"That was indeed a very hard question I asked it seems" Rudra stated in an expressionless voice.

"No! No... I mean it's just my head. Must be the sun." I said shaking my head as I put on a bright cheery smile on my face to show unconcern."Please do tell what is happening below. Lajo had been able to explain little bits and pieces." That at least was true, since Lajo seemed to have been taking interest in all, for the very first time with me.

He slid closer to me, as he tried to explain the process. I could smell a hint of rose and sandal wood on him. He must have been working alongside the villagers I assumed but didn't dare ask.



Tesu flowers

"Those big vats you see over the fire have tesu flowers boiling inside it. Later it will be cooled and we will get saffron colored water... The women there with poles are pounding on the dried rose leaves for making gulal (dried color)... those people there... "

His proximity was affecting me so bad that I seemed to have lost my sense of hearing. My whole concentration was on the points where his body touched mine as he leaned towards me. I sat on the tree branch towards the edge of the terrace and he could see below only by looking over me. I felt difficulty in trying to control my breathing lest my breathe touched him. My heart thudded violently. I wondered if even he could hear the thundering drums rolling, sitting so close to me.

"Lekha! ... Lekha ... what happened?" I heard Rudra's voice close to my ears. He must have asked me something which I had been too absorbed to hear. My eyes focused back on him in an effort to concentrate.

He must have seen the troubled look in my eyes as he asked "Are you alright?"

He put his palm on my cheek as if to check my temperature. I felt like melting into his palm but the concerned look on his face got me back to my senses. I didn't feel confident enough to reply back to him so simply nodded my head.

"The sun must have really got to you. Why didn't you tell me... you silly girl? Do you think I would have minded you going down if you were not feeling well"? His palm still held my cheek lightly sending tingling sensations to my cheeks. I blushed red at my thoughts. I was behaving like a hormonal teenager. 'Grow up Lekha' I reprimanded myself.

I quickly straightened myself as I jumped down from the branch. I decided to take the leeway he had given me.

"Yes it must be the sun. I better go inside" I said softly.

"I will come with you" said Rudra jumping down from the branch.

"No. I will be fine. I will just lie down a bit" I said turning away my head, not wanting him to see my expressions.

"No. I will take you to your room myself and then send one of the girls to help you" said Rudra holding my hand in support. I felt extremely guilty at that.

"No. I am fine. A little bit..."

"Are you trying to avoid me ? Have I offended you in some way that I am not conscious off? "He said not letting my arm go despite me trying to subtly pull it away from his hold.

"No ... no... Nothing like that" I exclaimed trying to avert the way the conversation was going.

I could feel him staring at me for sometime while I stood there like a statue under his scrutiny, unable to decide what to do next.

"I miss the Lekha who had almost made me tumble in her enthusiasm to learn sword fighting" He said softly.

My eyes prickled with tears as all I wanted to do was to rush into his arms and never let him go. The brain won over the heart and I stood still unable to respond with my head bent hiding my moisture laden eyes.

"Let's go. You need your rest" he said after a pause. He must have lost hope of getting a response out of me but he kept his hold on my arm and I too didn't have the heart to even pretend to struggle.

We reached my room in silence. Lajo was already sitting with two other girls who were helping me in sewing my dress.

"Jeeji!" she exclaimed in surprise. She must have been expecting us to spend more time with each other.

"Lekha needs to rest. She has a headache. You girls go somewhere else to work. Lajo go and bring her some cool chach(buttermilk) to drink" said Rudra trying to assist me in lying down on the bed.

The girls left the room immediately taking all their stitching supplies with them.

"I am fine. Don't need ..."I tried to stop him from fussing over me.

"Once in a while listen to people who are concerned about you. Lie down now" he interrupted me. He sounded weary, so I didn't protest any further and simply nodded my head.

"I am leaving you so that you can take rest and ... do have the chach Lajo is bringing for you. It will cool you down... and ..." He gave me a long glance and then went out closing the door quietly.

The chach must have been taking an extra long time to prepare it seemed, as I cried myself to sleep. The tears were of self pity and the inner struggle of not being able to choose the right path.

I woke up to find the glass full of chach on the small table in the room. It was almost dusk with enough light left to make things visible in the room at least. A maid would soon be coming to light the lamp I thought , so straightened up my dress and finished off the chach which still felt cool. The thoughts about the afternoon still hounded me but I thought it best to put them on a back burner for now. I decided to act nonchalant and not give my thoughts away.

"Lekha ... you woke up" said Vasundhara as she came inside the room along with Gayatri.

"Bhaisa said you had a little bit too much sun. So.... What were you doing on the roof alone with bhaisa?"Smirked Gayatri.

"Me! ... I didn't go with him. I was there with Lajo... we were looking down from terrace to see what preparations were being done" I said hesitatingly. I wondered what all versions were afloat in the rumor mill especially as Lajo was involved, she might have created her own romantic version.

"Na na... we didn't accuse you of luring him to the terrace" said Gayatri with her wicked smile."We were just concerned about your health. We didn't want to know the details of your tee a tee ... did we now Vasundhara?" She nudged Vasundhara playfully.

"We had been on the terrace for two straight afternoons wanting to see the preparations. I seemed to have been exposed to too much sun and had a headache." I said shrugging my shoulders trying to appear nonchalant.

"So who were you actually looking out for?" Vasundhara it seemed wanted to have her share of fun and didn't want to let the opportunity go. I brought out my most innocent blank look and stared at her, as if unable to understand her innuendo.

"Who! ... What do you mean by 'who'? Who was there?" I asked her in a surprised voice.

She looked at Gayatri with confusion in her eyes, making me feel victorious.

"How did bhaisa reach the terrace?" asked Gayatri in a doubtful voice.

"How do I know? You ask Lajo. I just found him there when I turned around to tell Lajo that I was unwell" I lied the last part to put a stop to all further questions.

"Oh! Just that? This Lajo she created her own fairy tale about the whole thing. I wonder when the girl will grow up and come out of her dream world" said Gayatri.

"She is still quite young let her enjoy her dreams and fantasies. Maybe her dreams would come true someday." I sided with Lajo even if she was not there. These two days with her had filled me with great optimism and made me dream too.

The conversation from there took a safer and less exciting turn as they described what they had been up to. They had attended a few gatherings at other people's house too for preparing sweets. I had refused to go as I didn't want to be the object of curiosity and especially didn't want to answer any more of their questions regarding my background which I had safe guarded for so long. Maasa had also taken my side regarding this though both the girls had been begging me to go on these kind of outings.

I didn't catch any glimpse of Rudra after that incident. Especially since our hideout had been discovered the charm was lost and so was the curiosity for the outside world. I saw him only during meal times, where he always smiled at me politely but never took the initiative to talk to me.

As for me I was dying to talk to him. The smiles though friendly were not satisfactory enough for my greedy heart which wanted more. I was guilty of cutting short his advances by putting up the wall of friendship, but the heart was craving for him to break the barrier and take the first step.

My brain asked "Why? ... So that he could be rejected again by you."



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