Things were tense. We sat together in the dining room trying and failing to make conversation. I think the people around us could tell as well. Or maybe it was the look on Joseph's face that had everybody so on edge.

President Jefferson still hadn't called. It's been a week. Joseph was so sure that he would have phoned and begged for forgiveness the day after the incident on the plane, but we hadn't heard a peep. With each passing day Joseph's mood grew worse. I suppose I played a part in his mood too. He had asked me if I would stay with him in his room and I had quickly refused. I could see it in his eyes that he disapproved of my decision and asked me to think about it. I thought about it and I still didn't think it was a good idea.

"Oh for heavens sake." Joseph yelled. "Just get out! All of you." He was obviously tired of the tension, already having enough to worry about. People rose immediately from their half eaten plates and left the room like a fire alarm was going off. I rose to leave, I knew that I was stressing him out more than anyone. I was shutting him out. He didn't need to know the extent of my problems. Like I said he had enough to deal with.

"Not you." He grabbed my wrist before I could take any steps. We stayed silent for awhile I kept my gaze on the side of his face. He just stared down into his plate.

"Joseph." I whispered quietly.

He shook his head slightly. "I love the sound of your voice." His confession both made me smile and cringe at the same time. I couldn't imagine what the pair displayed as on my face. I didn't want to hear sweet things from him. I was trying to stay away.

His green eyes lifted up to mine and pleaded with me to be OK. To stop shutting him out. To stop making him feel like it was his fault. I could tell he had been getting just about as much sleep as me, which happened to be none, by the deep sags under his eyes. He looked more than worn out, and more than desperate.

"Joseph. What do you need?" Being around him in such close proximity like this made me feel like I was wrong for doing what I was doing. Wrong for pushing him away. I could admit that it wasn't because I was mad at him, that anger had faded the second he looked me in the eyes. As much as I wanted to say I was doing it to protect myself, I knew it was pure selfishness and stubbornness. The 2 made a terrible combination. I had made a decision that I wouldn't let anyone into my life enough to betray me again, and I wasn't going to make any exceptions. First my family, then Cameron the first time, then even Joseph abandoned me on those church steps.

"Please. I know I haven't said it, but I love you. I would do anything for you. Let me be with you. I know that your suffering, and I want to be there for you if you would just let me." He stood to his full height towering above me. Something I normally love, but now it was just suffocating. I needed to think about everything.

"I know you do. Just please give me some space." I stepped back and wiggled my wrist out of his gentle grip.

"I'll give you anything. As long as you'll come back to me." He had never sounded more like a broken man to me in all the months I'd known him. Not when he spoke about his father, not even his mother. He needed me just as much as I needed him, and yet here I was. Walking away. Leaving him alone.

I can safely say that even as I left him standing there. That he wasn't alone. My heart was with him, as it always would be. My mind might just take a bit more convincing.

******************************************2 days later



I sat quietly in front of the mirror. I was back in my old bedroom. The one that even though it was located miles away from the house that I grew up in was more of a home to me than anywhere else ever had been. Ava sat behind me brushing through my hair. I had tried to tell her that she didn't have to but she insisted saying it was calming and she had a rough day.

Tonight we were all supposed to attend a party celebrating Joseph and President Jefferson's reunion. Apparently he had called and begged for forgiveness just as Joseph said he would. I couldn't help but wonder what had taken so long.

Joseph had stayed true to his word and given me space. Maybe a little too much space. The man didn't even come to dinner anymore. I had resorted to discretely asking Matthias about his well being. Apparently he was doing fine. But honestly the definition of fine in Matthias's book was almost dead in mine. I hadn't seen him at all in 2 days and as much as I hated to admit it I couldn't stand it anymore. He was like my air and I had been drowning the last 48 hours.

"Miss Jessica, I do not believe I have ever seen you this distraught. What it wrong?" Ava asked, and for the first time I thought I detected a hint of an Irish accent in her voice.



"Are you Irish Ava?" I asked putting her question to the side for the time being.

"Half Miss Jessica. My mother was born and raised there and then came here to find work. She met my father here." She smiled fondly in the mirror no doubt thinking about them. "You never answered my question." We made eye contact and I looked away. I was never good at concealing my emotions when I was making eye contact.

"I don't really know Ava. I guess it has to do with Joseph. I think I miss him. I told him that after everything that happened I needed time to word things out, but,.." I paused thinking carefully about my next words. "I love him."

" I don't know much about love, but I do know that when you're around Mr. Copland is much easier to clean for. These past few days his room has been an absolute mess. We keep having to replace all of the decorations. I think that love is hard to come by these days and you should fight to keep it if you do have the incredible fortune of finding it. I know I would." Ava said as she set the brush down and went to get the dress I would be wearing to the party.

When she returned I couldn't do anything other than stare at the young girl. She was a couple of years younger than my already young age, and yet she was giving me the best advice that I had heard in weeks. Fight.

"Ava.." I rose from the bench I was seated on and moved to give her a hug. She seemed a bit uncomfortable in my arms. "Thank you so much." Then I released her.

"No problem. It's not very often that what I have to say has much impact. I'm glad that I could help you." I smiled. I was an injustice for this girl to have no voice. She wasn't a slave, she was here doing a job. She was getting paid. Having no voice was something that no human being should have to go through.

"Ava. You're an amazing girl." I paused for a moment. "Do you like working here?" I evaluated her reaction to the question. She stumbled over words for a moment, not knowing if she should lie to me because I was close to Joseph and might tell him she was unhappy with his accommodations, or tell the truth and trust me. "I hope that you believe that I would never intentionally do anything that would put you in harms way." I hoped that by saying that she would trust me enough to confide in me.

"Truthfully, no. I don't exactly enjoy it, but it pays and I need the money. I don't mind being around you." She quickly added at the end. I nodded.

"Ava I'm going to try and get you a job at one of Josephs companies. I can't make any promises as we aren't exactly talking at the moment, but it's only fair that you did me a favor that I do you one. Besides, your what 16? Much too young to be working around all these men." Her smile was bigger than I'd ever seen it.

"Oh you couldn't really could you?" She bounced up and down throwing herself into my arms. "Thank you so much! I means so much to me even that you're trying."

"Yeah well I'm going to this party and am going to talk to Joseph tonight because of you. I should be thanking you really. You convinced me to fight to keep the love of my life." She let me go and stood silently smiling to herself.

"I should go." She said after a little while. "I was assigned to help 3 other girls get ready for tonight, and I know that you don't like to be helped while you get dressed." I nodded grateful that she didn't insist on helping me put my clothes on like some of the other older maids did. "Thank you." she said once more before disappearing out the door.

I sat back down in front of the mirror. I stared at my reflection for awhile, running through the conversation that I was going to have later on with Joseph. It was giving me anxiety thinking about it. I just had to go with the flow when the time came and for now move onto easier decisions. Like what shoes to wear. I was just getting to the point where I didn't have to get around without crutches. The doctor suggested that I stay on them for awhile longer, but like basically everyone that's ever been on crutches I decided that I didn't need them all the time and tonight was going to be one of those times. I didn't need my big apology being ruined by some stupid crutches.

I picked out some flats knowing full well that wearing anything with any sort of heel would kill the bullet wound in my leg. They were white and would hopefully match the light blue dress I was given to wear.



I paced, and sat back down when my leg started to throb deciding that it would be best to save the walking for tonight. When the time to finally get into the dress came I was over joyed. It had been hours I had to sit with nothing to do. No phone, no computer, not even a deck of cards. What kind of life was I living.

Pulled the dress over my head struggling to find a way to keep everything that needed to be covered up covered up. The fabric was quite loose and moved every time I moved. Eventually I found a way and slipped on my flat shoes. Eyeing the light blue lacy heels that had come with the dress. I quickly left the room knowing that if I didn't I would 1 be late and 2 switch shoes and curse myself for it as soon as I stepped out the door.

I entered the large room dedicated entirely for Joseph's elaborate parties. I was on time this time. There was no grand entrance or anything. That probably was because I wasn't coming in right behind the man that everyone was really here to see. In fact he wasn't even here yet.

Men wore tuxedos woman ball gowns. I almost felt under dressed in my flowy dress. People watched me as I passed and made my way to the bar. I was underage but I knew they wouldn't ask for my ID here. I would need a couple of drinks to get through the night.

All of the sudden everyone's loud voices became hushed. They began to whisper to their partners and friends. It was actually kind of freaky how everyone stopped at the same time. I turned around to look at what everyone else seemed to be entranced by. I knew the instant I turned that it was not a what but a who. Joseph Copland. A man like him tended to leave everyone stunned.

"He's by himself!"

"Have you ever seen him come alone?"

"If he doesn't have a date does that mean he's open for anyone?!"

I heard people whispering. Mainly women, but there were some men mixed in there too. I rolled my eyes as an ounce of jealousy at their words effected me. I looked back up at the man that I loved and only then noticed that he looked terrible in a handsome kind of way. There was no denying that he was gorgeous whatever he did, but he looked sick.

It was because of me. He looked wiped. The man I loved was suffering because of me and I wouldn't have anymore of it.