25.

I never considered death a good thing, in fact, it was something I feared during many sleepless and thoughtful nights as a child. When I started to grow up, I wondered whether death would be the most peaceful thing, a happier place to be.

Death to me wasn't always a thing to celebrate, but tonight, even though it wasn't always acceptable, things were different. A part of me was so relieved I wanted to celebrate.

I mean, have you ever laid awake praying that something would all stop? I prayed so hard, I cried in to my pillow as I wished upon every star to get me out of there.

It was a little too late now but something had worked. He was gone and some kind of weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I was free.

And freedom never felt so good.

I laid a wake the rest of the night, my eyelids not closing once. I didn't lay there in fear anymore, I didn't have to be afraid that he would walk in any moment. I could lay here in peace, and if felt so good.

Still, my heart turned in my chest when I thought about my mother. How did she not find out about what he had done to me? When was the right time to tell her?

There were still so many questions running around my mind. Also, how the hell did John die? My mother didn't tell me much on the other end of the phone, she had to hang up as soon as she told me, she seemed a mess and in no need to talk to me.

I felt bad for her, even though this was what I wanted.

Of course I wanted my demon dead. Anybody who lived in a walking, day time night mare wanted the monsters dead.

Hopefully, somebody was looking down on me and decided to make his death a peaceful one. Peace wasn't something I wanted for him, but I had gotten what I wanted and the least it could have been was peaceful.

He was gone, I didn't need to hold a grudge any longer. I could now move on with my life, my life with Nick.

When the sun came up and birds started to chirp, I knew there was just no way I could fall asleep now. I rolled out of bed like a sleep deprived zombie and made my way to the kitchen.

Once I got there, I wasn't surprised to see my father also awake with a coffee in his hands.

"Can't sleep?" He questioned my way before I was in his line of sight. I sighed and moved to the coffee machine.

"Not a wink." I stated. "Has mom rang you?" I asked. She rang me so early on the morning I hadn't asked anyone whether they knew. Did Nick know? Should I text him?

"Yeah." He sighed. "He's dead." He said the words but his words weren't full of remorse. He seemed almost as relieved as me.

"How do you feel?"

"Hell's the best place for him." He mumbled. I looked to him, agreeing, but the words would have never left his mouth before. My father was never a horrible man, he was always so full of humour and light and now? My father was a man full of hatred and hollowness. "Don't look at me like that."

I held my hands up in mock surrender. He was obviously hurting just like I was.

"I'm not going to feel sorry for him, I'm not going to pretend I feel sad he's dead." He replied. "I'm happy he's dead, I hope he died in torture for what he did to you."

"I'm only shocked because you've never spoken about a person like that before." I replied truthfully.

"Well, I'm hurting, Cathy." He looked to me, his eyes one of sadness and anger. There were evident bags beneath his eyes. "I'm allowed to feel this way."

"Of course you are." I said, my face softening. "I don't blame you one bit."

Once my coffee was made, I cradled the cup to my chest and stared off in to space. I really needed Nick right now, it was maddening how much I missed him once he was gone. I hadn't heard back from him since the texts last night and even then it sounded like he didn't want to talk to me.

Was it too much for him to look at me? What was going on with him?

I loved that man, well and truly. I had fallen in love with him and even though I was trying to act strong, I felt like breaking. This was already too much to handle and Nick not being here just made me crack that little bit more.

I needed him, that was all.

My father and I continued to sip our coffee's in silence. My father hadn't been to the shop in quite a while and I hadn't worked there. The rest was nice but I think the distraction of tattooing would be good right now. I needed something to take my mind off of the drama that has unfolded.

"Are you opening up the shop today?" I asked as I moved to sit down on a barstool next to my father.

"Nah." He said. "I can't work today, I have some things to take care of." He sighed. "I probably also need to see your mother."

"You're not going to tell her are you?" I started to panic. I knew I really needed to tell her what had happened and what had gone down whilst she was away on night shifts, it's just the thought made me physically sick. I didn't have to tell my father, he found out and my mother was a whole different story. She loved the man.

"No, but you really do need to tell her someday." He stated. "And soon. She needs to know, as a parent, hiding something like this does more damage than good."

"I know." I sighed again as I laid a hand to my head. "I promise I will tell her soon."

"Don't leave to too late." Glenn got up from the barstool and put his cup of coffee in to the sink. He came over to give me a small kiss on the top of my forehead before going to leave.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm going to get changed and then go and see your mother." He said. "God knows what she's going to be like."

"I'm sure you'll cheer her up." My father could cheer anybody up and easily too.

"I'm not sure anymore, Birdy." He looked to me. "I can barely cheer myself up."

—————-

I walked over to the tattoo shop that my father owned. He hadn't opened up today and left the place closed as he went to see my mother, however, that didn't stop me from going to the place anyway and having a look around.

I needed a distraction and this was the quickest one I could think of. I had my phone clutched in my right hand and the key in my other. I unlocked the shop and closed it behind me.

Firstly, I wanted to give Nick another ring. I was angry last night, the fear really got to me and it seemed my past had caught up with me. I didn't want him to leave me alone, I didn't want to be alone full stop.

I hoped Nick wasn't too busy now to come and see me. I was missing him and it felt like I needed him now more than ever.

I called him but he didn't pick up.

That was weird. Nick always picked up the phone, especially if he knew I was calling. Was he purposely ignoring me or was he just not near his phone? Even when he was working, he'd usually pick up.

Did I piss him off that much?

I laid down my phone with a huge sigh. I then moved over to the tattoo bench and used my fingers to gently probe at the utensils beside it.

I just felt so lonely. My father wasn't his usual self, he was upset, hurt and pulled back. It was usual and I didn't blame him but I felt as if everything was my fault. I felt as if Nick didn't want to see me, he didn't even pick up my phone call. I really needed to see him. As for my mother, we used to be close and then we drifted a part once she re married. I missed having her as a mother and right now, I needed my mother to speak to. She just didn't know any of this.

My life was one big utter mess and I was feeling the backlash.

Behind me suddenly, I heard the door open of the shop. Thinking it was my father, I turned around.

Before me was Nick. He wore his police uniform and he looked so utterly handsome. His face made me want to cry, he was here, as if answering my prayers.

"Nick." I smiled his way, relief flooding my every being. However, Nick didn't smile back. He looked to me, his face drained and his eye bags evident, just like my father's. He looked a mess, just as bad as me. Something was troubling him tremendously, I could tell. "Are you okay?" I asked, my smile leaving my face and now a look of worry evident there.

Nick didn't reply. Instead, he walked forward with hesitancy, almost as if he didn't know whether to or not, as if he didn't know what to say.

"Nick?" I called his name again. His eyes looked glazed over, like his head wasn't at all here, like he wasn't at all here.

Nick moved forward and sat on the tattoo bench before me. He looked down at his spread knees, not at me. It looked like he was physically shaking before me but he didn't say a word.

"You're scaring me." I breathed. "What's wrong?" My heart was beating fast. What was wrong with him? He was acting so weird lately.

"I've had an offer back from university." He said. I waited but he didn't say anything more.

"That's amazing." I stated truthfully. Why was he looking so ashen? This was amazing for him! Something he's always wanted! And he got an offer back so quickly too. "Why aren't you happy?"

"It's not a University around here." He stated.

"Okay, so where is it?" A few towns over? Maybe in another state? That was okay, I would follow him wherever his dreams took him. I wanted to get out of here anyway.

"Italy." Italy? Jesus Christ, that was ages away.

"Well, that's cool!" I stated. "We could save money and go there together, buy a cheap flat over there and-"

"You don't get it!" Nick snapped. "I'm going without you." He struggled past his words and his face looked up to look at me.

"What do you mean without me?" I questioned. I shot up from the place I was sat on and looked down at him, panick setting in and anger washing over me. He was going to leave me right now? After everything that had happened? I fucking needed him! "You're going to Italy without me?"

"Yes." He swallowed strongly. "I've got to."

"You're a fucking joke!" I shouted. "You've found somebody else haven't you? Somebody who hasn't got baggage and someone who can fuck you any day you like." My words were harsh as the tears poured down my cheeks. "So now you're leaving me?"

"No!" He shouted. As he looked to me, his face fell again. "Yes." He breathed.

"Get out." I gritted my teeth together as I pointed to the door. "Get the fuck out of here!"

"Cathy, please-"

"I fucking loved you." I sobbed. I still did and my heart was breaking. "I had fallen in love with you. I'm so fucking stupid." I cried. "So stupid!" I knocked a hand to my head.

"No." He breathed, his eyes becoming teary themselves. "No!" He shouted. He went to move towards me but I took many steps back.

"Don't you dare." I hissed. "Don't you fucking dare touch me or I will scream this bloody place down."

"You love me?" He questioned. He looked to me, his face full of guilt and heartbreak itself. Well, I wasn't going to be on the other end of his pity.

"I used to love you." I pointed in to his chest. "But now I hate you." My words were still so harsh and it looked like they hit him forcefully with every word. He took a step back from me as if I had burned him.

"Don't say things you don't fucking mean!" He growled loudly. "You don't hate me, you can't hate me." He seemed panicked.

"You're leaving me when I need you the most you selfish prick." I snapped. "You don't love me, you never have!"

"Don't say shit!" He roared. "Don't say fucking shit!"

"Get out!" I screamed as I pointed to the door. "Get out and don't ever come back!"

"Cathy!"

"Have a good time in Italy, Nick. I hope you find somebody out there who has more patience than I ever did with you." I glared at him, my eyes looking right in to his soul. "I hope you fall in love someday instead of messing with everybody else's feelings."

"I never-"

"Get out." I stood my ground. Knowing I wasn't going to budge, Nick looked to me before sighing. With teary eyes and a few more seconds, Nick turned his back.

I thought I heard him say I love you, but I knew it was just something I wanted to hear.

I had wanted to hear it since the day I realised I had fallen in love with him.

But sometimes, people fall in love with somebody who doesn't love them back.

I was one of them.