That night had been the beginning of the end. The part that hurt the worst was, it was the same for him.

Both of us ignored each other.

My pain had no outlet. I didn't know if he still watched me or not, but there are chances he still was, which meant that I couldn't break down anywhere. Except under the shower. But they were silent tears, and they scraped raw against my heart, seeming to tear out of me, shred me apart... But they also helped remake me.

I stepped out of the bathroom, my hair tied up in a bun. I let it down and for a second considered chopping the lot of it off, before shaking my head.

No, I won't let him be the reason I do anything anymore.

I quickly pulled on my suit and my eyes caught on the suit that Rafe had given me. I felt my jaw tighten, but I looked away.

When the computer in my room told me I had a visitor, my traitorous heart raced.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds, taking in one deep breath after another. Steeling my heart against him. Building walls, protecting myself, drawing deep within myself.

Once I was more in control, I asked the computer who it was.

It was Ace.

I hesitated, but allowed him entrance.

He stepped in, letting the door shut behind him. He looked at me then walked to stand in front of me, blocking me from the wall that stood behind him.

Then he held up a small device and clicked it.

Then he spoke, "What is going on?" He asked.

"What did you just do?" I asked, jerking my chin towards the device in his hand.

"Ensured privacy." He said simply.

"Can I have more of those?" I muttered.

Ace shook his head, his handsome features morose.

"Sadly, he is smarter than this. It will not take him long to get his systems back to work. Which is why We need to do this fast."

"What makes you think he's still watching?" I murmured, rubbing a hand against my forehead.

Ace kept quiet before saying, "I just have a feeling."

I nodded, pulling fast at the reins of hope that threatened to unleash itself on my heart. My heart that, despite everything, still implored me to give in, take whatever he gave no matter how ever little it was. I held fast against the urge, telling myself, I didn't deserve just bits and pieces of somebody. I deserved everything they had to give.

"Now, what happened?" Ace asked again.

I shrugged, "He walked out." I said simply.

Ace crossed his trunk like arms over his chest, considered me seriously and said, "Explain."

So I did. I needed to tell someone. I hadn't even told Freesia or Wolf when they'd asked me. I don't know why. I didn't have it in me. They never did think it was okay for me to be associated to Rafe; maybe it was pride and I didn't want to admit my fall, or maybe I just hadn't been ready yet. But Ace had always been on our side and I needed to speak to someone who had held the same hope as me. And despite the fact that he had threatened me the last time we spoke, I didn't have it in me to be angry.

All of my efforts at keeping my emotions at bay had me wary to my bones. It was almost an ache, something that never ceased, always at the back of my mind...To look at him, to smile at him, to go to him, demand he look at me, talk to me, smile at me. Kiss me again. Tell me I'm not the vulnerable one.

I fisted my hands at my sides, pushing aside my wishful thinking and slapping myself with the truth.

He walked away. So did you. You deserve better. You deserve more.

One day my heart would believe this as much as my mind did.

Ace looked as frustrated as I felt, "What are we going to do about this?" He asked.

I just laughed, "Ace, I don't have it in me to give a crap about this anymore," then in a flash of anger I added, "If you accuse me of not being good enough for him again, because of this, then you're most welcome to walk out right now and never see me again."

Ace opened his mouth and closed it after a few seconds, "I was not going to say that, and even when I said it then, I did not mean it. My motive was to bring you back, what I said was just an incentive for that."

I snorted out a laugh and rubbed my hands down my face, "You and your friend are both assholes." I said.

Ace tossed me a brilliant smirk at that, before his face turned serious again.

"Please do not give up on him." He implored in a soft voice.

I shook my head, "I didn't. He made me. And if you think I'll try again after how pathetic he made me feel, then clearly you don't know me as well as you think you did."

Ace expression turned more frustrated. He ran his hands through his hair, and let out a string of words in his language.

I shrugged, helpless.

"There's nothing left to fight for," I said.

Ace pointed a finger at me roughly, his red eyes flashing, "Do not say that! There is a lot to fight for."

I blinked. He had never raised his voice before, and though he wasn't shouting, he definitely wasn't speaking at a normal conversational tone either.

I held my hands up, "Okaaay."

When he started pacing, my brows raised.

"Why are you so invested in this anyway?" I asked him, as he muttered in his language and moved so fast I almost couldn't track him.

He tossed me a dark look, "Because he is an idiot. And I gain immense pleasure in proving him wrong."

I rolled my eyes. Bromance dynamics was beyond me.

"Whatever." I muttered and sat on the chair near my desk, leaning my head back and staring at the ceiling.

Suddenly Ace stopped pacing and he looked at me. I tilted my head back down and met his gaze.

When I raised an eyebrow, he asked, "It did not occur to me until now but..." He looked uncomfortable but continued, "How are you handling this?"

I laughed at his expression. He looked like he'd just stuck a needle up his butt.

"Not used to talking about feelings huh?" I asked.

Then I kept quiet.

Then... I told him the truth.

Quietly. So quietly I almost didn't hear it.

"I'm not doing so well," I admitted.

Ace turned around and kicked his foot against the wall.

I held my hands up, "Whoa, it's not that big a deal-"

Ace turned around, "You do not understand."

Then he started muttering again, pacing. After a few seconds he stopped and looked at me.

"Would you like to get out of here?" He asked.

I stood up immediately. "Yes, please."

Ace could've told me that he was taking me to hell and I would've still followed him out. I didn't care. I just wanted out. Everywhere I looked it felt like I saw him. This whole place...I had memories of him everywhere.

I followed Ace right out of the building, onto a Hover and away from him. I looked up at the dark sky as we rode, letting my hair fly behind me. For the first time in the past few days, I finally had hope that I would get over this. Get over him.

It had been a week since that night and both of us hadn't looked at each other since then. It had only been a week and my resolve had already wavered more than once. It was a tiresome process, but I wouldn't give in.

When Ace stopped the Hover suddenly, I looked at him. He gestured that I get off and I did. He followed.

I stared at him curiously, then I looked around. We were in the middle of nowhere in the thick of a forest.

"You're not going to kill me and bury my body here, are you?" I asked only half-joking.

Ace walked past me and settled down cross-legged against the trunk of a tree. I came to sit in front of him, mirroring his pose.

He kept quiet for sometime, thoughtful.

"I would like to explain something to you." Ace said, I nodded, letting him know I was listening.

"It is our way of life.. The..." He seemed to struggle a little, as if trying to find the right word, "boon bestowed upon us by our Deity."

I stilled, "You believe in God?"

He threw me a look that told me just how silly he thought I was.

"What do you think we would worship, Amour?" He asked me.

I considered his question seriously. What would they consider their God? What would be their religion?

When the answer came to me, it was as simple as it was beautiful. It was all around them and it was the focal point of their lives. I had got it.

"Nature," I said, "Your Deity is Mother Nature."

Ace tilted his head a little, confirming that I was right. Then he continued.

"This boon is inborn. We are birthed with it."

"What is it?" I asked softly.

Ace looked up me through his lashes, "The ability to mate for life."

Mate? Like... intercourse?

"Say what?" I asked, reining in the urge to giggle because his face was so serious and I didn't want to offend him.

Ace leaned forward, "We have the ability to identify who would be best suited to us, our other half."

I was feeling very dubious about this.

"And how will you know this?" I asked.

"We develop certain...feelings." He said, shifting a little.

"What kind of feelings?" I asked, confused.

Ace sighed, "Sexual ones." He said.

I stared at him. Opened my mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again.

"You mean to say," I cleared my suddenly hoarse throat, "That unless you find this person you do not experience any kind of sexual arousal?"

Ace nodded, his face solemn.

"We do not even experience attraction." He said.

My brows raised.

"Do you not feel anything at all?" I asked, in a daze.

Ace snorted. "We feel plenty of things. We just do not feel those that are associated to infatuation, love, or sex."

Oh, Mother of all things alive.

"Is that why Rafe left? Because he found his..." I waved my hand unable to say the word mate, even as it reverberated in my head causing a painful twist in my gut.

Ace shook his head, "He has not. But I think it is you." He said.

Hope bloomed in my chest, so powerfully that it hurt. It took me that much more time to beat down at it. When I was in control of my feelings again, I spoke.

"Then why did he walk away?" I asked.

Ace ran a hand through his hair, frustrated, "I do not know. He is..he will not tell me."

Then he hesitatingly adds, "Maybe he thinks it is not you."

I shrugged, and the gesture killed me, "If he thinks it's not me, then why are we having this conversation?" I asked, my voice coming out rougher, from all the hurt and pain bottled up inside me, than I'd intended.

"We are having this conversation, because he is feeling all those things." Ace said, matching the roughness of my tone and throwing me a glare.

I tossed my hands up in the air and dropped it again, exasperated.

"If he did feel all that, then why did he walk away? It doesn't add up."

Ace sighed and looked away, "He walked away because he didn't...surrender."

I dragged a deep breath in, remembering what Ren told me. Surrendering.

"What does that mean?" I asked, my voice coming out soft.

"It is..." Ace let out a breath, sounding reverent of whatever he was thinking about, "It is when the C'Riel recognises his mate and they both develop bio-feedback of one another."

Bio-who now?

"Bio-feedback?" I asked, confused.

Ace waved his hand, "It has to do with the syncing of heart beat and brain waves. Let us not get into that."

Oh. Wow, okay.

"It sounds...magical." I commented after a few seconds.

Ace nodded, "It does. But it is just biological. C'Riel were never meant to survive alone. They require the stability brought about by a shared biological connection that is given to them by their ethrés."

That was probably the weirdest sounding and at the same time, the most beautiful word.

I tried pronouncing it, but I couldn't.

"What's that mean?"

Ace thought about it for sometime.

"The closest possible word maybe...anchor." Then he chuckled and when I tilted my head at him, he explained, "The speculation for why we require the bio-feedback to survive states that centuries ago, a parasite had invaded the bodies of C'Riel, ingraining itself so much into them that it mutated their DNA. It is this mutation that requires that we develop a dependent relationship. A mutually dependent biological relationship."

He kept quiet for sometime, before adding, "It is also said that it is this mutation that causes our more evolved species."

Huh.

I swallowed. "But if he didn't...surrender, it means I'm not his..anchor right?" I asked.

Ace shook his head, "There is no written rules with how surrendering works. It can be triggered by anything. He knows this, I do not know why..." Ace trailed off, sounding frustrated again.

I shook my head and stood up, dusting myself off.

"This is a pointless conversation. Let's just go."

Ace looked at me and chuckled, "You sound exactly like him."

I made a face and he laughed again and stood up. We got onto the Hover again and he took off, with me holding on to the back of the vehicle for dear life.

When we finally stopped, I was glad to be alive.

"Drive a little faster why don't you?" I muttered at him as I got off the vehivle and he threw me a surprised look.

"Was that fast?" He asked as he got off after me.

I threw him a flat look, "I almost flew off the Hover, Ace."

The asshole laughed, "That is a funny picture."

"Yeah, yeah." I muttered as I headed towards the only building in the vicinity. It looked like the one I had gone to when I'd gone looking for Rafe after I got shot.

I stopped that thought from progressing any further. I swiped my bracelet against the identity screen and was rewarded with a loud but brief blaring noise that had me jumping out of my bones. Ace laughed long and hard at me for at least five minutes while I stood, crossing my hands and tapping my foot waiting impatiently for him to finish laughing at my expense.

Once he was done, he stepped forward and swiped his own bracelet against the identity screen while I glared at his back every time he let out a small chuckle.

I followed him in and stopped.

Whoa. Half naked men.

Half naked C'Riel men.

My eyes automatically searched for him. I couldn't stop that, but I could allow myself a little happiness from the reprieve I would get from his absence. Mixed with a larger dose of disappointment—but there was nothing I could do to stop that feeling from emerging.

This place looked like a mini-stadium. There were a bunch of steps which could also be used as seats, which descended to the centre, which was oval shaped and filled with C'Riel men performing...martial arts?

That was the first time I had seen a C'Riel man without a suit covering his back.

And they had...

I narrowed my eyes as I stepped down towards the centre along with Ace.

Were those tattoos on their back? They looked like tribal designs.

"You have tattoos on your back?" I murmured to Ace, who threw me an incredulous look over his shoulder.

He shook his head, "No. Those are our birthmarks."

"All of you have them?" I asked, my interest piqued.

He nodded, "It is like you have fingerprints."

Interesting analogy.

"Why do you hide it?" I murmured.

He turned to smirk at me, "Ask Rafe." He said.

I stilled and glared at him. Was he seriously going to make fun of me?

"Ooooh." He said, holding his hands up like he was scared. The liar, he was amused.

I sat down with a huff and resigned myself to watching half naked men grunt, hit things or slash against the air.

I noticed though, that only some of them exposed their marks, while others did not.

My brows furrowed when I noticed that even Ace didn't take off the top of his suit while he worked out (I assume this was a work out, I didn't know what else to call this).

I received many curious looks, especially from some of the female C'Riel that were there, sitting some distance away from me.

They didn't approach me and I ignored them. Perfect working relationship.

Though I was here in presence, my mind was elsewhere. I was working out in my head, how I would go about Mission GORAW. Get Over Rafe (Asshole Wannabe).

I had even worked up a campaigning slogan that I would sell to my heart. "Go Raw" or go home.

But my heart stood fast against all my attempts, deeming nothing worthy enough to be a test of its loyalty.

When my communication device made a tone, I pulled it out. I had received a reminder that I had Infant Care today.

Dread filled me even as excitement that I didn't warrant for had my heart beating in a fast pace. I sighed and rubbed my forehead.

I had to head straight to the Infant Care Centre. By the time I made it back to the Resting Station, the Hover would've left.

I quickly shot a message to Anya, for the lack of wanting to talk to someone else.

I'll come directly to the centre. Start without me.

She sent back an acknowledgment letting me know she'd seen and received my message. I stood up and looked at Ace. He was lost in the fluidity of his movements using a large staff-like weapon. So I used the trick Ren had taught me when we were younger. I put my index fingers into my mouth and whistled. To my surprise, the sound echoed and rang through the whole room.

The whole room stilled and stared at me.

I held my hands up, sheepish, "Sorry, I was aiming at him." I said pointing at Ace. Some of the other C'Riel chuckled while others observed me curiously.

Ace started walking towards me, a fine layer of sweat covering his brow.

"I've been called in for Infant Care. Do you think you can drop me off?" I asked him.

Ace nodded, going back to replace his staff. He came back and we jogged up the steps, heading out of the building.

We got onto the Hover and I warned him not to accelerate any more than necessary. He chuckled as we took off. He kept the Hover at a comfortable speed this time and I thanked the Gods for my life.

When we reached the Infant Care Centre, I saw that the Hover bringing in all the others had just reached as well. And because my luck was just that good, just as Ace and I came, Rafe got down from the Hover.

And for the first time in a week, our eyes met.

My heart punched a hole in me, bleeding every feeling I had ever had for him into my veins. My eyes started to burn and I looked away. I got down from the Hover and turned around to look at Ace to thank him.

His eyes were not on me though. He was looking over my shoulder, his gaze hard.

I shifted to block his view. Ace looked up at me.

"Thanks...for letting me have some time out. And the talk. And the ride." I said, a small smile lighting my face.

He lightly punched my shoulder and even though there was no skin contact, it was a big gesture for a C'Riel man.

"I'm on your side, Amour." He said.

I grinned at Ace, waved good bye and turned on my heel, walking past Rafe without sparing him another glance.

I heard foot steps follow me and realised that there was more than one. There was someone walking with Rafe. My ears seem to be working overtime when I heard a female voice speak.

It wasn't Anya, because I could see her a few feet away, near the entrance to the centre, running her bracelet over the identity screen.

So who was he talking to?

------------------------------------------------------------------

The song is Crazy in Love. I kept listening to this and I thought...this is exactly what Amour's heart keeps telling her even if her mind doesn't accept it.