The book that I had been reading rested on my swollen stomach. The Alpha had given me many books that had been confiscated in the pack Library's but Rubin had salvaged them and kept them secure in his hidden home.

The book I was currently reading told me of the known knowledge about Lycans, which was very vague. Silver wasn't fatal to them it was something like a nettle sting to them, maybe a fraction more serve. It was sore to them, would leave scarring on their skin and makes the healing process slower but it didn't cause much lethal damage. A werewolf on the other hand with too much silver in their system could die without medical care. They only had one significant weakness Lycoctonum or also known as Wolfsbane which has nearly gone extinct. No common knowledge of knowing where to find some.

Rowan had explained to me that silver wouldn't work on the pups growing inside of me. Which lead to the argument on how else I could rid myself of them. No Doctor would preform an abortion no matter the circumstances with the Alphas orders or not. It went against their beliefs, it was a gift from the Mother herself to bless someone with a child, it was their belief that the moon goddess wouldn't gift someone with a pregnancy if they couldn't survive it. The more births the more pack members the stronger the pack. If an Alpha so much as asked for an abortion to be carried out it would be looked upon as mutiny against the order of their Pack and their Goddess, the pack would have the right to dethrone the Alpha and punish him as the superior council would see fit, more than likely it would mean death. An Alpha mauled to death by their own pack.

I felt like a prisoner carrying out a punishment in isolation. For six weeks now I haven't seen anyone, the Alpha was busy formulating his plan and Emmett I assumed was banned from the Betas house. The Beta himself hasn't shown his face since I carved my name into his back. I've woken up to a cold bed every morning and no traces of someone else being in the house. I went to bed by myself , it was like living alone. I knew he slipped beneath the sheets at some point in the night but never disturbing me. The only time I heard anyone else's voice was my evening phone call with my Nana and Beau to make sure that they were safe.

I felt something like butterflies move in my stomach making me consciously look down at my bump. Something from the inside pressed against my skin and I could visibly see it. I gulped nervously deciding to ignore the movement not wanting to torture myself with all the different possible explanations. I know I shouldn't feel any movement and my belly shouldn't be so round so early on in the pregnancy. The only time I had ever witnessed a full termed pregnancy intimately was when my mother was expecting Beau.

The house was quiet except for the light rustling from my Nana in the kitchen. I sat waiting for the door to open and my father to step through the threshold. I told myself I would go straight up to bed once he was home, I'd get a full nights sleep without the teeth of worry gnawing on my insides. I glanced at the clock realizing he was two hours later than he normally was.

Movement beside me gained my attention. It was my mother who was pressing her hand against her swollen stomach. Probably feeling the baby's foot or fist press against her.

"What does it feel like being pregnant?" I asked curiously.

She looked at me contemplating whether or not to tell me what she was thinking.

"It's a strange feeling, a feeling I hate quiet frankly. You know I never wanted to be a mother, finding out I was pregnant almost killed me. When I found out I was pregnant with you I got straight in my car and drove to the closest abortion clinic. I sat outside in my car for three hours trying to build the nerve to go in." She folded her arms across her chest leaning forward. Her eyes held a coldness to them that I didn't want to recognize.

"Your father had text me, it was a simple text one the spoke three words, I love you. If I hadn't of gotten that text when I did you wouldn't be breathing right now. Your father always wanted children, he was kind and caring. I couldn't deprive him of having his own children, he would have left me. Children were never something I wanted, you weren't apart of the future I wanted." Her tone wavered slightly but her face was stoic.

Pangs went through my chest as I stood wordlessly. Every step I took hurt as I walked away from my mother, an empty ache rattling my cage that my heart froze in. A figure loomed in the door way, my vision was a salty blur from the buildup in my eyes. I was taken into a tight hug that was full of warmth.

"I love you, your mother doesn't deserve you." My Nana whispered in my ear. I nodded sniffling as I pulled away from her, her hand held onto me until I was to far to grip.

My head was clouded much like my eyes. The overwhelming sense of hurt clogging my veins. My throat was choking back a sob, the moment my head hit the pillow I allowed myself to succumb to release the pain from the wound my mother has just inflicted.

I could hear the conflict of voices rising. My salty eyes looked up to the white glowing orb the sky and I pushed my hurt out of my body with all of tears. Begging to be blessed me with someone who would love me unconditionally no matter what, that they would love me for who I am.

Although that was the worse memory I had of my mother it was the most vivid. The harsh wound she had carved that night cancelled out the good memories smearing them with the damage. My mother was never one for warmth or nurturing but she didn't neglect me, I knew she loved me. I just wasn't sure she knew how to express it. I believed she showed me her affection through cooking wether it was with me or just making my favorite food some nights.

A noise caught my attention making me stand following the noise. The rustling had lured me towards the backdoor, where a wolf stood. Slowly the bones and snaps of the change could be heard even through the pane of glass. I could feel the nauseousness begin to surface as the sights of the bones shifting back into the sockets properly. The Beta stood in all his glory before opening the door and letting himself in.

I was unsure of how I felt standing in his presence after not being around him for so long. I wasn't nervous and I quiet obviously wasn't pleased to see him. I was in a state of numbness.

His eyes roamed my figure that was clad in an oversized t-shirt and leggings. I could see the approval in his eyes as I realized that it was his shirt I was wearing and not just a top he had bought me for lounge wear. His eyes once landing on my swollen stomach he couldn't look away, noticing how round it was. Even though he was sleeping in the same bed as me every night and his arm would snake around my waist to rest against my stomach he wouldn't have noticed the growth.

"We haven't been to any appointments yet." He mused not taking his eyes from my stomach once.

"I finished my shift early so that we can visit the Doctor," I looked at him not giving any response. A Doctors appointment was long overdue and I need to make sure my health was okay.

Donovan left the room to only come back moments later with sweat pants on and sneakers. I kept my lips sealed tightly not having or wanting the need to speak about anything to him. I made my way through the bright hallway that was flooded with natural day light. My hand gripped the door handle which was cold and soothing under my clammy hand. The fresh are kissed my face lovingly when I opened the door I stood still for a moment. I had spent most of my time out the backyard these past few weeks, but it felt different standing here.

A hand rested gently on the small of my back. With a discrete nudge Donovan moves past me, both of the men that were always present in the porch had their eyes downcast in respect. Once Donovan was in-front of them they glanced at his back. The obvious horror was displayed across their face.

His legs carried him to the car as his strong proud back stared at me. It wasn't until I had the seatbelt safely fasten across me did the seal of my lips slowly start to melt away.

"You let me do it!" I announced. His face was unfazed focusing on the road in front of him.

"Why? Why did you let me do it?!" My voice wasn't something that I recognized. It wasn't like anything I ever heard before, it was aggressive with a noticeable sob entangled inside.

"Of course I let you do it! You claimed me! You marked me as yours! What else could I ask for?!" His lips twitched showing his enormous canines. My heart jumped slightly in fear knowing how they felt lodged and nestled deeply in my skin.

"I will never accept you as mine and I will never be yours."

That sentence left a cloud of silence floating around in the car. The tension pushing down like a breathless scream. That was the only truth that I believed in and I would never stop repeating it. It was my mantra as I lay in bed looking up at the ceiling without stars until the lustre of the sun would show us the signs of a revived day. It was what I told myself every time I caught the sight of myself in a reflection, whether it was a mirror, the window pane and even in the tiny display of cutlery.

We pulled up to the same building where the babies had been implanted inside me. My mind began to wander about how I really was pregnant, I didn't fully understand how the human IVF worked back in my parents time but I had an inkling that it wasn't as fast or successful as my pregnancy.

"How do the doctors work here?" His dark eyes moved to my fumbling lips. "I mean how is the method of artificial fertilization done? Or in our case how was it done?" My hand rested against my stomach looking carefully at the strangers loitering around the hallways.

I noticed the shocked mingle disgusted look on-goers portrayed at the sight of Donovan's slashed up back. His head never dipped, his eyes leveled with where he was thought that his position deserved the respect of his duty.

"I won't bore you with the procedure but telling you about our situation won't do you any harm. When you were being kept by the council I requested a full health screening of you. You were under sedatives, gone to the world for hours. Everything was perfectly healthy, I asked them to take some of your eggs and to preserve them safely. Some of your hormone levels were slightly off so I had them help you regulate them through you IV line. Not only were hormone balancers present but a fertility serum our doctors invented as well. You were so ripe and ready that of course the implantation worked because I had planned everything," he whispered the last part snickering lowly to himself.

Before I could ask him anything or say anything in my defense we arrived at the Doctors office. I didn't recognize the Doctor that greeted us, he was not in the room when they impregnated me. I would have placed his face immediately if he had, everyone that was in that room that day had their faces burned into my memory.

This man sitting in front of me was young, maybe just a few years older than me. Although it was hard to tell with the werewolf gene, their aging period was drastically different to humans. The tremble in his voice was noticeable immediately, but I understood why. He was sitting across from a high ranking pack member who looked like he'd rip him apart at any given moment. I hadn't heard a word that passed between the two males in the room.

"-what do you mean he's not available? I arranged this appointment with him!"

"Doctor Abel was called into emergency surgery Beta. He apologized in advanced knowing he would not get to see you, but I'm more than capable of monitoring and taking record of your mates pregnancy. If you feel it's necessary I will schedule another visit for tomorrow when he's free." The uneasiness in his voice was forgotten and replaced with clipped practice.

No questions were asked my way but the Doctors eyes glanced to the Beta, asking for his permission to touch me. He began to take my blood pressure which was normal and healthy. A small needle pierced the skin in my arm as he began to take some blood for screening.

"Now I just need you to fill this," I was handed a urine container. Eye contact with me was deliberately avoided.

"Where is the bathroom?" I sat up in the bed that I was lying down on.

"You can do it here, I need to leave momentarily." His white coat danced as he turned on his heels and fled the room.

A red tint kissed my cheeks as I felt dark eyes on me. I moved off of the bed hesitantly, the container was clenched tightly in my hand. I confidently looked at him my eyes pleading for him to turn around so that I would have some privacy.

"You might want to hurry before the Doctor comes back." He grumbled looking down at the object in my hand.

"Can you leave just while I go?" My jaw clenched looking at him inspect his fingernails. The dirt under his nail much more of a priority.

"There is dangerous equipment in this room, I'm not concerned about you hurting others but I am worried about you hurting yourself. Mates aren't allowed to be left unattended you wouldn't be the first to harm yourself or the indefensible." He finished the last point of his sentence while looking at the globe attached to my torso.

I moved towards an empty corner in the room and humiliatingly gave in. I squatted awkwardly, with a raspberry flush from my neck upwards, relieving myself quickly to get it over with.

The Doctor reappeared as I settled back onto the bed. He wasn't alone this time, a she-wolf stood in scrubs by his shoulder. Another nurse came in taking all the samples that had been gathered out of the room.

My stomach was exposed as cool gel was generously glided over it. The she-wolf held an object in her hand that was attached to a machine with a huge screen on it. It was placed on my stomach and the screen was alive with image of five little blobs on it. The noise coming from the machine was like thunder.

"Is-is that their heart beat?" I asked shockingly.

"Yes it is Moloch, you have five very strong heart beats congratulations!" She moved the cold object back and forth on my stomach. I could see distinct features the harder I looked at the screen.

"Beta how many weeks is your mate pregnant?" The Doctor's quizzical voice made my heart stoop.

"It is around six weeks." His eyes didn't leave the screen as he spoke. He was completely enraptured by the sight.

"That's strange, even by Werewolf standards these pups are much more developed."

I could see the Doctor from the corner of my eye preparing something. A gleam of metal winked at me as he rolled a trolley closer to the bed. He wiped away some of the ultrasound gel while staring at the screen before rubbing a cream in it's s place.

"We're just going do a quick test to check the amniotic fluid in the sac. Now Moloch I'm going to need you to stay really still and don't panic." My eye twitched in irritation as they called me by his surname.

My mouth went dry as the Doctor held a long needle up, inching closer to my stomach.

"Get the fuck away from me with that!" I screamed sitting up on the bed. I kicked the She-Wolf in the stomach as I broke out in a frenzy.

"Calm down Moloch! It's a procedure that must be done!" The doctor reasoned.

"Stay away from me you filthy mutt! Get off me! Get the fuck off me!" I screeched as the Betas elbow pinned my chest to the bed and his other hand held down my forehead.

"Calm down stress isn't good for the pups!" He snarled in my ear.

"Talking to me like that is just as stressful you mangy dog! Let go of me!" I thrashed but his grip didn't loosen.

I felt something pierce my neck, after what felt like hours I began to go limp. Unable to form words with my heavy burdened tongue. The Doctor resumed to his duty before my outburst and my eyes followed every movement. The needle pushed through my skin but I couldn't feel it.

I was numb. After the third needle I looked up at the Beta, the endless abysses that I had stared into countless times before were staring at me. Not one fleeting emotion to be plucked out from the many that passed through.

His eyes led me to believe one thing, he could be soulless when he wanted to be.

Comment and let me know what you think!

Chapter names anyone?

Some of you mightn't know this but I lack motivation which makes me feel worthless and leads to the empty nights feeling depressed. It's a viscous cycle but your comments and kindness keep me going so thank you!

Stay safe everyone love y'all lots.