32.

"I don't know what to do today." Nick stated as we started to wake up. The morning sunlight beamed through the blinds of the bedroom window and I was weirdly relaxed and content.

Nick was still upset and a little annoyed about his job and the situation that had brought on, but other than that he was also feeling relaxed as we held eachother tightly.

"Maybe you could paint some more canvases, you're good at those." I mused. He was good at everything but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"I usually paint better when I'm feeling something." He replied back.

"And you're not feeling happy?" I asked as I looked in to his eyes. "You've got me back, you should be ecstatic." I was half joking but I knew I meant it too.

"I've never had to paint happy before, except that painting of you."

"Which you threw." I couldn't help but say it. Nick rolled his eyes but by the frown on his face, I knew he felt guilty about it.

"I've got a good idea." Nick said before sitting up in bed. I moved off of his body and watched him as he pulled on a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a t shirt. They clung to his muscled frame and I couldn't help but stare.

"Where are you off?" I asked. With the blanket up to my neck and my eyes on him, he turned to look at me. He smirked as he took me in.

"I have to go out a minute, to get some essentials."

"For?"

"I'm not telling you." He smirked some more. "It's a secret." I narrowed my eyes at him but I didn't say another word. I just watched him as he moved, until he was ready and kissing me on the cheek. "I won't be long."

And he was gone, like a little boy in a candy store.

Well, what can I do now?

I got up and pulled on my own clothes that I had packed in to one of Nick's drawers during my stay. Maybe I could go and see my mum and dad? Maybe take a walk?

I had so many possibilities.

Just as I was about to do my hair and make myself look even the littlest bit respectable, the door knocked.

Weird, Nick didn't get many visitors unless it was me or my father.

I walked over to the wooden door anyway, curious as to who it may be. I opened it wide and took in the woman before me.

"Alice?" I asked, wondering why she was here at all.

"Can I come in?"

"Nick's not here at the moment." I stated. I guessed that's who she was here for. She had always had a thing for Nick and it had been blatantly obvious since day one.

"It's okay, I came to see you." Her statement shocked me. I'm sure Alice wanted me out of Nick's life, so why did she want to speak to me?

"Come in then, I suppose." I opened the door wider and she came in to the room as if she knew exactly where everything was.

Oh, please.

Alice sat down on the sofa, making herself at home without me having to say a word. I sat down on the sofa beside her and waited until she started to speak.

"Nick's still under trial for John's murder but there's absolutely no evidence at all. I'm sure he'll be let off the hook real soon, you'll be pleased to know." She said, her big brown eyes boring in to mine.

"That is a relief." I said. "He hasn't done anything wrong." At my statement, Alice smirked.

"If that's what you think." She muttered. I looked to her, my eyes narrowing her way. Of course I knew he did do something wrong, but how did Alice know anything about this ordeal?

"What's that meant to mean?" I was becoming defensive. "Do you think he killed John?"

"No, not one tiny bit." She said. "I did."

I stood up as she said those words, my eyes wide and my heart beating a mile a minute.

"What?" I felt like I couldn't breathe. How had she killed my step dad? The man who had abused me all those years? What the fuck was going on?

"I know you won't say anything because if you do, Nick's coming down with me." Her words were strong but I barely listened. The blood rushed through my ears.

"How?" I was speechless.

"He rang me up and he needed a favour."

"D-did he tell you everything?" I asked in shock horror.

"That your step daddy abused you? Yes, of course he did." She rolled her eyes as if Nick had always told her everything about himself.

Rage bubbled inside every vein that I owned inside of me. How dare she come here and pretend as if her and Nick were meant to be. And how dare Nick tell her, out of all people, what had happened to me in my past! I couldn't believe this.

"Get the fuck out." I said. I hated her, I had always hated her. Alice looked up to me with shocked eyes.

"Aren't you going to thank me for what I did for you?" She asked, her face a picture of disbelief.

How fucking dare she.

"Get out!" I screamed. Before she could move, the door flew open and Nick took in our forms. I was red and as stiff as a board looking at Alice, and Alice just looked shocked.

Nick dropped his bags to the floor, as if he knew exactly what had been said.

I didn't look at him. I couldn't. In some way, big way, I felt betrayed.

God, why couldn't he have told me? We were just starting to get back on to the straight and narrow.

When would everything just stop?

Before anyone could say anything, I stormed past Alice and went to storm past Nick, but he took hold of my arm in his hand and stopped me.

"Cathy, I can explain everything if you'd-"

"Let me go." I warned, my voice low and dark. Nick looked in to my eyes, searching. He must know how angry I am, surely.

He did because he let go of my arm as if it were on fire.

"Don't go." He said, as if they could have stopped me.

"Leave me alone." I replied back before storming past him and running down the stairs of the apartment block. I knew he didn't bother coming after me and I was grateful.

Tears pricked my eyes as I continued to run further away from him.

I really did feel hurt and betrayed. Nick had told Alice everything about my past, a past I didn't want anyone to know about, let alone her. I hated her, couldn't he have seen that?

I didn't want her to do my a favour, it pained me that all of those hours he spent away from me, he spent with her, killing someone he thought was for me.

Nick could have protected me with him still alive. A part of me would have rathered that over this.

And what hurt aswell was the fact he didn't tell me.

Once I was outside, in the morning open air, I fled down the street. I didn't have a car to go home in and by the time I called a cab I knew Nick would be out here trying to get me to come back inside.

I didn't want to go back inside with him.

I needed time to cool off and think.

I walked against the cool concrete with just my socks on. I didn't seem to care a bit, the pain and the coldness grounded me in a way I needed.

My phone buzzed in my pocket but I didn't dare pick it up. I knew who it would be and I didn't want to speak to him right now.

It continued to buzz for at least ten minutes but I continued to walk against the concrete. Cars flew past and I bet every driver wondered what the hell I was doing, especially without any shoes on.

I didn't care though.

My tears had dried up by now but I was still left livid. I didn't exactly want to be angry, I just was. But could you blame me?

He shared things, secret and horrible things with another woman, one I knew loved him just as much as I did.

This whole thing was fucked up.

Suddenly, a vehicle pulled up beside me, it drove at a slow pace beside me.

"Cathy!" Nick shouted out of the window of his truck. It rattled as he drove it but I didn't stop. "It's freezing, get in the truck."

Oh, so he wanted to be demanding now?

I didn't reply. I was being childish, I knew, but I was allowed to be.

"Get in the truck, Cathy." He demanded again. "Catherine!"

"Don't call me that!" I snapped as I turned to him. His truck stopped as did I. He stared at me as he pulled his handbrake up.

Cars beeped their horns as Nick took up half the road but they ended up having to overtake him. Nick wasn't moving, he seemed unfazed.

"Listen to me." He snapped back. "Get in the truck and let me tell you I'm sorry."

"I don't want to hear your apologies." I flung my hands up as I spoke.

"Cathy-"

"I'm hurt, okay?" I breathed. Nick frowned. "You brought up my demons to a woman who is in love with you just as much as I am."

"I don't love her back, you know that."

"It's not about that!" I shouted. "My life is my story to tell. I get to decide who knows about my past, I get to tell people what I had to go through and you had no right, no right to tell anyone!" I was breathing hard. "You know how much it fucked me up, how could you tell Alice all about it?"

"I wasn't thinking, I just wanted that fucker dead for ever hurting you."

"You don't get it do you?" I let out a laugh. "You've had to live through pain, too. You've had to pretend everything was going to get better even when you were at rock bottom. You know how it feels to grow up thinking the world was fucked up and you were the last person on this Earth who I thought could ever betray me this way."

"Don't say that." Nick breathed.

"You know how much he haunted me." I couldn't help but sob as the tears started anew. "You spent nights cuddling me to sleep when all I could do was cry, I told you in confidence and I thought you were there to protect me."

"I am!" He shouted. "I've always been there to protect you, you know that, you fucking know that."

"Do I?" I asked. "You've betrayed me, Nick, by bringing her in to my past. I never wanted her there, I couldn't even tell my parents, let alone let you tell her."

"I wasn't thinking!" Nick's eyes were full of panic. "I was so dead set on getting that fucker dead. I wanted him dead for what he did to you, that's how much I love you. She was the only person I knew who would do this, this isn't anything new to her, Cathy."

"What else have you told her?" I asked, ignoring his statement. "Have you told her what I'm like in bed? Do you laugh and giggle about how fucked up I am?"

"Of course I fucking don't." Nick growled. "I don't speak to her."

"I don't know with you anymore." I breathed.

"I know you don't mean that." Nick replied back deeply.

I walked closer to the truck and Nick's eyes started to look hopeful.

I grabbed hold of the ring on my finger and pulled. He watched me and his face dropped.

"You think you are in control." I took hold of his hand and dropped the ring in it. "But you don't know shit."

I turned my back on him and walked away.

No tears fell from my eyes as I walked. I was all out of them.

Relationships were so difficult especially when we were all just as fucked up as eachother. This was a hard pill to swallow for me. I had spent my childhood days plagued by my step dad and I told Nick in absolute confidence. I didn't ever think he would tell anyone about what had happened to me, especially her.

He had no right to tell anyone about my past.

I didn't think I could ever get over that.

It made me think, over think. Had he told his other police friends about me? Maybe they all laughed as Nick told him things about what we did in bed. How was I meant to know after this?

Who was the man I was going to marry?

I shook my head. How could I have ever been so stupid?

I could hear the truck door open and then it slammed shut. I heard footsteps running my way. I didn't do a thing.

"Cathy, you can't do this." He was pleading. He took hold of my arm and I let him. "You can't do this, not again, please." His eyes were wild with panic.

I didn't speak, I looked at him blankly.

He took hold of my shoulders and shook me. After that, I couldn't help but break down and cry. What had he done to me?

I was still so broken and just as I was trying to piece myself back together again, something comes along and rips it all apart.

"I watched you go before and I deserved it, I deserve everything I get but I can't watch you leave me again, not this time, not ever." He pulled me close to his chest, as if he was scared I'd vanish any second, and I sobbed against his chest. "Your past means a lot to you and it means a lot to me too. It was fucked up, it was vile what he did to you but it's made you who you are, the Cathy I love. You're so strong, so fucking strong and I know I've betrayed your trust but I need you to know I didn't ever want it to be this way."

"I genuinely wasn't thinking and me not thinking has hurt you." He sounded just as broken as I.

"I can't." I didn't know what to say. I was hurt but I didn't think I could ever turn my back on Nick. I couldn't, even though I did feel betrayed by him.

My god, what was I doing?

I couldn't run away every time he did these things. What he did was so wrong but I couldn't leave him, not again, not ever, just like he said. I needed him, needed him like the oxygen I breathed.

I was messed up but he was the only thing I was sure of.

"I took my ring off." I sobbed as I looked in to his eyes.

"I can assure you, you won't be doing that again." Nick's voice was low but I knew how much that had hurt him. He opened his palm again and there was my ring. "Please, put it back on."

I gave him my finger and he slid the ring back on to my finger. He kissed it once it was in place.

"My wife." He murmured. "I fuck up but I have so much love for you."

Before you have a go at me, lol, I just wanted to say that the whole point of this chapter is to show that Nick made a mistake because he was so determined to protect Cathy. It was a crappy thing for him to do but how do you expect me to end the story (which is ending soon?) by them never getting back together because of this? They had already left eachother once and I didn't want to do that again to you readers.

Cathy isn't going back to him because she's weak, she just doesn't want to run away from him anymore. She knows he's fucked up and so does he, why should she punish him anymore than she already has done?

And yes, Cathy does go running a lot. That's just the way she is. But it's character development and that's the thing she is trying to work on.

People aren't perfect, especially my characters.

Also, this isn't a gender thing. You know from my other stories that I am all about strong women and women empowerment!