20.

I woke up the next morning feeling like absolute crap. Now I had slept on my feelings and on the mess that had folded last night, I had chance to clear my mind and to think of my next step.

Firstly, I was being dramatic. Nick had lied to me but there must have been a valid reason for doing so. He had his reasons and I had mine for doing the things I did. I needed to hear him out.

Also, was I out of my fucking mind? My childhood rapist was down stairs and I had no intention of running for the hills yesterday. Today, I had to get out of here. I had to leave and fast, too.

Once my eyes had opened up fully, I rubbed away the sleep from my eyes and looked around the room.

My heart sank when I saw Nick sitting infront of the door of my bedroom. A small 5 o'clock shadow was forming around the bottom of his face, showing that he hadn't shaved for some time now. Also, his back was hunched and his head rested above his risen knees. He was sleeping in front of the door to make sure I was safe.

I got up from bed where I was in Nick's t shirt and not my own clothes. He must have changed me last night and I was grateful.

I went over to Nick's body and sat down beside him. Shit, how could I have been so stupid yesterday? This man did everything to protect me and keep me safe and I was just an over dramatic fool with a tendency to kick off over everything I thought was wrong.

There was nothing wrong with showing my feelings and showing them quite strongly, however, I felt guilty now watching the man I loved keep me safe when all I had tried to do was push him away.

I slowly leaned my head against Nick's shoulder, hoping not to wake him up. I felt much safer when Nick was here and I had no intention of leaving this room until Nick was right there beside me. If it wasn't for him, I'd be having a mental breakdown right this minute.

I couldn't thank him enough.

As soon as my head touched his shoulder, he sighed.

"What are you doing?" His voice sounded sleepy and gruff all at the same time. My heart seized in my chest.

"I don't know." I replied. I didn't know what I was doing or why. This man had every ability to fuck me up and make me a mess. I cared so deeply and that was the root of the problem.

"You're an idiot." Nick muttered. He sighed again. "You're so fucking stupid."

"I know." I whispered his way.

"How could you be so stupid?" He moved his head until he was looking at me. His eyes were a stormy blue, full of irritation and anger.

"I don't know." I didn't really know what to say.

"The guy who hurt you all your childhood is downstairs and living under the same roof as you. You couldn't even come back to my place just to be safe." He stated. "I know I lied to you, Cathy, but I hadn't raped you for years and neither did I mentally abuse you." Nick was livid now the more he spoke. I didn't what to say because after all, he was right.

I was fucking stupid.

"I was a mess." I stated. "Seeing him shocked me and I didn't know what to do or how to act. I didn't think I could cope." I shrugged my shoulders as I moved to look at him properly. "Being faced with the man who abused me as a teenager was fucking hard going."

"I know but it still makes me fucking mad that you won't help yourself." He fumed. "I just want you safe, Cathy, is that too hard to understand?"

"I know you're angry but have you ever had your childhood demon looking at you right in the eyes?" I questioned. "It didn't help that I was trying to make sense of you."

"Of me?" He asked back. He was still in the same clothes as he was last night.

"You and your lies. It's your family and I would never force you to tell me something if you didn't want to tell me but just saying I don't want to tell you will be enough for me. You don't have to lie." I took his face in to my hands. "Why did you lie to me?"

I had to ask Nick for the answers to my questions. I couldn't live like this with him. I needed honesty and truth to be a part of this and I needed him to co operate. I had never felt this way before and I knew we had something special.

"It's an old habit to lie to the women I am with. I know you're different but lying to you was my safest bet. I regret it completely, I really do." I looked in to his eyes and they looked sincere and genuine. I believed him, of course I did. We do things we're not proud of but that was all part of the learning. Nick wasn't used to being in a relationship and neither was I, we did things differently and that was that.

"Promise you won't lie again?" I questioned. "I need you to just tell me the truth or not to say anything at all."

"Of course." He kissed my firmly on the lips. "And don't ever be so fucking stupid again, got it?"

"You care that much?" I asked.

"Yes." He said. "I lo-" just as he was about to say his sentence, somebody knocked at the door. Just as I jumped out of my skin, Nick got up and picked me up with him.

The door knocked again and Nick opened it as he pushed me aside.

"We're all going out for lunch, do you want to come?" I let out a breath as I heard Glenn's voice at the other end of the door. Nick opened the door up fully and I moved to see him.

"We've got plans, sorry." Nick said before I could speak. I couldn't think of anything worse than to go out for lunch with my mother and her husband. I missed my mother extremely but there was no chance in hell I was going to sit there whilst he was there. Also, there was no chance in hell Nick was going to let me.

"Are you sure?" Glenn asked. His eyes swivelled to me. "Cathy?"

"Maybe you, me and mum can go out tomorrow?" I asked. "Nick and I have plans today but I'd love to catch up with mum sometime soon." I plastered on a smile.

"I'm not a big fan of him either." Glenn whispered between us. His knowing smile made my fake one turn in to a real one and I also let out a small giggle.

Even after all these years, my father still knew exactly what I was thinking. Maybe my feelings were all over my face but I still imagined that my father knew exactly what I was trying to say.

My father loved my mother strongly. It was a shame it didn't work out for the both of them because I knew just how inlove they were. I wasn't too sure on why they divorced but there are parts of me that still think my father is inlove with my mother even after the years apart. Falling in love was the easy part, I supposed.

"I hate him." Nick said, the shame in his voice not evident at all. It was easy to see that Nick hated him with every part of him, however, it was dangerous to show his hatred for him when my father didn't know what had happened in Australia.

"You do?" Glenn asked as he looked over at Nick. A small amount of shock was painted on to his face but he seemed quite smug that his best friend also hated the man married to his ex wife.

"He seems like a twat." Nick pushed past Glenn and I had every right to follow. "Your ex wife is out of her mind."

"Nick." I hissed quietly his way. "Be quiet." Nick turned to glare at me. Nick wasn't coping well under this roof, not at all. I couldn't wait to leave.

"Are you saying I'm better?" My father asked with a small smile on the edge of his lips.

"Yes, you silly fucker." Nick shook his head before grabbing my hand and pulling me down the stairs. "It's time to go."

"You're going so soon?" My father asked as we all descended the stairs. Just as we got to the bottom, my mother came in to the hall way with her husband on her heels.

"You're going, darling?" My mother's inky black hair was an exact replica of mine. Her eyes were piercing and she was in every way stunning. I loved my mother but I just couldn't look her in to the eyes when my nightmare was standing behind her.

"I am." I smiled her way, even though it was fake and extremely hard to pull off. "I'm sorry." I tried to act apologetic but I just couldn't wait to get out of this God damned house. Even being in the same room as him made me completely on edge.

"That's okay, I'm sure we can do something tomorrow."

"Sure." I said through teeth. I looked in to the eyes of my demon and regretted making that decision. I tried to be strong, a lot stronger than I was. My skin crawled and my heart beat accelerated as he took me in.

"See you tomorrow, Catherine." His voice made the oxygen in my lungs leave. I couldn't talk as my throat dried up. Just as I felt I was going to scream, Nick grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the house. He slammed the door behind us and almost threw me in to his truck.

He quickly got in to the drivers seat and started the car, just as he slammed his wheel with his fist.

"I am so close to fucking killing him." Nick spat. "I will slit his fucking throat." His body was physically shaking at the wheel.

It was easy to see that this man was affecting Nick aswell as myself. I was scared of him but Nick was having a hard time trying to reign in his temper. It was hard when I didn't want my mother or father knowing what he had done to me whilst they weren't around.

Nick respected the fact that I didn't want to tell them, so I understood how hard it was for him to keep his emotions in check, especially now when the man who stole my innocence was looking at him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry." I said. I didn't really know what to say. I guess this was all my fault, I was damaged and I had baggage and I hadn't really thought of that when pursuing something with Nick. A part of me thinks I am being selfish but the other part is telling me that I shouldn't ever regret doing something just because of my past.

I want Nick, I have since I met him, that isn't ever going to change. In fact, I had fallen in love with him. I couldn't stop that because of something I couldn't control.

"Stop with the bullshit sorries." Nick blurted, he liked to me with them stormy eyes and I couldn't hold in the tears. "It's not your fault, it's his. I can't have you apologising for something that is out of your control."

As the tears streamed, Nick pulled over on to the side of the road before unbuckling my seat belt and pulling me on to his lap. He kissed me all over my face until there weren't any tears left to see. I'm sure Nick was the only person who could mend me when I felt like I was breaking.

Nick took my face in to his hands and he looked me in the eyes. His were full of a deepened anger, sadness but also full of something special, I couldn't quite peg it.

However, in that moment I realised I couldn't have fallen any harder for him.

"Better?" Nick asked, his voice gentle. I nodded my head and Nick kissed my forehead before placing me back in to my seat. "We need to get a move on, my mother is still at my apartment."

"She is?" I asked. We hadn't gotten off on the best foot and I internally cringed at the first impression I just have gave off.

"She is." Nick stated with a small nod. "I guess it's time to be honest."

"You don't have to." I said as I looked to him, my full attention on him.

"You deserve it, you've given me everything and I've given you nothing."

"That's not-"

"Listen." He demanded. "Just listen." He let in a big breath before continuing. "My mother was admitted to a psychiatric unit a few years after my father died. She went bat shit crazy and I was without a father and without a mother as she was not fit enough to look after me. I mean, I was almost twenty at that time but it was fucking hard. She was all I had left and we were inseparable."

"Shit." I mused.

"I loved my mother, I still do but she still isn't right in the head. She misses my father even to this day." He sighed. "She talks about him as if he's still alive."

"So is she allowed out of the psychiatric unit or did she escape?" I couldn't help but ask.

"She didn't escape." He chuckled. "She's allowed out, it's not a prison. Usually if you're that crazy then somebody like a carer will be there with you. My mother had gotten better over the last few years and is allowed out on her own most of the time now aswell."

"And you didn't visit her?" I questioned.

"I did." He stated. "Just not a lot. You could call me a coward, I suppose." He shrugged. "I couldn't bare it. I lied because it was easier than going through the whole story."

"I understand." And I did. Telling people your life story was not always easy and it took time. There was also a possibility that somebody wouldn't understand. Luckily, I did, I had been through a lot too but that's what made our connection so special.

"If she does something weird then just ignore it." Nick said. "She's my mother so you're not allowed to be mean." His voice was full of humour and playfulness, I knew he was only kidding but also I knew that he loved his mother a lot. It was clear he did.

"You know I wouldn't be mean." I said truthfully.

"I know." With that, Nick laid his hand on to my knee and squeezed gently. Having this contact really did brighten my mood and talking to Nick made me forget everything else around us.

We got home a few minutes later and I was finally able to breath properly now we were away from my father's house. My only safe place was now one of danger.

Once we got in to the apartment, we dumped our things in to the bedroom and found Nick's mother in the kitchen.

She was making dinner and setting the table. I kind of worried if she was allowed to use the stove but Nick didn't seem to mind so I guessed everything was okay with her using the cooker.

Nick sat down on one side of the table and I sat beside him.

"I told her you were coming for dinner." He whispered. "She's quite old fashioned and she said she wanted to meet you."

"I met her yesterday." I stated. "Remember?" I questioned, wondering if I was the one going crazy instead.

"She doesn't remember." Nick replied. With that, Nick's mother came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and got up from my seat to greet her. Just as I was about to open my mouth, she pulled me in harshly for a hug.

"You must be Nicholas' girlfriend." She squeezed tightly and I hugged her back with equal enthusiasm.

"I am. Nice to meet you." I said.

"It's so lovely to meet you too, lovely." She kissed me gently on the cheek before letting me go and wondering off to the kitchen. I sat down in my seat again and Nick chuckled at my shocked expression.

She seemed a lovely lady now that we weren't squabbling over the invasion of privacy. She was tiny and frail in my arms and smelt like flowers.

"She's lovely." I said truthfully.

"She is." He smiled my way with pride evident on his face.

Nick's mother started to dish out the food around the table a few minutes later. I was shocked when I saw her making four plates of food instead of three. I looked to Nick and he smiled.

"Is dad having some?" Nick asked. He flickered his eyes to me. "She always makes dad a plate." He whispered my way.

I smiled once I watched her. If Nick's father was alive now, I knew his wife would have taken very good care of him. It was sweet to see her caring for him even though he wasn't here.

"He is." She said before putting the plate beside her place at the table.

We ate in silence for a few minutes before Nick's mother looked to the two of us. She got up from her seat at the table, leaving her family of unfinished.

She went over to the stereo station at the corner of the room and went through the rack of CD's Nick had before placing one in to the stereo.

Nick watched her do so, his lips pulled up in to a small smile.

Once the song started playing, Nick's small smile turned in to a big one.

"Do you remember this, Nicholas?" His mother turned to beam his way. Nick nodded.

"I sang to you almost everyday." Nick stated. "You always chose this." He said as the song What A Wonderful World played throughout the apartment.

I looked to Nick and I swear I couldn't have fallen in love any harder.

"Sing it now, Nicky." She said as she looked to her son with pride and love.

"Aw, ma', I can't." I almost laughed at the small blush that creeped up his neck and to his cheeks. "My girlfriend's here."

"Sing to us both, Nicky." She pleaded. "Please."

"Go on, Nicky." Nick looked to me, his eyes trained on mine. After a while, he sighed but a smile made its way on to his face.

"Fine." He breathed as he rolled his eyes. "But you owe me." He pointed my way before leaving the seat and making his way over to his mum.

"Are we dancing aswell?" She asked. Nick chuckled.

"I can't dance aswell as sing, ma'."

"You can." She went over to her son and snaked her arms around his waist. Nick laughed before gently swaying with her fragile body in his arms.

I watched as a huge smile took over my face. When Nick started singing, my breath left my body in a rush and I'm sure I melted onto the floor. The man was talented and all mine.

Well I see trees of green and red roses too,

Nick flickered his eyes to mine as he continued.

I'll watch them bloom for me and you

He winked as he sang my way.

My heart was soaring in my chest as I watched him. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved this man.

No doubt at all.

Nick's eyes didn't sway from mine as he continued to sing. His eyes bored in to mine and my chest heaved. The smile was now gone from his face and that serious look was painted on to his features.

And then he sang the lyrics

"They're really singing, "I, I love you.""

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