of silver grey and my skin was not as smooth as it was when I was younger. I had developed wrinkles and lines on my face and my posture was not so impeccable anymore. I had aged but my eyes were still as bright as the sun and my smiles remained kind to everyone. I had grown old and I was proud to say that I did it well.

Remus let me lived in the West Castle knowing that it was the place I would wish to stay. He knew that I didn't stop going to the sea. After all these years, I was still calling out for him - waiting for him to come back.

However, the time came when two weeks had already passed that I wasn't able to leave the castle for my daily task. Remus had been worried about me that he decided to just stay with me in West Castle temporarily. I understood that he could not leave his duties in the Borgian Castle for a long time. But then, my condition worsened and I felt my body grew weaker and weaker. The doctors did their best to cure my ailment until I decided to stop the agonizing treatment that weakened my body despite of it prolonging my life. My health deteriorated fast but I didn't regret not staying on the bed for the rest of my days. After all, I was a strong, powerful woman, and the Queen of the Borgian Kingdom. I had the power to choose when to die.



One late afternoon, I asked Remus to bring me to the sea for the last time. He knew what was coming; his mother was going to make her final call. Despite of the grief in his eyes, he carried me to the sea and prepared a blanket for us to lay on by the sand. He leaned my fragile body on his chest as we watched the sunset silently.



"Your father cried when I gave birth to you," I said weakly with a smile on my lips as I remembered one of the greatest adventures of my life: delivering Remus to the world. "He was so happy that he couldn't stop crying. He was holding the two of us like he was holding his entire world in his arms."



I felt Remus kissed my hair gently. I was grateful that he grew up to be a good leader and a loving son. I felt contentment knowing that he turned out to be a great man.



"I never stopped loving your father. I never stopped waiting for him. He had been gone for a long time but my love for him still remains."



Remus was silent for a moment. He was still young when Threy left but I did everything I could for our son not to forget. His father became his inspiration as he had always been so eager to listen to the stories about him.



"Do you miss him?" he asked.



I stared at the setting sun on the horizon. "All the time," I whispered.



My vision blurred as tears began to brim my eyes. The sunset painted the sky beautifully that it's making me want to cry. It was a beautiful day and yet, I knew that I have to say goodbye.



Remus sniffled behind me and kissed my hair. His embrace tightened and said, "Then you can go with him now. Have more adventures like the bedtime stories you told me. Don't worry about leaving me alone this time. I'm going to be alright."



I had no regrets staying with him that day. I loved my son and he would always have my heart. As my surrounding started to dim, I thought I saw a familiar and yet bleary figure at the distance. But then it disappeared quickly like a glimpse of a dream I almost had.



"Sleep now, mother," Remus cried. "I'll keep you and father's memories inside my heart."



I knew that I would be seeing him again. I could feel it. And I couldn't wait for it. With a satisfied smile on my lips, I made my final call. But this time, there was no screaming; only the whispering of my soul. I listened to the crashing of waves as I closed my eyes, sailing to the sea in search of the man I promised to love forever.





-The End-













AUTHOR'S NOTE: (It might contain spoilers if you haven't finished the story yet. But well, how the hell did you even get here?)



More than five years had passed since I started writing Saudade. It was a slow and difficult process but I had never really thought of giving up in this story. That's why I am so grateful to the readers who stayed and supported me through all these years. Yay! You made it until the end.

Writing the last few parts of Saudade was bittersweet; it made me reminisce of all the adventures Primrose and Threy had in the story. I couldn't count how many times I had to pause and breathe before writing the next lines. It was one of the most painful goodbyes I had ever written and at some point I began to ask myself about posting the epilogue or just putting 'the end' at the last page of the final chapter. But then I realized that despite of it being a Pirate Story, Primrose's character was actually closer to the reality than I had expected . I mean, she couldn't even throw a proper punch and yet, her strong spirit and kind heart made her one of the greatest heroines in the story. You might hate her for her weakness and some of her choices but Primrose's character is not perfect. She is flawed and yet, loved. And since I was captivated by her strong character I decided to embrace her until the end and thus, you have the Epilogue.

Saudade is a Portuguese word that refers to the melancholic longing for something or someone. It is the love that remains. I think most of us had experienced Saudade. You might be Lady Amanda Weston, Lady Adeline Crimson, Lord Boris Frost, Tarnus, Captain Rowaen, Erasmus, and Aiden. Whoever you are in this story, I hope you know that you aren't alone. You probably thought that your wounds will never heal, but believe me, soon they will.

Or maybe, you are Threy Weston. (sighs) We all have darkness inside of us; they're taking in different forms. Some are in the shape of a place, a memory, or even a person. Those darkness are diseases that are rotting us inside. And the cure for it is to rip a small part open and let in some light – just like what Primrose did in his life.

And if ever you are currently in a dark place, I wish for you to be as resilient as the Jonah of the Obsidian. And I hope that one day when you look at the mirror, you'll see someone you like; someone you love; someone you'll be proud of. I hope one day, you'll love the person you've become.

Thank you for being with me in this adventure!



Siel Alstreim-