*Must Read! Dont you think of skipping this...I will allow June to hunt you. Just kidding I love you..* ...

Nov 3rd,

Dear Diary,

Life can be just as cruel as breathing-taking. I know that too well from experience. I've seen my family torn limb by limb, their throat greatly slit and hanging from a single vein, their blood drained out onto the white porcelain floor of the only home I ever knew and grew up in.

I've witnessed my Mate isolate himself from me and his son. His son crying for the security of his father's arms, a sentiment I cannot provide. I've felt my breathe being stolen and my heart die alittle from both occasions.

Why must bad things happen only to me? When have I wished anyone any wrong? Why had my baby ever done to anyone? I lost my family, close friends, Mate and now, my baby.

A week. Only a week left. By the end of this week, my baby girl was meant to see the world with her own beauty eyes. To meet her older brother.

Laying in a cold hospital bed, writing this with a wobbling, unsteady hand, how could I be doing this?

I must be stronger than I take myself granted for.

Rocco was beyond mad, thrashing the entire room before the doctor could begin murmuring the words. Before raging out of the place with murderous looking eyes, out for blood, I see the hurt behind them. I knew he held me accountable for being unable to hold our baby, even if it were during an attack of the enemy Pack.

Damon watched as helplessly as he always ever did, sensing an undying tension and curling up with me on the bed. I thanked the Moon Goddess for Damon and his safety of getting out from the war zone, with only a minor gash on his cheek.

He never cried, whined, fidgeted, grimaced, or showed any emotion as the doctor tugged the stitches into place before my eyes. The orbs of my universe freezing, ever-so slowly. He sat undeniably still for a two year old being poked repeatedly with a needle.

I'm more concerned for him than anyone at the point. I fear he'd separate himself so much, he wouldn't be able to identify the man he was intended to become. I'd never want him to grow in his father's footsteps, and become someone who would deliberately choose to cause harm and hurt those who he loves.

While on one hand I desired death on the other I couldnt afford to loose him, to loose the sole purpose of my existence; when on the contrary, he can't afford to loose me either. Who were to look after my angel if I ceased to breathe? ...

Jan 19th

Dear Diary,

Damon's third birthday today. As he grows, I can see more of his father's reflection, not in appearance alone. He thrives for detachment, even in such a young age of three. There are days he hardly leaves his room, so lost in his own world of play he can't remember the time of day unless I come to warn him for something like mealtime, or time to take a bath.

He spends hours in his bedroom, alone.

I hardly see him except for dinnertime. I've also noticed something else odd. How his pace suddenly quickens whenever he spots Rocco, usually hurrying away in the opposite direction of him like running from a life-threatening plague. How Damon becomes oddly mum around Rocco, avoiding all possible eye-contact as if his eyes could cut through his hollow bridges. How his eyes shot accusingly in his direction whenever Rocco inquiries about his training to him.

They grow further and further apart day by day, and I couldn't see any resolution in sight. Father and son. Maybe it were the best to separate them both, but what could I possible do about his sudden interest of solitude?

I can't blame him entirely either. I myself, was to equally to blame. I had withdrawn myself from the time of the miscarriage, shattering myself to the grievousness whenever the memory stung. Nonetheless, my angel had been alone since last November and I failed to tend to him in that time of need.

Maybe from my neglect, I had triggered the start of one of many things Id regret. That Damon has already accepted the insanity over his father. ...

June 2nd

Dear Diary,

Camilla has just left. She had arrived just as I had finished picking the clothes from the line in the back lawn. Departing the basket in the kitchen, we sat in the back porch under the scorching sun when she told me.

Camilla's pregnant again, but this time with a baby girl. I was happy for her and Nathan, but I couldnt quite understand why she told me before anyone, even Nathan. We were friends again, but I still failed to see to the bigger picture here.

Maybe it was my paranoia getting the better of me. Or jealously. I couldn't tell them apart now. But why would I not be? She was able to give Nathan the family he was yearning for; 3 sons, and now the cherry on top, a daughter. A baby girl. One I lost not to long ago.

I know this might sound like one of those Criminal Mind cases, an entry of a delusional women on the hunt to kill unborn babies from sleeping pregnant women because of one she lost herself. You can't see me but I'm laughing at the thought of me hunched over a bench grinder sharpening knives in board daylight, whistling to myself with a hooded cloak draped over my head.

I would never harm Camilla, not even in my dreams. She had a better life than me, than anyone else I knew. She had the perfect life, perfect husband/Mate, perfect kids, perfect house, perfect Pack; just perfect overall.

I couldn't be any happier for her. At least one of us had everything we dreamed for. ...

Feb 14th

Dear Diary,

Today's the day Nora was born. Camilla's and Nathan's baby girl. Ive never seen Camilla's eyes swell so much from happiness at the sight of her wailing girl. Nathan again was shedding tears just as much as Camilla, maybe even more.

Me and Rocco went running the second Nathan called us over, just as Camilla's water broke. Damon sat on my right with Rocco on my left, neither of them fidgeting. I thought hope for Damon would come the day hell would freeze over, but today after holding Nora his eyes brightened. He was curiously staring transfixed at her as if she was the world's strangest puzzle. He's held babies before so this wasn't a first, but there was a bond attaching them, an arouse that drew him to her.

Everyone in the room: Nathan, Rocco, Camilla and I all took notice. Camilla being the one to pop the bubble of silence, spoke of her desire for them being Mates. Nathan -as always- hopped on board, cheerfully telling Rocco how that would be the Moon Goddess's best ship ever invented. Rocco had swatted him away.

I read Rocco's eyes after a long time. He even wished so, or more likely that's what his eyes read. I thought I was mistaken and maybe I could've, but I saw a shine of the old Rocco. His mind cloud over his eyes had parted for a brief second, revealing the concerned father beneath in the direction of his son.

I was ever-so thankful to the Moon Goddess, my faith being restored in her arm's. She gave me a sense of hope I hadn't experienced in ages. I was assured she'd never left. Never abandoned me in my ways of this cold world.

Most of all, she gifted Nora. An angel for my angel. It was only fitting that an angel would be the one to lead my son. She was my hope restorer. Heaven above, make them Mates.

Even if this angel's destiny wasnt locked with Damon's, I hope their ways cross. That they meet at an intersection, that they lead each other, hold each other arms and face the world ahead side by side, even as mere friends. I hope otherwise. Id welcome her personally through the borders of our world, for she is my savior as equally as she was for Damon. ...

A teardrop botched the ink, crumbing the page around it from wetness. My fingers go to my cheek to feel the sense of moisture, unknowingly shedding tears.

I was a savior even if I left like nothing.

Turning the page, my stomach sank from spotting the condition of the next entry. It was entirely coarse and bumpy to the touch, dripped up botches of ink smearing the writing making it nearly impossible to decipher.

...

Feb 19th

Dear Diary,

They're dead. Both of them. Nathan and Camilla, they're dead.

There was an uprising from what I heard. Traitors in the Pack, some of closet to Nathan such as his Gamma lead the Pack to protest and riot. They fought in to the farmhouse where Nathan, Camilla and Nora were in the midst of packing and fleeing that place and going back home. Nathan was first to die from my accounts, Camilla next. Baby Nora was found sleeping soundly in the closet just as the fire had outburst.

I had a word with Beta Henry. Henry was the one to break in on time to save Nora after hearing about her from Camilla as she bled to her death. By his accounts, he had safely gotten out with her just as they doused the place before alighting it to flames.

He himself unsure of the details, promised to investigate to his best. Luckily the boys were safe with his Mate by the training fields. I had heard rumours by the kitchen Omegas hours after it had happened but after learning the truth from Beta Ranon's mouth, I couldn't stand.

Rocco grew impatient, a ticking time bomb in motion. When Ranon told him about Henry getting custody of the children he became enraged and began screaming in Italian. Ranon had to walk me out for my own safety as Rocco had began to trash his study.

From what I knew, Rocco only wanted the children's custody so their land would become his. Id never allow this. I never will, not to this injustice. Not under my watch.

If he couldn't fulfill his duty, Id honor my friendship with Camilla. I will call Henry to meet and warn him of everything. He must know.

What friend would do such a horrifying thing as this with his recently deceased friend? ...

A good handful of the pages were torn from the spine. About 10-12 dozen pages of a deceased person's deceased belonging. If somehow I don't wound up emotional after this, I would use Kaden as my dart board for committing a serious sin. ...

Aug 19th

Dear Diary,

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm so-

I can't express my grievousness for my wrongdoing. I never intended for any of this to happen.

It was a mistake, a grave mistake that should never have happened.

I killed him.

I killed my Mate, Rocco's dead because of me. I killed him.

He was pushing to far, talking about how he'd kidnap Nathan's and Camilla kids and use then to get the land. I couldn't help it. Even when tilting that lethal dose of WolfsBane into this lunch, I was trembling. I was numb.

My brain had froze as my heart in the heat of the moment.

I killed Damon's father. I poisoned him in cold blood.

You might think Ive grown into a murder after 15 years after the daily abuse. I haven't but nonetheless, I have left Damon fatherless. Though I have hidden motivate to do what I intent now, I must.

Damon's 14 now and in however many years when he does find his Mate, he should be old enough to understand what I did was out of love.

I loved Rocco. I loved him to much to let him commit such a sin. I loved him.

I'm so sorry. ...

Back to school tomorrow. Ugh, life

The Author; xbookgirlx15