Sixty-Six: Rehab

I could be home. I want to be home. I deserve to be home! In my house, in bed with Josie, holding her and having her throw herself at me. I miss that, I miss her a lot. I find myself dreaming about her a lot, her hands on my body, her mouth hot on mine.

I'd rather think about Josie than them.. the ones who put me here. I hate them, I could kill them.

My eyes stay focused on the bottle cap on the bench before me, the fluorescent light over my head whirring and clicking. I could pick it up, swallow the bottle cap, choke on it a bit until someone comes and lets me out. I won't though, I could bang my head on the wall or use the bed sheets to wrap around my neck. I know I couldn't bring myself to do that, I don't want to die. How pathetic it would be to die in a place like this. Looking like this.

Instead I sit, I behave. When I wouldn't behave, like when I first arrived at this place, they would put me in the box. The box was shit, I hated the box. It was dark, no lights and every inch was padded with a leathery soft fabric so I couldn't hurt myself. I wasn't likely to hurt others at this size, other than maybe a few bites here and there. They wore gloves now whenever they had to handle me, usually this was only to take me out of my cell when I was throwing one of my "tantrums", that's what they called it .

I hated when they touched me, looked at me. I felt so small. So stupid being stuck at this size. I was craving to stretch out, always stretching my legs and arms, as if there should be more room to reach. But i never felt satisfied, too much space around me. Meant to be in a body larger than this .

"Lenny, the door is open" I looked to my right, considered to be the front of the room. A large face was looking at me through the glass, it was like one of those glass boxes that they kept animals in at a pet shop. Lined up, cell after cell of people that have been downsized. I was stuck like everyone else, to be rehabilitated.

This was more like jail.

I didn't respond to Tara, she was patiently waiting for me to answer. She had brown hair that had been cut so she looked like a man, all short and made her ears stick out. What woman cuts her hair like that, she could be so much more attractive if she let it grow long. It made her face very round and i hated how she always had a sing song tone. She was probably in her mid to late twenties, she wasn't fat but not thin either. She'd definitely be taller than me if i was my regular size. I wouldn't take her to bed unless I was a few whiskeys deep.

"Come on, don't you want to go mingle a little" Tara hummed, her mascara was smudged under her left eye. Turning I showed her my back, ignoring the automatic sliding door that was on the wall of my cell. It opened to a hallway, that continued out to the recreation yard. A large room where we're meant to "mingle" as Tara puts it, with the others prisoners. The rec room is where we have lessons twice a week with each other and giants, who touch us, pick us up and are meant desensitise us to being human.

It's foul, I hate it. Hate it so much, I could tear my eyes out with a spoon.

"Fuck off" I spit, choosing to lay down in my bed and pull the covers over my head.

"Okay Lenny, if that's what you choose" Tara hums and presses a button on the outside of my cell, it's like a curtain falls over the glass to give privacy.

"Stupid bitch" I mutter, pushing the blanket off my head and choose to stare at the ceiling. The door remains open though, Tara giving me the choice to still go out into the rec room if I want. Id rather stare at the light in my room, it flickers and never stops clicking and ticking. It use to drive me mad, but it's my only source of entertainment now.

The room, I mean cell, is okay in all honesty. The three walls are white, exempt the glass that looks out onto the giants room, they monitor us all day. There's a single bed, with Navi blue sheets and white cover. One pillow is all I get, a bar fridge that I have nothing to fill with. Included is a small extended wall that blocks the shower and toilet. And I wear is a blue jumpsuit all day, everyday with a white top underneath. It's meant to not feel like a jail.

All I see is a jail. How long will I be here? I have no idea. It's already felt like forever.

Small update: thoughts?