Killing a man was harder than I expected. I wanted Jimmy dead but I never thought I would be the one to have to do the deed. At the moment, shooting Jimmy was an impulsion. I had to do it to ensure Andy's safety and everyone else's. Jimmy's death had to happen, there was no way around it so why did I feel so damn guilty? Why did I keep replaying his death over and over in my head? It was f-cking me up.

A week had passed since I took his life and I still couldn't get more than three hours' worth of sleep. My dreams consisted of Jimmy's death playing repeatedly with different elements that made the encounter even worse. In some dreams, I had to shoot him multiple times and in others Andy actually died. Instead of sleeping, I spent nights pacing, crying or just staring at Andy when she was in her coma. It was taking a toll on me, but now that Andy was awake, I couldn't let her know. For now, we had to focus on getting her healthy and back on track.

While Andy was unconscious, the only person who was able to keep my mind at peace for a long period of time was Shawn. He was the smartest person I've ever met. To keep my mind off things, he would teach me things about the anatomy and tell me about procedures he performed on his patients. I found it insane that he hadn't spent a day in med school and knew how to carry out surgery and knew how to treat nearly any infection. Over a week, I learned a lot from him as I watched him doctor on Andy. It refueled my notions to want to be a doctor again, but every time I thought of saving a life, I always thought about how I took one. F-cking Jimmy. Why did he have to be such a d-ck? Why did he had to put in that predicament?

"You okay, darlin'," Andy questioned. I jumped out of my thoughts and looked down at the notecards in my hands. They were filled with sentences and words that I had Andy reading to me aloud. It was supposed to help her brain function at the pace it did before the concussion which led to the weeklong coma. She was doing pretty well, only stuttering over a few words which she claimed happened because couldn't see my 'itsy bitsy writing.' "I'm the one who got my brain scrambled, but you're the one zoning out," she joked.

I laughed lightly and held up a card. "Shut up and read the card."

"I need a smoke."

My eyebrow struck up as I turned the card to face me. "Baby, that's not what the card says."

"But I need a cigarette, a blunt or something. It's been a week and I may have been knocked out but I'm going crazy." Andy slowly sat up and looked out towards the window. It was a warm, beautiful day outside. We could hear birds chirping from the small room she was laying in. "Let's go outside." She said as she swung her feet off the edge of the bed. She grimaced at the pain and I stopped her before she hopped off the bed.

I stood up and put my hands on her shoulders. "Do you really think you're going to get up and walk easily after being in a bed for a week? Also, you're still hooked up to a million machines. We have to ask Shawn if it's okay first." Andy rolled her eyes and mocked my words in a childish voice before screaming out Shawn's name.

In a matter of seconds, Shawn came running in frantically. "Do you need more pain medicine or something," he asked as he nearly ran into Andy's bed. One thing about Shawn I knew for sure, over my week of knowing him was that he was extremely clumsy. I'm not sure how he completed so many successful procedures when he was always tripping over his shoelaces. He was awkward with a nerdy style, tucked in collared shirts and chinos were his thing.

"I just want permission to go outside and take a walk on this beautiful afternoon," Andy said dramatically as she stared up at him. Shawn scratched the back of his shaved head and turned back to me as if I was the source of the foolishness. I knew Andy wasn't ready but she was being hardheaded. She didn't understand that there was a process to her recovery.

"I don't know if that's a good idea. I can get you a wheelchair and you can go on a roll on this beautiful afternoon but I don't think you'll be walking." I laughed as Andy remained unbothered. Sometimes I think she really wasn't being a nuisance but she just forgot that she wasn't able to do the same sh-t she was used to so soon. "What do you say? I'll grab a chair and get you detached from the machines and you can finally get some fresh air."

"Fine, whatever. No offense but I just need to get out of this dump. It's no fun now that Leo's gone and you and Delaney have me doing reading lessons like I'm seven," Andy mumbled.

"It's for your benefit, champ. I'll be back with the chair." He patted Andy on the back and gave me a nice smile before walking out.

"He has a nice ass."

"What?"

"He has a nice ass," Andy said with a shrug. "His pants are always tight. He's really handsome. I don't understand why he's single."

I bit my lip as I tried to contain my laughter. She couldn't be serious right now. "Did that concussion turn you straight or something?"

"No, it's just a thought, you know? It's a compliment. He has a nice ass for a man. Plus, he's gay." Shawn came in just as Andy finished her sentence with a wheelchair. He began unhooking Andy from the machines and as he did, Andy and I checked out his ass. She was right. It was really tight and plump for a man. When Shawn caught us staring at him, we both quickly looked away. I giggled as Andy coughed obnoxiously to cover up the peep show we were having.

"Something funny," he targeted at me. I wasn't even looking at him, but I knew he was staring at me. I could feel his eyes on me. I caught eyes with him just as he tripped over one of the cords. That's when I really laughed. He groaned in aggravation.

"Dude, you're the clumsiest doctor ever," I told him.

"Hey! Leave me alone or I won't tell you the story about the time I treated a guy who lost his eyeball in a gun fight," he warned.

I zipped my lips and threw away the key. The last thing I needed was to lose my new inspiration to become a doctor. As Shawn and I were quarreling, Andy took the time to jump off the bed and onto her feet. She fell immediately. "You f-cking dumbass! I told you, you couldn't walk yet," I ran to her side.

Shawn was cracking up at his own patient. "Who's clumsy now?"

I helped Andy up as she laughed at her own self. When I got her into the wheelchair, she took a deep breath and placed her hand on her bandage. "Damn, I really felt like I could walk. That's f-cked up."

"Yeah, it is f-cked up but give it a day or two and you'll be walking again. It's baby steps," Shawn encouraged. "Now, you two go on your lovers' walk and I'll go do some important sh-t."

"Netflix isn't important sh-t," I told him.

"Hey! Listen, to me it is! Andy, you better put Delaney in her place."

I scoffed. "Andy, baby, don't let this fool get you put into another coma."

Andy chuckled and shook her head at Shawn. "You're on your own, fool."

When we got outside, Andy let out a deep sigh of relief. Shawn's home and clinic where he doctored on patients was in the middle of a neighborhood catered to members of the Family. Therefore, it wasn't weird to see me wheeling Andy in a wheelchair while she had only one sock on. "This feels so much better than being pent up in that damn house. Now, all I need is something to smoke."

"Too bad there's nothing to smoke and I'm not letting you smoke until you get better." I leaned down and kissed Andy's cheek even though I knew she was probably pissed I wasn't letting her smoke. She went a whole week without it, she'd be fine.

The walk was peaceful, mostly quiet with Andy randomly pointing out obvious things. She got interested in everything going on. We stopped and watched a squirrel for like five minutes because it was 'too cute' and she couldn't keep her eyes off of it. It was adorable but wasn't as intriguing as she thought it was. While Andy kept pointing out everyday things, I stayed quiet as my mind went to darker places. I tried to contain it but I kept thinking about Jimmy. I kept seeing his dead body lying there next to Andy who I thought was dead too.

"Hey, Delaney...darlin'..." I didn't snap out of the trance until I felt someone put their hand on my shoulder. I stepped back and looked at Andy with confusion. She was standing up on shaky legs. At first, she looked excited because she was actually standing up but then she looked worried. I had blanked out so hard that I didn't even notice that she was up from the wheelchair and apparently walking around. "Delaney, what's going on?"

I covered my face with my hands and when I removed them, I had a stupid, phony smile on my face. "Wow, baby! You're up on your feet already?!"

Andy didn't fall for it, unfortunately. She stared at me with a blank expression for a few seconds, before pointing towards the wheelchair. "Do you want to sit down and tell me what's going on, darlin'?"

"Nothing's going on, Andy."

"We've been sitting here for like ten minutes. I spent minutes talking my ass off as I stretched my legs and finally got to my feet to find you just staring into thin air. Something's up and you know you can tell me what's going on. Every time you try to hide something, things always get ten times worse, Delaney." Andy was right and even though I didn't want to put her through any stress, if I didn't tell her what was going on then somehow sh-t was going to hit the fan.

I took a seat in the wheelchair and covered my face with my hands again. This time, however, I didn't act fake. I showed my emotions and I found myself sobbing in front of Andy. My face was soaking wet and I bet I looked like a f-cking mess. Andy slowly got to her knees in front of me and took my hands. "Hey, it's okay," she tried to console me as she stroked her thumb against the back of my hand.

"It's not okay! I killed someone, Andy! Yeah, he was f-cked up and sure he deserved it but I took someone's life as if it was nothing. I sat there and pulled the f-cking trigger without giving it a second thought. So, no, it's not okay. I'm a f-cking murderer!" Andy bit her lip as she looked into my eyes. Her eyes got watery and she held my hands tighter. "I know you do it all the time, but I'm not like you. I can't sleep. I can barely eat. I keep zoning out and replaying the events again and again in my head. It's really f-cking with me."

"It's hard, I know, darlin'. I know all about feeling guilty after killing someone. Believe it or not but I know about the sleepless nights. Some nights I can't sleep myself. I remember everyone I've ever killed. It sits with me. Once you take a life, it's a hard thing to get over and you shouldn't get over it. You'd be f-cked up if you didn't. After a while, it has less of an effect on you. The nightmares and day terrors will stop. You'll eat and sleep again, but it's going to take time. I'm so f-cking sorry that I put you in that situation."

I wiped away my tears as more continued to come. "No, I don't want you to feel like any of this is your fault. It's not your fault that Jimmy was an ass and stabbed you. It's not your fault. I consciously put my finger on that trigger. It was all me and now I have to suffer with the consequences and my conscience."

There was a long silence as Andy just sat there with her face in my lap. I could feel the fabric of my jeans getting damp and I saw her body shake as she cried as well. It was a raw moment for the both of us. I've cried in front of Andy before, but I always felt uncomfortable blatantly sobbing in front of people. And I knew since Andy was a gangster, she was basically conditioned to hold back her emotions, but now they were all spilling out.

"What you did for me, I don't know...you saved my ass, Delaney. You saved everyone's ass. I know you feel horrible for what you did, but you saved the day. You're a hero. You're my hero." Andy finally looked at me with wet cheeks. "I love you, Delaney. Not because of saving me, I've been in love with you I've just been scared to say it. I want to say it now because whos to say how long any of us have left? I nearly died and I don't want to hold anything from you any longer. I want to be upfront with you. I f-cking love you."

I slowly stood up and I helped Andy to her feet before pulling her into a tight embrace. We held onto each other for a long time and it was the best I've felt in a while. It felt so good to have her back. After spending weeks of just watching her lay there, she was finally moving and talking in front of me. I didn't know how I much I needed that until now. Andy pulled away with a light chuckle. "Okay, darlin'. You're holding me a little too tight," she said as she put her hand on her wound.

"Sorry, baby. I got a little too excited," I told her with a giggle.

Andy took my chin and kissed my lips tenderly. F-ck, I missed her kisses. My stomach turned when I felt her soft lips on mine and my hands went to her hips. I pulled away and looked into her dreamy blue eyes. "Say it again."

"Say what?"

"Those three words."

Andy pulled me closer to her by the hips and buried her face into my neck. "I love you. I love you. I love you," she told me repeatedly as she gave me ticklish kisses in the nape of my neck. I giggled and she began laughing through the kisses as she tickled my sides.

"Stop tickling me," I squealed as I tried to fight off her hands.

"Say the three words back and I'll stop," she told me as she continued finding ways to tickle me.

"I love you, fool," I screamed out to the top of my lungs. My scream echoed throughout the empty street and Andy laughed so hard that her stomach began hurting. She was laughing and groaning in pain all at once. She sat back down in the wheelchair as she gathered herself together. "You're an loser," I told her.

"Whatever. Wheel me back to the palace, peasant."

"You're lucky I love you."

-

Are you guys liking Shawn so far? That's him in the media btw.

Are you happy that Delaney's interest in the medical field sparking back up?

Are you guys glad Andy finally said 'I love you'?